One Sick Puppy
Author's Note: Hey guys! –bounce- I know this isn't anything relating to When I Was Younger or Is My Prescription Ready?, but hey, I'm updating? (And yes, the revised chapters for WIWY are going to be posted soon.) This is the result of my attempt at killing my writer's block dead and a break from writing my NaNoWriMo novel. It's been fun, but it gets maddening to constantly write one story NONSTOP. 50,000 words in one month PLUS daily life and school? He-llo, stress.
I'm giving a shoutout to lhbaghead, because I decided to read her AkuRoku oneshot Anyone Else on a whim, and it made me want to write something that was somewhat cute and mushy and funny too. My writing is crap compared to hers, but her writing is just so brilliant and wonderful. Go check her out if you haven't already. She's got some serious talent.
Okay, my aim was "cute mushy funny" for this oneshot but it didn't exactly come out all Care Bears and gum drops and LOLworthy as I'd wanted it to. Oh, and the stuff with the dog actually happened more or less. I also couldn't really think of a good title. Pff.
I hope you enjoy! Please review, please please pleeease. Save Roxas from the Hound from Hell! –evil cackle-
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Stephen King's character "Kujo", nor any of the licensed products mentioned in my story.
Roxas stared at the impossibly fluffy black Chow in front of him as the dog stared steadily back. For a moment, the blond pondered Axel's rather creative name choice for the dog, and realized it must have been a miracle that Roxas' sanity level was still in a healthy range despite the fact that he lived with a maniac and maniac's batshit dog.
Inwardly the blond sobbed brokenly, but on the outside Roxas maintained a somewhat composed expression. The dog blinked once then snorted as if it read right through Roxas' façade, and then promptly flopped onto its side, unmoving.
"Oh, god. Nonono, let's not do that. Sit, boy. Please, Kujo, please. C'mon, sit! Be a good boy. C'mon. Be a good boy! Siiiiit."
Pleading and trying to make deals with this dog was damn near impossible when Kujo was in a mood like this, but Roxas a pretty damn determined individual himself. The large Chow was the sweetest dog alive—until you tried to get him to move somewhere when he was laying down in his favorite spot. Then Kujo would really live up to his name. Roxas had attempted everything from coaxing the beast out with treats, to pulling on his collar in vain. Eventually, however, he managed to put a leash on the dog and lead the mass of black fur outside.
Roxas let out a huge sigh and ran a hand through his hair, crossing his arms against his chest, staring down the aggravating dog. "Seriously, dude?"
At that, the dog shot up and wagged his tail. Cocking his head in just the right angle, Kujo had Roxas under his spell as he made the most adorable puppy dog face Roxas had ever seen, and despite how damn frustrating the dog had been, Roxas forgave Kujo for everything. In defeat, the blond boy scratched behind a silky ear, pouting at the dog.
"I hate you," he said with no malice, and Kujo let out a wheeze with a suspiciously familiar smirk plastered on his doggy face. "Is there something you're not telling me? Huh?"
It was mid-October but the worst chilly weather Roxas' town had faced yet was just a few hours of tumultuous winds and air barely cold enough to make your breath visible. Because of this it was decided that Kujo would be shaved. The dog wouldn't suffer any miserable cold, and the home Roxas shared with Axel would be spared its hairy tortures for a good while.
Thick black hair stuck between the floorboards, in corners, under couches, in the xbox 360 and PS3, bookshelf, even in their medicine cabinet. The hair was like a plague and ten times worse then bunnies in a briar patch. For every dustpan filled with the tufts, there would always be double the amount to replace it.
Shaving the dog, Axel and Roxas vehemently agreed, was something of a dire necessity, especially since Kujo's hair made Axel's beloved GameCube explode into smithereens.
