It didn't take long for Rachel to find something new to busy herself with after New Directions lost at Sectionals. Quinn figured it shouldn't have been a surprise. Hazel orbs traced the short brunette's movements as the girl paced the floor of the choir room, whispering to herself. Rachel halted in her steps when the secondary diva entered the room.
"Kurt!" Rachel exclaimed while placing her hands on her hips. "You know we have to do a show tonight, yes?"
"I know, I know."
"Then why didn't you return any of my texts or calls? I had difficulty finding appropriate topics to discuss for tonight, and could have certainly used some of your input! Now we basically have no script or any other activity other than our duet, which, as entertaining as it is, won't be able to satisfy our viewers! Unless you wish to explore a range of repertoire in which case I have a few suggestions–"
"Rachel!" Kurt said exasperatedly, effectively shutting up the girl before anyone else felt the urge to. "Don't stress so much, sweetie. You have me as your partner, everything will be fine."
"But Kurt–!"
"Ah ah, no 'but's! I'll put something together before coming over tonight, okay? And don't worry about approving it because it's going to be fabulous." Quinn rolled her eyes before sweeping her gaze towards the room's entrance as the doors swung open, catching a typical yet still worrisome smirk on Santana's face and Brittany aloofly traveling behind the Latina.
"Can you two divas pipe down already?" Santana immediately chastised. "There's only so much I can take."
"But you just walked in," Rachel spoke up, and Quinn felt a pang of empathy for the girl. She just doesn't know how or when to back down. Santana sized the short brunette up without having to come too close to her. She buried her under a glare while sternly uttering "exactly my point."
Rachel looked like she was seriously thinking about retorting, so Quinn felt another wave of relief when Mr. Schuester finally walked in and clasped his hands together in one swift motion. Rachel returned to her seat in the front of the room, and Finn rushed in just before Mr. Schuester began talking and claimed the seat next to the brunette. Quinn watched as the boy lightly pecked Rachel's cheek in greeting. The blonde decidedly shift her gaze onto the choral director as the Latina and tall blonde sat on her right in the third row. "Q, why didn't you wait for us at your locker? Is there some new boy toy you've been keeping from me?" Quinn leveled her eyes at the girl. "I won't fuck him this time, promise."
"I just felt a little sick."
"Sick? I thought all that pregnant mumbo-jumbo was over? Is something else going on?" It was over, and Quinn certainly didn't need Santana to remind her of that fact. Seeing Rachel at school every day was a constant reminder of the potential future she'd given up – a life involving Beth, her daughter. Quinn only noticed recently the shift in her demeanor around Rachel. Sure, she wasn't trying to stop jocks from slushy-ing her, or keeping Santana on a leash around her, but she did find herself looking at Rachel through a lens of sympathy – almost out of recognition that her and Rachel were now tied in a very unique way.
During the pregnancy, the dynamics of her and Rachel's relationship (if you could call it that) definitely changed. Tensions were lessened to a point of nonexistence. Quinn had finally reached the unbearable bottom of the school popularity hierarchy, and low and behold, Rachel Berry was right there beside her. Quinn would be lying if she said she didn't appreciate the girl's concern for her health. She'd also be lying if she said giving Beth to Rachel's birth mother, Shelby, didn't make her feel like she severed the last chance Rachel had to rekindle a true mother-daughter relationship with the woman. Quinn felt indebted even though there was no reason to. Rachel didn't do anything extraordinary for her. She did everything anyone with a heart would do if they saw a struggling, nearly homeless pregnant teenager. It just so happened that most people Quinn surrounded herself with were heartless.
"Q? Q?!" Quinn broke free from her thoughts, her eyes snapping towards Santana and practically sneering 'what?!' "You never answered the question."
Quinn traced back in their conversation while eyeing the front of the room where Mr. Schuester began writing things on the board. "There's no answer beyond what I just told you. I really did just feel sick."
"Maybe she's having aftershocks!" Brittany whispered excitedly over Santana's shoulder. "You know, the thing that comes after the bigger shock. Quinn, your pregnancy was like the bigger shock–"
"Yeah, a really big shock to me," Santana scoffed.
"I'm fine now, Brittany." Quinn waved her hand dismissively while purposely ignoring Santana. She just didn't feel like explaining why she needed go to the bathroom before glee and splash water onto her face. She didn't think she could explain why anyway without sounding crazy.
