A/N: Hey all, it's been a while. I just want to make one little note before we begin to avoid confusion: in the strip where Japan was feeding Japancat, Japan referred to the cat as "Tama", a stereotypical cat name in Japan, while all the other cats referred to Tama as Japancat. I decided to keep this convention here, so the cat that is referred to in this fic as Nisse is actually known as Swedencat to other cats. I wanted to mention Swedencat's affection for Finlandcat as well, whom I'd planned to call Mirri (apparently a stereotypical Finnish cat name), but couldn't find a way to work it in naturally with the story being in Finland's point of view. So yeah, enjoy!
"I'm home…" Finland announced nervously, poking his head through the front door. He frowned slightly at how soft and timid his voice had sounded and repeated himself a bit more confidently as he entered the house properly and closed the door behind him. "I'm home!"
Silence followed this proclamation.
"Sve?" he called, toeing off his shoes and venturing forward in his stockings. The only reply was more silence.
Hardly daring to believe his good fortune, Finland went quietly to check Sweden's workshop, the backyard, and the kitchen for his intimidating companion. "Sve? Are you home?"
There was no doubt; the house was empty. Sweden must not be home from work yet.
Phew, alone at last! Finland thought in relief. Maybe now I can finally relax a little!
Finland flopped down on the couch, breathing more freely than he had in a long time. He closed his eyes and draped an arm over his face, reveling in the feeling of having the house to himself. Maybe he would take a little nap, just because he knew that at least for now, he wouldn't see Sweden's intense gaze staring back at him if he were to open his eyes a crack. He did so just to prove to himself that he could.
Finland lazed there on the couch for a while, waiting for himself to drift off. As usual when Finland was trying to fall asleep, his mind wandered to all kinds of topics. It tended to do that when he had nothing in particular that he needed to be focused on (and sometimes even when he did have things that he needed to focus on). Sometimes when he opened his mind to wandering thoughts, however, he ended up thinking about things that he'd rather not. Painful things, unpleasant things, confusing things…
Speaking of confusing, his mind suddenly alighted on the latest curiosity committed by his frightening housemate. Finland had been doing his best to keep from thinking about it too much, but with his mind open and unburdened by other demands he simply couldn't help himself. He wanted to understand Sweden, but the man was a complete mystery to him.
The most recent oddity had happened two nights ago. Sweden had brought some work home and barricaded himself in his study until late at night, trying to finish it. Feeling fortunate for the solitude, although he knew it was likely to be short-lived, Finland had bathed and climbed into their shared bed alone to fall asleep.
He had awoken what was likely a few hours later when he sensed movement around him. Unwilling to be stirred from his peaceful, half-asleep state, Finland had merely peered through his eyelashes to see what was going on. Sweden must have just finished his bath at last and come to join Finland in bed because he stood over Finland silently, the moonlight streaming in through the window illuminating his damp hair and bare chest, to which a few drops of water still clung. The moonlight had somehow softened his features, and Finland felt unusually at ease with the idea of just watching to see what the taller man would do.
Sweden took the covers, which had slipped down to Finland's thighs at some point, and pulled them up to Finland's shoulders. His large hand hovered uncertainly at Finland's side before brushing Finland's bangs aside with breathtaking tenderness. Fingers that normally seemed so steady and precise now seemed considerably less so as they skimmed Finland's cheek almost timidly.
Before Finland's sleep-hazy mind could begin to process these actions, Sweden was leaning in haltingly. Well, this was strange. If Finland hadn't known better, he would have thought that Sweden was going to kiss him, but that hardly seemed likely. If Sweden entertained romantic notions toward him, certainly Finland would be able to tell. In any case, Finland found that he couldn't move. He wasn't sure if this was because he was too sleepy, or nervous, or curious to see what would happen.
Suddenly Sweden stopped, their noses mere centimeters from each other. Finland could see his Adam's apple bobbing as Sweden swallowed hard. Did his eyes deceive him or was Sweden blushing? Sweden froze like this, neither nearing nor drawing away for several long seconds. At last, he straightened up. There was a subtle expression on his face, but Finland wasn't entirely sure what it might be. Sadness? Disappointment? …Nausea?
"Sweet dreams, Fin," Sweden breathed.
And then, without another word, Sweden had crawled into his side of the bed and lain down with his back to Finland, and he stayed there until the following morning.
