AfterShock

I can't

Recognize all the days that were lost and the heart that you

robbed from me.

I won't

Face this on my own…

"Sergeant Matsuda?"

At the sound of the unfamiliar voice, I turned to watch a stranger emerge from the mist and stride up the running track.

Rain had settled in around midnight, dripped a while, and finally disappeared just in time for my morning jog at the academy training facility, but the fog had only recently started to lift, revealing a still damp, mostly gray morning.

As the stranger took his time strolling toward me, I trotted in place, taking deep breaths of fresh air and checking my pulse. I knew a few of the cadets and most of the instructors—but he didn't look familiar, short, and dressed in a suit without a tie.

"Hey," I panted, thinking I'd figure out who he was after we'd talked a moment.

Throwing damp hair back from his pale eyes, he gave me a jerky wave and a milk white smile. "They told me you like to jog here right before you finish a case."

Obviously, he'd been talking to somebody familiar with my habits, but as I stared into the youthful face, framed by reddish hair, I couldn't remember seeing him even once before.

"Yeah." I grinned back at him. "Clears my head."

He had a memorable laugh—loud and energetic.

"Anyway. Can I help you?"

"Not at the moment." He tossed his hair again. "I'm just swinging by to say hello."

"Oh." Finally, I stopped jogging, thinking there was no way for me to beat my record now. "Well…"

Unsure of what to say, I paused, thinking he'd at least introduce himself. Unless I was supposed to know who he was. Hopelessly, I looked him over again. He looked younger than me—a cadet, I guessed—but his suit was nice. A cadet who came from money, maybe. His sharp gaze took me in with a half-amused air, lingering at the K scar on my left forearm.

For over a year, I'd gone to a lot of trouble to hide it from even the people who'd seen it before; it was a pain to always wear long sleeves or jackets, but I just couldn't stand the pitying, bothered glances people slanted at it when they thought I wasn't paying attention, and I definitely didn't appreciate having a stranger stare at it.

I clamped one hand over it, and he gave a flippant shrug. "Sorry to interrupt. I just thought it might be nice to meet face to face."

"No problem," I told him, trying to smile again now that I knew I wasn't supposed to know who he was. "I'm Matsuda."

I offered a light bow, but he barely inclined his head as he offered his hand. Somewhat surprised, I took it.

Grip firm, he jerked me slightly closer so that our bowing heads almost knocked. "I know."

With a nervous laugh, I straightened up and backed down. His hand felt soft, but unexpectedly aggressive. He must have spent some time outside Japan since he looked too young to be a business man, but I no longer knew whether or not he was a cadet.

It was possible at least a few of the cadets had heard about me. I mean, I'd heard plenty about Mogi, Aizawa, and Ide while I was in the academy, and from the look of this guy, there was about the same age gap between us as there was between me and the chief. Plus I'd pulled some pretty crazy stunts last year.

But I wouldn't expect a cadet to be so forward.

Suddenly breaking the handshake, he turned away. "Good to meet you," he decided in a soft spoken, easygoing tone, but as I watched him walk off, I got a twisted feeling in my stomach—a familiar tightness of distrust—the paranoia I'd been fighting with for the last year.

I couldn't help calling after him, "Hey, what's your name, Cadet?"

But he just replied, "I'm not a cadet. Just a fan!" And then he strode across the track, to the exit, and I watched him until he vanished into the fog.

Don't let it bother you, I told myself, jogging again. So you made a fan. Nothing to worry about.

For most of my life, I'd been completely carefree, never letting anything or anyone get to me, but the seeds of suspicion planted by Light's betrayal had sprouted during the Reaper case and been watered by working the last nine months as an undercover officer. Everybody I encountered was a toss up—part of the case, or not—my job was to figure out which was which; I'd had to learn to be more careful about who I trusted. The last thing I wanted was to repeat my Kira mistake.

Shaking that thought from my mind, I broke into sprint; I'd had enough fresh air for one morning.

The feeling nagged at me, though, even as I took a quick shower in the locker room. Standing under the hot water, I stared down at the scar on my arm, tracing the thick, white stem of the K with one finger. My own carelessness and trust had put it there as much as Miyami's knife had.

That's all over, I assured myself, walking out to my car.

