Title: Poor Unfortunate Souls
Summary: A desire demon makes the most of her attempt to sway a mage. Parody, modern culture reference, and maybe a little more crack.
Disclaimer: BioWare owns all; I just play in their pond. Apologies to the folks behind the song, as well, for my send-up of their lyrics.
Author's Notes: Maybe I should just stop talking to people. This one is all karebear's fault. I mean, I know humor is how I deal, so it's where I go after thinking too deeply about the treatment of mages in Thedas, but it has to end somewhere, doesn't it? ;)
For those who haven't seen them, karebear's stories of time in the Circle for her Rhyanon Amell and the Blight that comes after are incredibly compelling and real. Another author I recommend, and one with whom I could talk about Circle issues all day. When we're not discussing olive oil and blood magic and cartoons, prompting something like this to ... swim into my head.
If you need a frame of reference: ht tp:/ www. youtube. com / watch?v=VyFVG4VfPmg
Reviews are always welcome!
The demon turns from her mirror to the newest guest in the Fade, plastering upon her face what she hopes will pass for sincerity to emphasize her answer to his question.
"My dear, sweet child. That's what I do. It's what I live for. To help unfortunate mages. Like yourself!"
She approaches the mage, her hips swaying, alluring, drawing him in with every step.
"Poor souls with no one else to turn to…"
Taunting music answers her silent summons, whispering up from beyond the mage's perception. Trailing a finger among her creatively draped garments – after all, what's one more thing for a little mage to ask for? – she begins her captivating siren's call.
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They weren't kidding when they bid me tempt a witch
But you'll find that nowadays
I've mended all my ways
Repented, seen the light and made a switch
True? Yes!
The demon sparks the Fade, summoning colors and sounds to accentuate her features as she steps away and offers her most inviting smile.
And I fortunately know a little magic
In a talent tree I always have possessed
And just lately, please don't laugh
I use it on behalf
Of the miserable, cornered and depressed
(Just like you.)
The demon steps seductively now, summoning a fountain of raw power around which to stalk, adding to the desires she hopes to touch within the mage.
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain
In need
This one longing to be wiser
That one wants to see the world
And do I help them?
Yes, indeed
Those poor unfortunate souls
So sad
So true
They come flocking to my fountain
Crying "Spells, Ursula, please!"
And I help them!
Yes, I do.
Leaning forward to showcase her more desirable attributes, the demon sees she's caught the mage's ear and presses on with her enticement.
Now it's happened once or twice
Someone couldn't pay the price
And I'm afraid I had to take 'em by the souls
Yes, I've had the odd complaint
But on the whole I've been a saint
To those poor unfortunate souls
Placing a world of possibility into her smile, the demon asks the mage, "Have we got a deal?"
"If I let you come in, I'll never get to see my friends again?"
"But you'll flee your cage. Life's full of tough choices, innit? Oh – and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment."
"But I don't have any-"
"I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. What I want from you… is your choice."
"But without that will, how can I-"
"You'll have your looks! That handsome face! And don't underestimate the importance of your freedom! Ha!"
The world out there can't stand the thought of freedom
They think a man who walks alone to be a bore
In the land it's much preferred
To bow down without a word
And after all, dear, what is your freedom for?
She closes the distance again, placing a hand on his cheek in a blatant hint of what he might have.
Come on, they're not all that impressed with little leaders
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
Ladies dote and swoon and fawn
On men whose will has been withdrawn
It's he who bends his knee who's called a man
She's sure she just about has him, circling his ethereal and unwelcome form, willing him to ask her in.
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul
Go ahead!
Give your choice!
I'm a very busy spirit
And I haven't got all day
It won't cost much
Just your choice!
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad
But true
If you want to cross the lake, my sweet
You've got to pay the toll
Take a pause and take a look
Then go ahead, let's have a roll!
Anders wakes, looking about the apprentice quarters, wondering if any of the others had ever seen temptation presented in such a way. It was certainly… novel, he had to give her that. But did she really think anyone in Thedas was going to fall for it?
Maker… I need to lay off the olive oil after sunset.