Roxas? He liked cats. Sunshine and Blu were his amorous Balinese kitties, and according to Axel, Roxas was their "mommy", hands down. They, unlike Kujo, didn't shed. If they did they at least had the decency to make their departed fur inconspicuous. Kujo knew no such courtesy. Even if his cats kid shed, Roxas would kill anyone dead who even thought of shaving one of his precious babies
Respectively, Kujo was Axel's dog, and while the big fluffball loved Roxas, Axel was his master and would always be the one Kujo listened to and adored the most. While Roxas helped feed and train Kujo, Axel was the one to groom and command the beast.
And of course Axel would beg Roxas to shave the dog today of all days, while Axel was on a hunt for some vicious toilet pipe de-clogger and would be of no help at all. He left Roxas with a pet shaving kit, dust pan, a trash can, a goodbye kiss on the lips and a hurried "Thank you soooo much, baby" as the man made his escape to the car.
"Okay. Good boy. Staaay…" The blond turned to the case at his side, rifling through the contents warily. Picking out the electric razor, he gazed at the attached blade cautiously. It was flat on one side, designed not to cut the dog's skin, and the other side was where the blade would quickly vibrate, swiftly and neatly shearing off unwanted fur. At least that's how it went in theory.
Determined blue eyes located a power strip and deft hands plugged in the razor. So far, so good. With unprecedented speed, Roxas snagged the collar of the beast in front of him and kept the dog in a sitting position as he flicked the razor to "on". Wincing, he waited for Kujo to spook and yank his arm out of its socket, but to the blond boy's surprise the dog simply sat, staring at him calmly.
For a moment, Roxas imagined Kujo darting off into the distance, Roxas' arm flapping around in the air from its iron grip on the dog's collar. The entire scene was rather comical and Roxas let out a giggle that quickly died away as the blond realized that scenario would probably be quite feasible, and quickly became serious. He'd just turned twenty one, for God's sake; he was not going to die three days after he was proclaimed legally allowed to drink. He wanted to enjoy that, dammit!
Roxas tentatively brought the whirring razor to the dog's mass of black fur and squashed down an impulse to wince and turn away as he gingerly pushed the contraption through the forest of ebony. To his utter surprise, Kujo didn't whip around and rip his throat out nor yelp in pain, and a clump of shaggy fur floated to the ground.
Kujo snorted and Roxas positively swore he saw the dog raise an eyebrow in a creepily Axel-like fashion.
"Don't do that," the blond murmured halfheartedly, bravery barely there as he timidly repeated the process. Again and again and again, Roxas lightly pressed the electric shaver to Kujo's fur, and a small army of black fur balls began to manifest themselves at Roxas' feet as the boy continued on with his daunting task.
Yet when Roxas took a moment to observe his work, he was far from satisfied. The fur tufts amongst his feet and Kujo's paws were definitely there, but it looked like Roxas had done nothing to Kujo's fur coat.
The skinny boy scrunched up his face in exasperation and let out an melodramatic sigh. "Are you serious, dog. Stop growing fur. Seriously. For like, five seconds. Please."
Roxas continued to shear away hair, gathering up more courage to sink his weapon more deeply into the Land of Fur. He didn't want to hurt Kujo at all and let out a relieved sigh as the firmer stroke of the razor resulted in a shower of fur tufts and not strips of bloody Kujo skin.
Thirty minutes, Kujo's uncooperative wriggling, a possible breakdown on Roxas' part, and much more bravery and begging later resulted in enough shaved fur discarded on the porch floor to make a carpet and a mostly-shaved Kujo.
A mostly-shaved Kujo whose fur coat resembled the aftermath of a four year old, a pair of scissors in said four year old's hand, and that four year old's hair…or lack thereof.
Translation: Calling Roxas' shave job a hack-job would have been something of a compliment.
"Yeah, Axel's going to kill me dead." Roxas said faintly before letting out a giggle that made him question his sanity.
The familiar crunch of gravel under tire alerted Roxas of his boyfriend's return as the blond finished sweeping away the aftermath of shaving Kujo. Straightening up, the blond hissed as his back sharply ached for a moment, punishment from being bent over for so long. Surveying his work, Roxas emptied the last of the fur he could find into a trash can and slowly walked towards Axel and his car.
