Title: Atlas Shrugged

Summary: "He watched as the figure turned away, rain falling on his silhouetted form in the darkness, only the streetlight casting a dull glow upon their surroundings. He watched as his Atlas shrugged." A series of events, people, and objects in which define James & Logan's life. James/Logan slash.

Warnings: This is pre-slash, slash, pre-series, slight AU, and a futurefic. Curious? Yeah, I don't really get it either. There's also an original character named Julie, despite the fact that I always told myself I would never write an OC. But you will love her, I promise. Also, some minor language and insinuations of mature themes. Please give it a chance?

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or any of the characters involved. I also do not own Bruce Almighty, Atlas Shrugged, or Dante's Inferno. No copyright infringement intended.

She had always been one of his closest friends.

For the longest time, she was the one he went to when he was searching for solace and comfort, as he was always so irrationally insecure. And sure, he had Kendall and Carlos, but they were his hockey buddies—always joking around and teasing—and he certainly couldn't reveal his anxieties to them. He was always confident around them, always so secure in himself and his ambitions, and that's how they saw him, how they would always see him, because for venting and confiding, he had Julie.

He would crawl through her window late at night and they would simply talk. It was easy and effortless and so very soothing, because he knew that he could be uncertain around her—that he could just release any worries that he had, knowing that he would never, ever be criticized or condemned. They would laugh and joke, and it was glaringly obvious they had a connection that ran deep.

Everyone had always assumed they were a couple.

It was only natural, of course. They were asked about their relationship often, and it was odd how their reactions had changed over a series of time. Before, if someone had mentioned the idea of them dating, Julie would blush violently at the thought, averting her gaze to the ground; his eyes would widen notably and he would stammer a quiet 'no'. However, after, if someone had brought it up, they would just laugh and share a knowing glance.

Oh, yes. Julie had taken a special part of his heart, and she was his closest friend.

Of course, that was before he moved into town.

August 23rd, 2004 – Three years, nine months, and thirteen days before.

James walked across the street—looking both ways at least three times, just like his mum had told him—and headed toward the house that was so close to his own. He smiled as he knocked on the door, waiting for his new friend to answer.

James had met her at school and decided that she was going to be his new friend, because she was very pretty and had a twinkle in her brown eyes that intrigued him. It was his first day of 5th grade, and he wanted more than anything to make more friends—Kendall and Carlos would always be his best friends, but he wanted to be popular.

Caught in his thoughts, he was a bit startled when the door finally opened, revealing a smiling Julie in a light blue sun-dress. Her brown hair flowed in ringlets down her back, her freckles standing out against her pale skin.

"James," she said with a smile, her voice so very warm and welcoming. Yes, James decided, he liked Julie very much.

"Wanna watch a movie with me?" he asked innocently. "Mum just bought me Bruce Almighty."

With a nod, they both went into her living room to watch their new movie. She ended up falling asleep against his shoulder halfway through, and James was filled with a sense of affection and appreciation. He noticed that her cheeks had flushed slightly in her sleep, her expression relaxed and warm and something inexplicable. If anything, he was more certain in his endeavor to be a very good friend. He would never take her friendship for granted.

By the end of the movie, he decided that Julie would probably be his girlfriend someday, and he would never treat her how Bruce treated Grace.

July 4th, 2009 – One year and twenty-nine days after.

James was lying on the grass by the hill, staring up at the darkening sky and waiting for the fireworks to start. His entire form was rigid and taut, his two friends and Julie leaving him for the night with the one person he'd known for a little over a year, but didn't really know.

He sighed, trying to dispense the tension that was buzzing beneath his muscles, rogue nerves coiling and twisting with emotions that he couldn't really describe.

He turned his head slightly and his gaze caught on a pair of brown eyes studying him. They were unguarded in a way that James had never before seen—open, vulnerable, accepting. Ever since the day that he had moved there, Logan had been wary of everyone around him, timid and quiet, and he seemed inexplicably unsure of himself. Even among their group of friends, he was the shy one, the smart one that was always rational—that was a benefit, considering they all got into a lot less trouble with him around—but always hesitant.

