Title: My Darkest Day
Summary: "'I wanted to be by your side forever. I thought that you would always care for me, not leave me here.' Blue's thoughts after she leaves Quent for good."
Music: Where Butterflies Never Die—Broken Iris; The Last Song I'm Wasting On You—Evanescence; World So Cold—12 Stones
Disclaimer: I don't own Wolf's Rain! I am not worthy!
A/N: Set during episode 9, "Misgivings." This scene hurts my heart. I don't usually write in first person, but it made for a fun change.
Also, is the name of Quent's son spelled "Ruce" or "Ruus"? I've seen it both ways, but I'm not sure which way is correct, and these are the little things that bug me.
Reviews are much appreciated :)
You said I'd never had the strength to break away
But now I've changed
It's time to turn the page and walk away
This Dark Day—12 Stones
Where are you, Pops?
I'm sure that was his whistle, but I don't know if I can stand up, let alone find him. I try to lift my head from the hard, grainy ground of the alley I lie in, but the scent of blood is still hot in my nose, confusing my senses, and the pain is so much. That soldier wasn't very strong, but his gun was so heavy…
I wasn't going to let him hurt that kid. Especially not after…
A little boy's laugh weaves through the painful throbbing inside my head, and I can't help giving a faint whine.
Ruce… I'm so sorry…
My ear swivels to catch the sound of Pops' second whistle. I have to find him again. My injuries don't matter. All that matters is finding Pops again. He's all I have left. If I couldn't save Ruce, I'm going to stay with Pops.
My jaws part and my breath comes in feeble pants as I try to get my paws underneath me. My head reels as I lurch to my feet, and I will myself not to collapse. I can't let Pops down now. I have to keep going.
I'm coming, Pops… Don't worry…
All these paths look the same. I've always been good at tracking, and it's even easier when it's such a familiar, welcome scent. But right now, all I can smell is blood. The soldier's…and mine.
A flurry of movement ahead of me makes me jump, recoiling against the nearest wall. I didn't hear them coming. My head is pounding even more forcefully, and I hate feeling so disoriented.
A figure rushes past: a white wolf, disguised as a tall human boy. I lift my head and try to take in his scent. Haven't I seen him before?
A second person follows the wolf: the girl I remember from before. Her scent manages to make its way past the blood-scent that still clouds my nose, and I give a whimper of longing. She smells so nice, like flowers. But not like any I've ever smelled before.
I want to follow her; I start forward just as a third figure darts after her, and this one is also familiar: a small red wolf disguised as a little boy.
"That's the boy!"
I freeze in my tracks and lift my head. Have I really found—
"No doubt about it…"
Pops!
I can hear his running footsteps pounding the cement ground and I make an effort to keep moving, although I don't think I can chase after the wolves like I know he'll want me to. I just hope he doesn't follow them without seeing me.
I step around the corner and see him facing in my direction with his gun aimed, but I'm not afraid; he wouldn't hurt me.
I approach on unsteady paws, wishing I still had the energy to wag my tail a little. I can't help whining as I get closer, partly in pain, but mostly in apology to him that I won't be able to chase the wolves. I hope he understands.
Pops' eyes widen and he lowers his gun. "Oh, Blue…"
He rushes forward to me, and suddenly it's all I can do to stay conscious. Spots gather at the corners of my vision, and my legs give out. The ground rushes up to meet me and my already throbbing head hits the cold cement.
Pops kneels and runs a hand across my ruff, muttering, "Blue, what—" when his fingers come away coated in blood. I don't know if it's the soldier's or my own.
"What the hell happened to you?" he demands quietly, and all I can do is whine a reply. The effort of finding him was too much; I can't move, can't even get enough air.
A wolf's howl in the distance makes Pops get to his feet, retrieving his gun from the ground. He turns in the direction the howl came from and starts forward without a glance back.
In desperation, I manage to lift my head and grasp the hem of his long coat in my teeth. I whistle imploringly through my nose, pleading him not to leave after I've just found him.
He turns back around and crouches beside me again, and I let my head relax back on the ground. He'll stay with me, I knew he would—
But all he does is briefly stroke my shoulder and tell me, "I'll be back as soon as I put an end to this" before he runs off into the shadowed alleyways.
No… Come back…
I look over my shoulder and stare at the place where he vanished until I can't even hear his footsteps anymore.
Please… Please come back…
But he doesn't come back, and I close my eyes, wishing I had the strength to howl, to call him back to me. But some part of me knows that even if I did howl, it wouldn't make him turn around.
I wanted to be by your side forever. I thought that you would always care for me, not…leave me here.
Something inside me seems to harden, become cold.
I guess you only want a dog that can hunt wolves. I guess you don't need me anymore.
My head still pulses pain and my blood has formed a pool around me, but I manage to bring my paws underneath me and stand.
I can't hunt wolves anymore. But I can still walk.
Somehow I find the strength to keep lifting my paws, dragging my beaten body through the shadowed streets of this place. I don't want to be there when Pops comes back.
If he even comes back at all.
The sudden sound of a gunshot makes me jump, and I press myself against the nearest wall, my paws skidding in the gravel, fighting to stay upright. I flatten my ears back against my skull as more shots ring out. It's so loud, and while I've gotten used to the sound, now it brings back a memory I would give anything to forget.
The little boy laughs again, and I can almost feel his fingers running through my fur.
I'm sorry, I tell him, trying to stay on my paws as Pops keeps shooting somewhere in the distance. I'm so sorry.
But I'm not sorry I left.
I don't know how long it is before Pops finally stops shooting, and the feel of Ruce's gentle hands finally leaves me. All I do know is that it's over. It's all over.
Any last bit of fight I had leaves me, and I sink to the cold ground, closing my eyes and wishing to sleep—or die.