A/N:
This is set after the series proper. Fair warning everyone, I've only watched K.R. Drive, and while I enjoyed it, I felt Jun Honganji was a criminally underused character who deserved a wacky little one-shot of his own. Enjoy.
It was a bright clear day in the city of Tokyo as a thin young man strolled down the streets of the Ginza shopping district and unfolded a small portable stand. He was well dressed, if a little eccentric: a dark purple colored suit splayed with gold stars and moon crescent patterns.
As curious passers by watched, he gave a charming smile and pulled a deck of Tarot cards from his blazer, quickly shuffling them back and forth in his hand, "Step right up everyone. Daisuke's the name and fortune telling's my game. I'll give today's first reading for free so don't be shy!"
He grinned as a young affluent looking couple approached with a hopeful look. The young man approached Daisuke and cleared his throat, "We'd be interested Mr. Daisuke. My wife and I were just married recently and we'd like to know if a baby is in the near future."
Daisuke dealt three cards on the table and gestured to them. "Excellent question sir. Just pick one here and we'll see if it's in the cards."
The couple looked at each other curiously before the husband picked the middle card and turned it around. It was a card with a Jester on it.
"Well... look at that," Daisuke laughed, "The Fool card. I guess it's not your lucky day."
Before the couple knew what was going on, a bubble of Heavy Acceleration particles radiated out, seeming to freeze everyone in place.
"I can tell you that there's an empty bank account in your future," Daisuke smirked grabbing the man's wallet from his pocket and swiping the wife's purse. In a flash, Daisuke's disguise gave way to his monstrous true form, a Roidmude with the number 001/2 emblazoned on his chest.
Giving another laugh, the Roidmude raced away down the street and disappeared into a dark alley.
Inspector Genpachiro Otta walked down the main hallway of the central police headquarters wearing a frown. In his hand was a thick file filed with reports of the growing trouble in the city. The veteran officer had thought with the destruction of Dr. Banno and the Roidmude Heart some time ago, that the city would stay relatively peaceful.
As he entered the main office of his superior, he found his boss Jun Honganji sitting in his chair, turned away from him. Otta stopped and cleared his throat, "Commissioner…"
"I can't believe this Genpachi! This is an outrage!" Jun exclaimed loudly.
"Sir, I can explain…"
Jun spun around in his seat and the older man brandished his cell phone in alarm, "Can you really? I didn't get my fortune text message today! How am I supposed to know what lucky color tie to wear, or how my day is even going to go?"
Otta blinked before raising the file in his hand, "I imagine it can't be all that good with what I have to report sir."
"Oh no!" Jun groaned dramatically, "You're not bringing me any more trouble today are you?"
The Inspector grimaced and turned the file toward the police commissioner, "It looks like there's been a rapid spike in street robbery… mostly tourists, young people, and wealthy professional types."
Jun sighed and began to study the papers, "Do your detectives have any leads or suspects?"
Otta nodded, "All these incidents revolve around some fortune teller who only goes by the name Daisuke. The victims say he offers to read them a fortune before he robs them blind."
Jun's eyes went wide and he gave a stony frown, "What? A thief who's discrediting the integrity of fortune tellers everywhere? This is truly unforgivable!"
Otta rolled his eyes, "That's not the strangest part, sir. After he reads the fortune, he just vanishes into thin air with their valuables and no one has seen him get away."
Commissioner Jun scowled as he continued to look at the report before glancing upward, "You don't think…"
"That we have a Hemorrhoid problem?" Otta answered.
Jun raised a surprised eyebrow before Genpachi cleared his throat apologetically, "Sorry. Force of habit… a Roidmude problem."
"Precisely," Jun said quickly rising from his chair and dramatically putting his hand to his chin.
"I thought the Roidmudes were all gone," Otta frowned in confusion, "Is it possible there are any left?"
Jun began to slowly pace around the room in thought, "Anything is possible Genpachi. We shouldn't jump the gun, but we shouldn't rule it out either. Where are the other Riders?"
Otta bit his lip, "Shinnosuke is on his honeymoon right now and Gou can't be reached. Probably on one of his little road trips."
"I see," Jun said gravely before whirling around, "Then that means there's only one thing left for us to do! You and I will personally handle this case!"
