Disclaimer: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and all its characters are copyrighted and trademarked Paramount/Viacom. No copyright infringment intended. This story was written for entertainment purposes only, no money is made with it.
My profound apology to C., the only person who likes the bugger - I just HAD to do it!
**************************************************************************
Yelgrun was the unpleasant character who led the hostage-exchange in the episode "The Magnificent Ferengi", leading to the death of Keevan. He was taken prisoner by a troup of debile Ferengi, so we may consider him a complete failure.
Dr Selar, on the other hand, was the Vulcan doctor first and only seen in the episode "The Schizoid Man", and she hadn't only to endure a conversation with a horny old man, no, the poor woman had to put up with Worf, too.
One day the following thought crossed my mind: "Whatever happened to Yelgrun?" Here's the weirdest scenario I could think of.
* * * * *
TEA FOR TWO
by Ma Shea's Little Boy Blue
Yelgrun/Dr Selar
Rating: no idea!
* * * * *
Place: the home of Yelgrun and Dr Selar on Risa, where she works as a consultant in the planet's biggest center for plastic surgery (specialized in ear-enlargements) and he works a the weather regulation unit.
Yelgrun comes home from work, already expected by his wife who's standing in the door.
Yelgrun: "I'm home!" He hugs his wife and kisses her on the cheek. She lifts one eyebrow and musters him disapprovingly.
Dr Selar: "It's illogical to mention this. As you are standing in front of me, I can see you very well, so it's obvious you're home.
Yelgrun: "Yes dear, I missed you, too." They enter.
Yelgrun: "It's five o'clock, my wife, will you replicate a cup of tea?"
Dr Selar: "I sure will, my husband." She hands him a cup, and sits down opposite him.
Yelgrun: "Thank you." He takes a sip.
Dr Selar: "It's illogical to thank for a deed that's part of my daily routine regarding the maintaining of this household."
Yelgrun: "It might be illogical, my wife, but it sure is more polite." His wife hands him the newspaper with another disapprovingly look.
Dr Selar: "Here's your news padd."
Yelgrun: "Thank you." He looks up.
Dr Selar: "It's illogical to..."
Yelgrun: "Yes, I know."He grabs the padd and starts to read.
Dr Selar: "I felt I had to mention it."
Yelgrun: "You FELT something? Now THAT'S illogical!" As he keeps on reading, she decides to keep quiet. After a while:
Dr Selar: "We need to discuss something about our son, my husband."
Yelgrun: (looking up) "Our son? What happened?"
Dr Selar: "It's a personal matter." She cleares her throat.
Yelgrun: (slightly impatient) "Well of course it is a personal matter. It's our son. Don't tell me he entered his first Pon Farr, he's only 18, after all."
Dr Selar: "You know very well, my husband, that, as a hybrid, his chances to go through Pon Farr are minimal."
Yelgrun: (grins) "Chances? Well I sure think him as well as us can do without *that* bit of Vulcan culture, couldn't we."
Dr Selar: (blushing) "My husband, these are things you should not joke about. Of course he's not going through Pon Farr. But indeed, it's his mating behaviour I want to discuss with you."
Yelgrun: "Well, even if he should get the bloodfever one day - Risa is full of beautiful people, even our son shouldn't have any problems to find a suitable mate." (he picks up the padd again)
Dr Selar: (getting angry, despite being a Vulcan) "My husband, what, precisely, are you implying with the phrasal 'even our son'?"
Yelgrun: (dropping the news padd again, now slightly annoyed) "All I'm saying is that I hope he will find some nice Vorta girl for mating. Maybe his - defects will be covered up on the next generation if he mates with his own kind."
Dr Selar: (rather frosty) "What, precisely, do you consider a 'defect', my husband? Are you refering to his ears?"
Yelgrun: (hastly) "Not at all, you that is my wife! I was just generally speaking." Pauses. "But of course - it would be nice to have grandchildren with ridges."
Dr Selar: (even more frosty) "The ears of our son are within the normal parameters of our species."
Yelgrun: (snappy) "Yes, they sure are - they are pointed!"
Dr Selar: (insulted) "So are mine."
Yelgrun: (apologetic) "That's something different, my dear wife. Your ears are just fine, in fact I like them a lot. But our son looks like a Vorta with Vulcan ears - I don't have much sense of esthetics, but I find this somewhat - disturbing.." he picks up the padd again.
Dr Selar: (patient, but with a slightly sharp undertone) "This is not what I'm talking about, my husband. It's a matter of - compatibility."