"…So here are the areas we need to focus on next year in order to bounce back come time for Sectionals, okay?" Mr. Schuester said as he finished scribbling the word 'precision' onto the board. "And I really hope you all find an activity to keep your voices in shape outside of this room. I usually wouldn't ask this of you, but I think it could really help our sound as a group. If you must, follow in Kurt and Rachel's footsteps and create a web show if you can't think of any other activity."
"Speaking of," Rachel hopped out of her seat as if she had a cue, "I just wanted to take this opportunity to extend an offer of partaking in the show with Kurt and me to the rest of the club members." Rachel looked down at Finn who was goofily grinning up at her from his seat. Quinn grimaced as she watched the exchange, suddenly feeling unsettled. "Finn here has already made two appearances, and his excellent performances have sparked our viewers' interest in the rest of the members."
"What's in it for us?" Mercedes spoke up from her seat next to Kurt in the second row. Quinn noticed that ever since Rachel and Finn began dating, there seemed to be a divide in the short brunette's group of 'friends.' But then again, even before the two dated, there always seemed to be some animosity. Although Quinn became very close to Mercedes during her stay at the girl's house for a few months, she still couldn't understand what Rachel had done to deserve such backlash. But then again, Quinn had played a lead role in getting the majority of the school to stay away from the brunette.
…And there went that feeling again. Quinn placed a hand on her stomach.
"…Internet fame?" Rachel's voice trailed off.
"How many subscribers do you have?" Puck asked to the rest of the Glee club's surprise.
"Right now we're at four-thousand, four-hundred twenty-eight!"
"Well let me know whenever it is you and your sidekick get a spot on Broadway, and I'll make an appearance," Santana said, to which Brittany added "me too!" Tina, Mike and Artie continued to talk about it quietly amongst themselves.
"I'll have you know that YouTube is a great platform that has drastically grown over the last few years. I'm certain that only good things could come from your participation," Rachel concluded. As the brunette repositioned herself in her seat next to Finn in the front row, Quinn seriously considered the possibility of joining and what it'd be like. A night of her, Berry and Hummel all cooped up together and singing show tunes? If she was serious about reclaiming her spot as HBIC, then Quinn wouldn't find herself in that position until Hell froze over. Maybe not even after that.
But still, Rachel put up with her morning sickness and pregnancy-induced irritation and not to mention all of her taunting (okay, harassment) for years up until now. The least she could do was go along with Berry's stupid little web show, right? Plus it wasn't like she had to go on it every week. Once was enough.
Anything is fine to get rid of this freaking guilt!
Quinn checked the time at the bottom right of her laptop screen.
7:49 PM
"Am I really about to do this?" Quinn muttered to herself. Hazel orbs reflected Rachel's MySpace page, tracing over the content at a deliberately slow pace. It had been about a month since Rachel posted a video of just herself singing. Quinn recalled watching many of Rachel's videos, re-watching them, even, during her pregnancy. She swore they always made Beth settle down, but maybe that was because Rachel's voice had the same effect on Quinn. Except for when Rachel was rambling. But Quinn couldn't deny that the girl was talented. It was the main reason Quinn found herself jealous of Rachel when she first met her. Rachel was talented and the girl knew it.
Quinn clicked on the message icon. She knew she was a coward for not going right up to Rachel and talking to her at the end of glee, but she knew she really had no excuse to communicate with the girl in school now that her pregnancy was over. The last time the two talked was on the bus ride back from Sectionals. All Quinn could muster up was a "we'll get 'em next year" before slumping into a seat, her own pride taking a blow at the lackluster results. But not winning made sense. There was a lot going on between some of the members, like among herself and Puck and Finn, for example, and then Rachel and Puck and Finn, and then Rachel and herself. Not to mention the brief rift between Santana and Quinn, or the growing rift that has now grown into a full-blown canyon separating Rachel from Mercedes, Tina and Artie (Rachel and Kurt seemed to have worked something out to keep his name from being added to that list).
Quinn began typing a message, but then quickly deleted it. She didn't want to come across as desperate, but she also didn't want to seem like she was trying to make fun of Rachel. The blonde, ex-cheerleader sighed heavily before raking her hand through her hair.
"Okay, Quinn, you got this." She looked at the flashing black line and decided to start over.
From Qu1nn: Hey Berry, I was just thinking about what you said today in glee, about you and Kurt's web show. You said it was tonight. When does it start? I'm thinking about checking it out.
