Bittersweet taste of home
A light shake on his shoulder awoke Kapkan from his slumber. Tachanka's face greeted Kapkan, welcoming him back into the waking world. He realised he'd fallen asleep on Tachanka's shoulder and hastily pulled away, hoping the old couple sitting in front of them hadn't been giving Tachanka a hard time about it. People were less tolerant of this sort of public behaviour here.
"How long till we arrive?" He asked with a yawn, stretching his arms. His joints were stiff after sleeping for who knows how long in the same position.
"About twenty minutes," Tachanka informed him. "I'm sick to death of this train."
It had been almost twelve hours since they boarded the train in Saint Petersburg, it was perfectly understandable. In fact, Tachanka shouldn't even be here, but he had insisted on accompanying him, for which Kapkan was both infinitely grateful and worried.
"I told you Kovrov was in the middle of nowhere," Kapkan said. He never held much love for his natal city. "Pretty boring place too."
"Can't be that bad. Besides, couldn't leave you alone for your mother's funeral."
That was still a strange notion for him. He should be devastated by the news, and yet he was only moderately sad. Overall fine. He always thought he hadn't been very affected after he received news of his father's death because everyone had seen it coming for years. The man had been an alcoholic; it was a miracle his liver endured for so long. And Kapkan had never been close to him. Whatever bond they had snapped like an overdrawn string when he joined the military.
However, he did have some fond memories of his mother. He expected he would feel something, some emotion, after his brother called with news of her passing. Yet all it evoked in him was some kind of distant sadness, as if he were looking at someone else's life. Perhaps seeing so much death in his job had turned him into a cold and unfeeling bastard.
"I can almost hear you thinking, you know?" Tachanka placed a hand over one of Kapkan's knees, giving it a light squeeze.
"I haven't been back home since I left to join the army," he explained to Tachanka, resting one of his hands on top of his. "And last time I saw so much of my family was after Beslan, at the hospital."
"Then they'll be glad to see you!"
Kapkan snorted, unamused. "You clearly don't know my brother Nikolai."
The old lady in front of them chose that moment to wake up, and Tachanka withdrew his hand from Kapkan's knee. He immediately missed the contact. Kapkan spent the next twenty minutes looking out of the window, pretending he didn't want to lean into Tachanka's side and have his arm around him, and to hell with what anyone thought of it.
The evening air was pleasantly fresh for an April night. Kapkan insisted on not calling any of his brothers to come to pick them up at the station, so they walked. It had been years since he was here, but he still remembered the way to his old home. So little had changed in the city, it was like stepping into his youth. He spent the entire walk pointing things out to Tachanka, like his old school, the old grocery shop still standing on the corner of the street, the factory at which his dad had worked beyond the edge of town, the high-rise block where his friends used to live.
"The neighbourhood is almost exactly as it was twenty years ago," Kapkan commented. "I'm sure the factory workers still bitch about how the Degtyaryov plant doesn't employ as many locals as it should."
"Degtyaryov? Best machine gun manufacturers!" Tachanka chuckled. His love of his old LMG was legendary. "I met a soldier called Degtyaryov once, during a mission in Ukraine. Good man."
"It's a common enough surname I suppose." Kapkan was distracted, looking at the faces around him. No ghosts of the past so far. In fact, people passed by so quickly he barely saw their faces.
Right behind the next corner, a familiar building was waiting for them. It was identical to the rest, a block of high-rise buildings for workers and their families, yet Kapkan knew this one even with his eyes closed. A man was waiting on the doorstep, leaning against the wall and smoking.
"Took you long enough. I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up." His face was hidden in shadows, but Kapkan recognized his brother's voice, so similar to his own. "Who the fuck is that with you?"
"Nikolai, this is my friend, Alexsandr." He doubted it would go well if he introduced Tachanka as his fuck buddy. Not that it was Nikolai's business anyway, but he didn't want to start a fight with him literally seconds after being greeted.
Tachanka stepped forward to shake Nikolai's hand. Knowing Tachanka, he was probably trying his best to crush Nikolai's hand. His impression of a firm handshake bordered on assault, leaving his victims with numb fingers and purple knuckles.
"Another soldier, huh?" Nikolai retreated back into the shadows, clenching and unclenching his fist to restore the blood flow to it. He took a drag of his cigarette and smoke billowed in front of him as he exhaled. "The flat is clean and mama's stuff has been put in boxes, my wife took care of it. Funeral is tomorrow at ten, the reception will be at my house."
He tossed a ring of keys to Kapkan, yet made no move to accompany them or say anything else. Nice to know Nikolai was as much of a jerk as he'd been when they were kids. "Yeah, good to see you too Kolya."
