From A to E

by heka

Allen suddenly turns into a girl. Madness ensues.

Summary: Allen suddenly turns into a girl. Madness ensues.

Author's Comments: This is crack. Fantastic, wonderful and brilliant crack. I blame 'Androgyne' written by RagnarokSkurai in Everworld fandom, all authors who write about a female Allen Walker and the D.Gray-man universe in general. Please note that I will be referring to Allen as a male throughout the writing, even though he is so un-canonly otherwise.

Disclaimer: … Mua hahahahaha.

Dedicated to: Orenji Yume, who helped me write this and probably betaed it, all fans of a female Allen Walker, RagnarokSkurai who started it all (and who this is a tribute to though she will probably never read this ;;) and everyone out there in general. Yes, this was especially written for you.

Time Period: It's an AU. (Then again, it might have happened before Allen lost his arm.) Allen's living in the HQ, still has his Innocence and everyone's around him, with all their respective Innocences in place. Cross Marian is still wandering around though. You however, are expected to be up-to-date with the anime or the manga.

Possible Pairings: Hints of AllenxLenalee, BakxFou (if you squint) and sickeningly copious amounts of Allen/Ellenxeveryone else. Possible Komui-killing-Allen situations. All because I can. Spread the love, baby.

Title: From A to E

I:

The first time when Allen Walker, one of the youngest Exorcists of the esteemed but secretive Black Order, discovered that he had been mysteriously changed into a girl was when he found out that he was unable to complete his morning routine of three hundred and fifty pushups while supported on one leg of a chair. He was rather disappointed in himself but resolved to do better the next day.

The second time when Allen Walker discovered that he had been mysteriously changed into a girl was when he was changing into his standard Exorcist uniform and found out that his attire was uncomfortably tight around his chest.

The third time when Allen Walker discovered that he had been mysteriously changed into a girl came straight after the second time, when he finally noticed the two new fleshy appendages on his chest which all females possessed. This led him to shriek in shock, letting him discover that his voice had changed very much upon him changing into a girl, and this, he believed, was the worst discovery of them all.

II:

When Lenalee knocked on Allen's door in a routine check to make sure that he was awake and ready for breakfast, she was pulled into his room and had the situation very hurriedly and anxiously whispered to her.

Her first reaction was, naturally, to laugh after the first sentence. Allen had looked absolutely horrified at her finding the entire situation amusing and had silenced her by clamping his hand on her mouth.

His next embarrassed request for proper clothes had resulted in another fit of uncontrolled laughter.

Allen swore to himself never to tell Lenalee deep, life-changing secrets again after this experience.

III:

'No, Allen, the strap goes here.'

'Ow! Really? Geez, and you wear this kind of thing everyday?'

'It's part and parcel of being a woman, Allen. I must say though, you're pretty well developed. Perhaps more than me…'

'… Don't ever repeat that in front of anyone else.'

IV:

Meeting Lavi along the way to breakfast had been one of the most traumatizing events that Allen had in his entire life.

'Lavi-kun! This is Allen but he's been changed into a girl…'

'Sssh!'

'… Strike!'

'Lavi… Don't come any closer! I'm warning you!'

'Who's this pretty lady?'

'Lavi! D-didn't you hear Lenalee at all? I said don't-! Innocence! Activate!'

V:

Arystar Krory had been amazingly calm and philosophical about it all. Allen could have cried in relief, and in his new form, he was very much afraid that it would really happen.

'Oh, it's like that sometimes. I understand how you feel; I was feeling very much the same when I discovered that my teeth wanted to bite some members of my home town. I was exiled from the town, of course, because of them but you learn to get over it. Especially now that I know that they were in fact Akuma…'

Allen felt like he had fallen into in a special sort of hell of oddballs, weirdoes and other people kept at the edge of proper society for their own good.

Krory's musings however, had brought on a new dimension of terror to Allen's predicament.

'You mean it's permanent?!'

VI:

Lavi had felt a little sorry for female Allen, after he had gotten over the initial shock that the pretty lady he had almost smothered with kisses had been in fact, a very embarrassed and annoyed Allen Walker.

