Slip Up

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Gravity Falls or Harry Potter or Naruto. And I so definitely DO NOT own Bill Cipher and Akasuna no Sasori.

A/N: This Hogwarts AU is set in Sixth Year. It takes place at Slughorn's Party - separate from the party that Harry attended with Luna and the one where Malfoy had gate-crashed. Mostly this is just a crack-fic, a deviation from something I am trying to write for a story that is still in the works, in which both Sasori and Bill are professors, Arithmancy and Ancient Runes respectively.

Heads Up: Mentions of minor homosexual discrimination. Please do not read if this offends you.

Bill surveyed the mingling crowd with a grimace.

"Tell me again how I got roped into this sad joke of a soiree?"

Sasori did not spare him a glance. "If I was meant to go through this torture than you are to suffer alongside me too," he said, picking up a glass flute from a passing waiter. "Of course, this has nothing to do with your lovely re-decoration of the Arithmancy classroom."

Bill crossed his arms. "Never thought you'd stoop so low, Hourglass, and giving into your craving for petty revenge too! I'd say that I'm impress except I'm really really pissed off at you right now." For a brief moment, his eyes flickered red before returning to stable blues again. "Do you have any idea what your last-minute plans cost me this evening?" he hissed, letting a hint of his rage show through his normally cheerful façade. He straightened up as another waiter passed, a fake smile – plastered so naturally it was almost believable – on his face.

"Do tell," Sasori said duly.

"A Goldstein that was actually begging for a deal, with me!" Bill said, practically looking ready to tear his own hair out just to prove how important that was to him. "That straight-laced family swore that they would never call me – they even said that they rather die by being blasted by that over-sized diaper wearing giant, I mean, seriously - and then the day finally came that one of their stupid off-springs decided to summon me again, and you ruined it all by chaining me to this bloody freakin' castle!"

"Woe it is to be you."

Bill gritted his teeth. Just when he was about to say something scathing in reply, someone bumped into him.

"Oh hello!" The clumsy witch batting her eyes at the blond. "Would you like to dance, sir?"

His eyes twitched. The conniving bint bumped into him on purpose. He didn't need to read her mind to know that much. He looked to Sasori to only find out that the damn traitor had already distanced himself away from him, enough to make it look that the redhead was never associated with him at all.

Traitor.

Bill's smile was so tight it looked like it hurt. "What I would like is for you to screw off, you catch me drift, darling?" he said sweetly, batting his own eyelashes just to mock her further.

The witch flushed red.

"Rude!" she sniffed, turning away.

"And a wonderful evening to you too, sweetheart!" he called after her retreating back.

"A smooth Casanova you turned out to be, Cipher," Sasori deadpanned, as he drifted back.

Bill glared at him.

"Traitor," he accused.

Sasori swirled the contents of his glass. "You survived."

"You mean she survived – if she had turned out to be one of those damn persistent harpies, I would have vaporised her on the spot," he said darkly. "At least that's over."

The redhead snorted. Cipher could be such a child.

"On the contrary, I'd say it's just beginning. I would not have rejected her so publicly like that, Cipher. If you would care to look around, you have made yourself quite the target."

Bill looked around the room. Sure enough, those dateless witches were watching him.

He groaned.

"Great just great…and would you stop smirking!" he snapped at the redhead. "This is all your fault that my evening is completely ruined!"

Sasori quirked an eyebrow. "Why blame me when you did that to yourself?" he said dryly.

Bill would have killed him on the spot if he could. As it were, his fingers kept twitching every so often throughout the whole night at the thought.

Circles, can't these women get the hint!?

Bill swore that Hourglass was laughing behind that champagne glass every damn single time these women threw themselves at him.

"I don't like women."

"Oh, I'm sure you don't mean that!" she giggled, in that insanely annoying way that those girly female meat-bags did – honestly, did they think that it makes them attractive? They must be delusional. "Why ever would you dislike our lovely company?"

With a completely straight face, Bill said, "I'm gay."

The witch blinked. "P-Pardon…Could you repeat that?"

Bill leaned down and said the words slowly as if talking to a really stupid child. "I. Am. Gay."

"I-I don't what that means." She paused. "Is that a medical condition?"

He threw his hands up in the air. "Goddamn it woman, I am gay. Homosexual. Queer. Lesbian. Plays for the other team. Damn it, I like men!" he finally screamed out with his arms flailing about, frustrated with her non-comprehension.

When she did realise, her hands instantly flew to her mouth in shock.

Satisfied, Bill turned around to see Sasori shaking his head.

It took him a second to realise the room went silent.

And another to realise that it was because of him.

"Circles," Bill cursed. He turned back to the girl, glaring as he snapped, "You, get out my sight!" Damn it, they're still watching me. "And what are you all looking at?"

Everyone averted their eyes at his dark glare, scrambling to restart that music that had stopped during his little outburst, and pretending that happened.

But he wasn't blind. He could see them.

Whispering. About him.

With luck the news about his apparent sexual orientation would spread like wildfire over the entire school.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he could feel a massive headache coming on.

