Sleepless

The room was silent. Her only company was the light humming of the computers and machines surrounding her, keeping her from feeling entirely alone and deserted. The others were asleep- as she should be- besides the few guards roaming the halls or manning the control room.

She couldn't let herself fall asleep.

She wasn't about to admit it to anyone- and she had a hard time admitting it even to herself- but she was afraid. Afraid of letting her will and conscious get the best of her in her dreams. Fear that as she slept, the bond would connect them.

It had been two days.

She still didn't know what to think, or what to do.

Ben's face followed her wherever she went. That sorrowful, heartbroken expression just before she shut the barrier, and he'd left her sight. She couldn't help the guilt or the heavy weight of… emptiness. She felt hollow, like she'd lost a part of her she'd never known she'd had.

Rey squeezed her eyes shut tightly in attempts to force him out of her thoughts. If she pondered over Ben too much, the bond would connect them. He was the last person she needed to see right now.

A little voice in the back of her head tickled her mind, saying that he might be the very thing you need to mend the wound. To put everything behind and move forward with her life.

She promptly ignored it.

Stepping carefully towards a window, her footsteps clicking loudly on the hard floor. It only reminded her again that she was on her own, that no steps would rise to follow her. None to walk beside her either. Not even some ahead.

You're nothing.

She bit her lip, the words ringing painfully true. This wasn't the first time they'd replayed, continuously reminding and prompting her to listen. To accept and let go.

She clenched her fists, as though daring the thoughts to try her again.

There was a rustling of cloths that whispered behind her, eerily, echoing not across the walls, but from what seemed to be the very insides of her soul. She shook her head and closed her eyes lightly, despair welling in an overwhelming onslaught.

"I don't want to do this right now." She whispered, yet she knew he could hear her. She refused to turn around. She didn't want to look into his eyes.

"And you think I do?"

His voice was gravelly and thick. Muffled. In that moment she surprised herself by almost turning around, yet she regained control just in time. Something sounded wrong.

"Then leave."

"I would if I could." The words were dead and empty, with no emotion. He was hiding so much that even the force couldn't betray his feelings. He was blocking her out.

She did turn this time, just because all other ways of figuring were kept from her disposal. But- to her relief- he was facing away from her as well. He had regained the cape which pooled at his feet, yet his hair was the same. He stood straight and rigid, feet firmly planted in a stoic but powerful pose.

He looked like a leader. No, he looked like Kylo.

She swallowed thickly before taking a few hesitant steps in his direction. "Why are we still connected? I thought Snoke's death was the end of it."

"I don't know." Again that voice devoid of anything. It was driving her mad.

Shaking her head and pressing her lips together, Rey let her voice rise to a plea. "Ben, why are you doing this?"

He swung around, cape billowing behind him and face revealing just as much as his voice. Absolutely nothing. But his eyes were on fire with something akin to pain. "Doing what?" He spat the words in a low but terrible whisper. "I'm only doing what I am meant to do."

"This isn't." Rey persisted. Waving her hand in a wild gesture in her urgency, she tried again. "I-is this what you're meant to do? Be no better than your grandfather? He made a mistake, and he admitted it. Why do you think this is right, making the same mistakes as Anakin?"

The veins in his neck were tight chords of fury, the only giveaway to his frustration. "Vader. His name was Vader."

"As yours is Kylo, I bet?" Frustration was putting it mildly. She was furious and exasperated by his behavior. Throwing her fist in the air and letting it land angrily against her knee, she swung back around and returned to the window. "Yet, I still call you Ben."

There was a very heavy and suffocating silence. There was more movement of cloth, followed by a shaky shuddering sigh. "Ben Solo is gone."

"No. No he's not." She whispered quietly. "And I know that from experience. If he was gone, I'd be dead. At Kylo's hand." She ducked her head. "Yet I am alive, because of Ben."

She felt more then saw Ben step back, face a shadowed reflection in the window pane. It pinged a realization of remembrance, yet she couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly.

"He's gone." He repeated, but his voice held a tremor. Rey glanced over her shoulder, staring into his eyes and willing him to listen.

"We both know that's not true. Even Snoke could see it. In killing me… he was hoping that would be your last push, Ben." She stepped closer, until she stood right before him, only inches away from each other. He towered above her, forcing her to tilt her head far up to keep eye contact.

Bringing all confidence together, she said quietly and gently. "Just remember you're not alone in this fight."

Just as he tilted his head to look at her, the connection vanished. She inhaled deeply in half disappointment, and half relief.

Biting her lip intently, she reached hand out to the place where he'd been standing, desperately wishing it wasn't just a figment of the Force, and that he was truly there. She just wanted him back, and she wanted it real.

Hullo peoples!

This is my first fic here in the Star Wars fandom, although I've been writing well over a year over in the How to Train Your Dragon fandom. I'm known there as FanWriter02, but decided I might as well start an entirely new account for my Reylo obsession seeing as how my followers over there expect dragons, not Star Wars. :D

So please be kind with this, I've only recently gotten into Star Wars so am not extremely familiar with all the details of that universe. I intend to wisen myself in due time, however.

Anywho, thanks for reading, I hope you have a wonderful day! Toodles!

-Kat