Snow Feather

(Quick A/N: This is Prussia's POV. Human names are used. My plan was to write a Spamano fic, but somehow I ended up writing Russia x Prussia. Italics = flashback. There's gonna be a lot, sorry for that. I wasn't actually planning it coming like this.)

A shiver passed throughout my body as his cold fingers trailed on my back, just like ice melting. I sighed as his lips moved slowly down my neck to my shoulders, leaving traces with his tongue. Even his mouth is cold, contrasting with my hot skin. I seriously doubt whether there's any part of him that's warm.

To be honest, I don't know why I returned. No. I don't know why I keep returning. It's already the seventeenth time, for fuck's sake! And no, it's not like I'm counting them. It's just...

"What are you doing here alone?" I asked as I entered the pub I usually come to with Ludwig. Ivan was sitting on a table, with a bottle of vodka and a glass on the table.

"Drinking vodka," he replied with a smile. "Care to join?"

"Wha-?" I looked around but the pub was empty. It's not like I had a choice, and it would've been too uncool to be seen alone. I was dreading taking the seat, I felt like something was going to change. But perhaps I was secretly attracted to darkness. I wanted to drown in darkness.

"Vodka?" he asked as I sat down, with a smile still planted on his face. Back then I wondered how can he always smile to everyone. Only later I discovered that-

My thoughts got interrupted as his lips started to nibble my nipple. My shirt was already on floor; somehow I was too lost in thoughts to notice the process. My hands were grabbing his hair which was cold as well. There I noticed some snowflakes dangling on his hair. So he was out, huh.

"Ivan, maybe we- ah…" I moaned as he bit my nipple. We were still in the doorway of his house. What's the deal? Can't we take it easier? I suspect we won't make it to the bed. Again. Like back then…

"I prefer beer, thanks," I replied arrogantly as I shouted to the bartender to bring me some beer. He continued to smile, which made me even madder. I almost asked him why is he always smiling, but I was interrupted by the beer being put on my table. I looked up to see the bartender hurrying behind the bar. He was never that fast before. What the-

I glimpsed at Ivan to surprisingly see that his smile disappeared. Instead he had an unexplainable expression. I could almost call it a gloomy expression, if it wasn't the guy who's been smiling just few seconds ago. As soon as he felt my glance upon him, his smile returned and with an icy voice he told me: "well then, have a good drink!"

I don't know why, but it kind of felt like a threat. Something about this guy is threatening… His aura, maybe? His cold exterior? Or was the cold actually an interior one? Or was it that his smile is actually a fake smile; a mask? I'm not sure, but when the bartender told me my brother called and asked about me, for some weird reason I told him to tell Ludwig that I'll call him later. It was a good opportunity to go away, but I had already decided that I'll try to uncover that cold layer. Why? Maybe my pride, the fact that I am awesome and I can do everything, or maybe curiosity.

Whether it was my new resolution or the alcohol in my head, I don't know. But we ended up in his house, having sex in the doorway, on the cold floor. His expression was the same the whole time; a serene air with a smile. I discovered nothing new as he was inside me, but probably I was too drunk to remember. This is why I had decided to return again, even before I left his house. I wanted to be more conscious, to pay more attention, and see beyond that fake expression.

By now Ivan had already worked his way to my jeans and was about to start pulling down my boxers when I stopped him. He looked at me and, as always, his smile made my blood boil. Why is he like this? Damn.

"Hm?" he tilted his head while his fingers stopped on my waist, teasing me like a feather covered with snow. It almost made me forget my anger, just like it did on the other sixteen times. His beautiful cold fingers. Wait. I did not just think that! It's not like I feel pleasure while doing this! It's all out of curiosity!

"Gilbert?" his voice brought me back to reality. For an instance I forgot about everything; my internal conflict, my anger for his fake expression, all my feelings. The whole world ceased to exist and my head was filled with mist. What is this? Did his voice just sound slightly less cold? He never called my name. I was about to touch his face when he continued: "Shall I proceed?"

"N-no!" I replied quickly. Not only did my anger return, but it also increased. I know I was just close to what I'm searching for, but he had to interrupt it just with three simple words. I couldn't form any decent reply, so I just pushed him away and walked to the kitchen. "Why the fuck is he like this?" I asked aloud to no one in particular.