"Whatever." The same reaction he had years ago, when Kapkan announced he was enrolling in the army and leaving. Trying to draw a conversation out of him would be useless.
The flat was smaller than he remembered. How the hell had a family of five fitted in there? No wonder they clashed constantly. Or maybe his view of what was considered a normal living space was warped after being in Rainbow for so long. Their base was nice and spacious, and also close enough to the forest for hunting, whenever he felt the urge. He'd lived in more reduced spaces when he was with the army, but going back to that seemed like a downgrade. They certainly were spoiled in Rainbow.
The mirror on the hallway had been covered with a black cloth, which surprised Kapkan. Mama would have liked that, although he hadn't known that Nikolai's wife –he felt terrible for not remembering her name, but he hadn't seen or talked to her in years– was a superstitious one. She had been so kind as to leave a generous ration of plov in the fridge, which became their dinner. They left their bags next to the couch and watched a football match on the TV for a while, until Tachanka got bored and started snooping around to find all the old photos of him that his mother had hoarded all over the living room.
"I see your fondness of stripes began early! You were such a Gopnik, Maxim!" Kapkan snatched it out of his hands, taking a glance of his awkward teenage face before putting it down on its place again.
"You want to see old photos of me? Then you have to show me your kid photos too. It's only fair."
Tachanka was too busy inspecting the rest of the flat to answer. Kapkan followed him. They poked their heads into one of the rooms. It was small, with two bunk beds placed against opposing walls, and two sets of drawers –one next to each bunk. Behind the door there was an old and worn out desk.
"That was our room." So many memories contained between those walls, so many fights between brothers.
"I thought you only had two brothers," Tachanka commented. Kapkan chuckled.
"Yeah, the other bed we used it to leave clothes and other crap all over it."
Curiosity sated, Tachanka went back to the couch and the beer he left. The football match was not that entertaining, but it was better than looking at empty rooms, in Kapkan's opinion. He was distracted, playing with his beer bottle.
"How it is being back?" Tachanka asked him, eyes still glued to the television.
"Unnerving." Kapkan didn't have to think much about it. "It's like I stepped back in time, I keep thinking Mama is gonna come out of the kitchen and scold me for having my feet on the couch."
The comment drew a chuckle from Tachanka. "I'm sure you were a terror as a kid and gave her premature white hair."
"I wasn't that bad! I only exploded my bedroom once."
"You didn't tell that story the other day." Tachanka was now looking directly at him, the bright light from the TV casting odd shadows in his face.
Last night, before catching their flight to Russia, the rest of the Spetsnaz team insisted on holding a wake with Kapkan in honour of his mother. There had been vodka, endless toasts to her, and heartfelt anecdotes from his childhood, followed by stories told by everyone else. It had been an oddly emotional night for their standards, and Kapkan almost cried at one point. Then Fuze accidentally broke a chair, ended up sprawled on the floor and the emotionally charged moment was instantly dispelled with laughter.
"My father used to take potassium chlorate tablets, and I heard from kids at the school that if you mixed those with sulphur you could make homemade firecrackers. So of course, I wanted to try it." Kapkan stopped to take a long gulp from his beer. "I got the sulphur from a neighbour, I told him it was for a science school project. As a precaution in case there was smoke, I mixed the stuff on the windowsill. And to make sure everything was grounded to a fine dust, I decided to smash it with a hammer. Guess what happened?"
Tachanka was laughing loudly, his guffaws deafening the noise coming from the television. "Good lord Maxim, how old were you?"
"Ten," he answered with a grin. Tachanka's laugh was contagious. "You should have seen Mama's face when she saw the broken window and the smoke in the room. She first checked if I was unharmed, and then yelled almost for hours." Kapkan was laughing too, remembering her outrage and Nikolai's mix of smug satisfaction of seeing him get his ear chewed off, and awe at him for basically creating gunpowder. He sobered slightly when he recalled his father's reaction. "Dad didn't take it as well as Mama did."
Seeing how Kapkan's mood soured, Tachanka began telling him stories about his own misadventures as a kid. It was only well into the night when they finally crashed down into the bed, the double one, too tired to think about undressing or finding separate sleeping arrangements.
Kapkan woke up to a faint headache and sweating. Last night they had fallen asleep on top of the bed covers, Tachanka smothering him in a hug in their sleep. It felt cosy, even though the arm slung over his chest felt like it was made of lead. If it was up to him, Kapkan would have pretended the rest of the world didn't exist and go back to sleep. However, he couldn't do that. Not today. Checking his phone, he saw it was nearly nine o'clock. Shit, he forgot to set an alarm.