Finland had visited this memory several times unintentionally over the past two days, and the more he thought about it, the more it made his heart pound. When he really got down to it, there weren't that many things that Sweden could have been intending to do, leaning over him like that.
What if he really was about to kiss me? Finland thought, his face warming brilliantly. What do I… How do I even…Would…would I have let him do it? Would I have been happy about it? I mean, alright, it really makes me nervous when he stares at me, but he's never really given me a reason not to like him. If I ignore the fact that he always looks like he wants to murder me, he's actually been really nice. Maybe… if it turned out he really did have those kinds of feelings for me after all, maybe I… No, no, no, back up! There's no way Sve could be interested in me! He's never given me any reason to think that, I can't let myself get carried away! I mean, ok, so he called me his wife that one time, and he insists on us sleeping in the same bed, and that one time I said I wouldn't mind having a kid, he said he'd try his best, but… W-wait a minute… If I think about it like that, that's not the kind of stuff you'd say to just anyone! Maybe he really does…
Finland wasn't sure how long his mind went in frantic circles on that topic before he became aware of a strange sensation coming over him. Suddenly he had the feeling that someone was watching him, even though he had searched the house thoroughly and found it to be empty. Slightly confused, Finland lowered the arm that was shielding his eyes, and started violently when he noticed a calm sea-green gaze focused fixedly on him.
"Nisse!" Finland yelped at Sweden's pet cat which was sitting on the rug in front of the couch, staring fixedly at the man sprawled on it. "Ahhhh, jeez, don't startle me like that! I nearly had a heart attack!"
Nisse, being a cat, said nothing in reply, but simply continued to stare at Finland attentively, and it made Finland start to feel rather uncomfortable.
"Why does this always happen to me?" Finland groaned. "I get some time away from one person who stares at me all the time and then someone else comes to take his place! If this keeps up, I'll go crazy!"
The sleek black cat gave the appearance of listening to Finland's grievances and giving them careful consideration. After a minute of what looked like internal deliberation, Nisse trotted up to him and nudged his hand with his head. Finland hesitated uncertainly, wondering if the cat would enjoy being petted or if he would be bitten for his trouble, before beginning to scratch Nisse behind the ears. The cat started to purr, his eyes closing in obvious enjoyment.
"Huh, I guess you weren't going to scratch me after all," Finland noted, relieved as he continued to stroke Nisse's sleek head.
Nisse repositioned himself, signaling that he'd like to have his chin scratched as well. Finland obliged, smiling at the newfound companionship.
"Hey Nisse," Finland began, feeling slightly silly, "you wouldn't mind listening to my troubles, would you?"
To Finland's surprise, Nisse gave him an obliging meow, as if assuring Finland that he didn't mind.
"Actually, it's about Sve…" Finland said slowly. "What do you think about him?"
Nisse purred loudly, and Finland was sure that it was only because he was still scratching him under the chin, but it had almost seemed like an answer. He decided that he would feel a lot less ridiculous about pouring his heart out to a cat if he pretended that the cat was participating in the conversation.
"I see… well, I guess you've got no reason not to like him," Finland mused. "He feeds you and pets you and doesn't pull your tail… I wish it was that easy for me."
Nisse shifted again so that he could receive more behind-the-ears scratching.
"But come to think about it, he feeds me, too," Finland realized. "And he pets me…"
Nisse suddenly pulled away from Finland's hand and fixed him with an oddly flabbergasted-looking expression. For some reason Finland felt himself going red.
"Not like that! I… I didn't mean anything strange by that!" he amended hurriedly. "I just meant… well, he doesn't touch me very often, but sometimes he pats me on the shoulder, or touches my hand, or runs his fingers through my hair, and… um, he's always really gentle…"
A thought suddenly occurred to Finland. "Wait a minute! He pretty much treats you and me the same! Does that mean he thinks of me like a pet?!"
Indignation swelled up in Finland's chest. Anyone who compared the two of them could tell that Finland was rather small compared to Sweden, and he had been told on numerous occasions that he had a cute baby face, and he wasn't independent, so most of the things he needed had to be provided by Sweden, but that didn't make him a pet!
"I never thought about it before, but it's not unthinkable with the way he treats me!" Finland said, suddenly feeling quite angry. "He's always giving me orders like, 'you sleep here' and 'use this cup' and 'don't wander off while I'm away'!"
Nisse gave him a look that could only be described as disbelieving and swatted Finland's hand with his paw.
