So for my first story :) A Kames story of course. Its a short chapter...Summary: To James loving is something that shows vulnerability, and the fact that James is afraid to love because if he did that love will break him. So that's why he covers his heart with the selfish face, his impenetrable mask that none can cross. But out of all that protections he has fallen for a certain blonde; though the blonde is certain to break it.
Break Down
"Hey, James," Kendall called from the couch. I had finally come home from my 'night jog' usually it didn't take this long. Truth is, I had actually been crying on the rooftop but I wouldn't tell a soul about the great James Diamond crying; I would rather die. I quickly rubbed my eyes in attempt to getting rid of the tears that kept flowing. Finally the tears stopped and the fake smile appeared as it plastered on my face. "Yeah it was a good run," I said luckily my voice didn't crack.
"Maybe I should join you sometime," Kendall offered as his eyes never turn away from the TV.
"Yeah maybe," I murmured as I drank some water to help clear my throat as I finally called out, "I'm going to bed."
"Kay," Kendall didn't turn around, "Good night."
"Night," I sighed lastly as I went to Kendall and my room, I quickly rush to the bathroom as I couldn't stop to contemplate myself in the mirror. It had soon become an endless burden, but I kept looking because it would make me laugh at myself to see how broken I had become in short number of days. But my smiled grew as I praised for the mask, I wore every day, that no one has figure out that I was so broken beyond repair.
How was this mask created? How it ruled my life? I has grown to love this mask, I made, even when times were hard I will never show pain, or sadness. I was strong, or at least that's what I told myself, with the face, I can conquer all. Well, that's what I thought till everything began to crumble under me… Maybe it's just me being all sensitive but the truth to the matter my world started to crumbled the day Kendall had finally broken up with Jo. For me, I wouldn't tell a soul but since Kendall had broken up with Jo I was in a happy mood. Happiness was an under reaction to what I was feeling. But now I'm low in the dumps to realize that I was falling for my best friend, and what's worse is that Kendall would hate me and our relationship would be broken just like I am right now.
I stumbled to my bed, burying my face to the pillow. One down side to the mask was the pain didn't go away; it only grew more and more till I couldn't stand it and I would eventually have a break down. I turn my head to glare at my desolate room reflected how my soul had become. It was so empty and bare when I took my mask off, and I absolutely hated it. That's why I wore the mask everywhere I went, so I didn't have to feel empty and dead inside.
I myself wanted to end things, but one thing I personally didn't want was people believing I was selfish. It would be selfish to leave my friends and family, so I would rather have been called insensitive than selfish. But I knew both describe me even though people didn't have the guts to tell me.
The door slowly creaked open as I heard soft patter of footsteps, Kendall was trying to be as quiet as he could be. I smiled as saw him tripping over his own foot and crash landing on the floor. This made me burst into laughter and it made Kendall groan in embarrassment. "I thought you were asleep."
"Well, n-now I'm awake," I finally stopped laughing at the blonde.
"I wish you were asleep," Kendall joked.
"W-Well I'm going to sleep," I pretended to yawn as I turned my back to him hiding the undesirable blush that appeared. Not even the mask could hide the few small cracks in my voice when I talked to that said blond or the unasked for blushes that keep appearing voluntarily. Soon the room turned quite as Kendall turned off the lights. I will quietly pray that this pain I was feeling and for the feelings for Kendall would be soon gone, and my life to get right back to the way it was, me not being this vulnerable.