A/N: My second try at Chanoebe, hope you'll like it. Hooray for Bing and Buffay, is what I always say! All credit for the first part of the dialogue, goes out to the writers of Friends, and is not my own invention. From then on though, it gets kinda personal.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Friends, if I did, Phoebe had married either Chandler or Joey ten years ago. Anyways, on to the story:
" Phoebe," Chandler stated casually, while leaning against the doorframe, preparing himself for his and Phoebe's fake-date.
" Chandler."
" Come on in," he said, trying his best to be all macho and smooth.
" I was going to," Phoebe retorted, letting out a nervous laugh.
She subsequently followed him into the apartment, carrying a bottle of wine and a couple of glasses.
" I brought some wine. Would you like some?" she offered, kind of wishing for a positive answer. She could really use some alcohol right now.
" Sure," Chandler replied, nonchalantly strolling over to the counter, while Phoebe put the glasses down.
When the cork popped off, they both laughed playfully, even though they were nervous wrecks inside.
" So here we are, nervous?" Phoebe asked, as she poured them some wine.
" Me? No! You?" Chandler asked, secretly hoping she'd say yes and just give up.
" No, I want this to happen," she said, clearly not meaning a single word of it.
" So do I," Chandler retorted, as he picked up his glass, with a trembling hand.
They then clinked, before downing their glasses in one go, in a final attempt to get more relaxed.
" I'm gonna put on some music," Chandler announced, when he'd finished his drink, distancing himself from Phoebe.
" Maybe… maybe, I'll dance for you," his opponent uncertainly stated.
No sooner had Chandler turned on the stereo, or she was already doing a very bizarre dance.
" You look good," he told her sarcastically, as he sent her a quizzical look.
" Thanks. You know: when you say things like that, it makes me wanna rip that… spider vest right off."
" Well, why don't we move this into the bedroom?" he suddenly suggested boldly.
" Really?" Phoebe asked, suddenly growing very uncomfortable.
" Oh, do you not want it?"
" No, I just you know… first I wanna take off all my clothes, and have you rub lotion on me," she solved the problem cleverly. Hoping this would cause Chandler to freak out.
The latter bravely played along however, as he muttered: " Well, that would be nice."
" I'll go get the lotion," he announced, as he went back over to discuss strategies with his girlfriend, in the bathroom. Phoebe meanwhile doing the exact same thing with Rachel and Joey, in the hallway.
When they'd gotten their respective advice, they both quickly returned to their previous location.
" Oh, are you going?" Chandler asked, when he saw Phoebe standing by the door.
" Not without you, lover," she said seductively, approaching him with a now half-open blouse, effectively scaring him.
" So, this is my bra," she explained, praying for a terrified reaction. She only hoped Joey had been right, about Chandler's fear of bras.
" It's very, very nice," he stated hoarsely, suddenly feeling very ill at ease.
" Well come here, I'm very happy we're gonna have all the sex," he continued awkwardly, somewhat regaining his composure.
" You should be. I'm very bendy."
" I'm gonna kiss you now," she announced, still hoping he'd back out now.
" Not if I kiss you first," he retorted defiantly.
What ensued, was the most bizarre scene ever, as Phoebe hesitantly placed a hand on Chandler's hip. He did the same to her but quickly retracted it, growing panicky again. That was Phoebe's cue to take the lead apparently, as she suddenly grabbed a firm hold of his ass. Chandler of course didn't wanna seem like a sissy, so he returned his shaky hand to her body. This time around, it came to a halt on her tense shoulder, which prompted her to make a small ooh-sound.
" Well, I guess there's nothing left for us to do, but kiss," Chandler stated matter of factly, not feeling comfortable at all in his current position.
" Here it comes. Our first kiss," Phoebe said, leaning in very slowly, trying to stall the actual kiss as long as possible. Chandler having the exact same idea, as he moved even slower.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
It was inevitable that their lips touched at one point though and when that happened, Chandler and Phoebe were both surprised by the outcome, as it didn't feel weird at all. If they were completely honest with themselves, it actually felt kind of pleasant.
'God, her lips are so soft, they feel much nicer than Monica's,' Chandler found himself thinking, as he involuntarily deepened the kiss, driving Phoebe backwards, till her back hit the counter.
' Damn, did I ever underestimate this guy! He's a good kisser alright," Phoebe thought at the exact same time, as she began responding more eagerly to Chandler's advances, cupping his face in her hands and lightly nibbling his bottom lip.
Soon, they seemed to forget all about the rest of the gang,as the kissing intensified, with Chandler biting her bottom lip and slipping a bit of hot tongue, inside her waiting mouth.
" Mmh," Phoebe moaned, running her fingers through his thick, soft hair, while their tongues encountered one another, for the very first time.
Sadly for her though, that little moan was exactly the cue Chandler needed to remember just where they were, and why they were even doing this in the first place: because of his RELATIONSHIP with MONICA!
" I'm sorry Phoebe, I can't have sex with you," he said softly, after he'd reluctantly backed away from her, truly meaning the apology.
" And why?!" Phoebe yelled after a while. A while she'd desperately needed to somewhat regain her composure and snap out of her lust-induced haze.
" Because I'm dating Monica!" Chandler shouted, successfully alarming the rest of the gang.
" I knew it!" Rachel yelled, as she burst through the door.
" Yes and we're very much in love, aren't we honey?" Monica asked sweetly, as she possessively put her arm around his shoulder.
" Yes, yes we are," Chandler lied, as he sent her a warm smile. After making out with Phoebe, telling Monica he loved her was the least he could do.
" Oh, I'm so happy for you guys!" Rachel exclaimed, as she clapped her hands together.
" Me too!" Joey joined in, as he went to hug the couple.
Meanwhile Phoebe was gazing at the scene in front of her, with growing disgust. All she wanted was to feel those warm, coarse lips back on hers. She'd felt something during their kiss and it had broken her heart to hear him say, that he loved Monica.
" Well Pheebs, aren't you going to say something?" Rachel asked, effectively breaking her out of her musings.
" Oh yeah, right. Congratulations, you guys," she muttered weakly, forcing herself to smile when all she really wanted to do, was cry.
" But, I'm actually pretty tired right now, so I think I'm gonna head back home, so bye," she announced in a rushed fashion, not being able to witness the happy couple, for even a second longer.
" Bye," the other friends greeted her, waving goodbye.
She was just about to walk out the door, when she suddenly heard his voice.
" Hey, Pheebs?"
" Yeah?"
" Take care," he said softly, his eyes seemingly conveying an unspoken apology.
" I will," she retorted, trying to let him know that she forgave him, in those two seemingly meaningless words.
A/N: There I did it, I finally started a story based on one of the most epic Friends episodes ever. Who'd like to read more?