Stars have always meant something to me. A lot more than people might think. There are people who think space is cool. There are people who want to be astronauts. People who want to explore the galaxy, who want to see more than twinkling specks in the sky. At one point, I'm pretty sure I thought I was one of those kinds of people. Maybe I still am. But if I had a choice, to explore outer-space or to stare at the stars from millions of miles away, I'd chose to stay here. Not because of what I'd be leaving behind- friends, family, anything that'd be sad if I were to just ascend into space one day without any warning. I would stay here because there is so much more to experience.
In space, I'd still be seeing the same stars. With more clarity, probably, but it's still all the same stuff. I can see what I want to see from here. I don't have much interest in getting close to giant balls of fuming gas, either. They're far away for a reason. And what's close to me is close for a reason, too. For instance, there aren't any Taco Bells with Nachos Bellgrande's out in space. And neither is my guinea pig.
I'm a simple, boring person, and I like simple, boring things. I'd rather stay here and enjoy stupid shit like videotaping Stripe while eating nachos. It doesn't mean I wouldn't be outside on the porch of my house tonight looking at the sky like I did every night. Though tonight I'm more compelled to stand outside in below-freezing weather and stare into nowhere than I normally would be.
The Quadrantids. They're the first meteor showers of the year- of every year. Yesterday was the first day you could really see them in the sky. Tonight and tomorrow night is the peak of the showers. I'm sort of a sucker for shooting stars.
"Hey, do you wanna watch the showers with me tonight?" Stripe made a small but audible squeak when I spoke. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you buddy." I stared at him through the camcorder sitting on my chest as he crawled around my stomach.
[16:49 PM January 2nd, 2016]
"You can't actually go outside, though. It's too cold for you." It was Saturday, nearly 5 PM in the afternoon on the 2nd of January, and I was laying in bed eating greasy food, thinking about stars, and wasting my time away playing with my pet. A usual day. Stripe crawled further up my stomach, closing in on the lens of my camera.
"Don't smudge the lens again." I said, a little more threatening than I should have been towards an animal that's the size of my hand and has the brain capacity of a walnut. But I'd be damned if he made me clean my camera again.
Yet he inched closer to the lens.
"Don't." I dared to pick him up.
He got as close as an inch away from the camera before my phone went off beside me, the noise causing him jerk back and lose interest in the camera.
I glanced over to my phone without turning my head. I stopped the recording on my camera and put it on my nightstand. Shifting up, I picked Stripe up and got up from my bed. My phone was still ringing as I gently placed him back into his cage, securing it behind him.
Letting out a quiet sigh as my phone had yet to cease thirty seconds later, I waltzed back over to my bed and picked up my phone.
I hit answer. "What." I already knew who it was.
"HEY DUDE!" Clyde's inability to control his own volume over the phone is something I had become accustomed to. That, or I'd gone deaf enough to where it didn't bother me anymore. "Get your ass over here!" Even before I could flop back down onto my bed, he'd already asked me to hang out.
"I'm eating nachos." Probably not the best excuse, considering who it was I was talking to.
"Bring those over, too! I'm hungry and there's nothing to eat at my house." There's never been any way of escaping Clyde's demands. When I would refuse, I'd be baraged by an hour of complaints over the phone. If I hang up the phone, many, many more follow suit afterwards. When I would think he'd given up on calling, he would usually already at my house, and that means I'd have to wait for HIM to go home instead. So I acquiesced.
"Is Token there too?" I asked. Token's the middle ground between us three. Clyde's the one who's always up for anything. I'm the one who's never up for anything. Token's the one who knows what's actually worth doing and what's not. Without him, Clyde would probably be dead and I would never leave my house.
"Why would I invite you over to my house if he wasn't here too?" Clyde knows that too.
Lucky for him but unfortunately for me, I'm not doing anything important and I don't mind socializing for a bit. I tell him I'll be over in five, and that he'll be eating cold, half-eaten nachos for dinner. He seemed okay with that.
After throwing on my hat and some shoes, I grabbed my nachos and headed for Clyde's house. On my way out, I made sure to give Stripe some extra kibble to make up for ending playtime so early.
Clyde only lives a block away from me, but I still decided to drive there instead of walk. Plus, knowing him, he would have probably tried to get us all to go somewhere else within the hour, and he never bothered to learn how to drive. Token knows how, but he prefers walking to driving, so the only one with a car would be me.
