Darkness around your heart. Teen wolf fanflic.
You know those moments where it feels like everything is going so slow? Its feels like you can't breathe and everyone around you can't see how you're screaming to get attention for help. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and I can't do anything about it, and that kills me. When I got the text from Issiac I felt hopeless and I felt like everything was over. I saw Lydia talking but the only words I could make out what she was saying was stiles and what's wrong.
"Stiles what's wrong"?
I had this feeling before I know when I had these feelings. I haven't had them in so long I forgot what they were. I know exactly what's going on.
I am shaking uncontrollably and I can't breathe.
Stiles?
Stiles?
"I think im having a panic attack"
After I said that I felt like every breathe I took could be my last. Lydia and I started walking I didn't know where but I knew she was taking me somewhere. I knew where we were once we opened the door. I immediately throw off my bag and try to rush somewhere I can sit. I slam into one of the lockers and I find a sit one the ground. For a moment I think I am by myself and I start to panic more. Then I see that Lydia is right next to me.
"Try to slow your breathing" she says helping me inhale and exhale using her hands. The more I inhaled and exhaled I started to think about all the problems that we have going on at once. The Darach using our parents as ritual sacrifices, the alpha pack and how my best friend Scott is with one of them. Then I find it more and more harder to breathe.
"I….. I can't" I said breathing heavily.
"Try to think about something else, anything else" I can tell she is panicked her self just by the way she is speaking. I would be to if I basically had another persons life in my hands. But instead of lishening I made it harder for myself.
"Like what?" I said in a challenging way.
"Umm…. Happy things good things. Friends family." When I heard the words friends and family I gave her that look that said "what friends and family? My moms is dead, my dad is about to be a ritual sacrifice from a dark oak. And my only friend in the whole wide world might become a killer. I think she got what I was saying because she tried to take it back.
"Ughh…. Not family. Just try and slow your breathing" she says with movement of her hands. By now I am panting heavily trying to catch a breathe.
Once again I try and failed. "I can't." This must be what it feels like to die to not be able to breathe. I grab a hold of my chest and give it a light squeeze begging it to let me breathe. Lydia grabbed my face and kept repeating
"Shh…. Shhh. Stiles look at me" I looked up and finally aculaly look at her. I notice the panic in her eyes and I notice how bad she looks like she wants to help me. Her beautiful green eyes looking at me with worry and concern, trying to calm me.
"Look at me." Shhh….." Stiles she says with so much love and consideration. It actually calmed me a little hearing her voice sweet and low. I finally was able to look away from her eyes to her mouth. Her plump lips trembling from fear. I notice how her eyes were making the same trail as mine.
Are you going to kiss me?
Then there it was something I have been waiting on for almost all my life. I was unbelievably surprised but eventually gave into the kiss. Because you never know when you might get the chance of a lifetime, so I took advantage of this moment. I kissed back with all the passion I could aspire. Then it was over I felt her pulling back. It took everything in me not to pull her back kiss her for all the times I wanted to but couldn't. When we both pulled back completely I saw that her eyes were still closed.
Did she like it?
When she opened them she saw I that I was looking at her with wide eyes. One: because I can't believed that Lydia freaking Martin just kissed me. Two: because I am not panting anymore, I am actually breathing like a normal person again.
"How did you do that?" Really the question that was going on in my head was why did you do that? Do you like me? Do you want to be more than friends? When she composed her self she finally answered.
"I ughh….. I read once that holding your breathe could stop a panic attack" I nodded my head understanding what she was saying and telling her to continue. "Sooo… when I kissed you, you held you breathe" Still holding eyes contact I spoke.
"I did?"
"Yea.. You did?" My heart rate started to increase when she said this because it made me realize what I knew all along. I would hold my breathe for Lydia, I would die for Lydia. I held my breathe for her when I so desperately needed one just to kiss her. And she knows that, that's why she did it.
"Thanks" I said trying to muster up a smile. "Your really smart." I saw that she was breaking contact and getting back from cloud nine and readjusting her position. I followed the same suit.
"I just… I don't know just read it somewhere. And if I were really smart I would tell you to sign up a few sessions with the guidance counselor."
I chuckle and then start to get back serious. I hope one day after all this is ended I get to ask her why she really did it. Because I don't really believe that, "I read it somewhere crap."
I hope you liked that. The next chapter will be set after 3x12. When stiles asks her what the kiss was really for. Well read and review please ;) I will only post new chapter if you guys liked this one.