So to say that James was intrigued by the emotion that was evident in the brunette's gaze would have been an understatement. Logan's eyes gleamed, and the corners of his mouth twitched into a small smile.

"You don't want me here," he said, every sinew and muscle relaxing. Logan's smile didn't falter in the slightest, his gaze soft and warm and so utterly embracing that it was beyond anything James had ever seen or expected.

A frown settled across James' features as he finally processed what Logan had said, wondering how the brunette could have possibly known that in the first place. "That's not true," he lied softly, trying to sound sure.

"Yes huh," Logan persisted. "Your muscles are so tense, they're going to snap at the tendons if you don't relax."

"But—"

"It's completely understandable." Logan waved his hand in a dismissive gesture, returning his attention to the sky. "I'm not exactly the most affable and charming person ever... much too distant."

James sighed, deciding that he wasn't going to be able to lie his way through this, deciding that he didn't really want to lie to Logan in the first place. He didn't deserve that. "I just don't know you," James said softly, his muscles slackening suddenly. The tension that had filled their surroundings was gradually becoming less stifling, slowly diffusing like air out of a needle-punctured balloon.

Logan's smile grew for a moment, but his gaze adamantly remained facing the sky. James noticed the way Logan's brunette hair stood up in several different directions, even more disheveled from lying on the grass. His skin was slightly flushed from the light wind and heat, and his chocolate brown eyes were glowing in a way that they never had before.

"Well, my favorite color is green and I love Dante's Inferno..."

James smiled and felt his heart skip a beat, suddenly overwhelmed by emotion and something unknown... perhaps, affection?

They talked, confided, joked, teased, and simply learned about each other. The night passed; the fire works started and ended, the crescent-shaped moon rose higher in the sky, and it was several hours later before both of them decided it was much too late to stay outside.

James asked Logan to stay the night, and neither fell asleep until four thirty in the morning. James knew that a connection had formed between them, something warm, something inexplicable and implausible, but marvelous nonetheless. Maybe, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes, Logan isn't as unreachable as I had thought.

His dreams were filled with images of brown eyes and crooked smiles, the sweet scent of vanilla lingering close behind.

April 14th, 2009 – Ten months and eight days after.

James found himself searching through the shelves, his fingers trailing over the worn out spines of the leather and cloth material that surrounded him. He sighed easily, a lazy smile settling over his features, because despite what everyone knew about him, he loved books.

One caught his eye, but just before he could further investigate, Julie's innocent face appeared between a gap on the shelf. The movement was so abrupt, so unexpected, that James jumped in sudden panic.

"Find anything, James?" she asked softly with a warm smile.

His heart rate slowly returned to normal and he took a deep shaky breath. "Thanks for scaring me half to death," he mumbled, returning his attention to the book. "Atlas Shrugged. Have you read this?"

"Of course. And you have too." Julies expression blossomed into one of amusement, her big eyes sparkling with all of her appreciation and overall compassion. That was just like her—so very sweet and innocent, wearing her heart on her sleeve, trusting too easily, and seeing the good in everyone around her. James hoped that that would never change, that she would never, ever have to experience adversity or mistrust. "Senile, much?"

James just offered her a chuckle, replacing the book and believing in her word. "It's not my fault I can't remember everything I read."

"Sure, sure," she said. "Excuses."

She disappeared before James could even formulate a response, and he felt his eyebrows pull together in consideration, a trail of hesitancy creeping down his spine. If Julie was feeling animated enough, no one was safe. She was much too mischievous for her own good, James thought; that was probably why she got along so well with the rest of them.

However, he decided he was safe when she reappeared only a moment later, clutching several books in her petite arms. He swiftly lifted them from her grasp, causing her to smile appreciatively and sit down in the chair next to her.