You'd think that'd be an incentive to walk instead, so there'd be no way to go anywhere and we'd just hang out together for a couple of hours like normal kids, but Clyde could drag us for miles on foot to get to where he wants to go. It's just easier this way. If I'm going to be dragged into something I don't want to do, I might as well make it easier for myself. I also didn't bother to change into clothing more suited for this time of year and only had sweatpants and a t-shirt on, so walking a block in the dark with snow was something I'd prefer to avoid.
After a quiet two minute drive, I found myself in front of Clyde's house. Pulling the nachos from the passenger seat, I hopped out and made my way inside almost immediately. I don't ever need to knock when it comes to Clyde's house. His dad's so used to having both Token and I over that it's just less annoying for everyone involved to let ourselves in.
When I entered, I found Clyde's dad slaving away in the kitchen. Well, I didn't actually see him, but I could sure smell it. Which also meant Clyde had been lying that there wasn't anything to eat here, because he'll eat anything. He was just being a lazy scumbag again.
"Hey, Roger." I shouted as I closed the front door. Clyde's dad is cool, in all honesty. Not someone I'd hang out with, but still cool. I've taken to calling him by his first name long ago, since "Mr. Donovan" was more of a mouthful.
"I guess I'm making enough for four, then?" He poked his head through the kitchen doorway just as I was heading up the stairs. I shook my head and held up the box of nachos in my hand.
"Taco Bell nachos are not going to hold you over for the night, Craig." I shrugged without a word, and continued up the stairs. Like father like son, defying his demands would only result in wasted time. Instead of complaining, though, I'd get a scolding. I won't complain, though. Clyde's dad is a pretty good cook.
Clyde's door is the first door to the right when you get to the top of the stairs. You don't need to be told this, because the front of his door is dressed in several posters and torn out pages from magazines- all of which are from bikini magazines. I don't think he's ever realized that you're supposed to decorate the inside of your door, not the outside. Poor Roger.
When I walked into his room, I was suddenly attacked by loud, high pitched party horns on either side of me.
I wasn't expecting it, but I didn't flinch. I never do. Token and Clyde always try to get me to flinch, but they can never do it. I lost count of how many times they've tried, all I know is that almost every time they do, I have to remind them that it'll never work. Ever.
"Aww, man!" Token looked genuinely disappointed. He always does. He tries to scare me because he feels like it's a challenge. He's not an asshole who does it for fun. Not like Clyde. So I didn't give him a death glare.
"I know you were scared! I could tell. Just because you didn't jump doesn't mean you weren't scared!" Clyde, party horn in mouth, lunged at me and the nachos in my hand. I held him back with my other hand and gave him a stare.
"Don't choose now to be a sourpuss, seriously." His face quickly changed from his usual giddy and mischievous expression to a more exasperated one.
Token was about to jump to his side and tell me to lighten up, I could see it in him. So before he could, I turned the box of nachos upside down, purposefully spilling all it's contents onto the floor. Clyde's ever expressive face changed yet again. This time his expression was akin to someone who'd just witnessed a car accident. One where the car was full of puppies and kittens and other small, cute animals.
I turned to Token for a moment, who looked nothing but unsurprised by what just happened. He's too used to me. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. Without giving either of them another glance, I stepped over the mess I had created and made straight for Clyde's bed.
"But... You promised me a cold, half-eaten bellgrande..." I didn't have to look over to know that he was kneeling on the ground, ready to cry all over his once-promised nacho dinner.
"It's still cold and half-eaten, nothing's changed." I spoke up finally, as I climbed onto the middle of his bed and made myself comfortable.
A moment of silence took place before Clyde finally spoke up, "You're right."
This is when I couldn't not look back. Those words could only mean exactly what it sounded like. He started to eat them off of the floor.
"Gross, dude." Token shook his head in the direction of Clyde before making his way over to the edge of Clyde's bed, where the designated "gaming beanbags" sat. One was red and the other was blue. The rule for playing games in Clyde's room was that whoever got to the red beanbag first was player one. It's a dumb rule, because most of the time it doesn't matter what player you are in most of the games we play, but Clyde's a pretty dumb person.
"It just crossed my mind to ask you guys why the hell you have party horns." I guess I'm a pretty dumb person, too. It'd only been a couple of days since-
"New Years." New years, Token said. Clyde always throws a mini party for any holiday or occasion, meaning party horns galore. I say mini party because if he let anymore than ten people into this house his dad would probably have a fit. "If you'd gone to Clyde's party, you would've known."
"Too bad for you, you'd never catch me dead at one of Clyde's 'parties.'" I retorted.