He felt sorrier for Allen when the little bean sprout discovered that while his male body could down anything that Jerry cooked with extra large servings and with more coming, his female body had an uncommonly small stomach and could only manage three-quarters of a single plate.

'Allen, really, you should stop-'

'But it's all there! And I can't eat it!'

'Allen, this is for your own good-'

'This is SO unfair!'

'Al-wait, was that you throwing a tantrum?'

'LAVI!'

VII:

'What sort of name should we give him? After all, no one must know that Allen mmpphggg-'

'Thank you, Lavi, for almost letting everyone know what they weren't supposed to know.'

'It should be an easy-to-remember name. So we know it's Allen we're tffftgggg-'

'Lavi… Are you doing this on purpose?'

Krory stopped musing long enough to hear Lavi's last sentence before it was forcefully drowned out.

'We'll call you Ellen then! After my darling Eliade…'

Allen really wanted to throw a tantrum.

VIII:

Of course, it did not take long for the news to spread across the Black Order Headquarters, that Allen Walker, resident bishounen and one of the youngest Exorcists to date had been changed into a girl and was currently masquerading as Ellen Walker.

Men, even women, crowded around columns and corners of walls to sneak peeks at the now-bishoujo, much to the said bishoujo's intense dislike as he clung beside Lenalee as though she was his lifeline.

Komui had been especially entertained by this piece of news and had been looking upon everything with a benign eye when he suddenly discovered Allen's proximity to his darling younger sister in his current state.

His hand, which had been on the verge of dialing the Asian Headquarters' number to aid the spreading of news, dropped like a stone and the Komui-Protecting-Lenalee's-Innocence mood was activated.

'I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!'

IX:

It was when Allen had just closed the door to all the prying eyes in the Headquarters by entering the privacy of his room that the first missile struck.

X:

'Is everything alright?'

'We heard an explosion!'

'Where's Allen?'

'Allen? Allen!'

'Don't you mean Ellen?'

'Allen!'

'Ellen!'

The crowd that had been gathering around what previously had been Allen Walker's room scattered when a loud rumbling sound was heard from beneath them.

The appearance of a massive mechanical robot with four insect-like legs from the ruins of the stonework surprised almost no one from the Headquarters, who were more interested in getting away from the scene.

No one was also very surprised when Komui maniacal laughter erupted from somewhere within the robot, which sprouted missile launchers from both its shoulders, before firing them into the remains of Allen's room.

'That'll teach you to mess with my darling Lenalee! You may be a girl now but I know you're still a man inside!'

XI:

It only took Lenalee mere seconds to home in on the cause of the explosion, piercing through the Nth Komurin after Komui had launched the missiles, appearing behind her overprotective and occasionally abusive older brother like a dark avatar of horror.

'Ni-san…'

'L-Lenalee! Your innocence was being compromised! I had to do something!'

'Allen-kun is currently a girl. How does that compromise my innocence?'

'He might tell you dirty secrets about men! Especially now that both of you are of the same gender!'

Lenalee's eyes, if possible, narrowed further and her dark aura increased exponentially.

'Ni-san, Allen-kun is currently more interested in clothes than telling me about dark, dirty secrets about men which you think every male possess.'

'L-Lenalee! Wait… Really, clothes?'

Lenalee lost her temper.

XII:

Cleaning up after Komui's attack from out of the blue had been another experience as well.

'Damn it, Allen! You're in the wrong washroom!'

XIII:

Meeting Kanda Yuu had been the last thing on Allen's mind. Fortunately, the strict Exorcist said nothing more than what he usually said, which had the same results as when Ellen had been Allen but with far more compromising consequences, now he was getting wiser about his own body.

'That's a really creepy grin you have there, Allen…'

'I wonder what he would think if a moyashi kissed him…'

Lavi very wisely took a step back and ran for it.

XIV:

Lenalee found the whole thing very amusing, especially when Allen took to spending almost all of his time with her, now that he had become the latest 'she'.

'I don't know how you deal with it, Lenalee! The only female! I can't stand the way everyone keeps looking at me!'

