I must insist that I don't make a habit of writing anything alternate. I just feel sad and I'm annoyed with "This Is How I Love You" and "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye" for no reason at all. Okay, it's probably because I can't sleep and I'm remembering the faces and voices of the people I've lost and now missed So, I decided to write this one. Because I can and because I freaking feel like it! One-shot!
"I'm getting married,"
The word rang through Yi Jeong's mind as he drove, breaking every speed limit set by the state. He was not in clear mind. He wasn't even close to being sane. I'm getting married. The words echoed through his head, haunting him in his wake. "Damn it!" He screamed, veering into the roadside, hitting the steering wheel as soon as he stopped. He was kicking and screaming, allowing the outpour emotion enveloped him. It wasn't until after well over ten minutes that he stopped, feeling the sting on his skin. Yet, it was nothing compare to the one in his heart. Why? He asked himself that question. Why did he wish her happiness? The question rang in his mind. He shouldn't have. He should have stopped, he should have told her to stay. He should have told her it was impossible for her because her heart belong to him and only him. He knew that and she knew that. He could have made her stay, so, why didn't he? Is it stupid and foolish pride? Or fear? Was it fear?
He didn't know what it was; he didn't know what brought him there. He just wanted to run and yet he came to the place. Of all the places in the world, he came to see her. "Are you still afraid?" A female voice echoed through the well organized studio. He flinched; her question had left him uneasy. He watched as she placed the tea cup before him before settling down into her seat. "I don't know what you're talking about," He denied quickly, he didn't know what it was, but, now, he was certain. He was terrified, so scared that he cannot even admit to feeling it. A soft chuckle escaped the woman's lips. "You're going to lose her," She stated pointedly, taking a sip from her tea. His eyes widened, surprised, though, he probably should not be surprised. She, that woman he was going to lose, she had respected the woman before him greatly. "Who?" He feigned, trying to play the part. He wasn't going to make it easy, she could read him like an open book, but, he wasn't going to make it easy for her.
"Yi Jeong-ah," The woman before him called kindly, taking his hand into hers before patting it lightly. Like a mother would to a child. He had appreciated it, her presence in his life. It took him quite a bit to get there, and the one who made it possible, like the woman before him had stated, he was going to lose her. "Damn it," He muttered, closing his eyes, gritting his teeth. "Damn it, Eun Jae!" He yelled, pulling his hand away from hers harshly. "I know, I already know," He declared, punching the table as he get up to his feet. "Tell me what to do, just tell me what to do," He pleaded, leaning over, looking at the face of his sister-in-law. He was in agony; he wanted to run to her, he wanted to run to Ga Eul. But, what right does he have to do that? Did he just not wish her happiness?
A sad small smile graced Eun Jae's face. Oh, how the mighty So Yi Jeong had fallen, yet, she didn't feel regret or envy. No, it had been long since she had held feelings for the man before her. Now, she was looking at him with a different set of eyes, the eyes of an older sister, and the eyes of a friend. "I can't," She murmured slowly, staring at the crumpled state of So Yi Jeong. The one she never thought she would ever see. She was surprised; shock, when Ga Eul had come to her to tell her of her impending marriage. Ga Eul was getting married and it was not to Yi Jeong, how is that even possible? She couldn't fathom it. She had thought the young woman was joking. But, the solemn look on her face had told her it was not a joke. She had begged, in place of Yi Jeong she had begged and asked; why? Why was she walking away from him?
"Why not?" Yi Jeong asked, his voice was as slow as a whisper as he slumped into the chair. Eun Jae couldn't help but sigh. "Because you already know what to do," She murmured, placing her hand on top of Yi Jeong's shaking hand. "Because, you already know what to do if you don't want to lose her," She rephrased, patting his hand slightly. She hoped it was enough. She hoped that he would walk up to her and take her away. She wished that for once, the man that sat slumped before her would allow himself a chance at happiness, a real chance, not a tangible one. Ga Eul, she held that key to it, she just hoped Yi Jeong knew it.