Catching the remainders of the Shinigami syndicate and rounding up all the illegal firearms the Reaper had brought into the country was taking a long time; more than once, I'd told Aizawa I wanted to help, maybe just because I did need there to be a day when I knew all the scum bags behind that incident were off the streets, but no matter how many times I brought it up, he always said, "You're not ready for that," in the same grumbled, tired tone he'd used the first time.

You shouldn't work on that, that's what he really means.

I'd go to any lengths necessary to see them all executed—he knew that. They'd tried to kill me, all my friends, even my girlfriend. He knew that. He knew if any one of them came face to face with me, they would still try to kill me, whether they believed it would honestly revive Kira or not.

Knowing he was right didn't make it any less frustrating.

One day at a time, just like Doctor Kanseki always says.

Things were quiet at the station. Crime rates had picked up a little in the last year, but they stayed low, and even though the chief kept everyone on task, Ide said peaceful times made for lazy detectives.

He met me at my desk, chiding, "Running late," as I sat down to go over my file one last time. I'd learned, finally, that every detail had to be perfect, everything I said and did had to be flawless, and if there were any doubts or holes or blank spots in the plan, I'd better not execute it.

"I'm right on time," I argued, mildly.

He leaned against my desk to shoot me a wry grin. "The boss is looking for you."

"It's not even seven." I closed the folder and got up. "What, does he live here?"

"More or less," Ide muttered.

For living at the station, Aizawa kept a Spartan office, furnished with just a desk, piled high with paperwork, and a single photo of his family. Tokyo loomed restlessly beyond the portrait window, but he somehow managed to always keep it dim, and nothing inside it ever seemed to move. Except him.

Already he paced behind the desk, like a caged tiger, frowning and glaring from the window to the door.

"Hey," I greeted, suppressing a groan and trying to smile. "I mean… Good morning, Chief."

Aizawa barely muttered at me, something that sounded a lot like, "what's good about it?"

Slowly, I shut the door and scanned the room, trying to notice what might have set him off. "What's going on? You're pacing." Never a good sign.

"It's cramped in here," he grumbled, even though I'd been telling him, all year, he had more than enough room to put a couch in his office. He jerked his chin at the chair. "Sit down."

Oh, boy, here we go.

Reluctantly, I took a seat, watching him go around one more time before he dropped into his chair, frowning across the desk at me. "I assume everything's in order."

Even though I'd already told him everything he needed to know, I nodded. "Yep. The meeting's at four, in the location I gave you; I've never seen him take more than two guys with him to a meet like this. No guns or anything like that…"

I trailed away and cocked my head at him, noticing how he frowned into the polished surface of his desk.

"Is there something else I need to know?" I asked.

"If there was, do you think I'd waste time listening to you list details I already memorized?"

"I guess not. Ai—"

"Chief," he corrected through his teeth. It was only the millionth time.

"Sorry. Chief. I'm not sure what you want me to tell you."

Heaving a quiet sigh, he got up and started to pace again. While he wasn't looking, I glanced at everything on his desk, thinking maybe he'd gotten some bad news. Nothing stood out.

"Hey." Aizawa suddenly lurched back to the desk, slamming his hands down, startling me. His intense, chocolate eyes stared at me, searching for something specific in my face. "Are you ready for this?"

"What?" I laughed. "That's why you're all wound up? Ai, I've done this a bunch of times."

"A few times, Sergeant, and never by yourself before."

I shrugged. He was the one who'd decided sending in two of us would be a mistake. "It's just a drug bust."

"You told me yourself you think this guy might be connected to the yakuza."

"Yeah, I think what I actually told you was this guy wants to be connected to the yakuza. I don't think he is yet."

"Someone is backing him though," Aizawa countered. "You said there's no way he's operating on his own."

"Well, yeah. I mean, it's not some mom and pop speed operation." I smirked.

Aizawa stuck out his thick lips in a scowl. "I'm glad, Sergeant, that you find all this so funny."

"It kinda is; getting all wound up about some speed bust—"

"The yakuza isn't funny, is it, Matsuda? For the record, in case there's any doubt in your mind, I would never ask you to infiltrate the yakuza by yourself at this juncture in your career."

"That's fair," I agreed, even though I still thought it was ridiculous. Who would he send to infiltrate the yakuza all alone?

