The library, like many of the other parts of the castle, had parts that were very rarely visited. But those sections were quite often my favourite. Many of my fellow students found it too cold to wander down to the lower levels of the castle, or towards the outskirts of the school grounds but my nature rendered me more appreciative of the silence that those locations gave. Well, as much silence as I could get when accompanied by my loud-mouthed shadow.
Although the library was much quieter than other parts of the castle, all thanks to the watchful eye of our terrifying librarian, there were corners of the room that were so still they heightened the steady ticking of the clock. The quiet was enough to lull anyone into a calmer state and, because I needed to unwind from a particularly stressful potions lesson, I made a beeline for the Alchemy section. As always, the section was completely empty of human presence and it seemed like since my last visit, no one had set foot in the place.
Scouring through the nearest bookshelf, I ran my fingers across the spine of the tomes and read the titles that I hadn't managed to read last time. When I finally reached a book at the end of the shelf, I noticed that it was particularly dusty, like it hadn't been moved in years and reached to draw it out. It was wedged in tight, like being secured into position with a sticking charm and with a frown, I drew my wand out of my pocket and recited the counter curse. When I tried again, it came out much easier.
Blowing the dust from the book cover, I coughed a little when the it permeated the air. Brushing the cover clean, I stared at the title; what was a Potions book doing in the Alchemy section? And how in Salazar's name had Pince allowed it to stay here? Curiously opening the cover, my eyebrows rose in surprise when I discovered a folded, aged piece of parchment tucked away safely. Removing the note from between the pages, I read the name penned in elegant cursive across the paper.
Setting the book aside, I slowly unfolded the note and ran my eyes over the long letter – a love letter?
Holding the note more securely between my fingers, I couldn't help but smile as I continued to read on, deciphering the words of a secret love that a man simply could not confess to one of the girls he shared a class with, someone he had never dared speak to. The woman, one he affectionally referred to as Dottie, had apparently never seen the way he looked at her with eyes that scream out the love I harbour for you and Merlin if that didn't set my own heart racing. Not many people knew how easily moved my heart was beneath my Slytherin exterior.
"That look in your eyes means trouble," Higgs called out as he rounded the corner, approaching me. Flushing guiltily at being caught fangirling over someone else's words, I hid the parchment behind my back and gave him an innocent smile.
"What on earth are you doing here?" I asked when he was close enough.
"I know you like I know the back of my extremely handsome hand," he pointed out, rolling his eyes. "Of course, I knew that I'd find you here, hiding away."
"How exactly can a hand be handsome?" I shot back when he came to a stop in front of me.
Terence extended his hand sinewy towards me as if to prove his point, wiggling his long fingers. "You tell me, Conrad."
"I'm in no mood to inflate your already colossal ego," I said with a shake of my head. "Is there any particular reason you decided to search me out?"
"Do I need to have a reason to search out my favourite girl?" With a beautiful smile, Terence gestured towards the parchment I still held behind me. "Well, what is that? The look you're giving just spells trouble. The type of trouble that you can't help but drag me into as well."
Smiling innocently, I extended the paper towards him and giving me a dubious glance, Terence reached out for the parchment. He unfolded it, reading it over quickly with raised brows. When he looked at me from over the top of the note there was no way that he had gotten anywhere near the end but I knew from his expression that he was not going to finish reading it. He had never seemed to share my romantic sentiments.
Even still, I clutched my hands together and smiled eagerly, "Isn't that the most romantic thing you've ever read?"
"Its cringey," he said shortly, folding it up again and holding it out of the way when I reached for it. "Merlin, it sounds more than a little creepy as well - admiring someone from a far is a warning sigh. It's not yours anyway, Conrad."
"The recipient of the note isn't even still at Hogwarts – look at it, its decades old Terence!" When he continued to watch me unimpressed, I tried to convince him, "We need to get it to the woman – Dottie. The writer obviously didn't have the courage to hand the note to her so we should finish the job."
"No," he said without a single second's thought. And honestly, I wasn't surprised.
"Terence," I beseeched, reaching out to grab his arm. Like he always did, he sighed at the contact and began to relent already. He'd always been rather easy to placate. "Please? Please?"
He shook his head again and for a moment, I thought that he would, once again refuse me. But he didn't. Instead, he removed his arm from my hold only to loop it around my shoulder and pulled me into his side with an affectionate smile. I returned it with my own, believing I had won when Terence slipped the note into my bag.
"There's still no way in hell that I'm helping you," he said with an easy smile and I frowned instantly.
"Terrence –"
"We're not talking about this anymore," he said firmly, squeezing my shoulder firmly. "Let's instead talk about how my grandfather keep bugging me to bring you home as their youngest daughter-in-law."
"Salazar, you're the most annoying person I've ever met."
"And yet you keep me in your life. If you didn't want me to be around you, you'd have cut me out long ago."
"You're acting like I haven't tried."
"Oh sweetheart, if I didn't know you better then I would be offended."