"You never go to anything social. Sometimes it's hard enough to get you to hang out with just us." Exactly. I've never liked hanging out with a bunch of people. I'm a one to two person kind of guy. "You wanna play?"
I took a glance forward from the bed to see that his television was on, and there was a paused game of Halo 5 on the screen. Of course they were playing Halo. Dropping all subjects, I looked back over to Clyde to see him eating off of the floor with no regret.
"You know your dad's making dinner, right? He's not going to care that you're too much of a lazy bastard to go downstairs and that you're eating floor nachos." I said, leaning down from the bed and stealing Clyde's controller from his beanbag. Token resumed the game that he had originally been playing with Clyde.
"It's only half of a grande, I'll have room for more." Clyde was already finishing up.
"Do you ever run out of room?" Token said, trained on the TV.
Clyde slugged over to our side of the room and sat back down on his beanbag. He had stepped in front of Token and I to do it, causing Token to flub and die. Token isn't like me. I get competitive when it comes to video games. If I had fucked up there instead just then, I'd have Clyde's ass. Token, on the other hand, just rolls with it.
"How were your splooge nachos?" I half-mindedly mumbled, already too focused on what was happening in the game.
"Splooge nachos?" Clyde asked.
"You're a lying piece of shit if you claim that every square inch of this room isn't covered in jizz. Yours or otherwise." I started to stick my tongue out in concentration.
"Who's else would it be?" Clyde was setting himself up for the biggest smack down of his life at this point.
"Kevin's, probably." Token chuckled. A loud thump expelled from the bed as Clyde threw his head back in annoyance, hitting the frame of the bed. "Jesus, dude. Don't give yourself a concussion."
"You guys hate it when I hang out with anyone besides you! Screw both of you, you're just jealous that Kevin is cool and you aren't." That wasn't true. I couldn't care less about who he was hanging out with. He has already committed most of his life hanging out with Token and I- which was, according to some, a low. "He doesn't make stupid dick jokes like you simpletons. His sense of humor is more complex and cool and awesome and generally just better than you guys." I couldn't tell if he was joking or not, really. He always talks like this.
"Uh huh. I'm sure that's what you tell him while his dick is halfway up your ass, too." Token was on a roll already. I wondered if he was already dissing Clyde before I got here. I hope so, because it just means Clyde would eventually get sick of our combined shit faster and tell us to go. "It's okay if you're gay, Clyde. Neither of us will judge you."
"I'm not gay! I have a girlfriend-" A collective groan on Token and I's part cut Clyde off before he could continue his inevitable spiel. The game had ended half a minute ago, leaving me to drop the controller in dramatic effect and plant my face into the bed sheets.
"We know you have a girlfriend. You talk about having a girlfriend every time we hang out." I groaned through the bed.
"It's a different girl every time, too!" Token added. He's right. Clyde gets around. How far he actually gets with a girl though... that's up for debate.
"Sorry, I can't contain myself. Everyone deserves a slice of the Donoman." Clyde said.
"No, you just get dumped every other week because all you want to do is take them out to dinner and hope you're able to score one in." Token retorted, climbing up onto the bed. I sat back up to give him his room.
"I don't know how you do it, Clyde." I stare down at him.
"Do what? Get dumped?" He stared back with more confusion than I expected.
"No, how you get all of the ladies." I tried to muster up a face of sincerity. I failed. "Because your idea of a dinner date is probably something along the lines of sitting on top of a dumpster eating City Teriyaki takeout that you found, you semen-covered nacho eater."
"Wait, is Clyde the one covered in semen or is it still the nachos?" Token cocked his head.
"Why not both." I gave a solid confirmation. Clyde seemed like he had enough of this and he shot up from his beanbag.
"You guys are bullies!" He pointed at both of us in an accusing manner. We both know he was mostly joking. This happens all the time. It's how we joke around. "I'll have you know that when I take girls out to dinner, I only take them to the HIGHEST of quality restaurants in town! So hah!"
"McDonalds?" I asked. Clyde was quick to deny.
"I've never seen you eat at anything more high-class than an IHOP before, Clyde. And it was by yourself." Clyde gave both of us glares after Token's comment.
Token tittered, "Is that where you draw the line in this conversation? One-man IHOP dates?"
"You guys are really after me tonight, geez." There it was. Clyde was never a fighter. He's persistent, but if it means arguing or exerting any sort of major mental effort, he'll give up in a heart beat. So he flopped back down onto his beanbag at last.