Lenalee supposed that being beautiful could be a curse, though this wasn't how she had meant it to be. The irrational ramblings she could deal without, for one.

'But you really are pretty, Allen!'

Krory, who had taken to listening to Allen as well, also supplied encouragement. At least, he believed it was encouraging.

'Yes, Allen. Like Eliade.'

This was Krory's second time referring his dead lover but Allen felt that it was safest to take what Krory had said as a compliment, and decided not to think too much about it.

Lenalee guessed that it was a mixture of empathy and perhaps, an inner sadism which kept Krory hovering around Allen, though she wasn't sure if the almost-vampire himself had realized it.

'Timcampy doesn't even want to be near me anymore!'

'Don't worry too much, Allen. It'll blow over soon.'

XV:

The candidates for that month's Prettiest Exorcist had a sudden last minute entry, to which Ms. E.W proceeded reign undefeated for the subsequent competitions, that is, until Komui found out that his sister had been the previous winner.

When Allen knew this, he wondered if Krory was really innocent or secretly knew the art of sarcasm.

XVI:

There was a day that Jerry decided that bean sprouts were to be part of the healthy diet of every member of the Black Order. Still unable to get over the fact that one of his best customers had completely and utterly inverted his gastronomical taste as well as helpings, he had introduced this idea as a means to encourage said customer into eating properly again.

'Hmm. Bean sprouts.'

Kanda had eaten the meal with great relish when it was served out to him, completely ignoring the fact that Allen had been just a few tables away, held back by Lavi, Krory and Lenalee, practically gnawing at the bit to get at the stern, older Exorcist – who cares if he was a girl now and much weaker than him?

'Perhaps the moyashi should eat them. Then maybe he'd grow taller.' After chewing thoughtfully, Kanda added, 'And more of a figure too.'

At that precise moment, Allen broke free from his fellow Exorcists.

The introduction of bean sprouts into the Black Order menu henceforth went down in the Order's history as the worst idea to ever be conceived by anyone with a sentient mind.

XVII:

Allen had just decided that nothing a female's body did could ever surprise him again when it happened.

'Allen… you've got blood running down your leg.'

'No, really?'

XVIII:

'You know, I've just noticed. It's true that Timcampy doesn't go near Allen anymore.'

'Now that you've mentioned it, it's true. I wonder why, though.'

'Haha, maybe it got jealous? After all, it was the cutest thing around, 'specially when perched on Allen's head.'

'Hahaha… yeah! Now Allen doesn't need it to be cute anymore. He's loads better looking now. Wait… Can golems get jealous?'

'Don't know. Never thought about it.'

'…'

'…'

'… Maybe Timcampy's a girl too?'

XIX:

After all the initial hiccups of clothes, forgetting his own gender as well as irrelevant thoughts and hormone changes, Allen had just felt that he had settled rather peacefully into being a girl (aside from the fact that he had grown a lot more jumpier and erratic) when Komui announced the arrival of Bak Chan and Fou due to it being the annual meeting of the Heads of all the Black Order Headquarters.

Allen then proceeded to bolt the door of his room and wanted to die.

XX:

'There's the pr- '

'Bak, if you go on about how pretty or beautiful I am or how much this suits me, I will go to Lenalee straightaway and tell her about your secret collection of her pictures.'

'…'

'Hey, if the baka can't say it, I can. Ellen-chan.'

XXI:

When Bak sent back pictures of the Headquarters to his base, especially pictures of Ellen Walker, Lou Fa had locked herself in her room and cried for weeks.

When Likei and Shifu had been curious enough to query why, she only wailed, 'He had already been prettier than me as a boy! Why did he have to go be a girl now?'

XXII:

Allen decided that the worst part of turning into a girl was not the raging hormones, nor the new and frightening pieces of clothing he had to wear, nor his sudden change in appetite.

It was how his male friends suddenly changed around him.

Lavi and Krory had gotten used to it after the initial shock had worn off but the worst had been Bak Chan, as Allen discovered on the second last night of the week-long meeting of the Heads as the Asian Head cornered him in a deserted corridor.

'Look. Allen. You know how much I like Lenalee right?'

'Yes…?'