Terence, knowing that I wouldn't be so easily dissuaded, took all of my continual pestering with a gracious smile. Of course, I only pestered him when we were alone together but, considering the number of times a day the fair-haired boy approached me, I spent a good amount of time bugging him. Each and every time he would answer me with a resounding no. Although each negative answer hadn't swayed my resolve.
Even now, as I walked into the common room and spied him sitting at the table in the corner of the common room, I rolled my shoulders back and gathered my nerve. Clutching the strap of my bag tightly, I walked towards Terence with measured steps and didn't so much as bat an eyelid when his friends began their usual teasing.
"Higgs," Warrington began as they rose to their feet in preparation of giving us some privacy, "looks like you're in trouble with your girlfriend."
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said sarcastically, throwing him a look, "who exactly are you dating? Your left hand?"
Warrington scowled at me, even as his friends snickered and rushed away. Turning my eyes back to Terence, I raised a questioning eyebrow when it became obvious that he was fighting a smile.
"We're dating, are we?" He lost the fight, smiling outright when I rolled my eyes.
"You know I just said that to piss him off," I said, swatting the air with my hand. "Now will you please hear me out?"
Pushing his chair back from the table so that he could study me closely, he said a resounding, "No."
"You didn't even let me ask you!"
"Because I didn't need you to ask me," he said with a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest and watching as I rounded the table. He didn't need to say it but I knew he was already on his guard for what I would resort to in order to convince him. "I already know what you're going to ask, Conrad."
"Come on, handsome –"
"You only call me that when you want something from me," he pointed out.
"Terence," I whined, pushing out my lower lip in the way that I knew would get him to cave. Neither of us mentioned it, but in my first year, Terence had realised that my protruding lower lip was the first sign of when I would start to cry. He had been the only person to see me cry and Merlin, in some odd way, it had made us grow close.
Sure enough, the moment his eyes lowered to my lips, he sighed and tilted his head back. He knew that this wasn't something I would cry over, but he would consent soon enough. Staring at the ceiling and releasing a quick exhale, Terence looked at me once again.
"Fine," he said with a sigh. "Lay it on me, already."
"I have to get this note to the woman," I started, reaching into my bag to pull out the piece of aged parchment and waving it around emphatically. "It's killing me inside that she never received a note that was so clearly meant for her."
"What in Merlin's name are you expecting this to change?" he asked pointedly. "Just look at the paper – it's probably decades old already. Do you really think this will affect anything?"
"Probably nothing," I admitted with a shrug. Whilst I might have been a hopeless romantic, I still possessed the ability to be realistic. "But I can't help but think that she still needs to know that someone loved her and that they loved her enough to write their thoughts down in such an elegant, beautiful –"
"Downright embarrassing and borderline stalkerlike," Terence supplied, ignoring the scowl I shot at him for his unwanted interruption.
"I just think that she deserves to know, Terence. Won't you just help me, please?"
He answered my question with nothing more than a sigh. Propping his hand contemplatively on his chin, Terence drummed his free hand on the table top and considered me for a very long moment. I watched him eagerly, waiting for his agreement so that I could talk to him about all the ideas I had about finding the intended recipient of our note. It was only a matter of time, really.
"You do realise that we might not even find this Dottie person," he pointed out and when I went to open my mouth to protest, he added – completely rightly, "and if that happens, you're going to become that sad wreck again. Merlin, who knows how long it'll take this time for me to ease you out of that low."
"But I still want to try," I insisted sincerely, holding his gaze.
"Alright," he relented with another sigh that morphed into a small smile. "I'll help you."
Returning his smile with a grin, I practically threw myself onto his lap in a bid to show him my gratitude. With a laugh, Terence wrapped his arms around me when I almost slid completely off of his lap. Holding me close to him, he tried to sigh begrudgingly before grumbling under his breath. Its overall effect would have worked better if he hadn't been stifling a smile.
"Thank you, thank you," I chanted as I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him close, uncaring of the scene that we were no doubt making in the middle of the common room. "I have no idea how I'm going to repay you."
"Oh, that won't be too hard to do," he assured me as I drew away from him curiously. Salazar, I certainly had a lot of things that I needed to repay Terence for and if he decided on the method of repayment, I could begin to work off my debt. Holding his gaze, I waited for his answer. "You'll just need to switch your surname and carry the next generation of Higgs's."
"Merlin, and there I was thinking that it would be something serious," I grumbled, rolling my eyes and swatting his arm. "Honestly, why was I expecting anything else?"
"Unless you don't want my help?" he trailed off with a teasing smile.
"Ok, ok," I said, hugging him close again and burying my face in the crook of his neck. "I'll do whatever as long as you help."
"Salazar," he mock-complained, ruffling the hair at the back of my head. "The things I agree to do for you, Conrad."
"Hey, I already agreed to carry your kid! I think we're about even."