"We're just giving you a hard time, man. You know we're playing around." Token leaned over to Clyde and gave him a playful punch on his shoulder.
"Not to mention you're pretty easy to fuck with." I similarly gave Clyde a tap to the shoulder, though mine was rougher. On purpose, of course. I didn't mean anything by it, it's just fun to mess with Clyde. He only whined in response as he sunk down lower into the beanbag.
"We're all fun to mess with." Token quickly tried to dismiss my comment, because we both knew if either of us took it any further after Clyde whined, we'd be in for an hour more of it. We've both become very crafted at the skill of making fun of Clyde. We know our limits.
"Psh, yeah right." Clyde's whining crisis: averted. "Token, you've had a girlfriend for like six or seven years now. The same girlfriend." He climbed up off of the beanbag and onto the bed, sandwiching his way in between us.
"Eight." Token corrected. Clyde made a grunt of disdain. "If you want tips on how to maintain a relationship, I can teach you. It starts with actually giving a shit once in a while about the girl." Token with the ultimate sass today.
"Damn, Token."
"Oh, shut up." Clyde spat at me. Not literally, of course. If he did that I'd have to sock him in the gut. "You've never even dated anybody before, you don't know what it's like."
"It just sounds like an unnecessary obligation to me. I'm fine on my own. Like a lone wolf." I leaned back against the wall behind the bed and crossed my arms behind my head. Clyde rolled his eyes at me.
"You know, it shocks me." He said. "You're eighteen and you've never even kissed a chick. Not even a kiss on the cheek. You're missing out on life, man." Clyde also decided to lean back against the wall. Token soon followed suit.
"If I felt like I needed to go and kiss somebody, I'd do it." I responded. Token chuckled from the other side of the fleshy wall that is Clyde.
"So why haven't you?" Token asked.
"I don't feel like it." The answer was simple. I've never had a girlfriend and I've never kissed anyone. Hell, I've never even held hands with anybody. Unless you count that one time during that field trip in the fourth grade. That buddy-buddy bullcrap wasn't necessary, but I'd rather hold hands than listen to our teacher yell at us. But in all, I've never felt like going out with anyone. And that was that.
"Have you ever had a crush, even?" Clyde shuffled around between us. We were sitting long-ways on the bed so there was plenty of room for space, but we all ended up mostly smushed together, shoulder to shoulder.
"Nope." Sometimes I don't think I'm able to like people. I can admit that I'm an asshole and that I hate a lot of people, but even I find it weird that I've never liked someone before. Maybe I'm just destined to be alone. If that were true, I'd accept it. Like I said, it seems like more of a responsibility than an actual connection.
"We need to get you out more, Craig." This meant Token wanted to take us- me, to a party. No. "You've got to find SOMEONE you like." Not happening. "I don't even really mean that you should get a girlfriend. I think you just need to know more people."
"That's what school is for." We were all in our senior year of high school. Most of the people going to said high school were ones I'd known for most of my childhood. I had long since decided who I hated and who I would hang out with. There was only 200 people tops in our school, and I'd like to think 200 people is enough for me to sort through. I didn't need to meet new people.
And there was only half of a school year left before high school is over. Which meant I wouldn't have to deal with anyone I hate ever again. There aren't any colleges in South Park, which means we would have to go to out-of-town colleges. So it was a pretty safe bet to assume that I wouldn't be talking to them in school anymore after the school year. Thank god.
"New people, new opportunities, dude." Almost as if he had read my mind, Clyde jumped to Token's defense.
And then he gasped.
Clyde gasping is a telltale sign for one of two things: He has a stupid idea, or he had a stupid idea. Just hearing the noise made my body tense up. I can never prepare myself for the stupidity that comes out of Clyde Donovan's mouth.
"KENNY AND SOME OF HIS FRIENDS ARE THROWING A PARTY AT-" Was all Clyde said before I intervened with a big "no."
"BUT IT'S OUTSIDE OF TOWN! Not that far from here, don't worry, AND IT'S HAPPENING TOMORROW! WE SHOULD ALL GO-" He continued to yammer, and so I cut him off again. This time with a "fuck off, I'm not going."
"Aw man, why didn't you tell me sooner? I wanna go!" Token had succumbed to Clyde's hype. I refused to be a part of it.
"There's nothing stopping you! We're all gonna go! I'm going to text Kenny right now letting him know you'll both be there tomorrow!" Clyde was suddenly squealing like a thirteen year old girl meeting her favorite rock star in person. Which was to say, very loudly.