"Wake up, you snoring bear." He hit Tachanka on the arm, startling him out of sleep.
He went to the bathroom to freshen up, the ice-cold water he splashed on his face waking him fully in seconds. When he returned to the room Tachanka had laid his dark suit on the bed and was already changing into his. Kapkan stared as he got dressed, admiring the way he looked in a suit. Finka had been right in her guess, Alexsandr cleaned up nicely.
"What are you waiting for? I'm not going to dress you, Princess."
"Shut up, asshat!" Kapkan had never liked being called that, and Tachanka gleefully used it any chance he got.
However, it served the purpose of making him get started, never mind how unenthused he was about what lay ahead. It was going to be a long day.
The funeral was a drawn-out affair, as they always were. The local church was full of people, all dressed in black with tired or tearful faces, scolding the kids who felt restless and wandered around in search of entertainment. Nikolai's son was probably amongst them, as he was around ten or eleven. Kapkan couldn't place the last time he'd seen the boy, named Ivan like their father. He didn't know if he'd be able to recognize him. In truth Kapkan barely recognized anyone, but it was comforting they were all here to say goodbye to his mother.
He stood close to Nikolai and Andrei, his youngest brother. He looked sad and lost, like the kid Kapkan still remembered him being. Nikolai's sullen silence and Andrei's lost gaze made for terrible company, and Kapkan's mind wandered, barely hearing the trite condolences the mourners gave them. A bowl of koliva was placed by the head of the casket, probably made by Nikolai's wife. The stuffy atmosphere was making him want to run out to get some fresh air, but he remained in his spot.
The casket was constantly surrounded by people, the flowers and mourning crowns piling up until they obscured their view completely. Kapkan fidgeted on his spot, turning every so often to steal a glance at Alexsandr, who sat just a row behind him. He was grateful for Tachanka's unwavering presence; his support meant more than he could express. He wondered if Alexandr's mind was also going to morbid places, thinking that any of these days they could be holding a funeral at Rainbow. It could happen so easily: a stray bullet, a bomb that wasn't defused on time, a malfunctioning gadget... they all knew that one day their luck would run out. And yet, right at that moment, the idea of attending Alexsandr's funeral was incredibly painful, more than attending his mother's right now. What was wrong with him? Kapkan chalked it up to not having seen his mother in so many years, while he had spent all those years living and working side by side with Alexsandr.
After the priest finished droning out the customary service, they all went out for the burial and a second graveside service. How many services were necessary anyway? His restlessness must have shown on his face, because Tachanka was immediately at his side, a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Thatcher's long-winded anecdotes don't seem that long when compared to this, yes?" Tachanka leant into his personal space, and Kapkan wanted to recline against him and laugh. Neither of those would be proper, so he just offered him a wry smile.
"I don't know, when both you and Thatcher start with the old man stories it gets twice as long." His cheek got him a playful shove from Tachanka, which in turn drew a frown from Nikolai.
Thankfully the rest of the ceremony was much shorter, just a bit of standing around under a clouded sky, hearing yet more passages from the psalms. It ended soon, and then it was his turn to throw a fistful of soil into the open grave. The headstone was pristine and new, looking so out of place compared to the old church behind them. The design was simple, a classical orthodox cross and a brief message:
Lyudmila Petrovna Basuda
1953 – 2017
She asked for so little,
but gave so very much
A whole life summed up in a couple of lines. That was all that people would know of her in the future. What a depressing prospect. She'd been so much more than those dry facts engraved on the stone.
Perhaps Nikolai and Andrei would tell stories to their children so they could remember their grandmother, but those would only be second-hand memories. In the end that was what they all would be, memories of a fleeting lifespan.
Nikolai's apartment was like a carbon copy of their mother's, down to the pattern on the curtains. It was to be expected, Kapkan supposed, since it was on the same neighbourhood and their parents helped Nikolai furnish the place when he moved in with his wife. Or perhaps everyone in this city pulled their decoration ideas from the same outdated magazines, who knew. There were a lot of people milling about in the living room, grabbing a bite from the platters of food piled on the table. Tachanka was nowhere to be seen and he felt lost in a sea of ghosts, both tangible and intangible.
"So good to see you again Maxim!" Kapkan was pulled into a quick hug by Andrei, who seemed genuinely pleased to see him. It was nice to feel welcomed. "I just wish it had been in happier circumstances."
"Of course," Kapkan clapped him on the back. Neither of them pointed out that Kapkan probably wouldn't be here in other circumstances. The years had been kinder to him than to Nikolai, he didn't look so rough. Or perhaps it was that out of the three, Andrei was the one who looked the most like their mother instead of having their father's sharper features.