One of the main reasons that I wanted Terence to help me solve this particular puzzle, apart from not wanting to do this by myself, was that he was a particularly good problem solver. And, for a man that insisted he was only doing this to humour me, he certainly wasn't acting like it. Terence had drawn up a list of documents that he thought we needed to consult to figure out the who our mystery recipient was. That was the reason that I found myself sitting beside him in the archive section of the library.
Somehow, Terence had managed to do the impossible and charmed Pince into allowing us to access the records of all the past students. He reasoned that Dottie was either a full name or a nickname for someone named Dorothy so we needed to hunt down the women named Dorothy and move on from there. But when confronted with the large tomes, I realised just how large of a task this was. Terence, with a heavy sigh, shrugged out of his robes and rolled up his sleeves to prepare to begin our task.
Staring down at the set of records dating from the last ten years, I pulled my hair into a tight bun at the top of my head and started the long arduous process. Salazar, no doubt this was not the way that Terence wished to spend his weekend, but here he was helping me with this task that was beginning to seem impossible. Finding nothing in his set of records, Terence rose to his feet and disappeared to the depths of the archives and went to get records from further back in the history of the school.
Barely bothering to look up from students that graduated ten years ago, I paid almost no attention to the way the chair across from me scraped harshly against the floor as someone took a seat. Turning the page, I didn't look up when they cleared their throat either.
"Conrad," someone called out eventually and with a sigh, I used my finger to mark the name I read up to and glanced up only to find myself sitting across from one of Terence's dormmates.
"Holt," I greeted with a slight nod. "What can I do for you?"
"Where is Terence?" Holt asked, peering around me as if to find him. "Normally he's always following you around like a shadow."
"If you want to find Terence, why not just wait until he goes to bed for the night?"
"It's not him I want to talk to – I just wanted to make sure that your bodyguard wasn't around."
Raising an incredulous eyebrow, I waited to hear what he had to say. Holt leaned in towards the table, lowering his voice as he suggested, "Don't you think it's time that you tried someone else out? Just between the pair of us, he's a bit limp dicked. But I'm sure you know that better than I do."
Narrowing my eyes defensively at the comment, I prepared to call him out for the way that he was speaking about someone that he claimed he saw as a friend. But, ever my saving grace, Terence appeared in that next moment with a large stack of tomes floating after him. Holt, sitting with his back-facing Terence, continued to watch me expectantly. I only had eyes for Terence who took one look at Holt's back and raised an eyebrow as if to ask if he was bothering me. And at my slight nod, he closed the space between us and slammed the tomes onto the table with enough force to make Holt jump in his seat.
"Why are you bothering, my girl?" Terence asked, taking the seat beside me and wrapping an arm around the back of my chair. Reclining in his chair, he demanded, "Piss off before I dock house points from you."
"Well I wouldn't want to offend the Head Boy," Holt declared with a roll of his eyes before rising to his feet and finally leaving us alone.
Relieved that we were now left alone together, I continued to sort through the list of names as I assured him, "You know, there was no need for you to intercede, I was going to tell I'm that I already had the best of the lot."
"Good," he said, the smile so obvious in his voice that I didn't even look up to see it. He reached out to play with some of my hair that had slipped out of its restraint. "I have no issue with letting them think we're dating –"
"It was your suggestion," I reminded him, throwing him a sideward glance.
"It was," he agreed before continuing, "but I was thinking, maybe if I knew what your type is, then I would be able to help you find the right person for you."
"I don't have a type," I reminded him with a sigh, leaning back in my chair straightening out my spine. "You know that my type is anyone that manages to get me to fall for them."
Terence held my gaze for such a long moment that I almost asked him what was wrong. But there was something so solemn in his gaze that I felt the words dying in my throat. When he spoke next, it was part cautious and part hesitant, "Anyone?"
"Anyone," I agreed quietly, eyes widening when Terence leaned in towards me. But I refused to lean back and instead swallowed nervously.
"What about," he paused. "Snape?"
I recoiled sharply, making loud sounds of disgust and when Terence threw his head back in laughter, I reached out to smack his arm. "Why the hell would you say something so horrifying? Merlin, I think I actually threw up a little in my mouth."
When Terence was given something to do, he was like a dog with a bone, rushing headfirst into coming up with a solution to whatever problem I had given him. For all of his protests that he wouldn't help me with my plans, he certainly did his very best to make sure that we managed to track down Dottie. But then again, that might have been because the sooner this was solved, the sooner we could move on.
As I sat in the common room, talking to my dormmates and listening as they confessed the latest stupid plot that the Gryffindors had managed to get up to, my eyes drifted towards the entrance of the common room in time to spy the seventh-year boys walking in. They moved as a huddle, and Terence, spying my seated form, broke away from the group of them. Ignoring the way that Hensher nudged me in the side at the sight of Terence walking towards me, I instead focused on the way Terence was smiling. From the way he was watching me expectantly, he had good news. And Merlin, just the thought of that had me smiling in response.