"Omma, this is the fourth dress," Ga Eul complained, pouting slightly as she stalked crossing her arms over her chest. It was the third bridal fitting; she had no idea how difficult it was to prepare a wedding. Or maybe, just maybe her heart was not in it. If your heart is not in it, no matter how simple the task, it can be ever so bothersome. Her father's words rang through her mind. Her father, the man had been indifference of her decision to marry. When her mother was ecstatic, her father had been stoic. It was as if he disapproved but chose not to voice it so that he would not obstruct her happiness. Then again, maybe, just maybe, he just didn't want to give away his precious daughter away so easily.
"Are you happy?" The elder man asked as he sat staring at the night sky with his daughter by his side. His wife was busying herself in the kitchen and had sent everyone out so not to disturb her cooking. "Hmm..." The daughter murmured, leaning onto his father. "Don't force your heart," He mumbled easily, his gaze fixated on the stars. He would like to think he knew his daughter well enough. What was on her face, it was not happiness. "Ga Eul-ah..." He called, a sigh betrayed him. "In this world, if your heart is not in it, no matter how simple the task, it can be ever so bothersome," He added, hoping she would understand. He was fine, even if she stayed the way she was, if she was happy, he was fine with it. It didn't matter if the neighbour talks or he would never play with his grandchildren, he was fine. He just needed her to be happy. "I am happy, Appa," She murmured. "Because you're here with me,"
"Ga Eul?" A elder woman's voice snapped Ga Eul awake from her daydream. "Yes, Omma?" She replied obediently, watching her mother smile ever so brightly was a gift. She loved it, the sight of her smiling mother. "I said turn," The elder woman stated, so, Ga Eul turned. It was taxing, she thought. She had once dreamt of a wedding, she wanted it, to wear that white dress and walked down the aisle towards the man that she loved. But why? She could almost laugh, she knew why. She can't anymore, she can't even think of her dream wedding. She had forgotten. "Here, try this one instead," The elder woman stated cheerfully, dangling another dress in front of Ga Eul's eyes. Ga Eul suppressed a groan, taking the lovely white gown from her mother, but, she stopped.
"Sun-sunbae," She stumbled over her words. He was standing a foot away from her. It wasn't fair how he could always manage to look as if he just walked out of a magazine cover. He didn't smile, he didn't even react, his face remained passive but he was still taking her breath away. Slowly, he approached her, grabbing her arm, tugging him along with him. "Yah!" Ga Eul scolded, trying to wriggle free but, his grip was tighter. "Sunbae, let me go," She pleaded, but he wasn't hearing any of it, he dragged her with him and helped her into the passenger seat of his car without a word. He didn't even care that he had been disrespectful to her mother who was gapping at the sight of him dragging her daughter away. He had to take her away and that was the only thing he knew.
She kept demanding answers from him as he drove, nagging him with ever mile left behind, but, he ignored it. Just hearing her voice, seeing her face through the reflective mirror of his car, knowing she was there by his side, it was comforting, so comforting that he could fly. "Sunbae!" She yelled, it could have very well gone deaf from the sound, but it sounded as if it was the sweetest sound he had ever heard. "Sunbae, I demand you to tell me what's going on," Ga Eul went on; she was surprised and maybe a little happy. Yet, in the same time, she was crushed. He was doing it again, reeling her in just as she was ready to let him go. "Sunbae, just whe –" She began but the sudden halt of the car startled her. "We're here," He stated easily, releasing his own self from the seatbelt before getting out of the car and walked to her side.
Ga Eul blinked, watching the assortment of staircases before her as she walked out of the car. "Wh-Why are we here?" She asked carefully. The place was strangely quiet, as if it was... Of course, Ga Eul thought privately before sighing. Sometime she forgot who So Yi Jeong was. "Don't marry him," Yi Jeong blurted out. It was not going as planned, nothing was going as planned. He was going to politely ask her to come with him, but, he couldn't. The sight of her wearing the wedding dress, that sight made him nearly lose his footing. He didn't want to think about it, the fact that she was wearing a wedding dress for someone who was not him. He just wanted to get her out of the place, he just... "Excuse me?" Ga Eul stated, arching her eyebrows in confusion. It was merely two days ago that Yi Jeong had wished her happiness, but why, why now?