"I'm not going." I said a second time. Clyde was already on his phone, typing away.
"Come on, it'll be fun." God dammit. If Token thinks it's a good idea, there's no way Clyde's going to let this up. "I already know you're going to try to get out of this, but seriously, you need to get out more."
"I don't like people, Token. You know this." If there was any sense of patience left in my voice before, it was gone at that point. The two guys who know me best, who I call my best friends, always pin me up to these sorts of things. I end up getting out of them every time, making sure they suffer later for their attempts, and I wasn't going to make an exception here.
"I know you don't. You can just hang out in a corner or something. You just need to get out for a night." It already takes enough effort to meet up with him and Clyde, why would he think I'd want to meet up with a bunch of hicks I had never seen before?
"Maybe someone will see you and try to talk to you! Accidental friendships are always the most interesting." Clyde put down his phone after including his unnecessary comment to the subject. "Kenny already texted back, by the way. He says there's a two dollar admission fee."
"Why the hell is there a two dollar fee for some sketch-ass party outside of town?" I sat up. Somehow the most unappealing social event in the world just became even less appealing.
"It's Kenny we're talking about here. He's probably trying to make up for lost cash." What Token suggested wasn't completely out of the question. Kenny probably payed out the ass for cheap booze and weed, like he always does for these types of things.
"I'm going to burn any cash I have on me tonight." You'd think I was joking, but I've burnt money before to get out of situations just like this.
"Then I'll just pay for you." Even if admission cost a thousand bucks, Token would probably still pay for me. Normally having a rich best friend would be fortunate, but in this case it was far from so.
"Have fun pulling me out of my room after I lock it tonight, because I'm not going to any goddamn party. Especially not one Kenny's throwing." I pulled myself out of the shoulder-rubbing buddyfest and climbed off the bed.
Clyde and Token gave me a look like they didn't believe it would take much to get me to go. Sometimes I wonder if I've got the most insane friends in the world, or I'm just that bad at expressing emotion. It feels like any time I argue, I'm just some monotone babbling idiot. It doesn't give them an excuse to push me into some shady party outside of town.
"That won't work because I already know your door doesn't have a lock on it!" Clyde's been over to my house (along with Token, of course) far too many times to count, just as we've been over to his and he and I have been to Tokens.
"Not if I install a lock tonight."
"How are you going to explain installing a lock on your door to your parents?" Token asked.
"It's not like they give a rats ass about me enough to try and get into my room." They really don't. The only time I hear from my parents is when they're yelling at me for skipping school. Any other time we communicate solely with our middle fingers.
"Aw man..." Clyde's always a softy when it comes to parental figures. He believes that all parents should be loving and caring and nothing less. Which, I mean, his dad is on point with that. When someone's parents aren't like that, though, he feels the need to help. Probably has something to do with his mom being a total bitch before and after death.
"Don't worry, we'll be your new parents, Craig." Token spoke for Clyde in this instance.
"Yeah! First rule as your new parents: No locks on your door." Clyde looked like he had just made the best comeback of the century.
"You guys can try to do whatever you want. But I'm the only one with a car. Good luck getting there without me." Clyde practically relies on me when it comes to going out anywhere more than a mile away from his house. I never mind, it's not like I'm really doing anything. That's how I like to keep it, too. Never doing anything. That means no fucking parties.
"Ah-ah, Craig. I have a car now, too." Hearing the words "I have a car" from Token felt like somebody had just stabbed me.
"Since when?" The last time I checked, he'd rather go without one. He could always afford one, that rich son of a bitch, but he's some low key hippie that always prefers walking to driving.
"Since yesterday, dude!" Clyde knew too? If they had told me before this conversation I would have been more interested. Now, though, it just feels like they were planning this all along.
"Yeah. The college I plan on going to next year is too far to walk to every day. Plus, I've been going out to more parties lately." Token admitted.
"Hopefully we can get Craig the Antisocial Hermit Crab to go to more parties, too." Clyde added.
"I'm going to stop tiptoeing around this, even though I've already said this three times already- I'm not going." If I knew half of an hour ago that this is what I was going to have to deal with, I would have rather listened to Clyde whine about me not coming over.
I headed for the door to see myself out of whatever they're trying to pull here.
"Craig, come on! You never do anything. Just this once?" Token pleaded from across the room. I put my hand on the doorknob. There was nothing in the world that would have stopped me from turning that handle. Nothing, except for what Clyde said next.
