The Homosexual Fox
The corporate journalist building, Nebatru News, bumbled with vigorous energy; people ran and printers spewed out stories. But there was one story that hit the front page highlights of the day: Mo Cock, Fox?
Inside the building, seated in the lounge room, sipping two cups of coffee, staring at each other from across the plastic table, a amphibian and a vixen sat across from each other.
The vixen couldn't believe what she had just read on the newspaper so she had to read it out loud again for everyone to hear. "The hero of Lylat . . . is gay?"
The amphibian still couldn't believe it even after the vixen had just told him. "No way . . . that's impossible. How can someone so heroic and Lylatian be gay? That's like calling the greatest person alive gay."
She finally realized that it had to be true and accepted the fact. "But it has to be true because Nebatru News said so."
The amphibian just so happened to have a bible on him and pulled it out, flipping the pages until he came across a certain page with pictures and three large, bolded words. "Don't forget, in the holy scripture it blatantly states that "Homosex is sin.""
She began to cry into her paws, taking care not to ruin her makeup or her suit. "Right . . . how could Satan be so cruel to us? Its Satan's worst creation yet: Homosex."
The amphibian slammed his bible shut and nodded in agreement, even going as far as to state that he agreed to reinforce his prior nodding of his head. "Yup. Something as horrible as this could only be Satan's doing. Damn Satan! Another one of us has fallen to the darkside."
Outside the building, pedestrians stopped for a moment to jeer and spit on two figures sauntering through the streets: Fox and Wolf.
Wolf wore his usual flamboyant, studded, and gay attire. Fox, on the other hand, had a gay wristband, a gay hat, a gay pair of boots, and a gay look. It obvious to anyone who knew a thing or two about anything that everything Fox was wearing was gay.
They held each others paws and ignored everyone else, not giving the slightest damn in the world if everyone hated them. To top it off, they even put on a show for everyone who was watching.
"Hey Fox?"
"Yea?"
"Wanna have sex?"
"Sure thing bud."
In a few seconds, both of them were butt naked and having buttsecks. This went on for about four hours before they switched roles and then went at it for another four or so hours.
A man noticed this obscene scene and rushed out to stop them.
"Hey stop this vulgar act this instance!"
Fox and Wolf stopped wanking each other off for a second to reply, "Those two are doing it too." The man looked to the amphibian fucking the vixen.
He scratched his head. "Yea but . . . you guys are gay and they aren't."
Fox and Wolf both stood up, greatly offended.
"Hey, we're animal-beings too! We have rights."
The man laughed and shook his head. "No, no, no. You guys are gay and gay people have no rights because they are gay. You see, gay people are stupid and freaks. Its something you gay people wouldn't ever understand because you are gay. And besides, I'm a human and you two are xenomorphs. That alone strips you two of any rights."
Fox shoved the man and pulled out his blaster. "Hey, there were no gays until you humans showed up. It's all your fault that we have gay furries now."
The man, obviously terrified, slowly began backing away. "Now, now. Let's be reasonable here. Let's be civilized."
Fox shook his head, screamed, "We gays rule," and then shot him between the eyes.
The two then ran through the streets murdering humans and xenomorphs alike, not discriminating.
An avian watching from his apartment window shook his head. "Damn religious Venoms. Der hole religion iz bout war and shit and iz all thanks to dat Andross fellar. I dint think they'd still be round fter dat gay, faggot, Fox, killed off der religious leader. Fucking terrorists." The avian spat on the carpeted floor and then adjusted his tattered baseball cap.
Fox and Wolf were cornered in a bank. Police had surrounded the building and there was no where left to run. Everyone inside the building was already dead so the police had a clear shot at the gay faggots.
Wolf bit off a chuck of meaty flesh from a dead lion. He made his way over to where Fox was cuddling a little boy; he was dead, of course.
"Hey Fox?"
"Yea?"
"Wanna have sex?"
"Sure thing bud."
Fox dropped the dead kid and then began fucking Wolf.
The S.W.A.T. rushed inside with tear gas and began firing like crazy. In a matter of seconds, both Fox and Wolf were down, their bodies riddled with lead. But the S.W.A.T. had seen plenty of horror movies featuring gay people and they knew that they had to make sure that they were dead. So they fired a fresh clip into the bodies.
On of the S.W.A.T. members took off his helmet and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Whew, I'm glad we got that over with. Saving the city from gays is no easy task. I'm afraid that I might catch their gayness or something."
The S.W.A.T. member standing next to him sat down and shook his head. "Hey, you really shouldn't take off your helmet until the fire-squad arrives. He have to burn the bodies just to make sure none of their gay bacteria spreads."
"Yea, you're right." He put his helmet back on.
As they walked outside, cameras flashed and microphones were shoved into their helmets.
"Hey, we're gonna be heroes. We just saved Corneria City from two gay faggots."
"Hell yea. As soon as my shift's over I'm going to get high, get drunk, and get some tail!"
"Hell yea man! Being straight sure does rock."
He suddenly stopped and put a paw on his friend's shoulder. "Oh yea, don't forget. We got church on Sunday so sober up the day before and don't let me catch you carrying weed again. I'd hate to make you go to confession again."
"Its all good man. I've been absolved of my sins for beating my wife last week."
They gave each other a high-five. "Nice."
Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away . . .
Fox stood up and brushed himself clean. He was awed by the scenery in front of him: white clouds everywhere.
He felt giddy and light. Fox jumped and found that he had white feathery wings growing from his shoulder blades. Somehow he automatically knew how to control them.
He soared ahead, knowing which direction to take.
Fox soon came across a huge golden gate.
There was a heavily bearded man with a huge book propped on a podium of some sort.
Fox gently landed in front of the old man and asked, "Excuse me, but where am I?"
The man laughed and said, "Why, you're in heaven of course."
Fox was confused. "But I don't understand, I'm gay. And if I'm in heaven then where is Wolf?"
Before the man could respond, the gates opened and a shining blob of light floated out.
The shining orb transformed into . . . Jesus.
"Hey, Eddie. Listen, I'll take it from here so just check his name and forget any of this happened? Good? Good."
Jesus wrapped his arm around Fox and led him inside.
Fox couldn't believe his eyes. "Jesus?"
"That's what they call me."
"But you're . . . you're black."
"Hey, I can be whatever I want to be. It's all cool dawg." Jesus lowered his shades and asked, "What? You got something against black people now?"
Fox shook his head.
Jesus put his shades back on and smiled. "Good, good."
As Jesus toured Fox around heaven, Fox couldn't help but wonder how the hell he ended up here.
Jesus turned to Fox. "So, you're probably wondering how the hell you ended up here, right?"
"Uh, yea."
"You know that you're gay and I know that you're gay and my father knows that you're gay. So how the hell did you end up in heaven?"
"Yea, how did I end up here."
"Well, hell differs for some and since you're gay I thought it'd be fair to give you same the treatment as others."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, all gay people go to Hell, obviously, but not you. No siree, I had special plans set aside just for you. Ever since the day my dad created you and made you gay, I was planning on how to completely ruin your life."
Fox still didn't understand why he was in heaven.
Jesus picked some holy dirt from his finger nails. "You'll understand in a minute when that sex drive of yours powers up."
That's when Fox realized . . .
Jesus smiled and patted Fox on the back. "Bingo. Enjoy your eternal stay in heaven kiddo. Or should I say, enjoy your stay in your own personalized Hell."
Fox fell to the ground and began to cry. "How am I supposed to be happy now?"
There were no gay people in heaven for Fox to fuck.