Chapter One

The room was cold. It was obvious nobody had occupied it in a very long time. It was quite large compared to how small the house was, probably was the master bedroom a long time ago. Now three twin beds, two dressers, and a desk were crammed into the space.

My hand grazed the old quilt blanket, feeling the cold rough fabric beneath my fingers. It was a faded dark blue, my favorite color. I set my suitcase on the end of the twin bed on the opposite side of the room from the others. It was pushed against the wall, underneath a narrow window. I sat on the bed next to my trunk, gazing out the window.

I sighed in relief at the view of the water from the tall window. The ocean. I hadn't seen such a beautiful sight in a long time. My last few foster homes were nowhere near the water, not even the lake. And now, from my bedroom window, I could see the Pacific everyday.

It looked nothing like the black sand beaches in Hana that I grew up on, with it's rocky shores and the almost black water, but I could feel a swell in my chest at the sight.

I shook my head, pushing away the feeling. I glanced around the rest of my room, looking at the empty beds on the other side of the room. The woman said two other foster girls would be here tomorrow. I was alone in my last foster home, the only kid besides the man's sons that would come home for Christmas. It was peaceful.

I forgot what is was like to have to share space with someone, especially two teenage girls. I already missed my last home, but glancing out the window once more I realized I didn't miss it too much.

I started pulling my clothes out of my suitcase, placing them neatly in the dresser closest to my bed. I didn't have much; a few baggy sweaters, a pair of jeans, some leggings, and a tank top. My old foster dad didn't have the time or money to go out and buy me a ton of clothes, but I made do with what I had.

At the bottom of the suitcase, wrapped in an old flowery blanket was a picture frame and a small stuffed bear. The bear was falling apart, it had been sewn back together in many places and when you touched it you would think it would just crumble in your hands. I placed it gently on the window sill that hovered just above my mattress. I unwrapped the blanket entirely pulling out the picture frame.

A woman stood on the beach, bare feet digging into the black sand. Her dark hair was tossed about by the wind and she only wore a t-shirt and bikini bottoms. The white of her enormous smile contrasted greatly against her tan skin, ocean-blue eyes looking adoringly at the small body in her arms. The little girl she was holding looked exactly like her. Ocean-blue eyes, dark hair, and tan skin. Her chubby little arms encircled the woman's neck, a goofy smile on her face as she looked to the camera.

I didn't feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I only noticed them when my vision blurred. I blinked rapidly, my head tilted back. I would not cry today, not when my new foster parents could walk in at any moment. I would wait until tonight to feel it all.

I set the frame on the window sill next to the bear, folding the small blanket and putting it in the dresser. I took a deep breath, looking around the room one last time before sliding my trunk under the bed and walking from the room.

I glanced down the hallway. There was two more doors and then the stairs I came up earlier. I opened the door directly across the hall, it was a study. Seeing all the filing cabinets and shelves filled with books made me nervous for some reason. I closed the door quickly, feeling like I shouldn't be in there.

I opened the other door a couple steps down the hall. It was a large bathroom, obviously made for many people to get ready at once. Double sinks, a toilet hidden by a wall, and a shower tucked in the corner. A towel was folded on the counter between the two sinks, with a hairbrush, a tooth brush, tooth paste, shampoo, and conditioner on top of it.

I closed the door behind me, locking it. I glanced into the mirror, I looked completely run down. Despite the nice shirt and jeans I wore, I looked dreadful. My hair was messy, the braids I wore were falling out. My skin was paler than normal after living in Washington this past year with barely any sun compared to Hawaii. And my eyes looked completely dead, like I had never felt an emotion beside pain in my entire life.

I peeled my clothes off, setting them on the bathroom sink. It took a minute to figure out the shower, but I was too nervous to ask my foster parents. I pulled out my hair ties, letting my hair fall lose around my shoulders.

Standing under the hot water, I felt like I was washing off the past year of my life. With every new foster house I stayed in, I had the same ritual. Stand in burning water and push away the memories of my old life. I let myself bask in the pain I had experienced at this time. I let myself sob quietly over the death of my mother and the absense of my father. I let myself mourn my childhood home and friends. And I let myself remember the last few years in the system, every horrifying moment.

But the moment I stepped from the water, I pushed it all back into the furthest corner of my mind. I took a deep breath, wrapping myself with the towel. When I looked back in the mirror I was relieved to see that the pain had gone from my eyes. All that left was indifference.

I walked back to the room, putting on a sweater that matched the color of the waves out my window and comfy pants. Throwing my wet hair up into a ponytail, I sat on my bed and stared out at the water.

After a few moments, the door to my new bedroom creaked open. I looked to the woman in the doorway. She looked like most other people in this town; russet skin, black eyes, and black hair. Nothing about her was really outstanding, but she looked… warm. Motherly even. Something that made me feel safe. Which terrified me.

"It's time for dinner, Sydney. If you'd like to come down."

I shook my head, gazing out the window once more. After a moment there was an almost silent sigh and the door creaked close. I let out a breath I seemed to be holding since the moment I got here.

I spent the rest of the night staring out at the sea.