Yet another twisted tale that is sure to make people think, "This is the
worst fic I've ever read!" but they're so much fun to write. So sit back
and let the pure insanity of it all bring out a chuckle or two.
Yes, I know LOTR or its characters don't belong to me and never will, I'm
just borrowing them for awhile for my own sick pleasure so nah!
On with the show.
It 'twas a pure spring day when our heroine, let's just call her Elewyn (very mystical, ooohhh) was walking homeward from her school she attended. She was a very young girl, about sixteen, and had long flowing chestnut hair with big beautiful eyes that had a tinge of some odd color that was weird and not quite human. In fact you could say that she had an other-worldliness about her that made her stand out amongst her peers. Because of her otherworldly beauty, she was often taunted by her classmates and called her names, and couldn't join in any reindeer games. Poor, poor Elewyn, she was just too perfect and wished she could escape into a land that was a perfect as she
When she arrived home she went straight to her room and plopped down on her bed and gazed longingly at her picture of Legolas above her bed. "Oh baby, I wish I could be in your world right now, you would fall in love with me for sure because I would make you fall in love with me with my perfection and modern pro feminist attitude! I'm uniquely different and you will be attracted to my uniqueness, oh yes."
Her hand started to dip down into uncharted territory when bang! She frantically tried to get into a normal sitting position as her annoying little brother came charging into her room. "Hey sis, Ma says get yer butt down to dinner right now or you get another beatin' from yer Pa!" As he was about to leave, he glared at her suspiciously, "have you been fantasizin about that elven queer again, I told you about that!" With that he slammed the door and charged downstairs screaming maniacally.
Mary Sue, oh I mean Eleymn rubbed the strain out of her eyes and stumbled out of her room and down the stairs. Oh I'm in big trouble now, she thought. Elewynmynnm was always getting in trouble with her stepparents for some reason or another and she again wished for escape. As she approached her stepmother, she knew there was bad news.
'Oh Elewyn, how come you didn't do the breakfast dishes, mow the lawn, pluck the chickens, paint the house, or give your stepfather one of your sensual massages that he likes so much? Answer me brat!"
She didn't know what to say, her bones still ached from yesterday's long list of chores and she felt that she could no longer go on with this abuse. So she mumbled apologies and promised to get started right away.
A few round of beatings later she was out mowing the lawn and dreaming about life in Midle Earth with her heart's desire Legolas. "O my pretty, you will be mine."
From the corner of her eye she saw a stirring in the edge of the woods. She turned off her mower and decided to investigate this strange event. Once she made her way past the dense patch of trees where she saw the rustle, there was this clearing that was strange to her and seemed out of place. She looked behind her and found that she was surrounded by thick tall trees. "Oh my, where am I?"
Suddenly a strange creature emerged from the darkened wood and growled deeply. Elewyn could never remember ever seeing anything more revolting in her life, except her stepfather's ding dong, oops! She ran shrieking in fright, oh who will save her from this creature!
Just as she came crashing to the ground over a large rock, she thought she was done for. She turned to the ugly being and tried to put on her most charming smile. The creature had no mercy, and as he was about the kill our fair maiden, an arrow whizzed out of nowhere and killed the creature instantly. Elevewy6n slowly turned her eyes to the most beautiful creature, man or woman, that she had ever seen, it was her Legolas!
How do you like it so far? Should I go on with the insanity or get out while I still can? Review if ya like and remember that Jesus loves you! DianaBananna
It 'twas a pure spring day when our heroine, let's just call her Elewyn (very mystical, ooohhh) was walking homeward from her school she attended. She was a very young girl, about sixteen, and had long flowing chestnut hair with big beautiful eyes that had a tinge of some odd color that was weird and not quite human. In fact you could say that she had an other-worldliness about her that made her stand out amongst her peers. Because of her otherworldly beauty, she was often taunted by her classmates and called her names, and couldn't join in any reindeer games. Poor, poor Elewyn, she was just too perfect and wished she could escape into a land that was a perfect as she
When she arrived home she went straight to her room and plopped down on her bed and gazed longingly at her picture of Legolas above her bed. "Oh baby, I wish I could be in your world right now, you would fall in love with me for sure because I would make you fall in love with me with my perfection and modern pro feminist attitude! I'm uniquely different and you will be attracted to my uniqueness, oh yes."
Her hand started to dip down into uncharted territory when bang! She frantically tried to get into a normal sitting position as her annoying little brother came charging into her room. "Hey sis, Ma says get yer butt down to dinner right now or you get another beatin' from yer Pa!" As he was about to leave, he glared at her suspiciously, "have you been fantasizin about that elven queer again, I told you about that!" With that he slammed the door and charged downstairs screaming maniacally.
Mary Sue, oh I mean Eleymn rubbed the strain out of her eyes and stumbled out of her room and down the stairs. Oh I'm in big trouble now, she thought. Elewynmynnm was always getting in trouble with her stepparents for some reason or another and she again wished for escape. As she approached her stepmother, she knew there was bad news.
'Oh Elewyn, how come you didn't do the breakfast dishes, mow the lawn, pluck the chickens, paint the house, or give your stepfather one of your sensual massages that he likes so much? Answer me brat!"
She didn't know what to say, her bones still ached from yesterday's long list of chores and she felt that she could no longer go on with this abuse. So she mumbled apologies and promised to get started right away.
A few round of beatings later she was out mowing the lawn and dreaming about life in Midle Earth with her heart's desire Legolas. "O my pretty, you will be mine."
From the corner of her eye she saw a stirring in the edge of the woods. She turned off her mower and decided to investigate this strange event. Once she made her way past the dense patch of trees where she saw the rustle, there was this clearing that was strange to her and seemed out of place. She looked behind her and found that she was surrounded by thick tall trees. "Oh my, where am I?"
Suddenly a strange creature emerged from the darkened wood and growled deeply. Elewyn could never remember ever seeing anything more revolting in her life, except her stepfather's ding dong, oops! She ran shrieking in fright, oh who will save her from this creature!
Just as she came crashing to the ground over a large rock, she thought she was done for. She turned to the ugly being and tried to put on her most charming smile. The creature had no mercy, and as he was about the kill our fair maiden, an arrow whizzed out of nowhere and killed the creature instantly. Elevewy6n slowly turned her eyes to the most beautiful creature, man or woman, that she had ever seen, it was her Legolas!
How do you like it so far? Should I go on with the insanity or get out while I still can? Review if ya like and remember that Jesus loves you! DianaBananna