"Come on. All women think about is changing a man's personality. You've got an all new model to customize here."
- Viper
"[ecstatically] I hate this!"
- Star Trek: Generations
The last traces of Calamity Ganon disappeared into the very same dark void in the sky where he had first emerged. Link used his last ounce of strength to throw the Master Sword straight into the rift like the spear of a vengeful sea god to ensure the demon was destroyed forever.
Link lifted the Vah Ruta helm from his elegant tousled locks and collapsed to his knees. The weight of the Zora Tunic became unbearable on his tired chest. Thankfully, a healer was there to catch him as he fell.
Mipha sacrificed tiny fragments of her own magic so Link could slowly regain his strength. For a while, she simply cradled him with her palm glowing against his heart as they stared into each other's eyes and peacefully celebrated their victory. Then they just sort of dropped all pretenses and started wildly making out.
Zelda was standing by herself a few feet away. Her expression was part happiness for Link and Mipha overcoming the nightmare together, and part heartbreak for knowing she would never have a knight of her own.
Link briefly paused all the coddling and kissing and glanced over to the Hylian princess in concern.
"What's wrong with Zelda?" he said.
"I think she's a little sad you picked me instead of her," Mipha said with her own hints of remorse.
"Well, she's in for a treat." Link smiled before nestling back into Mipha's arms.
The gap in the sky turned into a ray of divine light. Thousands of feet in the air, tiny green figures began dropping from the clouds.
Heroes from an infinite number of parallel dimensions spilled like a waterfall through the cleansed void. Some made 8-bit bleeping sounds as they fell, while others communicated entirely through "HIYEEEA!" noises. Most were mute.
There were young Links, old Links, cartoony Links, and at least one strange fellow with ghostly white eyes, white hair, and tribal war paint on his face. They all fell at Zelda's feet like a giant interdimensional crate of puppies.
And then Mipha married Link (the main BotW one) while Zelda ended up marrying herself from that one CD-i game somehow. The End.
Author's note: Mark Hamill is disappointed with TLJ's canonical depiction of Luke Skywalker and I'm disappointed with BotW's canonical depiction of Mipha. I guess I'll just fuck off to an island milking alien walruses and Force Projecting better BotW endings until I die from exhaustion.