'I was thinking of telling her tomorrow night.'

'That's really nice of you, Bak,' Allen supplied and hoped that there wasn't anything else.

'But… I need practice.'

Allen's insides shriveled up.

'And you're the only girl other than Lenalee here-'

'What about Fou?'

'She doesn't want to do it! Said if I needed practice then I wasn't good enough for her…'

'What makes you think I want to do it?'

'Because you're a man! And you understand my torment.'

'You're the one who came here to ask me for help! Because I'm a girl!'

'You're a man in a girl's body! You're the only person I can go to for practice without it becoming a complete misunderstanding!'

'That's not funny, Bak.'

'It wasn't meant to be funny. Please?'

'I'll tell her about your pictures.'

'No! Don't!'

'You're breaking out in hives! Let go of me!'

It was then Lavi decided to walk down the aforementioned deserted corridor.

'Bak-chan? Allen? What are you doing there?'

XXIII:

The speculations of Bak Chan's sexuality erupted in all the branches of the Black Order, next to Allen Walker's sudden sex change while Fou only remembered the Heads Meeting as one of the most embarrassing events of his life and never failed to remind Bak Chan of it.

'It was priceless.' she crowed to a group of avid listeners, much to his annoyance. 'Baka Bak and Allen! The best couple ever!'

XXIV:

Allen took everything into his stride, smiling painfully whenever someone made a joke about his torrid affair with the dashing Head of the Asian Branch.

He was however, still curious when Komui called him up for a private meeting first thing in the morning. Komui was smiling with a paternal air, one that Allen did not like immediately.

'Allen. I see the light now. I give you my permission to spend more time with Lenalee now. I understand that you need time to deal with this new emotion of yours and another female is just what you n- '

That sentence was almost one of the last things that Komui said.

XXV:

The meetings to conquer all meetings occurred when Cross Marian turned up at the Headquarters after years of wandering and indefinite addresses, to see for himself his new, prettier and cuter disciple.

Allen had insisted on keeping his hair short for the meeting to keep as much as a semblance to his male self as possible but no clothes could deny the fact that he now had a chest – and a healthy amount of it too.

'Lenalee, isn't there anything you can do to bring them down further?'

'… Well, you could bind it. But it'll really hurt.'

'I don't care. Do it.'

The meeting turned out to be a sort of laugh riot. Cross Marian had taken one look at his disciple, burst out into laughter before turning straight out of Headquarters and strolling away, waving his hand nonchalantly and tossing over his shoulder:

'And to think that I heard that Allen had D-cups!'

Allen seethed for two days, before asking Lenalee secretly for bust-enhancing lingerie.

XXVI:

The arrival of Miranda Lotto after a long absence from the Headquarters had been like rain falling on a desert for Allen's ears.

However, the hope that she could turn back time to before he had gone all-Ellen was quickly quashed when she heard of his dire need for her power.

'Allen-kun, I'm really sorry but returning you back to before you're a girl would be useless as it's of no difference to my Innocence. So you'd only return that time… but still as a girl.'

The look on Allen's face had almost killed Miranda.

'I'm sorry Allen! I'm really sorry! I'll do anything to help you! I'll even stay up and ask my Innocence why it's impossible! I'll ask Komui to see if he can improve my Innocence so that it's stronger! I'm really, really sorry! I'M SORRY, ALLEN!'

'It's alright…'

'Noooo! Allen's it's my duty as the Exorcist of Time to help you return back to the time before you were a girl! I'll do everything in my power to help you, Allen! Believe me!'

Allen's only response to her near-hysterical reply had been to plead all members of the Black Order to never let the Earl of Millennium and the Noah family find out about this.

XXVII:

When Allen found out that he had mysteriously turned back into a boy the next day, he really did burst into tears.

END

Notes: Written completely at work. (Yes, I slack.) Is happy. Tell me what you think about it! There's a lot of weirdness here, like how Lavi knows of Bak's existence or how Cross found out that Allen became a girl but they're all going to be under the carpet. It's called being the All-Knowing Author. If you've read RagnarokSkurai's Androgyne, you might see something here. Please review. You'll get cookies!