"Don't marry him," Yi Jeong repeated, it sounded as if he was begging, and he might as well have been. He would beg if that was what it took for her to stay by his side. "Why not?" Ga Eul blurted out. Her heart was pounding, she wanted to know the reason but in the same time she wasn't sure if she wanted to. She didn't want to be pulled along, living on hope. She deserved more. "Why not?" She repeated, louder than she intended it to be. "I thought you were happy for me," She added, she was on a roll in the same time, trying to hold in tears that were threatening to fall. She wondered what was it that she had done wrong that she wasn't even allowed a bit of happiness. She wasn't asking for much, she just wanted to be happy. She wanted to come home to a husband and a child. Not much, her dreams were small and maybe silly. "I thought you wanted me to be happy," She shouted, how dare him? Her mind screamed.
Yi Jeong was taken aback. He was left puzzled, he had the answer, but, it was hard, why was it so hard. "I do want you to be happy," He shouted back, matching her tone. "I want your happiness more than anything," He added, he was baring his soul. He had never felt so fragile in his life. She was the only one who could do that to him. "Then why?" Ga Eul challenged him. "Why did you drag me all the way here?" She added, he must know, he must know. Her mind screamed again. As tacky as it was, it was their place. "Do you want to hurt me?" She questioned him, she was throwing questions after questions and that was all she could do. She could not crumple before him. "What do you expect from me?" She went on, her tone was rising with each question, tears started to form in her eyes. Why? She asked and asked.
"Because I love you!" Yi Jeong shouted. Ga Eul fell silence, gapping. The words she wanted to hear from him, the words she longed to hear coming from him. Why now? Her heart cried. "Because I am, truly, in love with you," He added, looking at her shocked face. "I can't lose you," He continued solemnly. It was true, he cannot lose her. He was losing her mind; she was all he could think about. He cannot bear it, the thought of being away from her, being separated from her. He cursed that it took him too long to realize his own longing, his own heart. "I'd die if I lose you," He admitted, taking a step towards her, closing the gap between them. "I'd really die," He repeated, caressing her cheek with his thumb. Hot tears had started to fall from her eyes. "I –" Ga Eul began but stopped. What was there for her to say? "Don't leave me..." Yi Jeong begged, pulling her to him, leaning to capture her lips.
"Eomeonim, do we really..." Ga Eul asked, pouting slightly. The sight of her face caused the elder woman to chuckle, she looked happy too, healthy and happy. "Aish... This child," Her mother reprimanded her quickly. "Omma!" Ga Eul winced as she felt her mother's palm on her bare shoulder. "Don't say it's my fault if I don't appear pretty," Ga Eul stuck her tongue out, earning her another soft slap on the shoulder. The sound of someone clearing their throat caught the three women by surprised. "Appa!" Ga Eul exclaimed, making her way to her father happily. He didn't need to ask, he saw it, the look in her eyes. He wanted to hate it; he would never think that there will ever be a man deserving enough for his little girl. But, as he walked her down the aisle and saw that look in his eyes and turned to find nothing but happiness in hers, he realized, she was happy.
"What did Appa said to you?" Ga Eul asked worriedly, tugging onto the hand of her beloved. She had been pacing in her classroom all day, worried about the whole bonding trip between her father and boyfriend. She was worried; it had been six months since she broke her previous engagement. She wasn't sorry, but, she was apologetic towards her former fiancé. He was a good and kind man, but, she let him go. He was not for her, she had told him that and he had kindly let her go. Her mother thought she was crazy and she even thought that she was crazier when three months later she came to introduce him to the family. She had recognized him, of course, the man from the bridal shop. There was initial resentment, but, her father had taken a strange liking to him that her mother had to back down. "Yah! Sunbae, tell me," She begged, tugging onto his sleeve and watched him chuckle. "He told me not to skimp of the wedding ring," He stated easily. The reaction was instantaneous. Her face reddened. He laughed as he pulled her into his arms and the whisper slowly into her ears, "So, are you ready to become Mrs So Yi Jeong?"
So, I like the Namsan Staircase... Sue me... I think it's their special place heheh... Funny fact, I was listening to Se7en's Somebody Else when writing this... Oh, irony... So, tell me, who do you think she was marrying during the wedding sneak peak? Did I mislead you enough or did you see through me?
Originally posted on "Lovers Unparalleled" 8th February 2012