Otta opened his mouth in shock, "Commissioner, you can't be serious…"
"I'm always serious Genpachi," Jun said folding his arms officiously, "The credibility of fortune telling is at stake and besides… I'm bored."
The Inspector blinked again before giving a reluctant sigh and heading out the door, "If you say so sir."
Jun nodded and grabbed his badge from his desk drawer, but not before taking a small black strong box as well. After tucking it into his coat, Jun opened another cabinet and pulled out a life-size cardboard cutout of himself. He placed it behind his desk and gave a satisfied nod before walking out the door, looking forward to one more day out on patrol.
Later that day and several shaken down informants later, Jun and Genpachi pulled up to the curb of the busy shopping district with their undercover police car. As they sat looking about, the finally spotted the man they were after. The street magician in the gold and purple suit known as Daisuke strolled along. As he did, he carried his card table and whistled a cheerful tune.
"That's him?" Otta said in surprise. "He looks like a skinny punk kid. Let's get him!"
Jun restrained him by the shoulder and shook his head patiently, "No Genpachi. We have to catch him in the act. What we need is for someone to act as the bait for our robber."
"And who's going to be dumb enough to let themselves get robbed?"
Jun gave Otta a pointed look, then smiled, "Thank you for volunteering Inspector."
"What? Me?" Genpachiro cried in surprise, "If that punk really is a Roidmude, do you really think you can back me up and catch him?"
Jun grinned and pulled out the black box from his coat pocket.
"No… please don't tell me you actually kept that thing," Otta groaned.
The police commissioner motioned over toward the street corner, "Time is wasting Genpachi."
The Inspector gave a huff and pulled out several clips to fasten his pants pockets shut. As he got out of the car, he walked across the street just as Daisuke was finishing setting up. Otta tried to give an unassuming smile and nodded as Daisuke gave him a once over and waved to him.
"Sir, you look like a man searching for answers. Maybe I can help you," the magician said shuffling cards back and forth in his hands.
"Me? Oh… well, I don't know about that," Otta replied lamely.
Daisuke continued to cut and shuffle the cards, "You're bound to have questions and I can give your fortune. Maybe about your career? Your health? Your love life perhaps?"
Otta stopped a moment and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, "Well… I don't know. Maybe. There is this one girl. Her name is Rinna…"
"All the more reason for you to take a chance and pick a card," Daisuke grinned dealing three cards on the stand, "I'll read your fortune for free today."
Genpachi gave the fortune teller a long look, before glancing at the police car, then back at the table. Taking a deep breath, Inspector Otta picked the card furthest to the right and revealed a jester.
"Looks like you picked The Fool card too," Daisuke cackled, unleashing a wide bubble of Heavy Acceleration particles. Genpachi gasped as he was caught in the slow motion field and the fortune teller revealed his Roidmude form.
001/2 laughed again and reached for the wallet in Otta's pants pockets, until he found them fastened shut.
"What? What is this?" he growled, "What kind of fool clips his pants pockets shut?"
Giving a frustrated snarl, 001/2 grabbed the pant legs and gave a sharp pull, tearing Otta's pants clean off in one motion.
"I guess it'll have to do," he shrugged before turning to leave.
Meanwhile in the car across the street, Jun was already distracted with his cell phone. It looked like there was a backlog of fortune messages being sent today and he was waiting for his own text to transfer.
Glancing up, he saw the Roidmude amid the frozen people and jumped out of the car, "Whoah! Hey! Hey you!"
001/2 turned in surprise and began to take off running down a nearby alley, "Uh oh! Later old guy!"
Jun kicked up his legs and began running as fast as he could until the Roidmude led him to an empty construction site nearby. 001/2 stopped for a moment and turned around in surprise as he saw Jun approach, huffing and puffing.
"You really are a crazy old man," the monster cackled in amusement draping Otta's pants over his shoulder, "What do you actually think you're going to do?"
Jun took a deep breath and steadied himself, "I'm going to bring you to justice... and get the Inspector's pants back."
From the black box, Jun pulled out his own Mass Produced Mach Driver and quickly locked it onto his belt. Giving a grin, the old police commissioner pulled a small badge out and slapped it into the Mach Driver.
001/2 could only stare in shock as Jun began to wave his arms around and make a funny face, "Henshin! Henshin!"
