"So do you like her?"
Say yes, say yes, say yes. My head was pounding so hard that I was right afraid my ears would pop. Repeating it, over and over. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, he likes me. Yes, he loves me. Loves me the way that I love him. Because he is so incredibly right for me…
The class bell rang seconds after the words were out of Merric's mouth. Merric's all right, I suppose, but he's nothing compared to Neal. So anyway, the once in a lifetime chance of Neal proclaiming his undying like for me having been passed up, I dashed to my room. To hyperventilate. I mean, had he confessed to loving-did I say loving?-to liking me, I'd have been overjoyed. Through the roof. Six years of Yamani teaching couldn't have kept the grin off my face.
Scratch that last comment. I don't know what I'd do. Would I put on an uninterested front, play hard to get, maybe allow him a shy smile? Or would I immediately act disgusted, as though the idea of a man was repulsing to me? Which is obviously, what they would expect. Except that it is SO not true!
Great Goddess help me! I need him to like me back! Or do I? I'm supposed to be all anti-man, am I not? They-the boys-probably have it already planned that I'll be a page forever, never graduating to a squire or eventually a knight, and never being beautiful enough to capture a husband. Not that I want anyone but Neal. Neal. The name floats on angel wings through my head, refusing to leave me alone. I wonder if there is nothing to be said for the lonely heart.