Playing in Private
Summary: Elizabeth Keen found it difficult to push thoughts of Raymond Reddington from her mind. Only in the secure darkness of night, she would sometimes indulge in her sexual desires for him.
Set after episode 2x08 and let's just pretend Luther Braxton 2 won't happen. So this is AU.
Thank you to my beta-reader Heather Peters for all her help with words, grammar and tense.
Not for the first time in many weeks, Liz couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, struggled to find a comfortable spot. Restless, she switched the lights back on and looked at the pictures of the evidence wall she had constructed on the ceiling over her bed at the motel. There he was, the man who had turned her entire life upside down, the man who was the reason that sleep had lately, turned into a luxury.
Raymond Reddington.
She couldn't stop thinking about him and her emotions constantly battled. One part of her considered killing him, making him pay for the pain loss he inflicted on her. Maybe she should at least act out her frustration and anger on him, so long as it would hurt him as much.
The other part, the worst part, could not do without him. She longed for him, thought of him, needed to be close to him, be with him, even if only in the same room. She was undeniable attracted to him too. His husky voice, his facial and bodily expressions and movements, his entire attitude in general had her constantly on edge lately. But she couldn't allow herself to feel anything. He was a criminal, one of the worst. So many times she had witnessed him killing someone in cold blood and without mercy. The thoughts of him being a monster still horrified her at times, his behavior so contrary to the way he treated her and that confused her the most. He protected and worshipped her in a way she would never understand. More than once he'd saved her life when they had worked together. In her mentally trained mind she could clearly read his intentions. He'd cut her off from everything she held dear, only to worm himself into her life, clearly becoming the only person left to hold onto. As much as she wished she could have prevented all these circumstances, all she could do was watch helplessly while she slowly fell for him. It constantly grew more difficult each day to push these feelings away.
Only in the secure darkness of night she would sometimes indulge in her sexual desires for him. She opened the drawer of her nightstand and glanced at the purple vibrating toy hiding in the far corner. It had a veined and textured silicone shaft and was slightly curved near the tip, especially made for g-spot stimulation. The silent motor powered five different vibration speeds and patterns.
Yes, this was exactly what she needed now. A satisfying release always stilled her ache for him, put her mind at ease and helped her sleep. She stripped down her pajama shorts, gripped the vibrator and turned off the lights.
Her fingers of one hand reached under her top to touch and caress her breasts, while the other pressed the controls for lowest movements. She thought about the latest hug he had shared with her, on the boat, after the entire fallout with Tom. She and Red had grown closer since then. She remembered the proximity of his body that day, the warmth that emanated from him when he held her in his arms, his breath that had grazed her skin and his kiss to her forehead. It had aroused her back then, and the thought of it now heightened that arousal.
Growing moist, she rubbed the toy gently along the outside of her feminine lips. Once the toy hit the wetness inside, it moved more easily. She worked it back and forth until she was able to slide it all the way. She felt her insides stretching, then tighten around the hard shaft. As she slowly moved the toy in and out, she moaned uncontrollably in pleasure. The stretch and penetration felt so good.
She pressed the controls for a higher speed and her thoughts drifted back to him while she pleased herself.
She thought of his smile, his laughter, and the way he would sometimes look at her, so piercing and intense, especially when he would tell her another of his stories.
She remembered the way he would sometimes touch her, on her back, shoulder or arm. Or the way his fingers would caress her hand when he dared to hold it, like the day in the hospital when she was infected with the deadly plague. Those touches made her wonder about his real feelings. Would he reciprocate if she attempted the same intimacy?
She increased the pace of the toy even more and made sure it would brush her clit and g-spot on the way inside and out.
He always smelled so nice, his after-shave so manly, deep and rich in scent. His husky voice never failed to send shivers down her spine and between her legs. She was convinced she could orgasm if he merely read the phonebook.
She wondered how he would look like under all his layers of clothing. He was handsome without a doubt. His suits were all well picked but she was more interested in what was underneath. She caught a glimpse at his chest hair every now and then when he was tieless and wondered how it would feel to brush her fingertips through it. His well-shaped butt fit his pants so snugly, allowing an impressive bulge in front to cause her to sit up and notice. Judging by how smitten every woman seemed to be with him, he probably knew how to use it very well too.
She was close, but she needed another look at him before she allowed herself to step over the edge. She switched the lights back on and stared at his picture, while adjusting the toy to the highest settings.