Anyway, whether he wanted to come out and say it or not, he was obviously just worried about me because it was the first time I'd executed a sting on my own, so I gave him a reassuring smile. "Relax, Chief—everything's going to be okay."

Aizawa rolled his eyes. "That isn't the answer I'm looking for here."

"Sure it is!" I got up, still grinning. "You asked if everything's in order, and it is. You asked if I'm ready, and I am. Everything's okay."

Still, he just frowned. "Look. If it's not… We don't have to do this today. If you need more time, that's okay."

Compared to the way he kept everyone else on a tight schedule with their assignments, I couldn't believe he'd give me a free pass to back out of mine, but I was way too excited to even consider delaying my first real sting.

"I don't," I insisted, calmly. "Everything's fine."

At dusk, I stood outside a seedy shopping complex, casually watching the few people come and go. Like always, Kazz Akai had chosen a conspicuously dumpy location for a drug meet, but this time he'd actually picked one perfect for an easy bust. At least, I thought so, after checking it out a few days in a row. Typically, it was quiet, the parking lot mostly empty, especially at this time of night, and the few shoppers keeping the place breathing were the type to look the other way.

Some kids cluttered around the door to the little supermarket started an argument, screaming obscenities at each other and showing off gang symbols. Patrons going in for groceries gave them a wide berth, but I doubted anything would come of it.

Thoughtfully, I glanced the other way, to the end of the strip, where more kids were gathered, but they were just hanging out, maybe doing a little drinking. I'd done some loitering of my own at that age, so I didn't worry about them.

Everything moved along, business as usual. A supermarket employee came to collect carts from the parking lot. One of the nail salon girls stepped out to smoke a cigarette. No one looked twice at me.

Ide had been very critical of the location when I'd dragged him over here with me yesterday, but I'd ignored that. Ide tended to be critical of practically everything, and, anymore, he thought every idea was bad. I didn't know if he was trying to make me second guess myself just as a joke, or if he really thought the shopping complex was a mistake. Either way, Aizawa said it was completely up to me, so it must be fine.

Or he's just letting me the hard way.

Ever since I started this job, he'd been tougher on me than ever, constantly telling me I'd just have to figure it out, tearing me up and down any time I made even a small mistake.

Trying to be discreet, I glanced to the corner, where he and Ide had parked across the street in Aizawa's new Toyota. They weren't tapped into the wire feed, but they were both watching, so I'd have to be pretty dumb not to realize Aizawa was super worried. I imagined he thought the harder he went on me, the more determined I'd be to succeed.

Hey, for all I knew, it was working. I'd do anything in my power to keep from messing up this job, especially since it seemed like he finally, finally had some faith in me, and showing up to my bust like this gave me a great opportunity, to prove once and for all, that he didn't need to worry.

In my ear piece, Lieutenant Rikimaru's voice crackled, "Don't look at the chief, Sergeant. Stay focused."

Glad everyone was too far away to see the way my face warmed up, I scanned the lot one more time. "We're all clear."

"Copy that. I've got eyes on Kazz."

This is it.

I drew a deep breath, slipped my hands into my pockets, and took a careful look up and down the road.

Bluish headlights flooded the night, and a silver Lexus GX ripped into the complex, way nicer than most of the other cars around. It's shiny chrome gleamed, and the engine purred quietly.

"Here we go," I said to myself, taking my hands out of my pockets and reviewing in my head, one last time, the plan.

The Lexus screeched to a stop under one of the streetlights, rumbling and shuddering as I walked out to meet them, with a smile and a wave.

A second later, they killed the engine, and three men climbed out. I kept smiling, eyes open for any sign that they might be onto me. The two smaller guys barely looked around while their boss stepped up, grinning. "Mat!"

"Kazz!" I called, automatically mimicking his energy. "Kazz-ma-tazz! Man, I'm happy to see you!"

"I told you to slow down," he laughed. "You'll ruin your good looks."

"Sure, I know." I scuffed my dirty Keds over the uneven pavement. "But you only live once." I smirked at his guys. "Yeah? Moto? Yone? YOLO, am I right?"

The two of them chuckled a little. Small-eyed and tweaky, Moto had always been the suspicious one, keeping a constant look out and mad dogging me through every meeting, but tonight, even he looked relaxed.

Like always, Yone was much too stoned to care about what went on around him. The yakuza wouldn't let guys this careless fly their colors.

