The Alex Interview Expropriation
Hearing a knock at the door, Dr. Sheldon Cooper looked up from his computer screen. He was seated behind his desk in his office at Cal Tech.
"Come in," he said.
The door was opened by an attractive young brunette. Peering at Sheldon through black-framed glasses, she smiled and asked, "Dr. Cooper?"
"Yes," he responded neutrally.
Closing the door behind her, she strode across the office and extended her hand. "I'm Alex Dunphy," she said, "and I'm here about the summer intern position."
Sheldon stood and shook hands. "Ah, Miss Dunphy," he said, "you're very prompt. In fact, you're precisely on time."
With that, he reached down and selected the top index card from a small stack on the desk. The top of the card read 'Dunphy, Alex', and several categories were listed down the side. He picked up a pen, and placed a check mark next to the first category. Smiling, he said, "Please have a seat, Miss Dunphy."
She sat down in one of the two chairs facing the desk.
"Excellent choice," he said, and placed a check mark at the next category.
"I beg your pardon?" she asked.
"Your choice of chairs," he explained. "You could have chosen either one, but you picked the one on my right. That indicates that you'd like to serve as my right hand. As it were."
"Oh. Well, thank you," said Alex.
"Now, Miss Dunphy," said Sheldon, "how did you become interested in the field of theoretical physics?"
"Well..." she said, "oh, and you can call me Alex, Dr. Cooper."
"Very well, Alex," said Sheldon, "and you can call me Dr. Cooper."
"Yes, certainly, Dr. Cooper," she said. "Anyway, I've always been interested in science. I don't have much experience in your field, but I've read some of your work, and I find it very compelling."
"Yes, most people do," he said, immodestly. "Now, Alex...you know, that reminds me. My last assistant was named Alex, also."
"Oh?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, "She was very good. She resigned, though, not long after the sexual harassment charges."
"Sexual harassment?" she asked, sounding shocked.
Sheldon waved his hand dismissively. "Oh, it was just a big misunderstanding," he said. "All I did was ask her some questions which I didn't realize were inappropriate."
"Inappropriate?" she asked.
"Yes," he said, "about female biology, that sort of thing. I know better now, though. In the end, I apologized, and she dropped the charges."
"Dropped the charges," she nodded, somewhat skeptically.
"That's right," he said. "She told Human Resources that I was either some sort of pervert or crazy. And, I'm definitely not crazy. My mother had me tested."
"I see," said Alex, nervously. "Well, Dr. Cooper, I'm not sure if..."
Sheldon held up a hand in a placating gesture. "Believe me, Alex," he said, "if you get this position you have nothing to worry about. Sex is the last thing on my mind. Just ask my girlfriend."
"Your girlfriend?" asked Alex.
As if on cue, there was a knock at the door, and Amy Farrah Fowler stepped in. "Hello, Sheldon" she said. Then, noticing Alex, "Oh, I didn't know you were busy."
"Hello, Amy," said Sheldon. "You're early. You weren't supposed to be here for another..." he checked his watch, "sixteen minutes."
"I'm sorry," she said. "I could wait in the hall..."
"No, no," said Sheldon, waving a hand dismissively. "Go ahead and take a seat. It's quite all right."
As Amy sat down in the other chair, Sheldon sorted through the stack of cards on his desk, until he found one labeled, 'Fowler, Amy Farrah'. He then placed an 'X' next to the promptness category. Looking up, he said, "Oh, Amy, this is Alex Dunphy. I'm interviewing her for my assistant's position. Alex, this is my girlfriend, Amy Farrah Fowler."
Amy smiled, extended her hand, and said, "Hello."
Alex's eyes widened as she shook hands, and she exclaimed, "Omigosh! Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler?"
"That's right, responded Amy, tentatively.
"Dr. Fowler, I am such a huge fan of yours, said Alex. "I just finished reading your latest paper on primate addiction. It was very compelling."
"Well, wait a minute," interjected Sheldon, petulantly. "You said you found my work compelling."
Ignoring him, Amy said, "Thank you. So, you're interested in neurobiology?"
