The Adventures of Lyle: Fast Food Employee!!!
By Emily N. Daniel
"Welcome to the team, Lyle," the store manager grinned as he handed Lyle his work uniform. Lyle tried to smile back, but his heart wasn't in it. He had wanted his summer to be carefree and fun, but now it would be wasted away flipping burgers. "Well, why don't we meet some of your co-workers?"
As the store manager went around the store introducing Lyle to all the other employees, Lyle couldn't help but notice that almost all of them had the same creepy grin as the store manager's plastered on their faces. However, unlike the store manager, they also had a very blank look in their eyes, making them seem almost zombie-like. 'What is up with these people?' Lyle thought to himself, 'This place seems kind of weird.'
"Oh, and there's one more person I want you to meet!" the store manager exclaimed, sounding just a bit too cheery for comfort. "This is Amanda. She just started working here as well." Amanda looked up and smiled, but hers was a very natural smile and she had life in her eyes. "Hi, Lyle! Nice to meet you!" she said and went back to her work.
The store manager gripped Lyle's shoulder tightly as he led the boy down to the basement. "Lyle, we make all of our new employees complete a computer program," he explained, "It just shows you how things work here at this place. It takes about an hour or so. Just let me know if you have any questions." The store manager showed him the computer, then left to go back to his office.
After about 45 minutes, Lyle felt as if he might fall asleep from boredom when suddenly the computer froze up. "Darn it!" he cried, "You'd think a place that makes this much money could have more up-to-date technology!" He got up and went over to the office to fetch the store manager. However, right before he knocked, he heard what sounded like maniacal laughter coming from the other side. He leaned his ear against the door to better hear what was going on.
"Leader, the experiment is going very well indeed!" the store manager said, but his voice sounded very high-pitched and screechy, like nails on a chalkboard. It was definitely not human. "We have successfully taken over this planet's most popular fast food chain, our first step to conquering this pitiful planet! Soon, Earth will be the biggest tourist trap in the universe and this restaurant shall be the biggest attraction of all, for humans provide an excellent meat source. In fact, we've gathered almost enough human brains from these employees to start serving brain burgers. Just a couple more should do it...."
Lyle gasped, but quickly covered his mouth. 'So that's why everyone is acting like zombies!' he thought, panicking, 'and when they take my brain and Amanda's, they'll have enough to put their plan into action! What do I do now?'
Part 2
When we last left Lyle, he had just found out the store manager was an alien who plans to take over the store in an attempt to turn Earth into a huge tourist trap with the fast food restaurant as the biggest attraction, as humans are considered a delicacy by their race. We now join him as he tries to figure out what to do....
'Dang it! We're doomed!' Lyle thought as he snuck away from the manager's office door and tiptoed up the stairs. Still, he had to find Amanda. She was their only chance. Maybe she could come up with some brilliant plan.
"Like, are you sure you, like, heard him correctly?" Amanda cocked her head to one side and stared at him stupidly. "Maybe he was, like, watching a TV or something."
"No, I'm telling you this is for REAL!!!!!!!!!....and keep your voice down!" Lyle looked around and then sighed. "It's no use. Everyone else here is a zombie. Maybe if we could just convince the customers what's going on, they could help."
"LYLE! They didn't come here to, like, save the world! They came here to enjoy the food!" Amanda huffed.
"Amanda, shush! If we don't tell them, they'll become the food. Still, we may not have enough time to try that plan anyway...." Lyle suddenly felt a hand clamp down upon his shoulder.
"You're right. You won't have time." Lyle turned, his face as white as the soft serve, to see the store manager. There was a look of pure evil in his three eyes.
"Like, sir, do you know you grew an extra eyeball?" Amanda asked.
"Silence, you two!" the store manager commanded as he grabbed Amanda as well and dragged them to the back. "I wasn't planning on any of you idiot Earthlings to find out until right before I removed your brains, but that doesn't matter. I shall just do it now. Feel proud, children! You're going to contribute to the finest establishment this pathetic planet's citizens will ever see....right before they're turned into food for our tourists, of course!" the store manager laughed maniacally until one of the zombie employees tapped him on the shoulder. "What the...?" He turned and faced the employee who, being a zombie, failed to notice the extra eyeball.
"Sir, there is a customer who is complaining that the ketchup is too red and the napkins are too white....oh, and the service is so terrible it's like nobody here has any brains in their heads," the employee droned.
"Grrr, stupid humans!" the store manager turned and glared at Lyle and Amanda. "If you two know what's good for you, you'll stay put. If you don't, your deaths will be far more slow and painful." As he left with the zombie employee, the two scared teenagers looked at each other, unsure of what they could do even if they did try to escape.
Part 3
When we last left Lyle, he and Amanda were being held captive by the store manager, who turned out to be an alien with three eyeballs. The alien plans to remove their brains to make brain burgers for the new restaurant he plans to open when their race takes over the planet and turns it into a tourist attraction. We now join our brave heroes...