"We'll soon have the chance. I'm getting married next year!" His baby brother was getting married! God, time flew distressingly fast, but he was so happy for him.
"Andreika you sly dog! Who is the lucky girl?"
He pointed out to a blonde woman talking to Nikolai's wife – Anna, that was her name!– and their cousin Vadim. "The love of my life, Lena. She's a doctor at the local hospital. I met her there one time when I broke my wrist."
"Only you would ask your doctor out." Kapkan shook his head. It obviously worked well, since they were going to marry, but the idea of asking out your doctor still seemed strange to him.
"You better come to my wedding Maxim," Andrei said firmly, no threat to follow but the possibility of disappointing him. "I expect to see you and your partner."
Kapkan frowned in confusion. "I'm still single Andrei, you know it's difficult to find time for that with a job like mine. I might bring Alexsandr again if you don't mind."
The disbelieving look and the gentle clap on his shoulder confused Kapkan even more. What the hell was that about?
He navigated the currents of people, trying to locate Tachanka. He found him talking to a woman around Kapkan's age, her face vaguely familiar but he couldn't quite place who she was. Probably a distant cousin he'd seen twice in his whole life. The look of blatant hunger in her eyes as she listened to whatever Tachanka was saying irritated Kapkan immensely. He strode over to them, determined to save Tachanka from his overeager relative. Before he could reach his goal he was nearly bowled over by two kids dashing through the room, play-fighting each other.
"Vanya! No running inside!" A woman shouted. It was Nikolai's wife, Anna. She looked tired, bags under her eyes, worry etched all over her face. "I'm so sorry for that."
"I've had worse. And I've done worse, Kolya too." He smiled at her. "Thank you for organizing everything Anna." Because he had no doubt that not only had she cleaned Mama's house, but also organized the funeral and the reception, and most probably cooked all the food too.
Her face lit up, dispelling some of the weariness in her and smoothing out the deep worry lines etched in her otherwise soft features. "I'm so relieved you've come, Maxim. This has been really hard for Kolya. He loved his mother so much and her death was so sudden... He has trouble expressing himself right now, but I know he's grateful you're here." The "for once" was loudly implied.
Kapkan looked around until he found Nikolai, sitting at the table with a vodka bottle by his side. Some coping mechanisms were inherited apparently, although he hoped it wasn't a normal occurrence for his brother to be searching answers at the bottom of a bottle.
"Perhaps you could talk with him?" Anna suggested, full of hope. Kapkan wasn't sure how helpful that would be for any of them, but trying wouldn't hurt, he supposed.
"Yeah, I..." A movement caught his attention, and he saw that woman touching Tachanka's arm and giggling. He looked like he was laughing too, and Kapkan frowned. "I'll talk with him."
Anna turned to see what he was staring and gave him an odd look. Then she sighed and went away, yelling at her son to be careful and picking up whatever he knocked down while playing. Kapkan remained in the same place, watching Nikolai nurse his vodka glass and while ignoring Andrei's attempt at a conversation. Why Anna thought it would be good for them to talk was a mystery to him, since almost every time they talked it ended in a fight.
"You look like you ate a lemon." Tachanka materialised by his side, as he'd been doing every time Kapkan felt vaguely distressed or restless. He had no idea how he was doing it and at this point, he was starting to think Tachanka had supernatural abilities. Or just kept an eye on him at all times, which seemed slightly more likely. Kapkan had to confess it filled him with relief to know Tachanka had his back, his support was invaluable to him.
"I see you finally ditched your adoring fan," Kapkan teased him. Only it came out more annoyed than he intended. Tachanka had the audacity to chuckle.
"She went to find a drink, said she'd be back. Don't worry, you're still my favourite Basuda."
"Well, you'll have plenty more time to enjoy her company while I go talk with Nikolai."
Tachanka grunted in either agreement or support. The second seemed far more likely after he told him he'd be right there if he needed anything. A bubbly feeling suffused him at those words, as it had been happening through the day every time they spoke. It didn't last long because he was suddenly confronted with Nikolai's piercing stare. Andrei was already gone and Nikolai didn't seem inclined to talk, so Kapkan sat by his side and accepted the tumbler of vodka Nikolai poured for him.
"Why are you here?" Nikolai eventually asked, once Kapkan had drunk the vodka.
"I wanted to check up on you." Kapkan still thought it would be better to have Andrei here with them. Oddly enough, it had been the little brother the one defusing the fights the two older ones usually had.