As Jun spun around on his heel, he gave another dramatic wave of his arms and punched his arm forward, "Henshin!"
In a bright flash, the old policeman had transformed into his own superhero suit closely resembling Kamen Rider Mach's in color and style. Unlike Mach though, Jun's suit was still bulky and awkward, especially weighted down by a large backpack device behind him.
"You look absolutely ridiculous!" the Roidmude laughed, "Just who in the world are you supposed to be?"
The Rider waved his arms and struck a dramatic pose. "I'm Kamen Rider... Jun!"
"I stopped caring five minutes ago," the monster roared charging forward, "Now I'll just take that belt to go with my new pair of pants."
As 001/2 swung a fist, Jun ducked under it and awkwardly turned around, banging the Roidmude with his metallic backpack as he passed by. 001/2 growled and tried to lash out again, this time with a kick, but Jun dodged it, moreso because he was already off balance from his unwieldy suit. 001/2 howled in pain as his foot connected with Jun's heavy backpack and he stubbed his toe upon it.
As the Roidmude hopped about on one foot, Jun took his opportunity to rear back with a circular arm windup and deliver a powerful punch to the monster which sent it flying into some construction signs.
"I won't be embarrassed by an old geezer," 001/2 said getting up. "I may have been a failed experiment of Dr. Banno, but I'm going to prove him wrong and take out a Kamen Rider."
"Not so fast," Jun called pulling out a clunky white pistol and aiming it at the monster.
"What is that thing?" 001/2 gasped in surprise.
Jun grinned, "The Pikipiko 4 Pistol, specially designed for this suit."
001/2 began to charge forward, "You ain't got the guts grandpa!"
As the Roidmude did, Jun's cell phone chime rang and he picked it up with his other hand to see his fortune finally arrive. It read: Today is your lucky day!
Without a second thought, Jun smiled and pulled the trigger of the Rider pistol. The bolt struck the inferior Roidmude and instantly destroyed it. As 001/2's core exploded, Jun lowered his gun and popped up his visor just as Inspector Otta caught up to him.
The man was still wearing his shirt and suit coat, but he only had his shoes and white underwear briefs on below.
"Wow! Is that... was that the Roastporko... I mean, Roidmude?" he exclaimed with wide eyes.
Jun recalled his Rider suit and gave a smile, "Yes Genpachi. All is well."
The older police officer reached down and picked up Otta's pants which were now torn and scorched in several places, then handed them back to him.
"Commissioner... what do we do now?" Otta asked.
Jun stopped and turned slowly giving a knowing smile, "First, you're going to put your pants back on. Then we're going back to the station. I could use a little nap right now."
As Jun turned and began to walk back down the alley, he heard his name being called several times.
"Commissioner Honganji... Commissioner Honganji..."
To Jun's surprise, he suddenly found himself back in the police station behind his office desk. A younger police officer was standing in front of him with a large stack of papers and a patient look, "Um... Commissioner Honganji... I'm here with the monthly budget reports... sir."
Jun rubbed his eyes and looked around, "Where am I? What happened?"
The younger officer sheepishly looked around the room for a moment before clearing his throat, "You were here the whole time, sir. I think you had fallen asleep at your desk."
Jun took a deep breath and nodded his head sagely. It had all been just a dream.
"I see. Leave the papers here officer. Thank you."
The officer nodded and hurried out of the room leaving the older man quietly sitting behind his desk. Before Jun could take a look at the new stack of papers, he saw his cell phone on his desk buzz and he picked it up to read his daily fortune.
"Today is your lucky day!"
Jun Honganji gave a thoughtful smile and put down the phone. Reaching into his side drawer, he took out a small black box and pulled out his Mach Driver. As he placed it in his coat pocket, he went to his cabinet and removed a lifesized cardboard cutout of himself.
After placing the cutout behind his desk, he left his office and began to head out the main door of the central police station. As he reached for the door handle, he stopped as he heard the voice of Inspector Genpachiro Otta.
"Commissioner, is everything ok? I was just passing by and wondered if you're leaving early."
Jun smiled and gently patted the Mach Driver inside his coat pocket, "Everything is fine Genpachi. It's so nice out today... and I just decided that I'd like to go for a little Drive."