Disclaimer: Tolkien owns Middle-Earth and all its characters. I live in
awe of his great writings, and I'm simply borrowing his characters for a
story. The only character I own is the wannabe Mary-Sue, Laura.
~ ~ ~
Laura sat at her computer, typing feverishly. One of her *favorite* stories on FF.net, "Legolas meets the Lost Princess of Silvermoon", had been flamed by some idiot who called themselves tolkienpurist. They claimed that this wonderful Legolas-filled fic was a "Mary-Sue", or whatever. They said that it was one of the crappiest stories they'd ever read in their life, comparing the grammar to a three-year-old's. Well, thought Laura, it's not like spelling and stuff was *that* important. This wasn't school, after all! And whoever had the idea that fanfiction was supposed to be like the stuff it was based off of? That was just stupid.
They even had the nerve to tell her to read the books! Ugh, thought Laura. The books were probably long and boring, with not enough Legolas. How smart could this Tolkien dude be, if he hadn't made LOTR into a movie with Orlando Bloom?
After adding a retort to that review, she cheerfully set about flaming tolkienpurist's fics. Laura didn't even bother reading them. If this author hated "Legolas meets the Lost Princess of Silvermoon", Laura figured, then *their* writing must be pretty much shit.
After clicking a few links, she got to the last story. Laura began to write her (as she thought it) scathing flame. "ths sotry iz pur crap!!!!1111 u shud nevr writ again, u bitch u!!1!" she typed. Feeling her work was done for the day, she noticed a flashing ad bar on the screen. "Click here for a surprise!" it said. What the heck, she thought, and clicked.
Suddenly everything went...a strange colour. It was some - some strange mix of pink and purple. And it was horrendously ugly, Laura thought. With what felt unpleasantly like a shove, she fell over the edge of reality.
~ ~ ~
Laura opened her eyes just in time to see the ground rushing at her. It didn't bother to dodge.
"Ow."
She picked herself up, and then looked at her surroundings. She gasped. She was in an intricately decorated room, and the windows had no glass. It had a very airy feel to it. Laura rushed to a window, and saw a lush green forest of ancient trees. Ancient, yet graceful.
She was elated. She must be in Rivendell! This was just how all those awesome Legolas fanfics started. Perhaps she was wearing a beautiful dress. Laura looked down. No, just her normal jeans and t-shirt.
Or maybe...maybe she had become an elf! She could even be the daughter of Elrond! Laura felt her ears excitedly. Nope. Oh, well.
In fact, nothing about her seemed different, excluding the large bruise on her left knee that she had gotten when she fell - quite literally - into Middle-Earth. "I always thought that phrase was supposed to be *metaphorical*," Laura grumbled to herself.
Well then, she was obviously destined to join the Fellowship and help Frodo on his quest. She smiled. Something exciting would finally happen to her! She'd watched the movies enough times to remember the plot *and* all of Leggy's lines. She could keep Gandalf from dying, tell them to avoid that mountain Cararawhatever...the possibilities were endless!
And, Laura reminded herself, she would get to meet Legolas. Sigh, what a hottie. Obviously her beauty, fighting skills, and charming personality would attract the elf to her, if the Legomance stories were any meter. She didn't have any fighting skills at the moment, of course, but she supposed that Leggy would give her a lesson and she'd pick it up right away. And learning to sword-fight was *easy*, right?
Footsteps interrupted her thoughts. Laura jumped in surprise, and landed quite ungracefully. She got back up quickly. Her darling Leggy-poo could be coming right now!
~ ~ ~
Author's note: Let me stress, this a *parody* of a Mary-Sue. P-A-R-O-D-Y. So don't go complaining to the PPC that there's another 'Sue being written. And if you were wondering, the "strange colour" is urple, a word invented by Camilla Sandman. She described it as "a mix of pink and purple in the worst possible way".
This was originally intended to be an extended, more detailed version of my other fic, "The Unexpected Happens", but I changed around parts I wasn't satisfied with, added in some more, and got a different thing. *shrugs* Meh.
Please review, it lets me know people have been reading. Flames will be laughed insanely at. The next chapter should be finished and up in a couple days.