"Is this what all this is to you, a chore to check off a list?"
"How can you think that?" He had been away for so long, but he still called them when he had time, he'd taken the first damn flight to Russia when Nikolai told him of their mother's passing! It wasn't easy, but he tried. "We're family Kolya, of course I care."
"Really? Could have fooled me. In fact, I'm surprised you're here, you didn't bother to come to dad's funeral." Kapkan had enough fights with Nikolai over the phone to have yet another rehash of the same issue.
He'd been away on a mission, unreachable, and when he came back two weeks later the funeral date had already come and gone. He called as soon as he saw the message and spoke with his mother, and with Andrei, and even with Nikolai. That was the first time they argued about it, but not the last.
"I lost count of how many times I've told you –"
"Always the same fucking excuse," Nikolai cut him off. "You clearly love your military work better than you ever liked this family, you didn't waste time to join the army and run away as soon as you were of age! We were struggling but you were too good for a factory job like everyone else."
A familiar fury engulfed him. "Are you still hung up on that? Yes, I wanted more! So what? Having aspirations doesn't mean I don't care!"
"You left and all your responsibilities fell on me!" Nikolai banged his fist on the table, although his voice was louder than the noise. "You never gave a damn, yet you still remained their fucking favourite! Mama always talked to the neighbours about darling Maxim, so brave in joining the military to protect the country! Even dad spoke of you with admiration! Maxim, gone to become a hard-working man! But me, working in the factory with him? Still a child who should shut his mouth and stop bothering him."
"We were both kids!" Both of them stood up, their chair legs screeching against the floor, Kapkan jabbing a finger at Nikolai. "Grow the fuck up; you cannot blame me for what Papa did!"
A sudden silence had fallen over the room. Everyone was watching them. Andrei and Anna both looked worried and upset, while Tachanka looked like he was ready to stride over and punch Nikolai. Kapkan on his part, was done with all this.
"We're leaving," he announced. He had to physically drag Tachanka with him, but at least nobody tried to stop them.
The air was cold and crisp out on the street, quite literally cooling off Kapkan's fuming anger. He walked briskly in silence, covering the two blocks that separated Nikolai's home from their old one in record time. Once inside the old apartment, Kapkan started to pick up whatever they left lying around last night. He wanted nothing more than to pack up and take the first train out of this godforsaken city, but he wouldn't leave a mess for Anna to pick up. He wasn't an animal. Tachanka took off his suit jacket, sat on the couch and observed him in silence.
"I didn't know you told your family you're into men." Tachanka eventually broke the silence and the question caught Kapkan completely off guard.
"That's because I didn't..." He stopped in front of the couch, looking confusedly at Tachanka.
Kapkan was very much into men, as Tachanka himself could testify, but he was reluctant to let people know about it. He had only told a few select people over the years, usually the men he slept with. The rest of the Spetsnaz team probably suspected it, though. They weren't stupid.
"Hmm, I see." Tachanka rested his arm over the back of the couch, the flexing motion making the muscles in his arms ripple enticingly under the dress shirt. "Your brother Andrei asked me a lot of questions, you know? About how we met and how long we'd been together."
"Nosy little shit," Kapkan hissed under his breath. Andrei had always been too fucking observant.
"Well, I assumed he knew. So I told him we've been together for some months now." The casual way Tachanka spoke of this revelation stole Kapkan's breath away.
"We- We've been?" Right after speaking he realised it had been the wrong thing to say, Tachanka watching him with his best poker face and damn if Kapkan didn't hate that. "I thought you would prefer to keep it casual."
Tachanka regarded him calmly, as if Kapkan wasn't stewing in a sudden wave of confusion and anxiety. "What gave you that impression?"
"We never talked about it." The excuse sounded weak to him but it was true. "I didn't even know if we were supposed to be exclusive or if it was an open fling or what!"
"Maxim, we spend almost all our damn days together. And fuck quite regularly. And when I was injured during a mission a couple of months ago you refused to leave my bedside at the hospital, not even for a moment."
Put like that, the evidence was quite damning. Perhaps he'd just been an oblivious idiot, but it was too good to be true. Everything Kapkan secretly hoped for was being neatly delivered to him on a silver platter.
Taking pity on the confused hunter, Tachanka reached up to him and slowly tugged Kapkan towards him, until he was sitting astride Tachanka's lap. "Let me be absolutely clear. Do you want-"
"Yes." Kapkan eagerly cut him off, pressing his lips against Tachanka's. The way Tachanka's arms felt around him as they kissed was absolute perfection and Kapkan sighed against his partner's lips as they drew apart.