"Terence," I greeted, eyes widening when , as soon as he was within reach of me, he grabbed me by my robes.
"I'm going to borrow her," he declared before hoisting me from my chair and to my feet. The motion, so sudden and forceful had me stumbling to regain my balance and went instantly into his arms. Already anticipating the movement, Terence's arms were outstretched to catch me so I didn't collapse on the floor like I was drunk. Staring down at me with an amused glint to his eye, Terence asked, "You alright there, Conrad?"
"I would be if you had given me some sort of warning," I chastised, smacking a hand against his chest and pushing him away from me so I could straighten up. "Any reason you've decided to manhandle me?"
"I need to talk to you," he explained before reaching out to grasp my hand again. Linking his fingers through mine, Terence drew me away from my teasing friends and towards one of the emptier corners of the room. My curiosity had me following silently after him and when he was satisfied that we were out of earshot, he dropped my hand. Crossing my arms, I watched him expectantly.
"Well?"
A slow smile spread across his face, "I found her."
Gasping aloud, I threw myself at him. Winding my arms around his neck, I laughed when Terence's arms wrapped around my waist and he lifted me off the ground.
"Are you really that happy?" he asked incredulously, shaking me slightly from side to side.
"Of course, I am!" I exclaimed when he finally set me back on the ground. Drawing away from him, I let my arms remain around his neck as I stared up into his face. "How in Merlin's name did you find her?"
"I don't think I've ever seen you smile so much," he said with an incredulous laugh. "Any wider and you'll actually split your face in two."
"Terence! How did you find Dottie?"
"We weren't looking back far enough," he explained, his hands on my waist tightening briefly as if to remind me of their presence. "Turns out that she's older than we expected."
"Salazar how are we going to find her," I wondered aloud, looking to him for some sort of inspiration.
"Merlin, I have to do everything around here, don't I?" he mock-complained, rolling his eyes. "You don't need to worry about that – I know where to find her. We'll just have to wait until the Christmas holidays before we can approach her."
"You know, for someone that doesn't like helping me be the messenger of love, you've got everything figured out." Unable to stop myself, I lifted one hand into his hair and brushed some behind his ear. "Anything you want to tell me?"
"I'm assuming that you're expecting me to confess to being a closeted hopeless romantic?" He arched an eyebrow, shaking his head. "No chance. I only did this to make sure that we can talk about something other than this stupid note business."
"I don't believe you," I declared, rolling my eyes and knowing that he was putting on a complete facade. He always liked to act like a smart mouth, pretending that the main reason he was helping me wasn't because he wanted to simply help me. "Why is it so hard for you to admit that you just want to help me?"
"Because you'd teased me for it," he explained knowingly and I couldn't deny that.
So instead, I used the arms wrapped around his neck to draw him in closer to me. The closer he came, the higher his eyebrows drew up in surprise. But only until I kissed his cheek in gratitude and then, not thinking it wasn't enough, I kissed his other cheek as well.
"Thank you," I said gently, making sure he understood just how much this means to me.
"No problem," he said after clearing his throat. "I promised to help you, didn't I?"
For the rest of the term I, like many of my peers, eagerly awaited the Christmas holidays. Whilst the majority of the year was looking forward to the break from assignments and essays, I was waiting to meet Dottie. Terence still refused to confess to me how he had managed to tack down Dottie and whenever I asked him why he liked to claim that the knowledge would render his presence in my life useless and that he was scared of being cut out altogether. I personally thought it was bullshit.
But that didn't stop me from eagerly waiting for his owl over the holiday about when we could finally deliver a note that had spent decades in transit. And when he finally did reach out to me, I was quick to set a date, expecting to meet Terence at the nearest apparition point. He did one better by showing up at my home hours before we were supposed to be meeting and after he'd had an unnecessarily long chat with my parents, we were off.
Terence, apparently knowing exactly where we were heading, lead me arm and arm through the streets. Following his lead, I barely contained the need to pester him with questions about how much longer we would be travelling. He would only use my eagerness to tease me and so it was better to just do my best to hide it. But, clearly, I wasn't doing a very good job of it.
Removing his arm from mine, Terence pressed his palm to the small of my back to lead me through an approaching group. "Are you really that excited? I can feel the energy bouncing off of you."
"I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it," I said with a frown, glancing curiously up into his face when he drew me inside an art shop.
"Maybe to someone who doesn't know you as well as I do," he reasoned, casting a look around the shop.
He furrowed his brows for a moment, apparently not finding what he wanted to. But then he was gesturing for me to wait as he approached the woman behind the till. They exchanged a few words and I watched, feeling my heartbeat begin to pick up when nothing happened for a long moment. Was there something wrong? Had we managed to make a mistake somewhere?
All my fears were soon alleviated when Terence shot me a glance from over his shoulder, winking reassuringly. Straightening up and returning to my side, Terence held a hand out expectantly for my own.
"Come on," he said with an encouraging smile, "let's go meet the heroine of this love story."