"Maybe I am being silly…" Finland realized. "I mean, that one time he… he called me his wife…"
He blushed, frowning again. "But that doesn't make me happy either! I'm not a woman! I mean, he could at least use the word 'husband' instead!"
Nisse looked strangely exasperated by these words. He yawned and flopped over on his back so that he could lick his butt. Finland decided to take this to mean that Nisse thought he was getting bent out of shape over nothing and that he was being ridiculous. Finland sighed.
"How am I supposed to know how to act around him if I have no idea what he thinks about me?" Finland wondered aloud. "I mean, if it was more obvious that he liked me then I would feel more comfortable with spending time with him and talking to him about various things, but if he hates me, then I guess it would be better for me to try to stay out of his way. I can't realistically expect to be able to defend myself against him if he got angry with me the way things are now… What do you think, Nisse? Does he like me or hate me?"
Nisse stopped cleaning himself and licked Finland's hand once with his rough sandpapery tongue.
"You think?" Finland asked, his cheeks still rather pink. "Hmm… "
The two of them lapsed into silence. Or rather, Finland lapsed into silence and Nisse jumped up onto the couch and climbed up onto Finland's stomach, tucking his legs under himself and watching Finland lazily with his sea-green eyes.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Finland asked softly. "Actually, the more I think about it… the more I think I might've been happy if Sve had kissed me that time…"
Nisse gave no reply.
"Can I tell you another secret?" Finland continued. "I've, um… I've never really kissed anyone before."
Nisse licked his nose. Finland couldn't help smiling.
"That doesn't count," he laughed. He reached out and stroked the cat's sleek head thoughtfully. "You know… you remind me a lot of Sve… Your eyes are almost the same color, you've both kind of got an intimidating air about you… you've even got those markings around your eyes that look kind of like Sve's glasses."
Finland blushed, unable to stop himself from imagining Sweden curled up on top of him the way Nisse currently was. It might be nice. He leaned forward slowly and pressed a lingering kiss between Nisse's pointed ears, and the cat began to purr loudly.
Sudden movement in the doorway caught Finland's eye, startling him terribly and sending Nisse scampering away. Finland's eyes fell on the man in the doorway, and he felt as though his heart had stopped.
"S-S-S-Sve!" he squeaked, his face going as white as a sheet. "Y-you're home! Ha ha ha, I didn't even hear you come in! Maybe I'm getting old, huh? My hearing must be going! A-anyway, um, I was just thinking about getting dinner started! It's my turn to make it tonight, right? Is there, uh… Is there anything special you'd like?"
Finland felt almost faint as he babbled on nervously, hoping to distance himself from the incredibly awkward situation that Sweden may or may not have just witnessed. How long had Sweden been standing there? How much had he heard? Sweden shrugged stiffly, his face a brilliant red to contrast Finland's stark white, and there was a strange expression on his face that Finland couldn't decipher. There was no mistaking the flush in his cheeks, though.
"'F yer makin' it, anything's fine," Sweden mumbled.
I'm a dead man, Finland thought numbly. I've made him really, really angry and now he's going to kill me. Maybe I'll be lucky and he'll at least let me finish my final meal.
"A-alright then," Finland said tremulously. "I… I was thinking of making reindeer meat s-stew. I hope that's ok."
He made a break for the kitchen, but Sweden blocked his way. Finland swallowed hard and forced himself to look up into Sweden's face. That strange, inscrutable expression was still there. Well, now that Finland saw it up close, perhaps it looked a bit… sad. Before Finland could even begin to fathom what such an expression might mean, Sweden was reaching out and resting his hands on Finland's shoulder and elbow.
"Yer shakin'," he said softly, and the sadness was more obvious now.
So are you, Finland realized, but he kept his mouth shut.
"'S my fault," Sweden continued, his voice barely more than a whisper. "'M sorry."
Finland couldn't respond. He didn't know what to say. Mere seconds ago he'd been certain that Sweden was going to kill him, now he looked like he wanted nothing more than to hug him.
"'Bout… that stuff y' just said…" Sweden began.
Finland's knees felt weak. "Argh, I knew you must've heard that… Look, I'm really sorry about that! It was weird and presumptuous and I didn't think anyone was listening so I just sort of said whatever came into my m—"
Sweden brought a hand to Finland's mouth and touched his lips gently, signaling for him to stop talking. His face wasn't getting any less red; in fact, Finland thought it might have been growing even redder, though he hadn't thought it possible.