It felt so good, wandering the thin line close to oblivion, torn between prolonging the pleasure and the need for release. She knew a few more thrusts would finally send her over and she readied herself for it, when a loud knock at her door brutally pulled her from her reverie.
Who could that be at this late hour? Just when she thought to ignore it, she heard another knock. She cursed, quickly pulled up her shorts and hid the toy under the bed.
Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself down she opened the door.
"Red … what the hell?"
He cheerfully waltzed inside without being invited in, waving at her with a folder.
"Hello Lizzie! I saw your lights were still on, so I wanted to bring you the papers you asked for. I find them to be extraordinary useful, so I thought to give them to you early, to let you have a look at them before the meeting tomorrow."
"That wasn't necessary, I was already in bed, trying to sleep."
"But you were so eager to get them this morning, so I thought …"
"I really appreciate that, Red. But like I said, I was in bed and …"
He saw a movement from the corner of his eyes and turned to look. Fascinated he watched how the vibrator rolled back from under the bed right in plain sight. Only then he noticed her erect nipples through her thin shirt, her dilated glassy eyes. Her cheeks were flushed, as was her neck and throat. Clearly she was aroused and he could smell her too. He hardened instantly.
Liz 'knew' the moment she followed his gaze and never finished her sentence. She blushed, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her whole.
"I'm sorry I interrupted your private time, Lizzie."
He stepped closer to the bed to have a look at her vibrator. To her horror he bent down to pick it up, then rolled it around between his fingers to inspect it closely.
"You know, I once survived a plane crash in the rainforest of South Africa. My leg was broken and was helplessly stuck in dense brushwood, when members of a local tribe found and recued me. They bandaged up my leg with palm leaves. I stayed with them for almost 8 weeks until I could walk again. They had their own language, extremely difficult, so we tried to communicate just with gestures."
Liz looked at him, irritated. He wasn't really going to tell another of his stories right now, was he?
"Women outnumbered the men in the tribe, so most of the women would masturbate at night with self-made toys. By the end of my stay the leader of the tribe made an extraordinary request. He asked if they could make a mold of my genitals. Apparently the women who took care of my leg were impressed with my size. When I agreed they shaped some sort of clay around my erect penis and when it was dried, I removed myself from it and they filled out the produced hollow space with some plant extract that hardened like rubber. These became their own dildos. From that day forward the cries of pleasure at night would not only increase in numbers but in volume too."
Red smiled widely and looked rather proud, but Liz just groaned and shook her head. This wasn't happening. As if the situation itself wasn't already awkward enough, he had the nerve to tell her this kind of story.
"God, Red, this is so embarrassing! Can you please just leave?"
She couldn't look at him and prayed that he would just go away, but he stepped closer instead, gently lifted her chin with his fingertips to make her look at him again.
"Never be ashamed of your wants and needs, Lizzie. Never with me. You're a young healthy and beautiful woman. It's normal to have this kind of need. It's fulfilling, safe and exquisitely pleasant. It also helps to reduce stress and improves your mood."
He smiled at her and he was serious about it, all teasing had left his eyes. His fingertips lingered at her chin and it took all his self-discipline to keep his distance. He still held her vibrator in his other hand, unable to release it.
She lost herself in his eyes, the very reason why she had been touching herself standing so close within reach, his fingertips burned like fire, his presence so overwhelming and arousing. She realized if she really wanted a change in their relationship and become more intimate, this was the moment. However he let go of her chin, breaking the spell, then turned to leave.
"You're right, I should go and let you finish what you've started."
He went and placed her vibrator onto the bed, then reached for the door knob.
"Would you like … to stay? … and watch?"
Red stopped dead in his tracks and turned back around to see if he heard right.
"Would you like to watch, Red?"
Her voice was only a whisper now, nervous and trembling. He swallowed hard and nodded.
"I would like that very much, Lizzie."
"Then sit down."
She hurried to settle down on her back on the bed, her head propped up against the pillows, before either of them changed their mind. She watched Red remove his jacket, loosen his tie and open the first button of his shirt, before sitting on a nearby chair.
Liz suddenly felt very vulnerable and exposed, nervous and self-conscious. A fleeting doubt entered her mind. Was this a good idea? But when Red's heated look met hers, all doubts fled.
"Don't be shy, sweetheart. Make yourself feel good."
His voice was a little more than a husky whisper, loaded with anticipation and his own arousal.
"Touch yourself, Lizzie. Show me what you like."
She allowed her hands to skim over her stomach, then decided to remove her shirt. It dropped to the floor and her hands slowly slid onto her breasts to cup and knead the taut but soft flesh.