"Anyway, Mat," Kazz rumbled, pounding me hard on the back. He was a big guy—half Samoan, he said—and he almost knocked me down, steadying me automatically and roaring with laughter. "Let's do lunch some time!"

"Sure!" I agreed, straightening my jacket, barely thinking about the fact that he'd be behind bars by midnight. "There's this awesome new place near my house we should try."

Chuckling, he reached into his pocket, "You got it Matti. You know you're my favorite customer." With that, he produced a baggie of white powder, tossing it to me, and I held it for a long time.

It wasn't any bigger or any heavier than the last one, but it felt different—more significant, more real.

Kazz cleared his throat. "Got the money?"

I realized I'd hesitated too long and knew I'd better play up the clueless act. "Oh! Right. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Long day. Just thinking how I really need to unwind."

Fumbling for the money in the back of my jeans, I realized I was shaking. When I took the time to count it out, that was sheer nervousness. I paused for a breath, knowing Aizawa and Ide must be muttering to each other that I looked ready to panic. Kazz shifted with vague impatience. In my ear, Riki said, quietly, "Relax out there, Sergeant. It's going great."

"Don't worry about it so much," Kazz suggested, suddenly snagging the money out of my hands and shuffling quickly through it. "We can always even up later if we need to."

"Right." I took another breath and realized that was it. I had the drugs. He'd taken the money.

Pointing finger guns at me, Kazz stepped back toward his car. "Hit me up when you need more." His laugh boomed.

"Right." I tried to grin.

Riki hissed, "Matsuda."

Already, Kazz was opening his car door. If he got away from me, I'd never hear the end of it.

Jolting to life again, I lurched after him. "Oh, hey, just one last thing, Kazz."

Tiger eyes blinking curiously, he met my gaze, only seconds away from climbing in and peeling away. "What's up?"

I reached under my coat, sliding my fingers across the reassuringly cold steel of my pistol, and the moment I touched it, every shred of nervousness faded from the inside of my chest. I drew down, quickly, aiming right for his chest. "I'm with the NPA."

The three of them jumped. "Woah, dude!" Yone cried, sticking his hands in the air, and Moto shouted, "Fucking pig," looking ready to scramble away.

By then, lights and sirens were going off. I kept my eyes on Kazz, and he stared at me like I'd stuck a knife in his back.

I jerked my pistol at him. "On the ground, Akai!"

Slowly, he knelt, lacing his fingers behind his neck.

My team flooded past me, guns out.

Ide clapped a hand on my shoulder as he passed to take over the arrest, and Aizawa stepped up next to me. I finally lowered my gun to face the chief, grinning and running my fingers through the back of my hair. "See? No big deal."

Sternly, he grumbled, "You almost lost your focus, Matsuda."

"Well, I—"

"Matsuda?!" Kazz shouted, suddenly struggling against the officers who'd restrained him. "You're a cop? You little son of a bitch!" Riki and Ide shoved him back, but he pushed against them, eyes on fire as he charged toward me.

"You've got balls!" he yelled. "I know you—that's right. I've heard about you, Matsuda. Everyone has."

I clenched my pistol tighter as he lunged at me again, and this time Ide and Riki lost their grip on his beefy arms. "I know people who'd love to get their hands on you! You're dead!"

It was such a shocking thing to say, I actually opened my mouth to ask him, who, but Aizawa, knocked him back with a blow to the chest, shouting over me, "Ide, get this loud mouth son-of-a-bitch out of my face!"

"You got it, Chief." Socking Kazz in the stomach, Ide took hold of him again, and he and Riki started to drag him away.

As I watched them go, I felt a little shaken.

No reason for that. Sure, I'd never had a perp threaten me that way at the scene of an arrest before, but Kazz was energetic and cocky, always talking big but not backing it up.

As they stuffed him into a car, his eyes stayed leveled, hatefully, on me, and I couldn't help suddenly thinking back on the stranger I'd met at the academy track this morning.

After everything else I'd had to do today, I'd completely forgotten the guy, but now him walking away saying, "just a fan," felt almost as ominous as Kazz screaming in my face that he knew "who I was." None of it really meant anything, but it sent chills down my spine.

