Panda.

NejiTen

(CRACK FIC!) Obviously, as all of these will be.

Disc: If only, my dearies. If only.

"Don't you look at me like that," She frowned, scrunching up her nose, "Hyuuga Neji, I can eat whatever the hell I want!"

"No," The prodigy deadpanned, "You actually can't."

He sighed, turning away from the fist she was shaking in his face.

"Oh and why's that?" She demanded, her chocolate eyes narrowed, glaring quite openly at him.

"Because candy makes you fat," He stated simply.

"Why you--!"

"NEJI! TENTEN! HOW YOUTHFUL YOU BOTH LOOK TODAY! THE SUN IS SHINING NICELY DOWN ON US IN OUR PRIME YOUTHFUL-NESS! TENTEN, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO NEJI, THE YOUTHFUL SUN MAY BE TOO MUCH FOR HIM- HE DOES NOT HAVE A CLUE WHAT HE IS SAYING."

Lavender eyes turned on the spandex-clad boy, "Lee," He said threateningly.

"Hello, Lee," Tenten answered, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. She glared at Neji for another moment and stuck the grape lollipop back into her mouth, "I'm not fat," She told him pointedly.

"Not yet, but you're going to be," The Hyuuga responded, plucking the offending piece of hardened sugar from her mouth by the stick and tossing it unceremoniously onto the ground. He looked up for a moment and then turned away, dismissing the brunette shaking with rage.

"NEJI!"

"TENTEN MY LOVELY FRIEND, IGNORE NEJI- HE IS A BLITHERING IDIOT. YOU ARE NOT FAT AT ALL, IN FACT, IF MY HEART WAS NOT ALREADY SET ON SAKURA-CHAN'S YOUTHFUL FIGURE, I WOULD SURELY LOVE YOU INSTEAD!"

"Lee," Tenten started, "Please stop talking in obnoxious capitals. Wait, what did you say?"

Lee was suddenly thrown up against a near-by tree trunk, "I am not a blithering idiot, and you will never lay your beady eyes on Tenten again. Do you comprehend?"

Tenten hadn't noticed this happening, she was still mourning her abandoned lollipop which lay covered in gravel at her feet.

"N-Neji-san?" Lee asked nervously from his place smashed up against the tree.

"I asked you if you comprehended," Neji repeated, his eyes narrowing on the boy with the shiny bowl-cut.

"You love our youthful Tenten!" Lee exclaimed.

"WHAT?" Tenten's eyes were huge as she zoned in on their conversation. She stared at Neji, "YOU LOVE ME? Well, bucko, calling me fat is surely not the way to get into my pants."

Neji's mouth was agape as he stared at her. "Get…into… your…"

"PANTS!" Lee coached, "THE WORD IS PANTS!"

"LEE!" Tenten shouted, frowning, "What did I say about obnoxious capitals?"

"NOT TO…speak in them?"

"Good. Now, back to the matter at hand," She turned to Neji, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LOVE ME!"

"I DO NOT!" The bright-eyed boy denied loudly, taking a step-back, "HOW COULD I POSSIBLY LOVE A PANDA LIKE YOU?!"

"…"

"…"

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME A PANDA?"

"…"

"Tenten," Rock Lee reminded her calmly, still pressed against the tree, "Didn't you (YOUTHFULLY!) say something about not talking in obnoxious (YOUTHFUL!) capitals?!"

She glared at him and he shut up.

"Did you expect me to shout out my undying love for you to the whole village? I can't love a panda, Tenten. It's inhumane. And to my knowledge, completely illegal."

"UGH! You are so ridiculous!"

"Actually," He smirked, "That would be your area of expertise."

Her scowl turned into a smirk, "Neji, a panda is a simple creature," Her eyes darkened, "They are incapable of being as ridiculous as you are, so, I'm afraid you're incorrect."

He raised an eyebrow and Lee struggled to get away from Neji and out of the area.

"Tenten?" The latter asked, and she lunged at him. Abruptly, Lee was squashed up against the tree, Neji's hip biting into his abdomen painfully.

"DON'T LIE TO ME, HYUUGA."

Lee frowned from his uncomfortable position, "No obnoxious capitals, Tenten--"

"SHUT UP, LEE," She growled, pulling a random stick of bamboo out of her pocket and holding the squirming Neji in place with her other hand, "I'LL USE OBNOXIOUS CAPITALS WHEN I'M ANGRY IF I WANT TO."

"Hypocrite," Neji muttered.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!" Lee shouted, his eyes widening to the size of plates.

Tenten ignored him, concentrating on Neji's squished form. "I'M NOT A PANDA, MISS. I-ONLY-LOVE-MY-HAIR."

"Then why do you carry around bamboo?" He asked confidently, "I think you chew on it when you're hungry."

Her grip tightened on his tan shirt, "I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CHEW ON, NEJI," And then she sloppily shoved the bamboo into his gaping mouth. "CHEW," She commanded.

His brow furrowed and he shook his head viciously no.

"Tenten, this is very cruel--"

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP, I'LL GET A STICK OF IT FOR YOU, TOO."

Lee squealed.

"CHEW IT!" She urged, "Or I'll cut your woman hair off, gel-boy."

He paled and began to chew, his flawless face scrunched up in horror at the thought of his precious hair being chopped off by a raging female panda. When he finally swallowed, she let her hold on him go and watched as he and Lee fell in a heap onto the mossy ground.

"How was it?" She asked politely, all traces of evilness and anger gone. She batted her eyelashes innocently, smiling at the scowling lavender-eyed boy.

He stood up, "It tasted like cardboard."

She stiffened, "You liar."

He didn't respond, only looked away as a look of triumph passed over Tenten's features, "OH KAMI-SAMA. THE GREAT HYUUGA NEJI LIKES BAMBOO- SO CALLED 'PANDA FOOD'! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME."

He turned back towards her, "So you admit you're a panda?"

Her face began to turn red, "YOU WANT TO TRY THIS AGAIN?"

"Whatever you say," He replied, sighing.

Next to him, Tenten giggled and clapped her hands together, "You love me! HA!"

He closed his eyes, feeling a headache coming on and turned to find Lee had run from the premesis, screaming for Gai-sensei.

"I CANNOT WAIT TO SET THE DATE OF OUR WEDDING! ARE YOU THINKING TRADITIONAL? I'M THINKING TRADITIONAL. YES. AHH, I HAVE TO SPEAK TO THE HOKAGE IMMEDIATELY!"

She ran off, leaving him with only two words, "Stupid pandas."

I didn't like the ending.

BAHH. But I have to admit that I rather enjoyed writing in OBNOXIOUS CAPITALS.

All of these are for Dawhling SouiSoui.

BE JEALOUS! :D