Releasing a long breath to reduce some of the nerves I was feeling, I put my hand in Terence's and was grateful when he instantly wound his fingers through my own. Together we both turned towards the woman who had now stepped out from behind the till and coming to our side she offered to let us meet the woman responsible for the beautiful art that hung from the walls.
As the older woman led the pair of us further into the back of the shop towards what was clearly a workroom for the artist, I found myself reaching out even more for Terence. Likely able to read even the subtlest changes in my mood, Terence reached out to wrap an encouraging arm around my waist and squeezed me just once as we walked. It was enough to fortify my resolve as we headed into the room to find a witch whose hair was now more white than it was black, working away at an easel.
After the pair of us were left alone with the still working artist – Dottie – Terence cleared his throat hesitantly to get her attention. Brush pausing mid-stroke, Dottie rose from her seat to face us, eyebrows rising slightly when she realised that she had guests.
"Terence and Miss Conrad, I presume?" she asked with a smile, gesturing for us to step into the room. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"The pleasure's all ours," I assured her with a smile. "I'm sorry if we're bothering you –"
"Nonsense," she said swatting her hand as if to bat my words away. "Terence and I have been owling back and forth, about arranging a meeting and when he spoke of an important woman in his life wanting to meet me, well I couldn't say no."
"Its nothing like that," I said when I caught the insinuation to her words. "Terence has quite a few important women in his life."
"None as important as you," he said smoothly, prompting me into the room with a hand to my arm.
"Your mother would be horrified to hear you say that," I shot back, mouth parting in outrage for Mrs Higgs.
Before our playful dispute could go any further, we were silenced by the sound of amused laughter. Suddenly remembering that we had a spectator, I cleared my throat awkwardly and turned back to Dottie who was looking at us like a doting grandmother would.
"How about we have some tea?" she said suddenly, gesturing to a tea set she had in the corner of her room. Before either of us could answer, she had waved her wand and the kettle was boiling as her magic set about making three cups of tea. "Feel free to take a seat; just grab one of the stools lying around the room."
Grabbing a stool that was hanging nearby, Terence set it down in front of me before heading off to track one down for himself. By the time he returned, the tea had been brewed and Dottie handed a cup towards me and I reached out eagerly to take it only to still at the gold band on her finger. Merlin, just the sight of it had my heart crashing.
It was stupid to assume that she had remained single all these years. And yet, when presented with the reality of her marital status, I knew that on some level I had hoped upon hope that she hadn't married, that my presenting her with the note would change everything. That even if it was a little later than planned, she would marry the man who had written her such a beautiful love letter.
"Everything alright, dear?" she asked, drawing me from my thoughts and prompting me to reach for the cup that was still outstretched towards me.
"Of course," I said, the corners of my lips feeling like they had been weighted down even as I tried to bring myself to smile reassuringly. "I just got lost in my thoughts."
"She has a tendency of doing that," Terence explained as the note in my pocket gained an impossible weight and felt like it would rip a hole in its bid to see the light. "It's nothing to worry about."
Taking a sip of my tea and scalding my tongue in the process, I complimented, "The shop is beautiful. Your art is amazing and if we were allowed, I would probably buy some to hang it in my dorm at school."
"Thank you," the older woman said, flushing with pleasure. "My husband helped me set up the shop, claiming that other people needed to see my work. Personally, I just think that he's sick of having canvases taking up so much space at home."
"I'm sure that's not the case," Terence assured her, the only person to notice how my face had fallen when she mentioned her husband.
Of course, like Terence would suggest when we left the shop, there was always the chance that she had married the man in the note. But, there was no way of knowing. According to Dottie, as she insisted on being called, she preferred to use her maiden name for her artwork and so I didn't know what her husband's surname was, or whether he was the one to have written the note for her. It was stupid to have gotten my hopes up or to have expected such an impossible thing.
And even when Terence wrapped an arm comfortingly around my shoulder and allowing me to cuddle into him with the promise of enough cake to eat my sorrow away, I could do nothing more than nod stiffly. This happened every time and Merlin, I should have known better.
No matter how rationally I thought about it, and Merlin did I continue to think about it, there was no reason for me to be upset. There wasn't even a fraction of a reason for me to be upset and yet I was upset, borderline distraught even. It wasn't like this note business, this stuff about unfinished love would have any sort of impact on my life. I should have been able to brush past it all without a second thought, simply pushing it aside as a happening, a little regretful perhaps but it was only rational that I could dismiss it to the back of my mind. But as I learned, each time something like this happened, I was a far from a rational person.
I knew that when I was like this, I was difficult to be around, as Terence liked to tell me. Salazar, did he keep telling me. But even though I knew this, I couldn't snap out of it and it was beginning to grate on Terence's nerves in a way that it never had before. Usually, whenever I became like this, he was the picturing of never wavering patience. However, today, as we sat on opposite ends of my living room sofa in a continuing silence, it was too much for him.
