Let's get this out right now. It is not my fault that I'm a psychopath. I promise you- it isn't my fault.
Sure, I'm mistempered, unsocial, and homicidal, but come on, the ssteryotypes! I mean, where would you be if you had to live on a pile of cold, hard coins all day? Not happy, I'll tell you that.
The sad truth is, Lonely Mountain is getting... Lonely and... boring. Torching dwarf settlements? Blah. I really need to do something new. Go to strange places! Yeah, I'm sounding weird, but hear me out.
See, I found this great little advertisement for vacation houses online the other day. Some nice, warm place called Hawaii. I think I might winter there this year...
Well, there's someone in my horde. I'd best go scare him off. He smells... very... oddly unfamiliar... This could get interesting.