James studied the books for a moment, his hazel eyes absorbing the covers, worn but useful nonetheless. His gaze briefly caught on the ever familiar cover of one of the books, his hand gently touching the black material of the bind. A condensed version of The Divine Comedy, Dante's Inferno.

"I love this book," he whispered softly.

"I know."

October 30th, 2009 – One year, four months, and twenty-four days after

"I like you James," she whispered, blushing slightly and looking toward the ground. "A lot."

He pulled her into a tight hug, clenching his eyes shut—he had only just accepted that he was gay approximately three weeks ago, and now he hated himself just a little bit because of it.

"I'm gay, Julie," he whispered quietly, tightening his grip. "I'm so sorry...I wanted to be with you, I really did... all of this time...ever since the day I met you..." he continued to mumble, his voice stained. "...but that was before he showed up."

December 4th, 2010 11:46 p.m. – Two years, five months, and twenty-nine days after.

"I can't do this anymore... I can't."

"W-what do you mean?"

"This, James... Us," he whispered. "I can't handle it... It's tearing me apart."

"Wait... Hold on."

"No. It's killing me, okay?"

"But—"

James watched as the figure turned away, light rain falling on his silhouetted form in the darkness, only the streetlight casting a dull glow upon their surroundings.

He watched as his Atlas shrugged.

December 5th, 2010, 2:15 a.m. – Two years, five months, thirty days after.

"I love him... I fucking love him, Julie... he can't be done... he can't leave me."

James had tears trailing down the side of his face, his hands buried in his brunette hair and tugging lightly. It was two in the morning on a Friday and Julie found herself watching James unraveling right before her eyes, something kindled in his gaze, absorbed through his very skin and destroying him from the inside out. "James... I want to help you, but I have no idea what you're talking about," she whispered quietly, reaching out for him.

His knees buckled beneath him, and he slid down the side of her wall, settling with his arms wrapped around his knees and his head resting on top. He was soaking wet, his dark hair dripping with raindrops from outside.

She had woken up to him knocking on her window only a few minutes ago, opening it to reveal an awful thunderstorm and an emotionally wrecked James. No, he appeared to be perfectly healthy and well, but Julie could see he was falling apart at the seams; he certainly was not alright.

"He's gone... said he couldn't do it anymore, because..." James' voice broke, his throat clenching and suffocating his words. "Because I don't know... he wouldn't talk, wouldn't tell me anything... and I know I shouldn't be upset. I know it wasn't suppose to mean anything, no strings-attached, no attachment, but..." he paused again, lifting his head and revealing the most broken hazel eyes that Julie had ever seen. "But I couldn't do it. I care, okay? And he wouldn't even let me... explain."

And without further preamble, James Diamond broke down completely. Unadorned and irrepressibly sobs ripping through his chest, and Julie was at his side in a moment, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Who, James?" she whispered, her voice soothing and soft but breaking ever so slightly as tears welled in her eyes. She hated seeing him like this; her sweet, caring James broken and emotionally destroyed. It was killing her. "Who?"

"L-logan."

Comprehension dawn on Julie in that moment, and memories of the past several days resurfaced beyond her control. Julie was a very smart person, perceptive and empathetic to those around her; she noticed small details, minor twitches of an expression or mannerisms that said something completely different from what one might say. Oh yes, Julie knew.

She thought about the way that Logan had always been so drawn to James, seeking him out in a way that could only be described as trusting. There seemed to be a gravitational pull that the two of them had toward each other, and it was obvious in the way that Logan would unconsciously lean toward James' touch. Most people had yet to notice it, but Julie had known to actually look for it. She knew that James was gay, had found that out the hard way when she had confessed to liking him, only for him to regrettably admit the one thing he had been hiding. She also knew that he had feelings for Logan, knew that he would do virtually anything for Logan, loved him. If James agreed to a 'no-strings attached relationship' then he was doing it only because he had felt that that was the only way for him to be close to Logan.

And she knew, without even a shadow of doubt, that Logan felt the same way.

