**SORRY FOR THE RANT**
Lately, I've been going through this angry phase. I get so heated at anyone who promotes Tuckson or anything non-Bensler. I feel as if the writers (and even Mariska!) are rubbing it in our faces! Sometimes I can't even watch an old episode without being suspicious of Benson's motives, as if she was planning for Stabler to leave just so she could be with Tucker. Lol! I feel like the only person who is still on our side is Chris! I just want to scoop Meloni up like a lost kitten and shield him from the cruel world so I can preserve his innocence! Yes, I am aware that this is 1,000% pathetic/juvenile/hypocritical. I am also aware of all the flaws with my paranoia and still give zero fucks because I'm bitter, 20 going on 5 and just want a drink, a nap and Bensler!
**SORRY AGAIN**
Anyways, this is how I cope. A little inspiration from Tarzan but also, oddly enough, after having a conversation about jeans. Hope y'all enjoy and stay strong, Bensler shippers!
Olivia saunters two steps ahead of Elliot as they comply with Cragan's orders and make their way to the elevator. It's casual Friday and she wears a dark blue Yankees tee with his favorite jeans and the company-grade black shoes that they all wear. She knows he's staring at her ass-there's a reason these are his favorite jeans on her-but she doesn't mind, she welcomes the gesture. They both get on the empty elevator and, as they stand in silence, she notices his eyes on her once again. She throws him a knowing smirk and notices how soft his eyes are as he continues to admire her. They aren't aggressive nor are they possessive-they hold something much deeper, softer, emotional.
Instances akin to this one have become increasingly common, especially since his divorce was finalized. At first, he didn't even notice himself staring at his partner's amazing ass or invading her personal space in hopes of any form of contact. Then, one day when everyone was glued to their desks, doing paperwork and guzzling coffee, Olivia left for, what Elliot assumed to be, the bathroom. Fin threw a pencil at him, effectively pulling his attention off of her ass as she walked away and to Fin.
"Man, that's just wrong. She's like my sister. Have a little respect, huh?" This took Elliot by surprise. He hadn't even realized he had literally just followed her every move, craning his head around as she passed and ogled her backside, with no discretion!
"Or at least be discreet about it, Stabler." Munch chimed in and the partners laughed as their bewildered friend was left to introspect.
After that incident he started to become (or at least tried to become) more aware of his actions around Olivia. Today he was feeling especially aware. So aware that he knew exactly what he was doing, still didn't care who saw him staring and intended to spend the rest of the day admiring and cherishing his partner. Just then, his memory flashed back to the time he was caught staring at her chest…by her! She had a low-cut top on and bent over a table in front of him and when she looked up, he didn't. She slapped him upside the head lightly and told him to get his head out of the gutter jokingly. God, she's beautiful, he remembers thinking.
As the doors to the elevator open again he bursts out in uncontrollable laughter at the memory and his dumbfounded face when she slapped him. He thought it was hysterical at how incredibly thirteen he had acted! His laugh was so sudden and uncharacteristic that Olivia jumped a little, turned around in panic and raised her hand to her holster, thinking he was in trouble.
"What the hell are you laughing at?! You just scared the shit out of me!" She says laying a calming hand over her rapidly beating heart and looks at him confused. He can barely speak and is now doubled over in pain from laughing so hard. It takes him a couple seconds to gather himself and by then his partner is seriously concerned for his mental health.
"You feeling alright?" She wasn't accustomed to hearing him laugh like that, though she could easily get used to it. All he does is giggle and nod as they head outside to the Sedan so they can go sit on their perp's residence, in hopes he'll step outside and deviate.
After 20 minutes of watching the apartment complex from the car, Elliot finds himself in need of looking at her again. It's as if he has an allotted amount of time he can go without looking/feeling/thinking about/seeing her. He casually cracks his neck, sneaking a peek of her as he turns to the right and smiles when he sees her biting her nails. He smiles because he finds her behavior uniquely Olivia-she doesn't actually bite hard enough to bite the nail off but just bites on them, like a nervous twitch. Fascinating, he thinks to himself as he continues to watch her, not-so-casually anymore.