Red held his breath when her fingers of one hand trailed up her breastbone, up her throat and chin and onto her mouth. Tracing the line of her lips, she took her fingers between her lips and sucked on them, her tongue flicked over the tips, wetting them. She then placed them back directly onto her nipples. The cool air of the room wafted over the moisture, making the sensitive buds harden even more, as she took each one in turn between her fingers, rolling them. Goose bumps rose on her skin and she felt the certain tingle beginning to build again between her legs.
Liz closed her eyes and let out a low moan when her hand reached inside her panties and found herself still wet. She hooked her fingers in the waistband then and pulled her panties down her hips and legs. Her foot kicked them onto the floor next to the shirt. Naked now she spread her legs wide, opened herself up to Red's intense gaze, and demonstrated to him how much she trusted this intimacy she shared with him.
"God, you're so beautiful, Lizzie."
Her fingers started a delicate move, brushing up and down
her swollen folds, circling around, deliberately torturing herself by avoiding her clit. Tiny whimpers rumbled from the back of her throat, as she kept up a slow pace to prolong the pleasure for as long as possible.
Liz grew more aroused watching Red. He was turned on. Visually stimulated, he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, crossed and uncrossed his legs over and over again to adjust his painful erection.
When she finally allowed her index finger to move to her clitoris, gliding smoothly over it, she moaned, and thrusted her pelvis
forward. The sweet sensation of her touch sent bolts of lightning coursing through her body. Her fingers gently circled again and again over the sensitive area, establishing a gentle rhythm, in a teasing slowness.
She was close and it wasn't entirely her own touch that sent her to the edge so fast, but watching Red who struggled expertly to contain his own excitement and was close to failing.
Liz trembled at the friction as she slowly eased her middle finger deep inside herself. Her wetness coated her finger entirely, as she slid it slowly along the inside walls. Wet suction noise urged her on to greater speed and to add a second finger.
All Red could do was watch, speechless, his mouth dry, following her fingers inside her body with his gaze. He didn't dare to blink. He didn't want to miss a single movement. He breathed heavily for air and his heart pounded against his ribcage. He had engaged in countless erotic sexual situations before, but he couldn't recall ever having to summon up so much willpower. Never before did he hold back with any other woman from spilling into his pants.
Unable to contain herself any longer, Liz thrust her fingers over her clit, between her vaginal lips and deep inside with long hard movements. Her inner walls gripped them fiercely as her head fell back. She panted and moaned from ecstasy when the waves of orgasm hit her. Shuddering, she rode out her release until her muscles finally relaxed, her fingers still deeply engorged in her body. She blinked at Red through hooded eyes.
"God, Lizzie …"
Red had his own fingers deeply buried into his thighs in order to hold himself back.
"Keep going, Lizzie. I'd like to see you using your toy."
"What about you? Would you like to touch yourself too, Red?"
She patted at the space beside her on the bed, inviting him to join her.
"Why don't you come closer and show me how impressive you are?"
He slowly rose from the chair, approached her and lay down beside her, not taking his eyes off of her. He wanted her more than he could ever recall wanting another woman, but he deliberately held himself back; it had to be her call.
Liz took the vibrator, wetting it with her own juices and pushed it deep inside to the hilt and hit the controls.
Red closed his eyes, desperately trying to calm himself. The view he's presented with was nearly his undoing. Lizzie was incredibly wet, her toy glistening with her juices, her tiny moans of arousal hot and erotic. He fumbled inside his pants pocket, grabbing a handkerchief, then placing it beside him.
Liz worked the toy in and out of herself with well-directed hard strokes. She couldn't believe how the man next to her managed to excite her so much by just watching her.
"Touch yourself, Red."
She wanted him to participate, badly, but he refused.
"I can't do that, sweetheart, it'll be over immediately."
He smiled at her, a little sheepish.
"Come for me again, Lizzie, then it's my turn, I promise."
"At least let me see you ... please Red …"
At her plea, he loosened his pants and pushed them down his legs. He slowly opened the tiny buttons on the border of his silk boxer shorts and revealed his erection. He was thick, long and rigid against his stomach. Liz's mouth went dry at the sight. He was right when he'd said that his length was impressive. And it was all Liz needed to fly again.
Her release was strong as her toy glistened with her juices. Pushing it in and out throughout her trembling, she was able to prolong the rapture for endless moments.
It took her a while to return to earth and then found him staring at her, with obvious enchantment, apparently so in love it made her heart ache and long for him.