"AHHH! I don't want to, like, die and stuff!" Amanda bawled.
"Hey, you're not the only one freaking out here!" Lyle yelled at her.
"DON'T YELL AT ME, YOU BIG STUPID MEANIE!" Amanda put her head in her hands and wept horribly.
"Quiet! Look, I'm sorry. It's just that we're about to die here and it's not what I had planned for the summer." Lyle looked around, "We have to get out of here. I don't care what kind of threats that alien creep makes. We're going to die either way..." With that, Amanda sobbed even louder. "Okay, okay! I'm sorry, but we don't have time to just stand here and do nothing. I'm going out there. Just look for me to signal you to follow." Amanda nodded and wiped away her tears.
Lyle looked around to see if anyone was watching, but all the other workers were still as zombified as ever and none of them were paying any attention to the teenager. Slowly, he sidestepped against the wall, trying his best to remain out of sight. Finding a hiding spot behind a cabinet in the grill area, he looked around and saw where the alarm could be shut off so they could escape out the back entrance. "Perfect!" he laughed to himself and signaled Amanda over.
Amanda, still red-eyed from crying like a big baby, did her best to sneak over to where Lyle was hiding, but managed to trip on her overly-long pant legs and shrieked as she fell to the ground. "My ankle!" she cried, "I, like, hurt my ankle! LYLE! I, LIKE, HURT MY ANKLE!" Suddenly, the loud booming footsteps of the store manager, his third eyeball conveniently missing, could be heard coming closer and closer.
"Gawd, now you've done it!" Lyle exclaimed angrily as he ran out and grabbed Amanda, shoving her behind the cabinet right before the store manager managed to reach the grill area.
"KID, YOU ARE GETTING ON MY LAST NERVES!" the store manager glared at Lyle and as he did this, the third eyeball conveniently returned and began glowing. A laser shot out of it and engulfed Lyle with a blinding yellow light. The boy screamed in agony as he fell to the ground, his energy quickly leaving him. "You have been nothing but trouble from the start! As soon as this laser zaps all the protein from your body, you will perish and then no one can stop us from taking over this world!"
Part 4
When we last left our heroes, Amanda had stupidly given away their cover and Lyle was being zapped with a protein-stealing laser. Nice going, Amanda! Anyway, we now return to our story to see if our heroes can stop the evil store manager...alien...guy.
"NO! LYLE, DON'T DIE!" Amanda screamed as she remained on the floor with her twisted ankle. "Just hold on!" She struggled fiercely to lift herself up, but ended up falling back down from the pain. After a few more tries, Amanda watched as Lyle fell lifeless to the floor. The alien store manager laughed maniacally as Amanda gaped in horror. As she continued to gap, the store manager continued to laugh...and laugh....and laugh. After a few more minutes of gaping and laughing commenced, Amanda finally came to her senses and put all her strength into yelling, "YOU DUMB JERK!" Then realizing she could exert her energy in a more productive manner, she finally managed to pick herself up off the ground.
"It's too late, stupid human girl! Your friend's dead…DEAD!" Again, the store manager laughed. This was getting rather old as his chuckles ranged from pig snorts to donkey calls. Those aren't exactly bearable sounds.
"No! There must be a way!" Showing far more perseverance than normal, Amanda limped over to the grill, shoved a zombie employee aside and grabbed at one of the meat patties. "OUCH! THAT BURNS!" Grabbing a spatula, she snatched a patty away and limped back towards Lyle, who was sprawled out on the floor and seemingly dead. "Eat this, Lyle," Amanda got on her knees and whispered to the assumed corpse as the store manager laughed away. "I may not be very smart, but I do know this. Patties have protein in them." She forced open Lyle's mouth and forced the patty in.
As she was helping him chew and swallow, the store manager finally stopped his stupid laughing and noticed what was going on. "HA! Silly earthling child! He's dead, DUH!" Suddenly, Lyle opened his eyes wide and grinned. He jumped up and looked down at Amanda, who was still on the floor and amazed at her own moment of brilliance.
"Thanks, Amanda." Lyle turned to the alien and smirked. "Nice try, but I wasn't dead quite yet. I knew better than to let you continue zapping me until I was dead, so I faked it. However, I was near death, so it's thanks to Amanda that I have the energy to do this!" Without another word, he grabbed a knife and hurled it at the store manager's third eye. It struck point-blank and the alien screamed as he was engulfed in his own horrible laser and then he exploded in a bright flash of light.
"Yes! We did it!" Lyle helped Amanda up and together they watched as all the other employees came out of their trances. It was a day of celebration. The real store manager, who turned out to be one of those entranced, made Lyle the employee of the month and gave both him and Amanda raises. However, it was then back to work. Oh, well.
The End....for now.