"Elliot, what the hell is wrong with you today?" She finally turns to look at him, a goofy smile plastered all over his face before it transforms into an innocent look accompanied with a shrug. She knows something is going on with him, she can feel his energy as it radiates off of his body and it's different from any other day. She rolls her eyes after realizing he wouldn't answer and continues to watch for the perp.
As she rolls her eyes, he is drawn back to her being and is once again amazed by every little thing she does. She nervously pushes a stray strand of hair behind her ear, even though it falls back into place next to her flushed cheeks. She shifts seemingly farther away in her seat and begins to bite her nails again, this time a little more ferociously.
He feels like he is having some sort of trip because he sees her in slow motion and hears her in surround and amplified sound. He can see and hear every beat of her heart, feel her breathing, smell her perfume that intoxicates him and watches her eyes shift to his every now and then.
She has no clue what is happening but she is pretty sure it's fucking weird. Here she is, minding her own business, doing her job, etc., and there he was practically falling onto her lap, staring at her for the past 20 minutes. Definitely not kosher for their relational MO! Yet, she found herself loving every second of this weird and abnormal Elliot…and that scared her.
He felt the adrenaline course through his body and wanted so bad to touch her. He reached his right hand over to the hand she was practically chewing off and the sudden contact sent a wave of electricity up both limbs. As he brought her hand to the middle of them, she could swear her heart stopped. She watched him turn her hand over in his, examining it and being so gentle as he bent her fingers, traced her bitten nails and her life lines on her palm. It was like he was studying for an exam and needed to memorize every little thing that made her uniquely her.
"El," Her voice barely a whisper. "Wanna talk?" She thought that maybe this was his way of saying that he needed to talk. Maybe something was on his mind, Kathy or the kids? Something was definitely on his mind but it wasn't Kathy nor was it his kids.
He placed her hand band in her lap so he could move his hand to her thigh. Her jeans had bunched in spots on her thighs, leaving rows of creases on either side of it. His hands lingered there and he ran his fingers up and down the creases lightly, admiring his favorite jeans. It wasn't a sexual act, they both recognized this. It was an act on such an intimate level that it would have looked peculiar to anyone from the outside world. This realization made Olivia smile.
She didn't know what was going on or what it meant but did know that she didn't have the audacity to stop it. She didn't want it to stop.
He moved his hand to her collarbone area and traced the neckline on her shirt, smiling as he reminisced the time they had last watched a Yankees game together. It was nothing special and maybe even mundane to anyone else's eyes, but to them it had been an everlasting memory they would cherish forever.
He wanted to comment on the shirt but anything he could think to say sounded too bold and risqué for the moment, so he settled for gently stroking her collarbone with his thumb.
"El…" If warning was the intended tone, she missed her mark because it almost sounded like she was begging. He now looked directly into her eyes and she could feel her body go limp as he tucked the stray hair behind her ear. He was so content like this: his hand cupping her cheek, staring into her eyes as they let life stroll by.
Like some external force drawing them together, they leaned closer and closer and his thumb continued to stroke her cheek, their lips mere inches apart when-
"Cragan to Benson and Stabler." The crackling of the radio and their Captain's voice slammed them both back down to reality faster than either had the time to protest. Elliot forced himself to move his hand and answer Cragan while Olivia tried to regain a normal breathing pattern and make sense of life.
"Yeah, Cap. No visual yet."
"Alright, bring it back to the house. You can start again in the morning."
The need for words was nonexistent; his gestures and her complacency were all the explanation they needed. The bond they had was too complex for utterances, too twisted and mangled to try to explain right now. It was a relationship that needed time to decode things and figure one another out before actually acting on anything.
To her, his small gestures were more of a confession than any verbal statement would ever be. And her willingness to allow him to touch her and to kiss her (if they weren't interrupted) was all the confirmation he needed to know that she felt the same way he did.
Their relationship wasn't going to be as easy as a mathematical equation-they couldn't just take a little of this and add it to a little of that to make love. In their ever evolving relationship, it would be the little things that matter. The way she bites her nails, her wardrobe, his smile, his laugh,etc. It would be all of these little things that could eventually accumulate and build the bridge to love.
They wouldn't speak about it and probably wouldn't even act so intimately for a long while again because such a bond takes time and finesse. One quick move and the whole thing could be ruined. So, if that's what it would take, a billion little things, they were both willing to start counting.