He let Tachanka help out of his suit jacket and promptly tossed it carelessly behind him. He was more interested in gliding his hands over Tachanka's chiselled chest, before he unbuttoned the collar of the shirt with sudden haste. With one thing or another getting in their way, they hadn't had sex in a week, and Kapkan's pent-up frustration finally caught up with him, exploding in a sudden urge to be as close to Tachanka as physically possible.
He kissed and bit Tachanka's neck, feeling him squirm beneath him as Kapkan mercilessly abused the spot that he knew would drive Tachanka wild. It was like playing with fire, and Kapkan very much wished to get burnt. He rolled his hips, grinding on the rapidly hardening bulge under him, and playfully sucked a mark on Tachanka's neck. That was the final straw. Tachanka kissed him fiercely as he ripped open Kapkan's shirt, sending buttons flying everywhere.
"Alex, what the hell!" Kapkan laughed in surprise. His partner's impatience never failed to arouse him, but he would prefer to not have to search for the missing buttons afterwards.
Tachanka shut him up with another kiss, biting Kapkan's lower lip while he pinched one of his nipples between the rough pads of his fingers. It felt good, but Kapkan wanted something else. He ground down again, desperate for more contact, more friction. He wasn't the only one craving more of his partner, since Tachanka wasted no time in opening his trousers. Kapkan lifted his hips up to help him pull off his clothes, but Tachanka had other ideas. He snuck one of his hands inside Kapkan's underwear and teased his trapped erection until Kapkan was sure there was a wet spot on the front of his boxers from how much he was already leaking. He wound his fingers into Tachanka's short hair and kissed him again, panting his arousal. When a finger slowly penetrated him, dry and slightly painful, Kapkan couldn't fight off a moan.
"Tell me we brought condoms and lube," Tachanka groaned against his neck.
"In my bag, I think. Hurry up." Kapkan hadn't planned to sound so needy, but here he was, desperate to have Tachanka inside him.
With one last teasing bite to his neck, Tachanka gestured at him to get off of him. "Lose the fucking trousers and get ready."
Kapkan scrambled to his feet, already shucking off his shoes, trousers and boxers, leaving it all in a pile by the couch. After a quick look around he decided to brace himself against the dining table. When Tachanka saw him, he left a condom and the lube on the table and turned him around, lifting Kapkan up and setting him atop the table. Kapkan spread his legs to make space for Tachanka and they kissed again, passionate and hungry. It was addictive. Tachanka yanked his hair just the right kind of painful as he tilted his face up, leaving a descending trail of bites on his neck. When they broke apart Kapkan tugged at Tachanka's open shirt, wanting it out of the way.
Smirking, Tachanka complied with the unspoken request before pushing him down on the table. He grabbed the lube and slathered a generous amount on his fingers. A warm hand stroked Kapkan's inner thigh and slunk higher until it wrapped around his dick, giving it a few torturously slow tugs. Tachanka's usual way of preparing him was pretty straightforward, except this time he decided to take his time. He resumed his work on Kapkan's cock, slow and deliberate, thumb swiping over the swollen head and making Kapkan bite his hand to stop a loud moan. Kapkan's attempt to stay quiet failed when a wet finger pushed into him, the groan only slightly muffled by his own hand. He needn't keep quiet, but it was an ingrained habit from trying to make less noise during their escapades around the base. However, when Tachanka added more lube and a second finger, he let the hand fall from his mouth to grip the edge of the table.
"Fuuuck, Alex..." he panted when those fingers brushed insistently against the right spot, his hips moving forward in an attempt to get more stimulation on his cock. Tachanka looked at him with a self-satisfied smirk and scissored his fingers as he used his other hand to cup and fondle Kapkan's balls.
"Ready?" He asked him, as if he didn't know Kapkan was dying to have more. Kapkan nodded furiously, unable to form a single word. Tachanka slipped a third finger inside him, the stretch so good that he didn't notice the slight burn that accompanied it.
With a grunt of approval, Tachanka removed his fingers from inside him, grabbed the condom and rolled it on. Kapkan planted his feet on the table, but Tachanka took hold Kapkan's thighs and pushed them towards his chest, exposing him further. His hands gripped Kapkan's thighs firmly as he moved closer, the tip of his cock slowly breaching the ring of muscle as he slipped his hard dick inside the hunter. At first, when they started fooling around, both were reluctant to go all the way during sex. They had been utter idiots. There was nothing Kapkan loved more than having Tachanka's weight pinning him down as he entered him. It was an incredible sensation, how large his cock felt inside him, filling him up completely. Kapkan's eyes slipped shut, overwhelmed, but Tachanka wasn't having it.