A hand touched my shoulder, and I jerked around to look at Aizawa again, already knowing what kind of half-worried expression would be on his face, biting a wince back because I'd thought we were past some of this.

"What was that about, Sergeant?" His gruff tone didn't match the concern in his eyes at all, and I knew he didn't want any of the others to see him treating me special.

"Who knows?" I smiled, covering my misgivings. "Guess I'm famous."

Aizawa's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Had he ever said anything like that to you before?"

"Nope." I shrugged and turned to watch the K9 unit start tearing into Kazz's Lexus. "Besides, I don't think the op would have gone off this well if he had any idea who I was. Right?" It was actually a pretty comforting thought to me, and I couldn't help grinning at him.

The chief did not grin back, and his frown had taken on a suspicious sheen. "Did you find anything more about his connections?"

"No, nothing like that. But like I said before, I don't think he has any major connections—yet."

"Well, has he ever mentioned being connected with anyone dangerous? Not just tonight, but—"

"Chief," I cut in, carefully, "I promise I'm gonna put everything I know about it in my report tonight, so you don't have to worry."

As they often did these days, his eyes took on a resigned look, and I knew he had a hard time balancing his role as my boss and his lingering feelings of being my friend. Even coming here in person, to a routine sting, after hours, spoke a lot to how he still must feel some nagging urge to watch my back.

I took the chance of patting him on the shoulder, reassuringly. "Don't worry so much. It's bad for you."

"Yeah, fine," he muttered, dissatisfied.

"Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow." I backed toward my car, hoping he wouldn't suddenly think of a bunch more questions to ask. Ai was pro at that.

Luckily, he just nodded and turned to watch the unit finish up.

"Hey, Aizawa," I couldn't help calling, when I'd gotten halfway across the lot, and he turned to me again.

"Yeah?"

I gave him a thumbs up. "It went great, though, right? I mean, I know I almost screwed up, but other than that, not bad, huh?"

It would be just like him to find something pessimistic to say right then, and in the past he'd always been great at pinpointing some detail and complaining about how I really needed to work on it, but this time, for once, he sort of smiled and called back, "You did good, Matsu. You're gonna be a great narc."

Even after his being chief for a whole year, it still felt good to hear him say I'd done a good job, and I couldn't hide the giant smile that took over my face. "Tomorrow, then!"

"Have a nice night, kiddo. You earned it."

As I walked away, the smile persisted. After all, he let me handle this almost completely by myself, and when it was over he didn't even have a lot of criticism to dish out. Sure, I'd lost myself for a second in there, and in the past that would have been when Riki took over and wrapped things up, but I'd done it on my own this time, and hopefully, in another case or two, Chief would really trust me to handle things without hovering over me the whole time.

Not that I minded his hovering, I thought, as I drove back to the station. I missed working with him, Ide, and Mogi, so in a way, it was kinda nice that he'd show up in person to watch me make a bust.

All of that was strictly personal—I knew that—and sometimes it was hard not to let it interfere with my actions, but as always, I had to cut myself some slack. Tucking back the sleeve of my jacket at a red light, I stared down at the scar on my arm again, and thought that, after the last few years, it was okay that the three of us still felt overly involved with each other.

Other people in the department could sneer about my being tight with the chief or getting special treatment, but they'd never understand how it had felt to go up against the world with just my friends at my back, or how desperately I'd wanted to keep anything from happening to them. None of them really got how it had felt to watch Akki Toyoshi put a gun to Aizawa's head and know that there wasn't any saving him.

Anyway. I shook that image away, as I always did. That was over, things worked out okay… As okay as they could. The four of us were lucky to be alive, and regular visits to my therapist plus getting more involved with work had helped a lot in putting me back on track. With Aizawa in charge now and Mogi gone, things had changed, but I thought it was all for the best.

I should call Mogi, I told myself, strolling into the station. He'll wanna know how the bust went.

Even from far away, Kanzo Mogi was good for silent, steadfast support, and he'd always been better than Aizawa and Ide about telling me what he really thought. Last time we talked, he'd even said, "I'm proud of you, Matsu."

Come to think of it, not that long ago, even Ide had muttered in his halfway sincere tone, "I didn't think a spaz like you could pull it off…but you're actually doing okay with this undercover stuff."