"'S something I wantcha t' know, but…" he hesitated again, looking… distressed perhaps? Finland wasn't sure. "'M not good with words…. Could I just show ya?"
Finland blinked. The warmth of Sweden's touch was radiating into his lips, and there was little room in his head for anything else. He wasn't even sure if he was afraid anymore. The possibly distressed look on Sweden's face grew more prominent at Finland's extended silence and he forced himself to nod at last. He saw Sweden's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard. Was he imagining things, or was Sweden actually nervous?
Finland was almost disappointed when Sweden removed the hand that was covering his mouth, but then that hand moved to cup his cheek tenderly instead his discontent vanished. Sweden's thumb ran reverently over Finland's skin, caressing his face. The other hand came up to tangle his fingers gently in Finland's hair. There was an attentiveness in Sweden's eyes as he stroked Finland's bangs away from his face that looked almost adoring. Finland wondered numbly if he had actually drifted off on the couch earlier and would wake to find it all a dream. This was all so surreal.
Sweden's finger ran lightly, thoughtfully below the curve of Finland's bottom lip. He traced it from corner to corner, contemplating the soft, pink skin there. Finland's previously white face began to redden steadily. He was pretty sure he wasn't imagining the longing in Sweden's gaze now. The taller man wanted to kiss him, and Finland found himself rather unopposed to the idea.
"I-is this it, then?" Finland asked in barely more than a whisper. "This is how you feel?"
Sweden swallowed again thickly and nodded. "Wanted t' tell ya s' many times, but th' words wouldn't come out…"
Finland could feel a shy smile growing on his lips, which Sweden was still tracing wistfully. There had been so many times over the course of their life together that Finland had caught Sweden staring at him only to have him hurriedly look away when Finland looked over to meet his gaze properly. At the time, he'd convinced himself that he'd been imagining the blush he thought he'd seen on Sweden's cheeks, or told himself that it was a flush of anger or heat. Now that he knew otherwise, his whole outlook on his intimidating housemate was being turned on its head. Finland could feel his heart starting to throb even faster.
Sweden seemed to be waiting for Finland to make a move. Even though he heard me admit to Nisse that I wanted him to kiss me, he's still too shy… This is so weird, how could I have been so wrong about the kind of person he is? Finland wondered dazedly. To be honest, the thought of having to make the first move himself was still slightly terrifying, but waiting was getting him nowhere. He'd have to do something.
Finland tilted his head ever so slightly, so that the finger that Sweden had been ghosting just below his lips brushed over them instead. He could feel the little shiver that ran through Sweden's body as Finland kissed his fingertip. Finland looked up into Sweden's eyes with the most innocent and inviting expression he could muster, his cheeks flushing brilliantly at his own daring.
Sweden was openly and unmistakably flustered now, and Finland found himself being stunned at how adorable this man, whom he had been terrified of for so long, was capable of being. The taller man leaned in, letting their noses brush, hesitating even as his eyes fluttered closed. Finland took the initiative to close the space between them. Suddenly Sweden sprang into action, sweeping Finland into his arms and deepening the tentative kiss hungrily. Finland hummed with enjoyment, his fingers slipping into Sweden's choppy golden hair.
He let out a little whine of displeasure when Sweden broke away from him until he realized that Sweden wasn't done kissing him; Sweden's knees had gone weak with nerves and pleasure and he'd lowered himself onto the couch. Finland followed him, straddling his lap and reinstating the kiss eagerly, letting Sweden's curious hands wander down his back.
The Finn was just trying to muster the courage to push Sweden down on his back on the couch, thinking they might kick things up a notch when a loud, demanding meow rang out from somewhere on the floor. Nisse was standing there, not looking the least bit sorry for having interrupted them. When Sweden and Finland looked at him, he trotted over to his empty food bowl and sat down beside it, looking them up at them pointedly and swishing his tail. Finland smiled sheepishly as he separated from Sweden.
"Maybe it's about time that I started making dinner," he suggested. "I think I owe Nisse that much, at least…"
Sweden nodded, looking a tad dazed after the thorough smooching he'd just received. "'Ll help ya."
"Alright then," Finland said happily. He hesitated shyly for a moment before touching a quick kiss to the tip of Sweden's nose and getting to his feet. Sweden began to follow Finland into the kitchen, but changed his mind at the last second, pinning him against the wall and kissing him clumsily but passionately until Nisse meowed a loud reprimand at them for the delay in the dinner he had just been promised.