It all started one Friday morning when the coffee ran out. If there is one thing that spells 'bad day', it's a lack of caffeine for two members of this patched together family. Well, family probably isn't the right word. It would probably be better to refer to them as 'a group of people who live under the same roof and happen to actually like each other, despite their obvious opposing views on many topics'. But that's way too long, so 'family' it is.
Anyway, this particular morning, when Solid Snake, dressed only in a pair of pajama pants, went to grab the coffee from the cabinet above the coffee maker, his hand found only empty space. He felt around for a minute, confused until he came to the conclusion that the coffee was not just trying to avoid him; it wasn't there at all. He glared at the empty space before deciding that Otacon must have moved it somewhere else; the anime lover often was constantly rearranging things in the house, which was why he was not allowed in anyone's bedroom without supervision.
Moving to the pantry, Snake checked all of the shelves thoroughly, moving things out of the way. After finding not even one small spec of coffee, he realized that not only was the coffee not in the cabinet, it wasn't in the house. This realization seemed to stun the soldier who never went without coffee unless he was on a mission. He was still trying to cope with the unbelievable fact that he was going to have to face the day without a healthy dose (more like two or three healthy doses) of caffeine, when he heard the sound of bare feet walking into the kitchen.
"Morning," Andi, the shortest of the three children Snake had adopted a few years ago, rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she shuffled over to the cabinet that Snake had recently opened. He watched her, wearing her overly large t-shirt and 'Coca-Cola' print boxers, as she reached up for the coffee. He saw her face twist into an appalled frown when her hand met empty air, and moved out of the way as she leapt to the pantry, her last hope.
"WHERE THE HECK IS THE COFFEE!?!" In their separate beds, Sam, Laura, and Raiden jumped up, reading to fight whoever was trying to attack their adoptive sister, for, surely she would not have screamed for any other reason, right? Wrong. When they rushed into the kitchen, Sam with a gun, Laura a bomb, and Raiden his sword, they found Snake and Andi yelling threats to no one in particular and causing havoc in the kitchen. Boxes, cans, and miscellaneous food items were being pulled off of their shelves and thrown in random directions much to their dismay. The floor was already covered in cake mix, olive oil, and cool ranch Doritos, while the walls had splatters of condiments staining them.
The three siblings who were still visibly sane took a moment to be impressed by the catastrophe their father figure and sister had managed to cause in only a few minutes before simultaneously clearing their throats. The two paused and turned to glare at Raiden, Sam, and Laura.
"Where is the coffee?" Snake growled out.
"Y-You used the last of it yesterday," Raiden replied, mentally sweat-dropping. "Remember?"
"Yeah, and you forgot to pick it up because Otacon came over with a lead on a new Russian Metal Gear." Sam said, lowering her gun.
"An after that, you guys stayed up late planning a new stealth mission to get evidence and destroy it." Snake dropped the gallon of milk he was holding and the top flew off, milk splashing over the tiled floor. Andi, who was brandishing a block of cheddar cheese turned slowly to stare at Snake who now remembered what had happened yesterday perfectly.
"So it was you!!! You are the reason I don't have coffee this morning!" She was about to throw the dairy product at his head when he threw his hands up in defense, wary of her softball arm.
"Whoa, if anyone's to blame, it's Otacon! He's the one who distracted me!" In retrospect, blaming it on Andi's mentor and second parental-figure wasn't the smartest idea, for she usually tended to side with Otacon's logical approach to things over Snake's stereotypical male way of thinking. She paused to glare at him, before throwing the cheese and grabbing at more food items and pelting him with all of her strength. Using his fast reflexes, Snake managed to dodge about half of the items thrown and briefly wondered why a computer nerd like her had ever bothered with sports, especially one that involved throwing. Raiden cocked his head to the side a bit as he watched this new development unfold.
"Aren't we going to stop her?" Sam looked up at him raising an eyebrow.
"No, no, let's see what he does when she gets to the frozen drumsticks!" Laura seemed excited about watching Snake dodge poultry, and was leaning forward on a clean space of the bar-height counter to watch.
"Wait a second," Raiden folded his arms as he thought a bit about the situation. "If you think about it, it's true that Snake didn't buy coffee because Otacon came over with a new lead. But the only reason Otacon had a lead in the first place was because the Russians built a Metal Gear. So, really…," He paused as they all shared a disbelieving look.
As Ocelot walked down the sidewalk, he whistled a little tune. He was always his happiest when he went to annoy Snake and his family, though Laura didn't count, as she was the only one who seemed to actually enjoy his company. There was nothing more fun than poke fun at Snake and watch as he struggled to ignore him. The only person who could do it better than Ocelot was Otacon, and that was only because they were close friends (Snake would deny that, but Ocelot had seen their ridiculous secret handshake).
As the revolver master made his way up the front steps, he paused to straighten his jacket and stoke his moustache. He stopped in front of the door, debating what to do. Just as he decided it would be more annoying to Snake if he just waltzed right in instead of ringing the doorbell repeatedly (though that was Plan B in case the door was locked), the sound of five voices reached his ears, yelling the same thing.
"IT'S THE RUSSIANS' FAULT!!!!"