Take One

McGonagall and Dumbledore are standing outside of the Dursley's house. Dumbledore is searching in his pocket for a lemon drop and McGonagall is still a cat.

Dumbledore: Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall.

McGonagall: How did you know it was me?

Dumbledore: My dear professor, I have never seen a cat sit so sexily.

McGongall: purrs Your 'dear' professor?

Dumbledore: smiles seductively Why yes…he kisses her passionately

Director: CUT! Albus where the hell did that come from?!?

Dumbledore: still making out with McGonagall

Director: No stop, please, it's too horrifying!

Dumbledore: still kissing McGonagall

Ron: from off-screen Some people just can't keep their hands off their coworkers…including me! grabs Lavender and kisses her

Director: Neither can I! jerks cameraman away from camera and snogs with him

Harry: Damn, people!

Take Two

McGonagall and Dumbledore are talking about Harry being brought to the Dursley's, standing outside of number four.

McGonagall: Yes-yes, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Hagrid's bringing him.

McGonagall: You think it-wise-to trust Hagrid with something as important as this?

Dumbledore: I would trust Hagrid with my life.

McGonagall: waiting for Hagrid

Dumbledore: waiting for Hagrid

McGonagall: waiting for Hagrid

Dumbledore: waiting for Hagrid

McGonagall: Where is the great hulk, Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Er…that is to say…ummm….

Director: Cut! Everbody, where is Hagrid?

Cameraman: gestures towards coffee table

Hagrid: stuffing his face with doughnuts hunched over box of them, which is rapidly emptying

Director: stomps over to Hagrid, gets hold of him by the scruff of his neck and rips him away from the table What the HELL are you doing, Hagrid?

Hagrid: Heh heh heh….

Take Three

Aunt Petunia is trying to wake Harry up for breakfast on Dudley's birthday. She is standing outside his cupboard door.

Aunt Petunia: Are you up yet?

Harry: groans

Aunt Petunia: What did you say?

Harry: moans

Aunt Petunia: puts her ear to the door, she hears more moaning and groaning What the…opens door, blinks twice, shakes her head Jesus Mary and Joseph!

Hermione: Yes, God, yes!

Aunt Petunia: faints

Director: opens her eyes wide and gapes Oh, my God.

Cameraman: zooms around, getting shots and muttering Work it, baby! The Spice Channel will love this!

Ron: from off-screen Maybe we should bump the rating up a little…