Quinn frowned at the last part. She didn't want to seem like she was already considering participating either. She deleted it.
From Qu1nn: Hey Berry, I was just thinking about what you said today in glee, about you and Kurt's web show. You said it was tonight. I just wanted to know when it started.
"…That should be fine, right?" Before allowing herself a chance to just delete the message and log out, Quinn pressed the 'Enter' button on her keyboard.
About an hour later, Quinn heard her laptop sound, indicating a new message. She rested the book she'd been reading on her nightstand, climbed off her bed and made her way over to her desk.
From Rachel Barbara: Starting in 5!
Quinn shook her head, lightly smiling at Rachel's account name. She already knew what it was, and she already knew about her obsession with Barbara Streisand, but it was still amusing nonetheless. Quinn checked the time again, noting that it was five minutes till nine. She began typing back.
From Qu1nn: Okay, what's your channel's name? And wow, 9pm is when the show starts? Are you sure you're not violating your bedtime?
Quinn had already sent the message before realizing that her last comment could've been taken the wrong way – in the HBIC-Quinn way. Rachel responded before Quinn could continue pondering her screw up.
From Rachel Barbara: The channel name is 'DivaDuo' (please refrain from commenting on that), and I can assure you that I will have enough rest to retain my beauty :-)
Quinn smirked at the response, glad that Rachel was humoring her instead of taking offense and replying in a way that'd only bathe her in more guilt.
From Qu1nn: I hope so. I'll be tuning in then.
It was now only two minutes till 9, so Quinn logged out of the page and quickly made her way onto YouTube. Surprisingly, the channel had showed up as the first suggestion, and instead of only having four-thousand and something subscribers, it now had close to six-thousand. Wow, in only a few hours it grew this much?!
Quinn made a mental note to ask Rachel when she and Kurt started the channel, and how they were able to garner so much attention at such a rate.
… Not that she was thinking of joining or anything.
Quinn clicked the 'Upload' tab, and clicked on the most recently posted video. When the upload page refreshed to the video-viewing page, Quinn was met with a black screen. "Huh?" She was confused as to what went wrong until the video player refreshed and showed both Rachel and Kurt smiling and laughing.
"Welcome to tonight's live stream, everyone!"
Quinn watched the comment section buzz with greetings, requests for shout-outs and compliments directed at either Kurt or Rachel or both of them. It appeared as though they already had quite the following. She was impressed to say the least.
Quinn watched as the two tried to respond to the rapidly appearing comments. She clicked on the comment box, feeling encouraged to comment something herself after seeing everyone else's enthusiasm. She wanted to make sure Rachel knew she was watching.
"Ah, shit," the blonde hissed at the 'must log in or sign up to post comment' notification. She didn't have an account because she never cared enough to comment or subscribe to anyone on YouTube. She only ever went on the site to look at viral videos or when she opened links Santana sent her. Now she was annoyed that she didn't have one. She thought about signing up for an account, but she didn't want to miss part of the show, so she settled for watching other people comment.
After the comments began to settle down, Kurt and Rachel moved on to what Quinn assumed was on their script.
"We have a special arrangement to open tonight's show." Rachel smiled almost alluringly. Quinn wondered if the brunette was doing it on purpose. "We hope you enjoy."
Kurt snapped for four counts and then immediately after, Rachel burst into song.
I look and stare so deep in your eyes,
I touch on you more and more every time
Rachel was perfectly in character, putting on a show for the viewers. Quinn's eyes were practically glued to the screen.
Kurt began to hold out notes in harmony with Rachel as she continued on.
When you leave I'm begging you not to go,
Call your name two or three times in a row,
In spectacular, diva appropriate fashion, the two switched off and Kurt was definitely serving face.
Such a funny thing for me to try to explain,
How I'm feeling and my pride is the one to blame.
'Cuz I know I don't understand,
Just how your love can do what no one else can.
The comments were stalled, but Quinn could tell that the viewers were eating up the performance, as was she. They weren't typing because they were most likely too busy gaping at the screen. Quinn was especially sure that her mouth was hanging ajar when Rachel and Kurt started singing the chorus together.
Got me looking so crazy right now, your love's
Got me looking so crazy right now
Got me looking so crazy right now, your touch
Got me looking so crazy right now
Got me hoping you'll page me right now,
Got me hoping you'll save me right now
Looking so crazy in love's
Got me looking, got me looking so crazy in love!