"It's a meteor shower party! You love space and shit!" Clyde said his words with such abruptness, almost like he thought I wasn't ever going to talk to him again if he didn't.
And so I froze. And considered what a party for something I could see right outside of my window would have to offer.
"Like I said, it's outside of town! There's no town lights around so you can see the night sky like, super duper well. That's why it's so far out in the first place." I'm sure Clyde could hear the gears furiously turning in my head as I weighed the pros and cons.
The pros? A clearer view. I wouldn't have to listen to my family's muffled arguing from the porch. I guess it would be worth it, if not for the never ending list of cons. Too many people, not worth the socialization. The cheap food Kenny would most likely serve? I could get more quality from a TV dinner. There would also be drunken idiots left and right, no doubt. Hell, the fact that Kenny's the one that's throwing it is a con by itself.
"There won't be a lot of people, Kenny said like, maybe a hundred max." Clyde's attempts were faltering. One hundred is about ninety-nine too many.
"Dude, hear how hard Clyde's trying to get you to go. One time? Please?" Token was begging, too.
Now I was just trying to think of a way to get out of it. Because now I'd just be an even bigger asshole than usual if I said no. I didn't have any plans, though. No school, no appointments, and I don't work on Sundays. I could say church, but they'd never believe that. I wouldn't even believe myself.
So I gave up. They won. I let out a sigh and let go of the handle. I didn't even need to look behind me to know that they were about to high five each other.
"YES!" Clyde shouted, as a very audible clap rang through the room. There was the high five.
I turned back around. Without thinking, I power walked back over to the bed and gave Clyde a threatening stare. "I swear to God if this sucks more than I already know it will, it's going to hurt more the next time."
"What's going to hurt-" Clyde's question got cut short after I punched him in the arm. He let out a small yelp.
As Clyde suddenly teared up from pain, I turned to Token, who almost flinched when we locked eyes. "And you're driving me there. I'm not going to waste money on gas for something stupid."
"I figured." A small part of myself wished that Token would deny me a ride after I'd just punched Clyde, just so I could have a reason to say no again. But he didn't, because he's too nice.
I let out a second sigh as I sat down on the edge of the bed.
"That really hurt..." Clyde's voice cracked from behind me. I could hear how hard he was trying to not cry. I know for a fact that I didn't punch him hard enough to warrant crying.
Before our endless chitchat could continue, Clyde's dad had knocked on the door. "I made dinner, boys. Come downstairs."
Any trace of nearly crying in front of his two best friends vanished as Clyde jumped up and off of his bed. Token got up, too.
"Finally, I'm so hungry!" Clyde burst through his door as Token followed suit. I didn't get up right away. I had to take a quick second to let myself cool down. I couldn't believe I let them talk me into going to a party. It'd be a waste of time, I was sure of it. There would be people I knew there, knowing who was throwing the whole thing. I'd get a lot of head turns just for stepping foot into whatever abandoned shack of a house it was going to take place in. It was going to suck.
I sat up after I heard Clyde's dad call for me a second time. I hoped Roger's cooking would get my mind off of how terrible tomorrow was going to be as I made my way out of the room, and downstairs.
[11:50 AM January 3rd, 2016]
Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. I almost feel like vibrating phones are more annoying than ringing phones. Without opening my eyes, I run my hand up and down the length of my bed, trying to find the source of the aforementioned buzzing. Once I found it, years of reflex have taught me to find the answer button without a glance. I raised it to my head, not bothering with a greeting.
"It's almost noon! We TOLD you we were going to pick you up early today, dude! We've been waiting outside for twenty minutes now. Are you still asleep? Oh my god, Token, I think he's still asleep. Are we going to have to go in there and dress him up too? WE'RE ON A SCHEDULE HERE, CRAIG!" I barely processed what Clyde was saying before he said "We're coming in."
"No. I'll be out in five." I muttered. I'm not sure he understood me. Or heard me at all. Because he had already hung up. Fuck me.
I tossed my phone back down onto the bed. Why did I agree to this? I could have slept in like I normally do.
Throwing an arm over my face and emitting the familiar, painful groan of having being woken up too early, I shoved my covers off to the end of my bed, but continued to lie there. It was too early for my body to want to work.
I was still trying to think of good reasons to go to this party. I really was. I am not an optimistic person. It's really hard for me to see the bright sides of having to do shit I don't want to do. But if I complain too much, I'm no better than Clyde. And nobody wants to be Clyde.