Damn it.

"Congratulations," Sasori said wryly, when they finally – finally, Bill never thought he'd felt so relieved in his life – left the party. "You've brilliantly managed to send a full room of people into a horrified stupor and at the same time tarnish your own reputation."

"Shut up," Bill snapped.

One day turned into two days. A few days turned into a week. And it could have gone on even longer if Sasori had not gotten impatient and decided to take matters into his own hands.

"Avada Kedavra!"

Bill quickly rolled over just as a bright green jet of light hit the mattress.

"Whoa – hey, what are you doing in here!?"

From where he was leaning against the doorframe, Sasori lowered his wand.

"The first few days, I ignored your absence," he said. "When it turned into a full week, the other staff members and your students began to worry and they sent me up here to tell you that your work is piling up and that those class reports are due next Tuesday."

"How did you get in here?" Bill growled, choosing for the moment to ignore the thrill of horror that ran through him at the mention of the class reports, which he had totally forgotten about it. McGonagall will definitely kill him – figuratively.

"Like any logical person, I turned the knob."

"I warded that door!"

Sasori dropped the broken pieces of glass onto the floor. "Were these your wards? I can see how there were effective," he said flatly.

"Shut up."

"Nothing to say? That's unusual, even for you. If I remembered correctly last weekend you had a lot to say about, especially concerning your sexual preferences–"

"I said shut up," Bill shouted. "You don't know anything! Saying that damn word was a mistake," he said, angrily. "Now people are going to start staring at me like I'm some sort of freak–"

"Freak is an understatement. Monster would be far more appropriate."

"Thank you for that unnecessary input, butt face," he gritted out. "If I could continue?"

"Hm? Go on, you were at the part where you're unsettled by people staring at you, which is ironic if you asked me…"

"Well, no one asked you. So, as I was saying, I'm a…" At this point, the blond trailed off and grumbled something unintelligible.

Sasori was not impressed. "Could you repeat that? Clearer this time, preferably."

Bill sat up, face pinched into a petulant frown. "I said that I am asexual, you freakin' Barbie-doll obsessed maniac," he spat out, before flopping himself back onto the bed. "Me and my damn mouth – I'll admit that I should have though that plan through before doing it. Though, winging it usually works. Damn it, it should have worked."

"I'm sure," the redhead said dryly. "Now that you are quite done confessing your deepest darkest secrets, get your pitiful-self off the bed and get dressed. Those fourth-year students of yours aren't going to teach themselves."

"Do I have to?" Bill whined, slowly getting up.

"Don't try to act like a child, Cipher, it is unbecoming."

"Yeah yeah, get off my case will ya? What are you, my mother?"

"If that is what will get you to listen to me, then yes. I am your mother," Sasori said.

"Freakin' puppet," Bill grumbled as he walked towards the built-in shower. Pausing to grab a fresh towel and some clothes, he went inside, making sure to slam the door as hard as he could.

"What a child."

Sasori clucked his tongue before seeing himself out.

Bill eyed the brats in front of him in distaste.

"Oi, listen up!" he growled, slamming the stacks of parchment on the table. The students flinched. "Anyone, and I mean anyone who doesn't know how to keep their large noses out of other people's business will get it from me. Got it? I'm looking at you, Zeller."

The Slytherin huffed and looked away, embarrassed.

"Heh, you can't tell us what to do!" one Ravenclaw student chimed up from the back. Bill narrowed his eye at the sight of that arrogant smirk on his face.

"Oh yeah? Last time I checked I'm in charge of this class, brat," Bill retorted, sneering. "Unless you want me to take over your detention from Filch..."

Some students at the back paled at the threat. They knew what happened to those who had detention from Cipher - the poor lads who had the misfortune too have still not recovered from the horrors they had been put through.

"Che, stop trying to act like a teacher when everybody knows that you're a dirty faggot!" he threw back, crowing triumphantly.

The whole class held its breath. In their eyes, the Ravenclaw had signed his own death warrant.

Bill looked bored. "You say that as if my sexual preferences actually affects how I teach. What are you five? Grow up, brat," he said, dismissively. "If you got nothing else to say, and I'm sure nobody else has anymore...disagreements," he glared at the class, daring them to say anything, "we can finally start class like I'm suppose to."

"Hey! Are you all actually going to listen to him?! He's a disgrace! Disgusting!"

Bill was behind him in an instant, hand digging into his shoulders. "30 points from Ravenclaw and a month detention with me," he said cheerfully, smiling. The class cringed at the sight of it, it spoke volumes of pain and suffering.

The fourth-year boy spluttered. "Wait, you can't do this-"

"You should have thought about that before you opened that big fat mouth of yours then~"

Sasori found the Ancient Runes professor lounging by the lake during lunch.

"How many?" the redhead asked, sitting down under the tree.

"Five," Bill waved a hand at the lake.

Sasori squinted. "Hm...Filch must be happy then."

"And the giant squid," the blond added. Bill smirked. "Serves those brats right."

Like. Comment. Re-read.