"Why?" he asked slowly, the single word filling the silence of the room. The appearance of his voice was so unexpected that I looked up from where I was busy chipping away at the polish on my thumb.
"Why?" I repeated questioningly, glancing towards him.
"Why?" he asked again, physically turning his body to face my own. I continued to hold his gaze, waiting for him to speak. "You always do this; getting too attached to people that have nothing to do with you. And not getting attached enough to the people right in front of you."
"Terence –"
"Just explain to me why you always get so involved in things that have absolutely nothing to do with you?" he demanded heatedly, holding my gaze. I continued to watch him silently, not knowing how to answer him. It was a question that I'd been asking myself for almost as long as I had been able to interfere in the lives of others. "Salazar's soul, you always do this – when things eventually blow up in your face you do this. You retreat into yourself when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to and I have to spend ages coaxing you back. I'm getting pretty sick of having to do it; you're no fun to be around when you're in this state."
His words were enough to force me out of this so-called state. "If you hate being me around me so much then leave already. I'm certainly not going to drop to my knees and beg that you stay beside me."
Still, silence followed my declaration and I almost regretted the flare-up of my rash tempter. Almost. Instead, I watched in silence as he clenched his jaw so tightly that I swore I saw the muscle jump under the skin. Terence had never been one to anger easily, out of the pair of us I had the worst temper, and yet it appeared that even the most even-tempered people grew hot-headed when pushed too far. And finally, when he had managed to gather the fraying edges of his temper, Terence sighed and rubbed a hand roughly across his face.
"That's not what I meant," he said, shooting a chastising glance my way. "All I'm saying is that you have better things to concern yourself with."
I stared blankly at him, trying to listen as he continued to speak about the things I should have been doing as if it was easy. Merlin, I'd certainly tried to be rational, to thinks things through with a level head but was it really so unreasonable that I found myself looking for love wherever I could. Salazar, I'd spent the first few years of my life stuck in an endless cycle of staring out of my window and waiting for a new family to come and take me away. Of course, eventually it had happened but in my darkest moments, I always reverted back to being that girl stuck in that dark room and just waiting for someone to come and show me some love. But no one knew that – not even Terence. Perhaps that was why he couldn't understand why I was behaving this way because he didn't know that my ultimate goal was to not only spread love wherever I could but to find it myself. Merlin, if he knew, he would tease me for being un-Slytherin.
Realising that I wasn't listening to him, Terence sighed and fell silent. He watched me for a long moment and before shaking his head as he murmured, "Sometimes, you really are unbelievable."
"Terence, just tell me what you want me to do," I said, all the fight draining out of me. I didn't like arguing with him and honestly, I just wanted this all to be over as soon as possible. The sooner this blew over, the sooner we returned to normal.
"I want you to stop being so concerned with the love lives of other people," he said incredulously, eyebrows rising as if I still didn't get it. "Put some of that focus onto your own love life."
I scoffed, "Because I clearly have such a riveting one."
Terence silenced whatever other retorts I could say by reaching out to take one of my hands from where I was gripping a cushion. Holding it in his own, he tugged firmly and drew me to his side so quickly that I could only meet his gaze with eyes that were blown wide with surprise.
"Merlin's beard," he swore fiercely under his breath. When he abruptly released his hold on my hand, I found myself flexing my fingers as if it would summon back the heat of his touch. My hand suddenly felt starved of any warmth. And yet the moment he reached out to grasp both my shoulders, that rush of warmth that I so associated with Terence, was back in one go. "If you just opened your eyes and saw the person in front of you then you would have one."
"What?" was all I managed to utter from surprise parted lips.
"How much more do I have to do?" the question sounded like a plea, one that would have to go unanswered as he was on his feet before I could even make sense of anything.
I rose to my feet, watching as he approached the fireplace on the opposite side of the room. The sight of his retreating back had made me stand because I didn't want him to leave, I couldn't let him leave. Yet not a single word left my lips as I scrambled to get my thoughts in order. What would be enough to get him to stay?
"Terence," by the time his name left my throat as a startled prayer, he had already floo'd away.
My mother had the most horrendous habit of leaving all of her Christmas shopping for the holiday when the streets would be booming with other people that had forgotten to do their shopping. Only Mother never forgot she liked to claim that experiencing the rush in the jam-packed street was part of the charm of the Christmas shopping season. On the other hand, I thought that shopping weeks or maybe even months ahead of Christmas was much better than facing the very real threat of being suffocating amidst a pile up in the middle of a shop as people argued over the last of something.
Normally Mother knew better than to bring me along on these shopping trips because of how much I hated it and of how vocal I was about said dislike. But, before breakfast, I had caught the tail end of a discussion between my parents about the clear downward shift in my mood for the last few weeks. They both thought that some fresh air might do me some good. I didn't have the heart to confess to knowing that fresh air wouldn't help at all and had instead chosen to accompany Mother with a small, albeit fake, smile.