"Like this how?" I didn't notice he followed me. I could feel his stare splitting through my neck, which is probably why I couldn't turn around. I hate admitting this, it's so shameful, but… The awesome me is slightly intimidated by this man. Just slightly!

I gathered all my courage, closed my eyes and replied: "You must know how you are! You go around with a fake smile painted on your face while flashing threats throughout your cold voice. I thought that at least I could be able to find something warm inside you if I kept insisting but nothing! I thought I was close to the answer but you quickly break the illusions I had with your cold voice."

"Oh…" he simply said. I couldn't see his expression but I knew something was wrong. Minutes passed, it seemed like years. Stuck in the same position, I couldn't bring myself to move. Ivan remained quite as well. What was he thinking? Why couldn't he try to- Eh? Ivan hands interrupted my train of thought as they rested on my waist, eliminating the distance that was between us. His cold clothes which touched my back made me shiver. "You were trying to find something warm inside me?"

I simply nodded at his unexpected question. For once, I couldn't tell if that was a menacing voice or not. I couldn't decipher whatever he expressing. He put his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes. It's when I took a long breath that I smelled the strong scent of vodka. I've got no idea why I asked him, but I did, and somehow it sounded rather possessive: "were you out drinking?"

"I was lonely, and I thought you wouldn't come again," he said blankly. No smiles.

"So you go out and drink? There's something called phone, you should've bloody called if you were that lonely! And what the hell is up with 'I thought you wouldn't come again'? I was busy trying to figure you out!" Oops. I fucking talked too much!

Silence was too loud in my ears as he let go of me. I could hear my heavy breathing and my heart beating way too fast for my liking. I could hear Ivan moving but I couldn't understand what was happening. Without prior advice, he put his hands where they were before and re-closed the distance between us. I gasped as I felt his skin touching with mine. He undressed himself? I finally turned around to face him; his expression looked gloomy, just like our first meeting. This time he didn't put back his smile to hide his feelings; he simply buried his face in my neck and held me even tighter. My arms flew over his back. It was the first time he took off his shirt. For some reason he always avoided this type of contact. His skin was as cold as ever, but somehow this cold was warm.

"I…" he lifted his head as he brought his mouth close to my ears, "love… you."

We already slept together for sixteen times and I didn't come close to finding whatever I want to find. Why should I return? My brother keeps asking me where I go every night and it's not like I could tell him. That's it, today I won't go. And neither will I go tomorrow. Never again. He's like a dark cold cave, where fire can't be lit. A dark cold empty cave.

5 days later:

Fucking shit, I don't understand why the fuck am I going. But I can't get out of my head Antonio's words. 'It's funny how you think someone hates you, but in reality he loves you. It's like thinking you're in an empty cave, but in reality you just couldn't see a damned thing because it was too dark.'

I thought I was searching for something warm. I also thought I was searching for some light deep inside him. But somehow, maybe, I was just addicted to his cold darkness. I wanted to get intertwined with his darkness. Maybe I fell in love with that darkness. He didn't sound less cold as he muttered those three warm words. But his cold finally felt comfortable, just like his skin. Just like his beautiful cold fingers. Just like a feather covered with snow.

A/N: Hm okay. So… This was started without a basic plot. I just wanted to depict the dark twisted relationship there's between Russia and Prussia, minus the rape. Like, seriously, I didn't read much about them, but I've read people saying that most RussiaxPrussia around are Russia raping Prussia. Seriously, I can imagine that, but I can't bring myself to like it. So I invented my own story. Hopefully they're not OOC; it's one thing I really hate. Writing in Prussia's POV was kinda difficult, but hopefully I managed to keep his level of awesomeness high. And Russia. Weh. I'm not sure. I wanted to take a different look at him, unlike others, but I don't know how right this came.

Anyway one of the things I wanted to write here was Prussia as a seme (just because! I just want can't let go of this thought!) but well, Russia definitely took the lead in these 17 times. So maybe I'll write a sequel, someday. Also, this was my first time writing something beyond kissing, hope that wasn't too bad… Jeez. Reviews are love, thanks!