"Heya babe." The redhead greeted, smiling warmly at his shorter lover as the blond approached him. Roxas stood on tiptoe as Axel bent down slightly, lips meeting in a chaste Welcome Home kiss. The taller man held up the result of his escapade to the store and set it on their back doorstep.
Roxas smiled softly and returned the greeting, but his soft reply was drowned out by Kujo's overjoyed howling and barking. Rolling his eyes, Roxas clambered up onto the stairs, scratching the back of his head. "Um, hi." He said. "I, er, butchered your dog. Hee."
At that, a slender hand moved to open the door, and Kujo shot out like a bullet out of a barrel, tail wagging in bliss as he pounced on his master, licking wherever he could reach.
An eyebrow raised in amusement as Axel surveyed his dog, chuckling as the blond tried to look anywhere but at his "masterpiece". "Well, at least it's all short?" The man offered with a crooked grin.
Roxas punched Axel in the arm, letting out a helpless groan, embarrassed blush staining his cheeks.. "You know it looks like a three year old got to him with a pair of safety scissors, shut up."
Axel burst out laughing and threw an arm around Roxas' shoulders, nuzzling the smaller boy affectionately. "I love you, Rox. 'C'mere, Kuj, I'll clean ya up."
The blond walked alongside Axel, back towards where he was sitting before. Axel crouched down with the razor as Kujo wagged his tail happily. The dog then stood stock-still as Axel began to shave the uneven clumps of hair, giving Kujo a short but even shave.
"…." Roxas watched with narrowed eyes as Kujo innocently tilted his head towards the blond, tongue wagging out cheerfully as his master efficiently fixed Roxas' hack-job. "…Traitor." He muttered to the dog, who snorted nonchalantly in reply.
Axel grinned, lifting up a paw to shear away the long fur hiding between the dog's limb and side, an area Roxas was too afraid to risk shaving as Kujo would squirm too much.
"To be honest I'm surprised he even let you get ten feet near him with that thing," Axel snickered as he jerked his head towards the razor, patting his loyal pet on the head. Roxas turned to his boyfriend in shock and spluttered for a moment. "You didn't really have to, Rox, I would have shaved him when I got back." Axel continued with a devious chuckle.
"Y-y-you mean to say that I almost died at least twice and nearly got my head bitten off for nothing?" Roxas growled, voice low as he glared at his amused boyfriend and said boyfriend's seemingly triumphant dog. He was only slightly pissed, voice angry but carrying no true malice. Even if there was a bit of mischief on his boyfriend's part, Roxas knew that Axel needed and appreciated the help, so he wasn't too angry.
Axel turned off the razor and leaned back to survey his work before patting Kujo's rump with a satisfied nod. Brushing his jeans off, the carmine-haired man sat next to Roxas, placing an apologetic kiss on the fuming boy's cheek.
"You know you love me," the redhead smirked, punctuating each word with a kiss to Roxas' temple. The boy grunted, rolling his eyes as he finally gave in, catching Axel's lips on the last kiss as he pulled away with a grudging smile.
"I'm half convinced you and your dog are descendants of Satan," the shorter man teased, wrapping an arm around Axel's waist. Kujo sat in front of them, cocking his head to the side in a deceivingly cute gesture. "You are one sick puppy." Roxas scoffed at the dog's actions, but reached out to scratch behind an ear all the same.
Axel barked out in laughter, kissing his partner's ear as he scratched his dog's chin. Shifting slightly, he pecked Roxas on the forehead, the younger chuckling as he tilted his chin up, meeting his mischievous lover in a lingering kiss.
"You love us," Axel sang out smugly and Kujo let out a wheeze of agreement. Roxas rolled his eyes but he couldn't deny what was obvious.
Pressing a chaste kiss to his boyfriend's lips, the blond boy sighed in agreement.
"Yeah, I know."