"Look at me." Tachanka's hand cupped the side of his face, making Kapkan look up. "I want to see your face as you fall apart."
The older man could be a demanding bastard, but Kapkan always complied because in the end he always enjoyed the results as much as Tachanka did. Kapkan kept his gaze steady as Tachanka thrust into him, pleasure and arousal building up, climbing higher and higher. Kapkan moaned, still looking into his lover's lust-darkened eyes. Tachanka snapped his hips forward, burying himself deep into Kapkan and bending down to leave a dark love bite on the hunter's neck. With the new angle, the head of Tachanka's large cock was pressing directly onto his prostate, and Kapkan's moan of utter bliss came out choked and breathless.
"Enjoying yourself, Princess?" Tachanka's question was followed by a kiss, the movement sending jolts of pleasure through his whole body. For once, Kapkan let the pet name slide.
He tried clenching around his lover to spur him on, and it drew a primal growl of need from Tachanka. He let Kapkan's legs slide down from his hold and guided them to wrap around his waist. Tachanka slid almost all the way out, leaving only the tip inside before he slammed back in, the force of his thrust making the table creak ominously. Kapkan didn't have the capacity to care about it. He whined, high pitched and needy, since every time Tachanka pushed his dick into him, pleasure burned brightly inside him. His dick was impossibly hard, precum dribbling down and pooling on his stomach. He felt like he was right at the edge. Kapkan braced himself, gripping Tachanka's shoulders and scratching the skin as he moaned deliriously.
It wasn't by far the first time they had sex, but there was something different about it. Perhaps it was knowing without a doubt that they were together, that Alexsandr was not a fling but his partner in every sense of the word. God, he still couldn't believe it. Tachanka wrapped a hand around his throat, putting just the slightest pressure on it as he traced Kapkan's collarbone with his thumb while his other hand gripped Kapkan's hip possessively. Remembering his earlier command, Kapkan looked up at Tachanka, biting his lower lip and moaning. The sight of Tachanka's lustful gaze and wrecked expression were almost enough to finish him, knowing he was in that state because of him.
"Ah... Alex! I'm so close, Alex... please," Kapkan begged him between moans. He was trembling, couldn't take it any longer. The pleasure had an edge of pain to it now, but that only made it even better.
"I know." Tachanka moved the hand from his hip to caress Kapkan's lower stomach, smearing the mess of precum over it before he gripped his erection. "Me too. Let's come together, yes?"
He wanted to say something, perhaps agree with Tachanka, perhaps beg for more, or perhaps tell him how utterly blissful his cock felt inside him. However, Kapkan was incapable of stringing two or more words together. He could only whimper and moan while Tachanka kept his rhythm of long, deep thrusts while he pumped his cock at the same time.
"Fuck, Maxim," Tachanka groaned and slowed down, his dick twitching inside Kapkan as he came. That was what finally pushed him over the edge as well.
It began with a sudden contraction of the muscles in his stomach, ecstasy violently flooding him in waves as he clamped around Tachanka in spasms of pleasure. Wet strands of semen landed all over his chest and stomach, some even catching on his chin. Kapkan was floating, weightless in a sea of bliss and moaning Alex's name like a mantra.
They stilled in place, enjoying the slowly fading glow of their shared pleasure. Eventually Tachanka withdrew from him, Kapkan hissing at the slight discomfort and scrambling to find a new support for his legs. He was going to be sore for days, but god damn was it worth it. Tachanka leaned down to kiss Kapkan, one of his hands lovingly carding his fingers over the hunter's sweat-dampened hair. Kapkan didn't mind the added weight on top of him as long as Tachanka kept kissing and petting him like that. The table, however, creaked ominously once more, the loud sound startling them.
"Get off, fatass," Kapkan demanded with urgency, "before you break the table."
"It's not my fat ass lying on the table," Tachanka laughed, but he stepped back.
Kapkan willed his legs into a coordinated movement to hop off the table, but he needed Tachanka's help to stand without wobbling. "Excuse me, but you love this totally not fat ass."
"That I do," Tachanka agreed. He gave Kapkan a quick peck on the lips before literally sweeping him off his feet.
"Alex! Fuck, put me down!"
"We're going to take a shower." That was a good idea, but Kapkan still didn't think it warranted carrying him over the shoulder. Deep down he liked it, as he liked any and all attention he got from Tachanka. He wasn't going to admit it though, otherwise Tachanka would start carrying him everywhere when they weren't on an operation.
The shower took longer than anticipated. Their slow make-out session under the warm spray stretched on until the water turned cold, and only then did they hurry out of the shower.