They both held out the last 'love', exhibiting their vocal talents by riffing in harmony. When they ended, Quinn was sure the words shocked, surprised, or stunned were all understatements for how she felt. Quinn was confident that neither Kurt nor Rachel sang like that in glee. Ever. It was on another level, a level above what she already thought was untouchable.
The comment section was bustling again, obviously filled with requests for an encore. At that moment, Quinn knew Rachel was wrong during glee earlier that day. She was sure that Kurt and Rachel could just sing duets for the entirety of the rest of their channel's existence and the viewers would be more than satisfied. They'd have subscribers eating out of their hands.
The live stream ended at nine-thirty. At the end of the show, Quinn couldn't help but feel like it was cut too early, but then again, she could only imagine what it was like to script thirty minutes worth of material. She found herself smiling nonstop after the duet, and even when she closed her laptop, a smile was still planted on her face.
There was no denying it. Rachel and Kurt were on to something. And by the looks of it, they could achieve much more than just internet fame. Quinn repositioned herself on her bed and pulled out some homework, her mind struggling to focus on calculus instead of Rachel's voice and Kurt's (surprisingly) witty one-liner segment. After an hour of half-mindedly completing her homework (she knew she'd need to review her work before class tomorrow), Quinn began getting ready for bed.
After showering and changing into her pajamas, Quinn made her way back to her bathroom to brush her teeth. As she shifted the bristles around in her mouth, the blonde moved her empty hand to lift her shirt, examining the scars left behind after her pregnancy. She slowly stopped brushing, and eventually put the toothbrush down on the edge of the sink so she could lift her shirt with one hand and lightly trace the stretch marks with the other. She could feel her eyes beginning to water.
Everything she had worked so hard for since freshman year had all gone to waste. The status, the power. One bad decision had cost her all of it. And she wasn't even confident enough to analyze why she made said decision. It was just too much, and all at once, Quinn could feel the divide she held in place during the day (to separate Quinn from Lucy) breaking down. She wiped her tears as they trailed down her face, but they just kept coming. She needed them to stop, though. Fabrays didn't cry. They weren't allowed to.
Ringing broke the silence that encompassed her bedroom. Quinn frowned, unsure of why anyone would be calling her at this time of night. She exhaled, wiping her face fully with the bottom of her extra-large t-shirt, and managed to find her phone in the dimly lit room. She lifted a brow at the number on her phone's screen, but answered anyway.
"H-Hello?"
"Quinn?" Rachel?
"Who is this?" Quinn tried to muster up any remnants of her HBIC tone.
"I'd be tempted to ask the same based on the way you said 'hello'. Totally un-Quinn like. And this is Rachel."
Quinn was rendered silent for a moment, very confused as to why Rachel Berry would be calling her at almost eleven on a school night.
"Quinn, you there?"
"I'm here… why are you calling?"
"Nice to know that my call was welcome," Quinn didn't know what to say, but the long pause afterwards seemed to speak for her. "I'm kidding, Quinn." Rachel sighed before continuing, "If you're wondering, I got Kurt to sneak on Finn's phone to get your number for me. And no, I'm not mad or jealous that he has your number still. I understand that you're still on speaking terms. And even though we're dating now, that's completely fine. The past is the past and–"
"You're rambling, Berry."
"Right. I guess I was just really curious… about how the show went?" Rachel's tone hitched, making the statement into a question. "What did you think?" Quinn could picture Rachel biting her bottom lip, waiting for her answer. She smiled a little at the thought.
"It was great."
"Great?"
"Better than great. Amazing."
"I didn't mean that… I wasn't trying to be egoistic. Great was okay."
"But the truth is that it was better than great."
"Okay." The line went silent again, the tension even more noticeable this time.
"Quinn… are you okay?" Quinn had to pause for a moment; she could feel an oncoming sob. Why did Rachel always do this to her? Why did she always know exactly what to say? Why did Rachel always make her feel so guilty? Why did Rachel care about someone who showed over and over again how little she cared about her in return?
"I…I'm getting there."
"Okay…," Rachel could sense that Quinn didn't feel comfortable with her asking her any intrusive questions, so she settled with asking something else. "Well, will you think about joining the web show?"
"Yeah," Quinn nodded, "I'll think about it."
A/N: Please review and let me know what you think :)
- K