That might be the best I'd ever get from him, but it was just as good as hearing Aizawa say I'd done well. Better, maybe, since Ide had acted so completely against my going undercover in the beginning. Knowing he felt concerned for me didn't make it any less tedious to have him prying into why I'd accepted the position and even trying to talk me out of it every time something went wrong. Hopefully, after tonight, he'd back off.

He was already at the station when I got there, wrapping up booking Kazz and his guys; he smiled when he saw me and teased, "Oh, if it isn't 007 himself! Hey, you almost gave the chief a panic attack, spacing out in the middle of the bust. I get it if you wanna keep everyone in suspense, but maybe work on your timing." And then he punched me in the shoulder, while I stood back, laughing sheepishly and feeling my face glow with embarrassment and a sense of pride.

We talked a moment about some of the logistics of arresting Kazz, and then Ide told me, more seriously, "Chief's pretty happy with you, even if he doesn't say so." "Just doing my job!" I told him, still struggling to hide the happiness threatening to burst out of my chest.

"Sure, but I meant I think he's glad this is actually paying off."

"Me too," I announced, and I really was relieved. I had known Aizawa took a serious risk when he asked me to go undercover. Even during my leadership courses and training, my classmates had all stared at me like they couldn't understand why Matsuda of all people was there with them, and I'd known that if I failed, it would look really bad on the boss.

That was a lot of pressure to handle—a lot of sleepless nights spent studying, a lot of anxiety over what could go wrong. Halfway into it, I'd stopped to see Aizawa at his house, because it had felt like the only secure place to have such a sensitive conversation, and even though he'd been annoyed to have me show up unannounced, he'd heard me out.

"I should quit," I'd told him, without any ado. "I'm going to screw this up, and it's your career on the line."

Aizawa had blinked, but not like he didn't know that himself, more like he hadn't expected me to realize it, and then he'd said, supremely irritated, "I won't let you quit. I've already invested too much."

"Yeah, but, Aizawa, I don't want to make you look bad."

"Then I guess you need to do better, Sergeant," he'd told me, sternly. "Besides, I don't know what else to do with you, so you'll just have to live with that. Now get off my doorstep."

Smirking to myself, I remembered the unapologetic way he'd slammed the door in my face, leaving me to wander away and wrestle with the dilemma alone. He'd been right anyway. I was in too deep to go back, and I was much too restless to just sit down and do my desk work like I should. I did have to do better.

Tonight, though, with everyone in the station greeting me like a hero, congratulating me on my first solo op, I knew I'd succeeded. There was nowhere to go but up.

From the station, I headed home to clean up and change clothes, and then I grabbed a bottle of wine on the way to Sayu's place, unable to stop smiling the whole way. At the end of the day, after a big success, the best part was still that I got to spend the evening with her and share my victory.

She had moved with her mom to a place on the outskirts of town several months ago, and the neighborhood was quaint and quiet, full of small houses and not much light. I parked along the street and whistled my way up to the door, only pausing for a second to think about what Sachiko might think.

Originally, we'd agreed to take things slow and tell Sachiko everything when the time was right, but with me showing up constantly to surprise Sayu with flowers or candy, hiding our relationship hadn't worked out so well; I could only hope she'd accept it in time and be happy for us.

For a more intimate night, Sayu normally came to my apartment, but tonight, I just wanted to have a few glasses of wine, maybe watch a movie, sit, content, with the feeling of her in my arms, and enjoy the satisfaction of things going right for a change.

Already smiling, Sayu answered the door, her caramel-colored eyes lit up like starlight. Hair tumbling messily around her shoulders, even in her oversized sweater and leggings, she took away my breath.

I waved the wine at her. "Hey, Sayu, I just—"

She jumped into my arms, winding herself around my neck and squeezing me tight like she hadn't seen me in weeks, and I felt her soft lips brush across my cheek. The fervent way she murmured, "I knew you'd come!" made me feel like a hero.

A quiet moment passed, and I settled my head into her shoulder, sliding my free hand up her back, and taking deep breaths of her shampoo and laundry detergent, feeling complete.

"Sorry I didn't call first," I told her when we finally let go of each other, just like I always did.

And Sayu, just as eagerly as if she was telling me the first time, answered, "I love it when you surprise me," and took my hand between hers, pulling me into the modest living room.

