Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter or any of the random references.
Hi. Ok, this is the sequel to the Never Agains of Hogwarts, but it can be read on its own with minimal amount of confusion.
This is only going to be three chapters, but three chapters worked on with dedication! XD
Enjoy!
The "Never Agains" of Hogwarts: The Next Generation
Directed to the Children of the Marauders, and Weasleys
Established by Minerva McGonagall
1. Yes, this may look familiar. It looks familiar because a list similar to this has been hanging on my office door for several years. But I have now decided that the amount of children and troublemaking that now bother me are adequate enough of a reason to make another list.
2. Mr. Weasley, stop teasing Mr. Weasley. It's not-oh, I give up. I'm calling you all by first names. There's too many of you. I don't care if it's unprofessional.
3. Anyway, Fred, stop teasing Dominique. Just because he's part Veela doesn't mean he's a girly girl.
4. Dominique, Fred, Molly, Lucy, Roxanne, Louis, Hugo, Rose, Lily, James, Albus AND Victoire, you are NOT allowed to gang up on Teddy and force him to dress as some random hippie chick from the 60's! You weren't even alive in the 60's! I was, and no one wore pink neon lipstick!
5. Except Professor Dumbledore, bless his soul.
6. My best friend is not a pygmy puff. My best friend is dead.
7. Haha, I just made you feel bad, didn't I?
8. Mr. Teddy, I don't think it appropriate to sneak up on Ms. Victoire in the hallway and 'snog her senseless' as Fred so elegantly put it in-between bursts of laughter.
9. Tying me up and hanging me up on the wall under the words "The Chamber of Secrets has been opened" is not cool. Seriously, your mother and I are going to KILL you.
10. Quittitch is a sport. Not an exhibition of unicorns.
T1. The Jaws theme song scares the first years. We have told you so several times.
12. Distributing Red Vines to the entire student body and then trying to stun the teachers with them annoys us. You didn't give us any.
13. Mr. Fred, Hugo isn't that bad a name. Ask Mr. Teddy. His mother's name was Nymphadora.
14. Teddy does not want to experience a repeat of the History of Magic class in which his father was dressed up as a French maid.
15. Besides, the movie Titanic is outdated.
16. Your mom.
17. In 2017 or whatever year this is, Muggles now have flying cars. Do not try to defuse my divine logic.
18. Ever.
19. The suggestion that your brother is an angel should not make you barf, James. Nor should it make you bark. I really don't get your logic.
20. Discos were lame when they were invented, no matter what your father says. You are not bringing disco back to this school, Ms. Molly.
21. Neither is bringing sexy back. That weird crush is getting out of hand.
22. Pink peacock quills are hard to come by. You know, since there aren't any pink peacocks. So I don't know what you've been writing with, but it ain't from a peacock.
23. I don't know of what you speck. I am not the droid you are looking for.
24. Chuck Norris cannot defeat your father in a duel, Ms. Lily. Don't believe everything Mr. James tells you.
25. Mr. Filch is old, decrepit, and carries around a dead stuffed cat. Stop taking his dead stuffed cat and hiding it in the kitchen with the house elves.
26. You may not take up the title of 'The High Inquisitor' Do you have the slightest idea who held that title?
27. Apparently you do as you just donned ten pounds of pink makeup, a pink cardigan and a fly costume.
28. Do not dress up as the late Professor Dumbledore. Just because you share his name doesn't mean you may dress up as him. Please, you don't even have any lemon drops.
29. Jumping out of my fireplace, asking me if my "refrigerator" is running, telling me I'd better go catch it, and then Flooing back to safety doesn't work because I know where your dorm is.
30. I don't think your dream of being in a boy band will work out, Ms. Rose.
31. Put the chocolate down, Mr. Teddy. I'm not going to believe your excuse of "just going to visit Victoire". You know why? Victoire doesn't live in the Forbidden Forest.
32. You are not going to pull the sword out of the stone. For one, because Merlin did it. Two, lightsabers don't work.
33. My definition and Hagrid's definition of cute are very different. I think tabby cats are cute. Hagrid thinks Norwegian Ridgebacks are cute. And we certainly don't think each other are cute.
34. Hagrid surely would have let it slip after this long, right? Right?
35. Myrtle is not a car. So stop trying to ride her, Mr. Fred and Mr. Dominique.
36. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I just realized what I wrote.
37. ….I think I need some mindsoap.
38. Mr. James, Mr. Fred did not steal your eyebrows. You know where they are?
39. On your face.
40. A pink mohawk does not suit you, Ms. Lucy. I think you should apologize for stealing your cousin's makeup. Mr. Albus was not very happy.
41. Ms. Lily, I hereby forbade you from falling in love with your brother, Mr. James. That would be insect.
42. Sorry, spelling error. Incest. No, I know you don't know what I'm talking about. Usually, me speel good.
43. You may not spend the rest of the day wearing nothing but a barrel covered in ketchup.
44. Pigfarts is not real. There is not a better version of me on Mars, telling off better kids as they come up with funnier ways to break the rules.
45. You really shouldn't have invited ex-Professor Lockhart to this school for a seminar. Really, you shouldn't have. He can't even remember what seminar means.
46. If he ever knew it in the first place.
47. Squirrel!
48. Jumping out of bushes and kicking joggers in the head in not the correct way to exercise.
49. Socks cannot die. Repeat: Socks cannot die.
50. It looks like my old mental disorders are acting up again. I wonder why?
So, what do you think of the first chapter? Lemondroperrifus? If you agree with me on how that is a word, review!
If you don't, review anyway.