She remembered the way that Logan had looked the past few days: resigned, lost, defeated by unknown burdens that he had refused to talk about. It had been a puzzle for Julie at the time, because she hated not knowing things, and now... now she knew.

"He loves you, James," she whispered with certainty saturated within her words. "If he said he couldn't do it anymore, if he said he was done with you... it was because of some other reason. He would never give you up willingly. I know it, okay? You've got to trust me."

James whimpered softly against her shoulder, and she could feel moisture soaking through her clothes, a mixture of rain and tears as James continued to release his emotions. "How do you know?"

"Don't insult me, James Diamond," she whispered quietly, smiling despite the situation. "I know you. And I know him."

She rubbed his back softly, trying to soothe the pent up tension that was literally buzzing beneath his muscles, shaking him, sending tremors throughout his body.

He fell asleep in her warm embrace, soothed by her words, but entirely too weak to do anything about it.

October 4th, 2009 – One year, three months, twenty-nine days after.

James once again found himself staring up at the black sky, clouds desperately trying to hide the stars and the full-moon that shone. He smiled softly, realizing that they did this so very often, every weekend to be exact, and it had become their thing. No one else knew about their secret hill, the one where they had watched the fireworks so many months back. Not the hockey team, not Kendall or Carlos, not even Julie.

It was utterly silent outside, the slightest of noises ringing loudly in the absence of noise, and James found himself reveling in the quiet, comfortable companionship.

He turned his head slightly and, seeing that Logan's eyes were closed and a soft smile lifting the corners of his lips, he watched him. He felt his heartbeat speed up, his cheeks flushing with color and warmth that had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature outside.

Logan.

The name rang through his thoughts with pivotal, earth-shattering, ground-breaking emotion that consumed every single nerve in his body. It was something so warm and pleasant that his hand moved at its own volition, grasping onto Logan's where it lay on the grass-covered ground.

And Logan didn't so much as flinch at the contact, turning his palm slightly and intertwining their fingers. His smile grew ever so slightly, but his eyes remained closed, veiling the chocolate brown irises that hid beneath.

It was in the moment that James knew, with conviction, that he care deeply for the other boy. Something so interwoven and instinctive that it had been born from the very moment he had met him, blossoming the night that he got to know him, and solidifying the second that they had touched hands.

Yes, James decided, he cared a lot.

December 5th, 2010 12:36p.m. – Two years, five months, thirty days after.

Julie heard the doorbell ringing from where she stood in the kitchen, making eggs and bacon for the emotionally destroyed brunette who was currently asleep, curled in a ball on her floor. The person at the door knocked even more incessantly, and she found herself hurrying towards it, dread flooding through her veins at the obvious urgency.

She pulled the door open and gasped at the sight before her. Logan stood in his clothes from the previous day, his hair soaking wet and dripping from the rain that continued to fall outside. His eyes were red-rimmed and his knuckles were bruised and swollen, disfigured, and so obviously broken. Physically, he was mutilated, and emotionally, he was even worse off. She could see the emotions that flitted through his brown eyes, something so desperate and pained that it was unmistakable.

"Where is he?" he choked, his voice rough and harsh as though he'd been sobbing or screaming—of which, she wasn't sure.

Without a single word, Julie gently took his uninjured hand and led him to her bedroom, opening the door, and revealing the sleeping James who was still curled in on himself.

She watched as Logan walked forward, dropped to his knees and curled up around James, lying with him and wrapping his arms around him in a protective embrace. She watched as James impulsively leaned into the tough, Logan burying his face in the crook of James' neck. And she watched as James turned to face Logan, both of them clinging to each other in a way she'd never before seen.

She shut the door quietly, but not before she could hear their soft voices ringing through the air.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so fucking sorry," Logan whispered, his voice breaking.

"I know." James' voice was just as rough, harsh, but there was an underlying edge of contentment.

December 10th, 2010 – Two years, six months, and four days after.

"I love you," he whispered quietly, his lips immediately connecting with the ones below him.