There was thumping from downstairs, getting gradually louder as seconds passed. They were already coming up. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before opening them, immediately being blinded by what little natural light came through my window's blinds. And then by the beaming hallway light coming from the other side of the room as my door flung open.
"No locks, huh? I guess you really did want to go." Token walked in, Clyde following close behind. "How do you sleep in so late all the time?"
"I don't sleep well, so I take what I can get." I shifted to the edge of my bed. I've always dealt with sleeping problems. I don't know if I could consider it insomnia, though. I just rarely find myself sleeping for more than an hour at a time, waking up all through out the night. I've gotten used to it, though. I barely notice it anymore.
Clyde came walking up next to Token, who was standing in front of me with a face of disapproval. "Aw, look at that!" Clyde gestured at me.
"What?" Token asked.
"What kind of chick wouldn't want that? Craig, you don't know how hard you could score with how you look." I sleep in nothing but boxers, so they both got a good display of my bony ass torso. Sure, I'm lean, but I doubt girls would want to be embraced by the death trap that is my rib cage.
"For someone who eats a lot of junk food, your body sure doesn't know how to put on weight." Token finished his glares of disappointment and walked off to my closet. Normally I'd snap the fingers of anyone who touched anything in my room, but Token and Clyde have woken me up like this before. They know the drill. And so do I. Today I was getting dressed by Token.
"Why are you guys picking me up so early?" I yawned, running a hand through my hair before grabbing my hat from my nightstand and putting it on.
"We already went over this last night." Clyde said as Token threw a shirt at him. He picked it up and held it in front of him. It was one of the only decent shirts I had. A blue button up. I remembered wearing nothing but shirts like that when I was younger. Every one in my town wore the same stuff every day back when I was younger, so I was dressed accordingly as well. It was a weird time. I never questioned it, though. Just like I don't question anything strange that happens in this town.
Thankfully, before I started thinking too much about this fuck up of a town, I got knocked right back to the topic at hand by Clyde, who threw the shirt directly onto my head.
"Right. You two wanted to hang out with me all day so you could watch my extended suffering." I'll admit that at this point, I was being a bit of a drama queen. But who cares? I didn't. I was going to make this as annoying and as miserable for them as I could without directly objecting to go.
"No, we need to go to the town over and gas up." Token walked back up with a pair of black skinny jeans. What else would he bring over? Nothing. Because I don't have anything besides them.
"Curse this town for being so small." Clyde said, clutching his fist. Token handed me the pair of pants. It was only now that I decided to start putting on the clothes they were giving me.
"Also, we're picking up Bebe, 'cause Clyde wanted to-" Token got cut off by Clyde shouting "NO NOT ANYMORE!" Token snapped his head towards Clyde, puzzled.
"Bebe and I broke up." Clyde looked somewhat forlorn.
"You were just talking about how you had a girlfriend last night." Token didn't need to remind me. After we had finished dinner and went back upstairs, it's all he talked about. About how Bebe's fun and cute, about how he and Bebe had "totally made out" a few days back, about how Bebe has rocking tits. Name any topic about Bebe and he probably went over it last night.
"Yeah..." Clyde huffed. "Remember all of that cool stuff I told you about her last night?"
"What, about how she's 'got an ass like so fine it cuts through chairs?' Or about how 'her boobs are like two watermelons waiting for you to eat them up?'" It's always refreshing to start the day as snarky as possible.
"Yeah! All of that hot stuff! I was telling her that kind of stuff over the phone after you guys left, because I thought they were pretty clever. But then she got mad and broke up with me, just like that!" Clyde can be so, so stupid. Words cannot express how utterly dead that man's brain is. "I don't know why!"
"Did you mention the bit where you said, and I quote, 'she's got a gine just waiting for that mad dine?' Because if you did, I think I know where you messed up." Never have I seen Token more disappointed in Clyde.
"God, I forgot about that." I finished shimmying all of my clothes on, including a pair of socks that were lying on the floor next to my bed.
"Screw both of you guys. I'm a free man, now. I'm gonna pick up somebody new who loves me for me while we're at this party." Clyde crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at both of us.
"So," I said, trying to change the topic from Clyde's terrible love life, "you guys needed to wake me up at noon so we could gas up in time for a party that takes place at night time. You know, the time when it's dark. Which isn't for... four more hours." Winter time's a bitch.
"It's gonna take an hour to get there, probably." Clyde dropped his arms back to his sides.
"Okay, hold on. You didn't tell me it was an hour away. I'm not going to sit in a car with you and Token singing along to Hotline Bling on repeat for an hour." It's all they ever do. They'd rather fuck Drake than a girl when it came to that song.