"I wish I had a dildo with your measurements too."
"You could always have the real thing, Lizzie."
Time stood still. He was serious and somewhere between all the lust clouded expressions, she recognized the same aching longing for her reflecting his eyes. She knew it would be impossible to hide their real feelings from each other any longer.
Liz moved closer against him then and bent down, covering his mouth in a heated kiss, finally crossing the last barrier. She deepened the kiss, sweeping her tongue inside his mouth. He trembled visibly at the heat that lanced through him. He responded with a fierceness and hunger that took her breath away.
She reached down and took him into her hands, dragging out a grunt from him. She reveled in the incredible feel of him in her palm, so hot, hard and throbbing. The look of raw desire on his face thrilled her and urged her on to stroke her thumb over the precum weeping head of his member. He groaned and squirmed at the sensations.
"What are you doing?"
"Making you come."
"Lizzie …"
"Stop holding back, Red!"
He didn't have time to reach for the handkerchief when he erupted heavily into her hand. With a strangled cry, her mere touch had instantly sent him over the edge. He shuddered against her and she marveled at how willingly he surrendered to her.
She wrapped her arms around him and held him for a long time afterwards. They kissed again and again, committed themselves to each other more deeply now.
"Stay the night?"
Liz didn't want him to go and by the time he pulled the blanket around them and gathered her in his arms, she'd fallen asleep.
She woke up well rested and stretched when suddenly her memories came flowing back. Red. Masturbation. Kisses.
Looking up, she found him sitting against the headboard, naked, except for his shirt which was entirely buttoned down. His hand lazily fondled his imposing hard-on.
"Good morning, Lizzie."
The smile he gave her was a killer. She groaned into her pillow as fresh arousal lashed through her at the sight of him, making her wet instantly.
"Red?"
"Yeah?"
"You said I could always have the real thing … I want you. Inside me."
Without a word he reached out his hand and she took it, let him pull her into his lap.
Liz wound her arms around his neck and kissed him, sliding her tongue against his in slow sensual movements. Her hardened nipples brushed through his chest hair when he pulled her even closer. She wanted to touch him everywhere, wanted to feel him everywhere. His eyes raked her features which caused something between her legs to contract consistently. Reaching down between their bodies, she wrapped her fingers around him and he pulsed strongly against her. God, he was so hot. And hard. And big. And she needed him inside her. Now!
Lifting herself up a bit, she brought him to her opening and slipped against him, coating him thoroughly with her wetness. The fat tip nudged at her entrance and she let herself sink down on him in one powerful strike, her possession of him so total, so complete, that she nearly stopped breathing and closed her eyes.
"Look at me!"
He was worried when she didn't move.
"Are you okay?"
"This feels so good, so incredible, I'm amazingly close already and I'm not sure I can hold back."
"Then don't! I love you, sweetheart."
With locked gazes she began to move, thrusted up and down and shifted her hips experimentally over him. He was such a tight fit, the friction almost unbearable intense and pleasurable. Each new push heightened her sensitivity and she could feel her inner muscles clench greedily around his hard length. She captured his mouth with hers and his big hands cupped her buttocks to better meet all her thrusts.
Liz had never felt so all-consuming. He filled her, surrounded her and drove out any conscious thought that remained. There was only him, connected to her. She was moving faster now and she was being swept up in a vortex of sensations and emotions.
"Red?"
She breathed heavily and he knew she was close.
"I'm right here with you, sweetheart."
He gently smoothed some damp tendrils of her hair back from her face.
His voice was low and raspy with emotion.
"I want you to come, Lizzie. Just let go."
His words pushed her over the edge. She climaxed in a blinding, mind-shattering rush of pleasure. He caught her cries with his mouth, then bucked under her, stiffened and was pulled away into his own powerful release. They shuddered and Liz collapsed against him, her heart pounding erratically. She wrapped her arms around him, not willing to let him go. With a gentle touch, he caressed her back. When she looked at him, his expression was filled with such tenderness that she neared wept.
"I love you too, Red."
They curled up under the blanket together afterwards, facing each other.
"This will certainly complicate things."
He sounded more wryly than he intended and he kissed her quickly to take the sting out of his words.
"But it's what I want, Red. I want to explore what we've started here. I have no regrets and I meant it when I said that I love you."
"I love you too, Lizzie, for such a long time. We'll find a way to make this work, I promise."
They smiled at each other and Liz cuddled closer.
"Red?"
"Mmh?"
"Will you read me the phonebook someday?"
THE END