She'd been on her feet god knows how many hours now and not to mention that she hadn't recovered from the joy that was jet lag but she knew there was no point stopping just yet. If she did she wasn't all together sure she'd be able to pick herself back up again. Not after today. What she was doing back in England never mind Holby again she didn't really know or for how long but it was a strange consequence that her first shift would be here and of course Charlie...Just how she managed to keep going despite not knowing what she may have to accept she didn't know but part of her knew it was due to the team. They didn't know her, didn't know who she was or just how well she knew their boss. They didn't know how much they'd been through they'd been there for each other through so many disasters. Her rape, Peters death, him been shot, his depression, both their disastrous marriages, Christ he delivered her youngest child for gods sake! The list went on too long and to be truthful was too painful to remember. The teams of old, all gone elsewhere on passed on now, would have stopped her and most likely bung her in an office until they knew more but would that have helped? It took all the power she had left not to run to him and hug him the way they used to all those years ago when she seen him awake but she'd have broke down and he didn't need that. She could see in his eyes he was worried at her sudden appearance and even if he wasn't so sick she'd have kept him at arms length. It wasn't fair. He didn't need her to offload all her problems onto him. Why when she ran away did she always end up back with Charlie? Even if it's against all her intentions she'd still be back in this hospital with him. She'd done the same when her marriage to Andrew had gone completely pear shaped to say the least, ran back to the only person she could say she ever really trusted. The only time she'd not ran to Charlie was when her and Ryan had finished for the final time but that was a very cautious decision, she was too ashamed to go back home after that. Charlie had tried to warn her not to go but had she listened? Had she hell! Still that was some time ago now. A lot had changed since then, for the both of them. To any outsider it must have seemed like she appeared like a guardian angel in his moment of need when in reality it was the other way around. What's more he never understood just how much she needed him in her life, even if they lived plane rides apart. She knew she needed him more than he ever needed her, she was never there for him in the same way due to one fact or another. She wasn't there for him when Baz died or Megan and she regretted that. But in reference to the latter she was no use to anyone at that point, Mike had made a point that he'd never seen her so broken and her eldest, Peter, agreed with him adding that her reaction had mirrored that of when his father had died. But then neither man would ever know just how much Megan had been there for her quite like Charlie. Standing outside his ward she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back in, her shift had long since finished but she couldn't face going back to the rented flat she currently called home. She'd promised she'd phone home and check in hours ago and knew Mike would wonder what had happened, sighing she begins to head out of the department and outside, checking her phone as she walked. She had 1 missed call from Mike and a text from Peter which she decided to answer first, it was easier to sound alright through text than call. Having sent the text to her eldest she decides to send a similar message to Mike adding a half hearted apology for not calling but explaining she was exhausted and would speak to him soon. Placing her phone back in her pocket she begins to head back into the hospital once more just as she reaches the doors she feels her phone vibrating glancing at the screen the name Mike flashed on her screen as it continued to vibrate, sighing she unwillingly answers the call.
"Mike? Is everything alright?" She wasn't feeling up to this, she didn't want to pretend she was happy to talk to him.
"That's what I was about to ask you. Do you really think I'm going to let you off with another text? I've not spoken to you since you left." His voice was worried but she knew it wasn't for her, it was for himself.
"I'm exhausted, I've just finished a shift and a busy one at that. I'm just not up to talking right now." She rolls her eyes glancing around herself as if to look for a distraction, someone she knew but there was no one. Not this late.
"I still don't know why you are there...They have hospitals here too you know. You are needed here Lisa." She laughs but it's a sad laugh almost through tears.
"Am I? Am I really? Because it doesn't feel like that to me." His voice was getting desperate suddenly realising she didn't just need to go home, she was running away.
"Lisa...I know we've not been getting on great lately but don't leave it like this. Come home." Her voice stepped up a pitch, all politeness gone she couldn't keep up the pretence they were okay any longer.
"Not getting on great? Ha! You were seeing someone else Mike! Home? It's not home anymore. I'll phone you tomorrow, I need to go." With that she was gone, her phone turned off seconds later.
He'd been told numerous times to try and get some sleep but he wasn't listening, not even pretending. No his mind was firmly on Duffy and why she was suddenly back, she'd kept quite a distance from him when she'd visited earlier which only worried him more. He knew her well enough to know when she was trying to hide something from him and been seriously ill made no difference. He knew better than to try and press her when people were coming in and out of the ward, including Louis, but then next time she came in he was going to find out, if she did come back that was. Just as he was about give up and finally go to sleep the ward doors slowly opened once more revealing her figure in the doorway.
"You should be asleep Charlie." She was exhausted, he could tell, and had the tell tell signs that she'd been crying again but smiled through it.
"So should you, your shift finished hours ago." Stopping at the end of his bed she didn't trust herself to go any closer, she was too emotional right now
"I'm just going, I couldn't leave without making sure you were alright." His face creased at her, she knew he was aware something wasn't right but she wasn't going to share.
"I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about." She rolls her eyes, still at the edge of his bed, he jesters for her to come closer but she simply shakes her head.
"You've just had a heart attack and your worried about me? You're insane Charlie."
"You'll tell me eventually Duffy, you know you will." Glancing away she couldn't meet his eye, instead focussing on his monitors as if it was the most natural thing for her do in this situation.
"Tell you what? There's nothing to tell." He smiles gently, wondering why she was keeping this pretence up.
"Whatever you're trying to hide from me. You can't run away from me Lisa. Now come on and sit beside me instead of hovering down there." Finally moving towards him as soon as she was seated he had her hand in his but once more she kept to her story.
"There is nothing to tell Charlie. I just wanted to come home." Rubbing her hand she wasn't relaxing with him, something was wrong but she was too determined to keep it from him.
"Okay, don't tell me just now. Tell me when your ready to. For how long are you home?"
"You'll find out." Taking her hand back she fixes her hair and stands once more "Now you should be asleep, I best go." She starts to turn to leave the ward but he couldn't let her go like that.
"You're really worrying me Lisa, is everything alright?" Stopping she half turns back, side facing him.
"Not as much as you worried me today, believe me. Everyone is fine I promise and everything will be fine once I sort my head out. Now that is all I'm saying, you need your rest. I'll see you tomorrow." Moving back a bit more she leans down she softly kisses his forehead and smiles "I've missed you Charlie Fairhead." Relaxing slightly he looks up towards her.
"I've missed you too kid."