Dressed in sweatpants and his favourite hoodie, Kapkan tried to find the buttons Tachanka ripped out of his shirt. So far he had only three. Meanwhile, Tachanka was sitting on the couch, on his phone. Probably reading over his messages or perhaps shopping for a new weapon, that was always a possibility.
"A little help here?" Kapkan thought it was only fair he helped, since he'd been the one to tear the buttons off in the first place.
"No. You don't need those, you hate wearing formal shirts." Kapkan chuckled because he wasn't wrong. "Besides, I prefer you with as little clothes as possible."
He left the gathered buttons on the table and sat on the couch, propping his legs over Tachanka's lap. The next train out of Kovrov was in two hours, so they had some time to kill. "What are you doing?"
Tachanka never got to answer him, since the clinking sound of keys scraping against the lock prompted them to stop what they were doing. Nikolai was in the doorway, looking at them with a sheepish expression.
"You weren't answering your phone and I didn't know if you would have already left." He closed the door behind him and approached Kapkan.
His phone was still in the jacket and in silent mode. Although he wouldn't have picked it up either if it rang; he'd been occupied until recently. Sensing Nikolai wanted to talk, Tachanka quietly got up and left, far enough to give them some privacy, but not before treating Nikolai to one of his steely glares. Petty as it was, Kapkan enjoyed his discomfort when faced with Tachanka's silent judgement.
"Anna let me know we acted like animals in front of everyone, as she said," Nikolai played with his keys as he spoke.
Kapkan wanted to remain angry, but Nikolai's wife was spot on in her assessment. He sighed wearily. "Yes, she's right."
"We're only following the family tradition," Nikolai said with a tenuous smile. "You should have seen the things Mama shouted to uncle Dima during dad's funeral."
"I know, she told me when I called her." Both brothers started snickering at the memory. "I even coached on how to throw a good punch, in case she felt the need to drive her argument with more force."
They broke in a fit of laughter and Kapkan was surprised by how nice it felt to do so, how tired he was of always being at odds with his brother. Nikolai stretched his hand out, as if going for a handshake.
"I'm thankful you're here." Kapkan took the proffered hand. It wasn't exactly an apology, more like an offer to bury the hatchet.
"Me too," he said honestly. It was time to let the past stay in the past, for both of them. "And I'll be here more often if I can. Starting with Andrei's wedding."
Nikolai nodded and hugged him briefly, which was more contact than they'd had for the last five years, at least. "Why don't you come for dinner tonight? It will be just us family, or soon to be family like in Lena's case. Plus your friend, if he decides to come."
He only doubted for a second before promising he'd be there. He could stay an additional day or two if needed, there would be other trains to catch, but he didn't want to miss this opportunity to mend things with his family. Nikolai's relieved smile was quite telling that he made the right choice. Kapkan accompanied Nikolai to the door, but before leaving, he suddenly turned around.
"You know, Andrei has a crazy theory about you hiding something from us." Nikolai cracked a tense smile and Kapkan just raised a brow, face as neutral and calm. The lack of reaction on his part made Nikolai glance nervously behind him, as if Tachanka was about to appear any moment. "I'm sure it's nonsense, but you know we'll always support each other, right?"
"Yeah." His answer was as vague as he could possibly make it, but his brother's awkward attempt to reassure him was something he hadn't expected.
Once Nikolai left, Kapkan went to find Tachanka. He was still sitting on a chair and browsing his phone like he hadn't been keeping track of the conversation. Kapkan sat sideways on his lap without warning.
"I'm going to stay a day or two more," he informed. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to Alex, I-"
He was cut off with a kiss, one of Tachanka's arms wrapped around his waist so he didn't fall at the sudden movement. "I already told you before Princess, I won't leave you. I'm staying with you."
"If you call me that in front of my brothers I will kill you for real." Kapkan punched Tachanka's arm for emphasis, but his smile somewhat ruined the effect.
"So you're not going to come out to them?" It was a good question.
"I should, yes," he sighed. But Kapkan wasn't looking forward to the awkwardness and Andrei's smug looks for being right in his assumption. "But that doesn't mean I want you to call me that."
"Tough luck, Princess." He probably shouldn't find Tachanka's unrepentant snickering endearing, but Kapkan chalked it up to love being blind, as the saying went.
It was in that moment when he realised he wanted everyone to know they were together. No more hiding or worrying about who might know. Kapkan wanted to start introducing Tachanka as his partner, not a friend, and his brothers deserved to know the truth. A tragedy had brought him here to face his past once more, but in the end perhaps everything was going to be alright.