"Oh, very much so," said Alex. "Your study of monkey behavior reminds me of something my dad tried to do with ducks."
"Is your dad a scientist?" asked Amy.
"No, he's a...real estate agent," responded Alex. "Anyway, I very much wanted to work with you, Dr. Fowler, but you didn't post for an assistant."
"But, you said you wanted to work for me," said Sheldon, growing more irritated.
"Well, I've never really needed an assistant before," said Amy, "although my lab could accommodate one."
"Dr. Fowler, I would so honored to work with you," said Alex.
"And, I suppose I could get more work done," said Amy.
Sheldon watched the exchange, moving his head back and forth between the two women as if he were at a tennis match. Finally, he exclaimed, "Hold it!" Both Amy and Alex turned to look at him.
He said, "Amy, I was interviewing Alex to be my assistant."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Sheldon," she said. "I didn't mean to encroach on you. If you want Alex to work with you, that's fine."
"Yes, Dr. Cooper," said Alex, "I said I wanted to work with you, and I'll certainly honor that commitment."
Sheldon looked from one of them to the other. He sighed, and said, "Well, technically, Alex, you would work for me, not with me. I'm sorry though, I just don't think it would work out."
"Oh," said Alex. Then turning to Amy, asked, "So, Dr. Fowler, does that mean...?"
Amy said, "Well, then glanced at Sheldon. His face showed no emotion at all, which in her experience with him meant he had no objection. Turning back to Alex, she nodded and smiled. "Yes, you can work with me. Can you start Monday?"
"Of course!" beamed Alex, and she extended her hand to Amy. As they shook, she said, "Dr. Fowler, this is just so great. It's such an honor. I promise I won't let you down."
"I'm sure you won't," said Amy, managing to extricate her hand.
"Look at me, I'm gushing like a schoolgirl...which actually is what I am," said Alex,with a nervous laugh. Then, she said, "Well, I guess I'd better be going," and she stood.
She said, "Thank you so much, Dr. Fowler." Then, suddenly remembering, turned to Sheldon, and said, "Oh, and thank you, Dr. Cooper."
"My pleasure," responded Sheldon. He stood and extended his hand. "Good luck, Alex," he said.
As they shook, Amy stood and said, "Come on, Alex, I'll walk you to the elevators. We can go over a couple of things."
Alex released Sheldon's hand, and turned to Amy. "Of course, Dr. Fowler," she said. Amy matched her smile, and the two exited the office.
A moment later, Dr. Leonard Hofstadter and his wife, Penny, entered.
"Hey, Sheldon," he asked, "you guys ready for dinner?"
Sheldon looked at his watch, and said, "Well, you two are four minutes early..." He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Oh, never mind."
Penny was back by the door, looking out, and asked, "Sheldon, who is that girl Amy's talking to by the elevators?"
"That's her new assistant, Alex" said Sheldon.
"I didn't know Amy was getting an assistant," said Leonard.
"Amy didn't either," said Sheldon. "I was interviewing Alex to be my assistant, and they met and just kind of hit it off."
"They must have," said Penny, still watching them, "the way Alex is hugging her."
"So, you let her go work with Amy, huh?" asked Leonard. "Nice."
"Well, you know it's my mission in life to please other people," said Sheldon.
"Right," nodded Leonard, skeptically.
"Leonard, why are women so hard to figure out?" asked Sheldon.
"Women defy understanding," responded Leonard.
Penny, suddenly standing next to her husband, asked, "What was that, Leonard?"
Leonard faced her sheepishly, and said, "I just said, 'women are fine and outstanding'"
"Of course you did," said Penny, disbelievingly. "Come on, Amy sent Alex down, and she's holding the other elevator for us."
With that, Penny turned and walked out of the office. Leonard said, "Yes, dear," and dutifully followed her out.
"I'm right behind you," called Sheldon. He bent over the card labeled 'Dunphy,Alex', picked up his pen, and entered check marks next to all the remaining categories. At the bottom of the card, he wrote 'Total:100%'. With a sigh, he laid his pen down and walked from behind his desk. Reaching the doorway, he switched off the lights, stepped through and pulled the door closed behind him.
The End