He sighed softly, losing himself in the touch, craving the heat and affection that lingered within every gesture. His hands trailed down the milky white chest beneath him, knowing every little dip and crevice that existed there.

Every little move and action was filled with tender consideration, every glance was so heated and trusting.

They had gone through everything to get here, completely cleared of every deceiving thought, and finally reveling in the sincerity of their emotions.

"I love you, too," the other boy replied, every word he spoke coated with conviction.

And from that moment on, it was all soft touches, heated chocolate brown eyes, and sweet, sweet vanilla.

June 5th, 2013 – Exactly five years after.

James sat at the park bench with his back pressed against Logan's, both of them leaning against each other with their hands clasped and dangling off to the side. There were three other people surrounding them, all talking animatedly. The park that they were at was a landmark for them—it was the very center from where all of their houses were located, almost the same distance from each house to this point. They would know. They had Logan, of course. This had always been where all five would meet up.

"So, Logan... Five years exactly since you moved to Minnesota, huh?" Kendall asked softly, his attention drawn to the two who sat back-to-back.

"Five years since I met you guys... At this exact spot." Logan said with an edge of nostalgia, a small smile falling across his expression. "I bet I could calculate the exact amount of time between that point and the several turning points in my life. All in Minnesota."

"Yes, we know you're good at math," Carlos said, exasperated and amused. In his hand, he clutched his black helmet.

Julie laughed softly, leaning into Kendall's embrace as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

And it was easy; it was simple.

June 5th, 2008 – Day zero.

James was sitting at a park bench right next to Julie, his arm wrapped around her shoulders as he held the book he was reading.

Kendall and Carlos were arguing over hockey plays, their voices resonating loudly through their surroundings and making it impossible for James to read more than a sentence at a time. His focus kept faltering.

"...if you saw Atlas, the giant who holds the world on his shoulders, if you saw that he stood, blood running down his chest..."

"No, Carlos, you're missing the point... it's basic mathematics!" Kendall growled.

"You suck at math, too, Kendall," Carlos said in return. "You're failing math."

"Well, I'm better at it than you."

Julie just watched them and laughed.

"...his knees buckling, his arms trembling but still trying to hold the world aloft with the last of his strength..."

"What we need is someone who actually know what they're talking about... What about Brian, isn't he good at math?"

"We don't even talk to Brian, Carlos, why would he help us?"

"…and the greater his effort the heavier he world bore down on his shoulders—what would you tell him to do?..."

"Because we are nice, caring individuals who desperately need help with hockey plays so that we can win?"

"Oh, you go ahead and give that a try... Tell me how it works out for you, yeah?"

"...I would tell him to shrug..."

James finally slammed his book shut, glaring at his two best friends that stood arguing with each other, and his other best friend who was laughing hysterically at his side. "Would you please shut up, already?" he hissed.

Suddenly, they were caught off guard as someone approached them, a boy with a medium build, brunette hair, and chocolate brown eyes. "Uhm..." he stammered. "I couldn't help but overhear... You're talking about math, right? And hockey?"

All four stared at him, confusion written on their features as they nodded. None of them had ever seen this boy before, he appeared to be around their age, and considering that everyone in the community went to the same public school, they figured that they would have seen him somewhere.

"I can help," he replied with a smile—guarded but friendly.

James couldn't help himself as he studied the brunette. "Who are you?" he asked, his voice soft and uncertain, and he desperately hoped that he didn't come off sounding rude; he was simply curious.

"Logan," he said, his smile not faltering in the slightest. "I just moved here."

Author's Note: After I reread this...I realized how absolutely complicated it seems. Regardless, I'm actually very please with how this turned out. I hope that everyone was able to read this, understand where I was going with it, despite the odd style and format I used.

Once again, thank you so, so much to everyone who has been reading and/or reviewing. I cannot tell you guys how much I appreciate it. You're all simply amazing. :D

I would absolutely love to hear some thoughts and opinions on this... Was the formatting too absurd? Did you enjoy Julie's character?