Yelgrun: (surprised) "Compatibility? Oh no - don't tell me he fell in love with a Vulcan!" Looking at his wife's expresion he hastly adds: "Well - we sure had no problems to procreate, so he will not have any, either." He blinks at her "And boy, did we have *fun* procreating!"
Dr Selar: (now seriously upset) "My husband, this is ..."
Yelgrun: (grins) "... yes, I know. It still is fun, isn't it?"
Dr Selar: "My husband, what I tried to explain you for the last 23.5 minutes is that our son already chose a mate."
Yelgrun: (excited) "Really? Who is she?"
Dr Selar: (gloating) "Take your guess."
Yelgrun: (smiling) "A Vorta? How wonderful! Who is she? Do we know her?" Pausing. "Oh, I know! It's Kilana's daughter, isn't it? Such a sweet thing!" He smiles again, and adds, after a pause: "And she's got beautiful ridges."
Dr Selar: (gloating even more) "I do not wish to disappoint you, my dear husband, but indeed I fear your grandchildren will have no ridges."
Yelgrun: (surprised) "Why not?"
Dr Selar: (definitely enjoying the situation) "Because his chosen mate will not be able to procreate."
Yelgrun: (starring at her) "Why not?"
Dr Selar: "Because" (almost enjoying it) "he decided to mate with Nog."
Yelgrun: (eyes and mouth wide open, terror on his face)
Dr Selar: (quite happy with her husbands reaction) "You look rather pale, my husband, are you feeling unwell?"
Yelgrun: (panting) "Nog? Did you say NOG?"
Dr Selar: (nodds) "Yes, indeed, these were my words."
Yelgrun: (jumping up) "How can you tell me our son is going to mate a FERENGI in such a calm manner?!?" He's devastated.
Dr Selar: (with stern face) "As a Vulcan, I learned to control. As a doctor I highly recommend you calm down or I will have to apply a mood depressor, my husband."
Yelgrun: (pacing up and down the living room) "A FERENGI! God, I HATE Ferengi! How can he do this to us!!! Mating a male - well, not that I'd be happy about it, but ok. But a FERENGI! How COULD he!"
Dr Selar: (obviously enjoying the situation) "If you wish to know how they could do it, I'm quite happy to provide you with the necessary information. As you know, the Ferengi mating rites ..."
Yelgrun: "Quiet!" She's insulted and shuts up. "I do NOT wish to hear any details about Ferengi mating rites! In fact I don't even want to KNOW there are Ferengi mating rites!"
Dr Selar: "My husband, I do admit I'd prefered our son mating a Vulcan female. But alas - he could have made a worse choice. After all, Nog is first officer aboard the Enterprise G."
Yelgrun: (almost crying) "But TPara, dear - he's a FERENGI! I mean - a FERENGI! He could have made a worse choice? Now I doubt it! I'd rather have him mating a Breen - though I think they are highly annoying."
Dr Selar: (matter of fact voice) "I suggest you accept his decision. There is nothing you or I could do about. And maybe they could adopt a Ferengi orphan, so you could be a grandfather, too, if this is your wish." There's a wicked smile on her face "And just think what beautiful lobes the little one will have!"
Yelgrun: (devastated) "You're killing a dead man, my dear wife." He sinks in his armchair - a broken man.
Dr Selar: "So you do think that any mate would be better than a Ferengi, do you?"
Yelgrun: (nodds violently) "Oh sure I do! I mean - I'd even welcome a Breen! Or..." he shudders "... a Klingon."
Dr Selar: (gets up) "I will get you some of that strong alcoholic beverage you brought with you from your last trip. Judging from the situation, you might find it refreshing and strengthening."
Yelgrun: (nodds automatically, he obviously closed with the world).
Dr Selar heads for the back door, opening it. Yelrik, her son, is standing outside waiting, together with his mate. He's sitting in the gras, nervously chewing on a daisy. When he sees his mother, he jumps up, all excited.
Yelrik : "And?"
Dr Selar: "It is all fine. I prepared your father to meet up with your chosen mate."
Yelrik : (hugging his mother and kissing her) "Oh mum, I knew he would accept my choice if you tell him!" He hugs her again.
Dr Selar: (pretending to disapprove of the hugging, but obviously enoying it) "Yelrik. Such a behaviour is highly illogical."
Yelrik : "I'm sorry." He takes his mate's hand and drags him through the door. The man, obviously feeling VERY uncomfortable, and hesitates.
Dr Selar: (encouraging) "Do not be afraid, you may enter, my husband will be happy to meet you." She looks at him one more time, then she adds: "Welcome to our family, Keevan."