"Just because we sing it a lot doesn't mean we're only going to sing that on the car trip." Token intervened my sudden anger. "We'll listen to Ex's and Oh's too." he chuckled.
"You might as well knock me out before you start the ride there." I cannot express my hatred for pop songs. Maybe it's because they're so popular and so you hear them everywhere all the time, or maybe it's just because they're all so generic. I don't listen to a lot of music, but when I do, it's usually something, you know, good.
"Alright, get your shoes on! We need to get going." Clyde ordered, leaving my room in a flash.
I got up and stumbled over to the other side of my room. Token was still there, watching me. "You don't need to stare at me while I feed my guinea pig. It's not like I'm going to go back to sleep now."
"Hate to break it to you, dude, but you're you. You'd probably fall asleep the instant I stepped outside of this room." Token and Clyde really weren't letting up on this whole ordeal. Even though I desperately wanted a reason to bail, I wasn't going to be a complete jackass and ditch them last second.
"I wish it was just that easy with you two." I tossed two meals worth of kibble in for Stripe and leaned down face-level with his cage. "If you eat all of this right away you're going to be starving by tonight, you fat pig. Take it easy." I sat there and glared at him for a few, as he glared back at me. He eventually broke contact and began nibbling on his food.
"That's adorable, how you talk to him like that." Token spoke, leaning against my open door frame waiting for me to finish. I slam the cage shut and stare at Token before getting up and making my way out with him to his car.
[12:17 PM January 3rd, 2016]
"YEEHAW, WE GOIN' ON A ROAD TRIP!" Clyde shouted at full volume inside the car. We had just pulled into the gas station, and Token was filling up the tank from outside.
If I was with any other group of friends, I might have considered taking a nap in the car. But I know these two won't let me do that. They'll be singing stupid songs the entire ride there. When they're not singing, they'll be playing some stupid bullshit like I Spy or Punch Buggy. Which you'd think would be harmless, but not with Token and Clyde. They'd make sure the world knows when they see a slug bug, screaming the words at the top of their lungs. Mostly Clyde, but I've heard some loud ones from Token in the past.
Slugged against the backseat window, I stared out and thought about what was going to go down tonight. If there was anyone I knew, I'd have to talk to them. They'd ask why I was there, how I was doing, what am I planning to do with my life, all the stupid generic bullcrap people pull when they think they're kind of sort of your friend. And if there was anyone I didn't know, I'd have to talk to them too. They'd try to get to know me, ask me where I came from, try to make small talk while they act like they don't care that their partner is making out with some guy across the room because they've already gotten too drunked up to control. It's going to suck ass.
I ran my hand across my front pocket to make sure that I had my smokes and lighter with me. They'll make a quick escape route for me if I want to avoid talking to anyone.
I'm not sure why Clyde and Token think it'll be good for me to talk to new people. They know I'm not a social person. I'm better by myself. I can handle very few people, and even then I can only handle them for so long. I'm the classic example of the word "introverted".
The car door opened, followed with Token jumping back into the car. "All filled up, let's get a move on."
"I am so pumped. I haven't gotten drunk off my ass in like a month, I am going to get so hung over but I don't even CARE, I AM SO PUMPED." Clyde started bouncing up and down in the passenger seat, shaking the car.
"You're going to need to drink three times the amount a normal human should drink, you chunk of lard." I spat.
"Hey, I'm only a little chubby! Most of my extra weight is pure muscle, bro!" Clyde flexed. I couldn't say if that's true or not. He does some weight lifting from time to time, though it's usually to impress any chick he happens to be dating at that moment. At the same time, he can be one lazy piece of shit. If it isn't eating or dragging us across town for some dumb bullshit, he'd rather stay in bed all day playing video games. I guess I could relate with him there, though.
The car started back up, and we took off from the gas station and down the road, heading further away from South Park and closer to buttfuck nowhere.
I won't lie, sitting in a car and watching the surrounding areas go by is relaxing and enjoyable. I'd do it more often if I wasn't the one that usually drove. I almost forgot where we were going for a second just to enjoy the view and the silence.
Then the music started blasting Ex's and Oh's. I groaned, immediately being drowned out by Clyde and Token singing along with eagerness. They had the music turned up loud enough to make the car vibrate, and any car that passed us would surely hear the base rumbling from inside their own car.
It's only the third day of the year and I could already tell today was going to be one of the most annoying days of 2016.