"I brought wine." I set that on the coffee table, careful to use a coaster. "And I thought we could watch that movie you were telling me about. If your mom doesn't mind." I glanced around the house at the dim lamps filling the space with a warm glow, and the darkened hall leading back to the bedrooms.

Sayu beamed up at me, pink tenderness coloring her cheeks and eyes deep with bright highlights and dark shadows, mouth so fresh and full, I couldn't help leaning down to kiss it, slowly.

"Mom's out of town," she said, chuckling and hitting me lightly on the chest. "I told you about that."

"Oh, right. In Enoshima, visiting family?"

"Yep." She squeezed against me again. "I'm all yours tonight."

While I opened the wine, she brought some glasses, coming back to crawl into my lap as I poured the drinks and made small talk, clinging to me and running her fingers through my hair.

"I'm waiting!" she announced, suddenly, after her first small sip.

Innocently, I looked at her. "Waiting for what?"

"Tell me about the op!" she insisted with a laugh, and kissed the side of my head. "Did it go okay?"

Immediately, all the pride and pleasure I'd been fighting to contain at the station burst out of me. I pushed her, gently, off my lap, to get up and march around the room once, laughing and grinning. "It was amazing! You shoulda' been there, Sayu! It all went perfect!" I brushed the hair from my eyes, thinking back on it. "I mean, I guess it always goes fine, but this time it was all me! I set up the meet and picked the location, I spent all the time getting to know the perp and gaining his trust! He even invited me to lunch and called me his favorite customer!"

Giggling, Sayu applauded lightly.

I grinned down at her. "I've never seen a perp invite Riki to lunch! And the arrest went smooth, that's always nice." Momentarily, I thought about telling her how I'd nearly screwed it up or the weird threats Kazz had made, but none of that mattered when I was sharing a success with the woman I loved. "Hey, Aizawa and Ide even told me I did a good job! That never happens!"

"Yeah, but they probably think it all the time," she decided, taking another sip of wine. "You know how they are."

"Right?" I rolled my eyes. "This time, though, they were both impressed with me. I bet Aizawa will even start giving me bigger cases to work on. Not that I mind the small stuff. But now he knows I can do it—who knows what I'll be investigating next!"

Maybe he'd even let me help catch the remnants of the syndicate.

"I'm happy for you, Peaches!" she said brightly, and reached her hands out, inviting me back to her.

The moment our fingers brushed, it seemed like I was completely wrapped up in her, mouths locked together, arms holding each other tightly, my fingers threaded into her hair, her hands clinging to my shirt and cupping my face.

"I love you," she whispered, breathless, delicate nose still pressed against mine.

"Really?" I gasped, the way I always did. "I'm not too old, right?"

Sayu laughed quietly and kissed me fiercely. "No, no. You are perfect."

I squeezed her so tightly, I thought we might melt into one another. "I love you too. So much."

A long time passed, and we stared into each other's eyes. Sometimes, I felt I could still see pain in hers, or darkness, and sometimes her smile didn't seem quite true. I didn't forget she'd been through a lot, or my part in it all, and deep inside, I knew there might be a day when her resentment and agony took over, a day when she might not want me, a day when she might wake up next to me and realize she actually hated me for some of what had happened. That wasn't today, though, and all I wanted was just to enjoy every moment I had with her, like it was the last one I'd ever get.

Still holding my hands, Sayu eased off the couch and leaned forward to brush her lips over my forehead. "I'm proud of you," she murmured into my hair. "I can't wait to celebrate with you, I'm just gonna go clean up."

"Don't take too long." I kissed her tiny hand, and watched her sway off into the dark of the hall, still grinning over her shoulder at me.

"I'll be right back, Sweetheart."

While I waited, I found the movie she wanted to watch—some new rom com she'd been raving about for weeks—humming to myself as I set it up and fast forwarded through the previews, looking back on the great day I'd had, thrilled that it was ending like this, with Sayu.

I'd just gotten to the menu when I heard a knock on the front door. Down the hall, a faint bar of light radiated from Sayu's room, so I shrugged to myself. It wasn't that late. Probably a neighbor.

Still singing under my breath, I crossed to the door and pulled it open with a smile. "Can I help—?"

Someone jammed the barrel of a gun under my nose, and I got just a glimpse of flinty eyes through the shadows.

A dark voice growled, "Let's go."