As we walked through the streets, Mother came to what must have been the tenth shop today and gestured towards it. I peered in through the glass and saw all of the customers packed in like they were bloody sardines and tried my best to hide my distress at the idea of heading inside. But Mother was always one step ahead. With a smile, she brushed a hand over my head and almost laughed.
"Tell you what, why don't you head into the cafe on the corner and I'll meet you when I'm done in here? We can go for lunch after that."
"That sounds perfect," I said with a relieved laugh. And it was only after we shared another parting smile, that we headed our separate ways.
Making my way quickly through the street, I walked into the café and joined the queue at the till. Scanning the café that was busier than I'm sure it had been in the last few months, I turned back to face the queue that was slowly moving. As I walked with every step a fraction of what it usually would be, I let my eyes move across the cakes displayed on the counter and eagerly eyed a slice of double chocolate cake. Merlin, I couldn't wait to get my hands on that.
"Miss Conrad?" the call of my surname had me glancing suddenly towards the woman standing directly behind me in the queue.
"Dorothy?" I echoed in surprise, only to realise that I had reached the front of the queue.
Turning quickly to face the counter, I placed my order and watched in surprise as Dottie tagged her order onto the end of mine and then proceeded to pay for them both, despite my protests. Together, we headed towards a table while our orders were being processed and I looked expectantly towards the older woman.
"I've realised that we haven't had the chance to finish our previous conversation," she explained, thanking the server when our drinks and cakes were brought to our table. "Terence did say that there was a reason for your visit."
Just the mention of Terence's name had me shifting uncomfortably in my seat; this was the longest I had gone without seeing him. Putting my hands nervously in my coat pocket, my eyes snapped towards Dottie's when one of my hands closed around a folded piece of parchment. I never had gotten around to removing the note from my coat pocket.
Drawing the note out of my pocket, I shuffled it between my fingers as I started to explain, "I was looking through one of the books in the Hogwarts library when I stumbled upon a note, addressed to you."
"To me?" she repeated incredulously after taking a sip of her tea. "Then it must be decades old."
"It is," I agreed, handing the yellowed paper to her so she could read it through. "But I felt like it was important to get it to you and wound up dragging Terence into helping me."
Curiously unfolding the note, Dottie slowly read it over and as I watched her face, I broke off a piece of my cake with my fork and raised it to my lips. By the time she reached the end of the note, the only change to Dottie's face had been a small smile, playing simply at the corner of her mouth. It wasn't the reaction I had expected when I first discovered the note and I knew that it wouldn't be, but it still gave me the closure I needed. I had done what I'd set out to and the weight of keeping the letter from Dottie had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Well," Dottie said folding the note up again and moved to hand it back to me. "I'm certainly glad to have been able to read it. It brings back memories from a long time ago."
"It's not mine to keep," I protested with a shake of my head that had Dottie tucking the note into her handbag. Stirring my tea uselessly, I eyed her from beneath my lashes as I forced my curiosity aside.
"Go ahead and ask," she said straight away.
"The writer," I began tentatively and cutting myself off before I could progress any further. But it was enough, she understood what I meant.
"A silly school girl crush," she admitted with a quiet laugh. "One that wasn't so one-sided, it appears."
"And nothing ever happens there?" I prompted hesitantly, certain that something must have happened between them to drive a man to write such a note.
"Nothing. As hard as that may be to believe." With a small smile, she wondered, "But sometimes, the best parts of a crush are the what-ifs that you have afterwards. When you crush on someone, you've got a pristine image of them in your head, one that remains even once nothing happens. Should anything have happened, chances are that you'll never see them in the same way. Especially if it's doomed to be a failed romance."
"And what about that man you did marry then?" Suddenly remembering that this was only the second time I had met her, I hurried to add, "I'm sorry, sometimes I have a habit of overstepping my boundaries."
"My first husband, it wasn't a love marriage," she confessed and I did my best to school my features to make sure that I didn't display any of my horror. "He was someone my parents chose for me and we grew to share an affection over the years. I'll always love him because he gave me my children. But I'll never love him in the way I love my now husband. He's the love of my life."
"I'm glad," I said with a tender smile. "Maybe even a little jealous – to be able to spend the rest of your life with the love of your life, that's something I want."
"Then don't wait until you're my age to do it," she advised. "Helga knows that I regret not marrying my husband sooner."
"Really?"
With a fond nod, she added, "He's my best friend who's been there for me my entire life, through everything. Take some advice from an old woman, that's the sort of love you should chase after, my dear."
Dottie, it seemed, had recognised a fellow hopeless romantic in me and wanted to meet often so she could share all the wisdom she had gained throughout her life. It was the sort of thing I'd always dreamed of and I looked forward to each visit where we would meet in the same coffee shop. Each visit, once a week, was marked by yet another week of Terence's absence in my life.