--Lemonly, resident pyromaniac-- --Self-described as "differently sane"--
~ ~ ~
Laura sat at her computer, typing feverishly. One of her *favorite* stories on FF.net, "Legolas meets the Lost Princess of Silvermoon", had been flamed by some idiot who called themselves tolkienpurist. They claimed that this wonderful Legolas-filled fic was a "Mary-Sue", or whatever. They said that it was one of the crappiest stories they'd ever read in their life, comparing the grammar to a three-year-old's. Well, thought Laura, it's not like spelling and stuff was *that* important. This wasn't school, after all! And whoever had the idea that fanfiction was supposed to be like the stuff it was based off of? That was just stupid.
They even had the nerve to tell her to read the books! Ugh, thought Laura. The books were probably long and boring, with not enough Legolas. How smart could this Tolkien dude be, if he hadn't made LOTR into a movie with Orlando Bloom?
After adding a retort to that review, she cheerfully set about flaming tolkienpurist's fics. Laura didn't even bother reading them. If this author hated "Legolas meets the Lost Princess of Silvermoon", Laura figured, then *their* writing must be pretty much shit.
After clicking a few links, she got to the last story. Laura began to write her (as she thought it) scathing flame. "ths sotry iz pur crap!!!!1111 u shud nevr writ again, u bitch u!!1!" she typed. Feeling her work was done for the day, she noticed a flashing ad bar on the screen. "Click here for a surprise!" it said. What the heck, she thought, and clicked.
Suddenly everything went...a strange colour. It was some - some strange mix of pink and purple. And it was horrendously ugly, Laura thought. With what felt unpleasantly like a shove, she fell over the edge of reality.
~ ~ ~
Laura opened her eyes just in time to see the ground rushing at her. It didn't bother to dodge.
"Ow."
She picked herself up, and then looked at her surroundings. She gasped. She was in an intricately decorated room, and the windows had no glass. It had a very airy feel to it. Laura rushed to a window, and saw a lush green forest of ancient trees. Ancient, yet graceful.
She was elated. She must be in Rivendell! This was just how all those awesome Legolas fanfics started. Perhaps she was wearing a beautiful dress. Laura looked down. No, just her normal jeans and t-shirt.
Or maybe...maybe she had become an elf! She could even be the daughter of Elrond! Laura felt her ears excitedly. Nope. Oh, well.
In fact, nothing about her seemed different, excluding the large bruise on her left knee that she had gotten when she fell - quite literally - into Middle-Earth. "I always thought that phrase was supposed to be *metaphorical*," Laura grumbled to herself.
Well then, she was obviously destined to join the Fellowship and help Frodo on his quest. She smiled. Something exciting would finally happen to her! She'd watched the movies enough times to remember the plot *and* all of Leggy's lines. She could keep Gandalf from dying, tell them to avoid that mountain Cararawhatever...the possibilities were endless!
And, Laura reminded herself, she would get to meet Legolas. Sigh, what a hottie. Obviously her beauty, fighting skills, and charming personality would attract the elf to her, if the Legomance stories were any meter. She didn't have any fighting skills at the moment, of course, but she supposed that Leggy would give her a lesson and she'd pick it up right away. And learning to sword-fight was *easy*, right?
Footsteps interrupted her thoughts. Laura jumped in surprise, and landed quite ungracefully. She got back up quickly. Her darling Leggy-poo could be coming right now!
~ ~ ~
Author's note: Let me stress, this a *parody* of a Mary-Sue. P-A-R-O-D-Y. So don't go complaining to the PPC that there's another 'Sue being written. And if you were wondering, the "strange colour" is urple, a word invented by Camilla Sandman. She described it as "a mix of pink and purple in the worst possible way".
This was originally intended to be an extended, more detailed version of my other fic, "The Unexpected Happens", but I changed around parts I wasn't satisfied with, added in some more, and got a different thing. *shrugs* Meh.
Please review, it lets me know people have been reading. Flames will be laughed insanely at. The next chapter should be finished and up in a couple days.
--Lemonly, resident pyromaniac-- --Self-described as "differently sane"--