The prolonged separation had left me wondering whether or not he missed me because pride be damned, I certainly missed him. I wanted nothing more than to see him again but I had no idea how he would react to my presence. The Christmas holiday was passing quickly and Salazar knew how different it would be now to share a common room with Terence.
Dottie's arrival was marked with the delivery of our usual order to our usual table and as she shrugged out of her coat. Smiling thankfully at me as I poured some milk into her teacup, she said, "We always seem to talk about my love life, why don't we discuss yours now?"
"We don't discuss my love life because I don't have one," I confessed as I stirred some sugar into my tea.
"That's no good," she said with a shake of her head. "You're young! Go out and have some fun. Want me to introduce you to someone?"
"That's really not necessary," I tried to protest but it seemed pointless.
Dottie spoke as if she hadn't heard my words, "Of course, I only have granddaughters so if that takes your fancy, I have plenty for you to pick from. But men seem more your type and my husband has a sole grandson. He'll be meeting me here soon to help me deal with some things for the shop. You can meet him then."
"There's really no need," I insisted.
"Nonsense," she dismissed before deciding to change the topic. "So, do you have any idea what you want to do after Hogwarts?"
"None whatsoever," I confessed with a sigh. "All of the Professors act like it's essentially suicidal not to have a plan in place and that's not really helpful while I'm trying to decide."
"The Professors were never any good at that," she confided. "What interests you?"
"Honestly," I paused cautiously, my lips curving upwards just at the thought of Terence "my best friend likes to claim that I'm a busy body that focuses too much on other people's love lives."
Dottie's response was a fond smile before she reached out to put a hand on top of mine. Squeezing it warmly, she stated, "You feel for your best friend, the way I feel about mine. Learn from my mistakes and don't waste as many years as I did."
"I'll try."
She squeezed my hand once again before removing it to rifle through her purse. Drawing a business card out, she slid it across the table towards me and I stared down at it for long enough to realise that it belonged to a matchmaking service. My eyes flickered up to meet Dottie's waiting gaze. "Try applying there for work after you're done with school; my daughter is looking for a new intern and you seem like a good fit."
"It sounds like my dream job," I admitted with a slight laugh, trailing off when I realised that Dottie was watching something from over my shoulder. "Dorothy?"
"My grandson is here," she explained, gesturing someone over. "Well, my step-grandson really but we don't deal with that rubbish."
Turning curiously to find her grandson, my eyes were instantly rooted to the approaching man. Terence stood out even from a distance and Merlin, it was like the long separation had made his presence that much more potent. Looking back to Dottie, I went to rise from my seat at finding her preparing to make a hasty exit.
"Stay and chat," she said with a smile underlying the order hidden in her tone. And I found myself helpless but to comply.
Settling back down in my seat, my eyes trailed after Terence who took the seat that his grandmother had just evacuated. The pair shared a few words that I didn't bother to listen to. Instead, I watched Terence, eagerly drinking in his features. But, the moment finally allowed his gaze to meet mine, I schooled my features into a picture of poise.
When it became obvious that he wasn't going to speak first, I decided to break the silence. "You didn't tell me about Dottie."
"I haven't told you a lot of things," he admitted. "I thought you needed to see this through without too much interference from me. Though I have to admit, I never thought you'd start meeting each other so often."
"She's a wise woman."
"She is." Terence agreed, before adding, "Granddad's gone on her. Rather like I am with you."
The abrupt confession, so out of character for Terence or perhaps it was in character but I'd never noticed, had me sucking in a deep breath. His gaze grew heavy, waiting for me to say something but I could only look down at my fingers as I played with them on my lap.
"Your grandmother made me realise how wonderful it is to spend every minute with someone that you love," I started steadily. "That you should try and get as much of that time as you can."
Peeking up at him from beneath my lashes, I found myself watching him closely only to find that Terence was waiting expectantly. He knew that there was so much left unsaid but he was giving me the chance to say it all out in the open. Rolling my bottom lip into my mouth, I rose slowly to my feet and only then did I see that caution in Terence's gaze. He had no idea how I would react and frankly, neither did I.
Walking around the table to take the seat directly beside him, I released a short breath as the nerves began to kick in. Merlin, what was I doing? Was this really worth risking losing Terence's friendship? Dottie would no doubt tell me that it was.
"And?" Terence prompted with hesitant eyes.
"And I don't want to waste another moment."
He didn't react like I thought he would, although I certainly didn't have any expectations for his reaction. But I swore that he froze for a good moment as if he couldn't believe it before reaching out to steal one of my hands. Holding it in his, he raised it to his lips so that he could press a kiss to the back of it, all whilst keeping his eyes on mine.
"I'm sorry that I was so blind," I murmured, looking between his eyes.
"It's alright," he assured me with a gentle smile.
"Terence –"
"Just think, this means that you have your own story to share when one day a busybody girl comes to search you out in a few decades."
"It sounds like you've written me a few notes," I teased, leaning forward to brush my nose against his.
"Maybe I have," he shot back. "You certainly wouldn't know. Given how oblivious you are."