Trigger warning for elements of non/con. Please read with care.

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The car ride over was silent, not even Luke—who almost talked nonstop—was saying anything. Phil did not miss the car door slam as he watched Claire storm by him, she thought he was mad at her for something or another, and it was killing him to not tell her the truth. He never kept secrets from Claire, but he had to keep this one. No one could ever know. Not even his wife. The kids jumped out of the car, but Phil lingered just for a second, trying to gather his thoughts and compose himself for this evening. Trying to suppress the memories that kept flashing in his mind's eye like a non-stop movie: cold hands, hot breath in his ear, wet lips against his neck. He, no-It-was a monster that he could never escape. Phil shook his head and dug his fingernails in his palms. He couldn't think about it because if he thought about it, then the flashes of memories would come and he couldn't stop them. It was too hard, too painful to remember but almost impossible to forget.

It was Sunday; they always had Sunday dinner at Jay's house with Mitch, Cam and Lily. It was a family tradition, it always had been. Usually Phil looked forward to these dinners, he loved chatting with Jay, loved hearing the humorous updates from Manny about his love life, he even loved watching Mitch and Cam bicker about random things, but tonight was different; yes, he wanted to go inside, wanted to act like everything was normal but it wasn't. Everything was different and he had no idea how he was going to hide it from them. Every loud noise made him jump, and even the slightest touch made him flinch and drop whatever he was holding. It was bad enough that his family knew something was off; he didn't want Claire's family to know too. He couldn't tell them. What would they think of him? He straightened his shoulders and felt his back pop. He could do this. He was strong. He was a Dunphy and Dunphy's are not afraid.

He got out of the car and walked in front of Haley, who was walking slow and texting on her phone. He heard the front door open and Gloria's loud voice welcoming Claire inside. Jay, Mitch and Cam's voices joined in and once again Phil felt his chest fill with fear. Haley bumped into him and he felt himself flinch away from her.

"Watch where you're stopping, Dad." Haley said without looking up from her phone. Usually, Phil would remark back with a quick one but he was so wrapped up in his anxiety that he couldn't get his tongue to work right.

"Dad?" Haley asked, she knew something was wrong. It was weird for him to be this quiet.

"I'm fine, Haley. Sorry." He said quickly and then forced himself to walk forwards toward the door and inside the house.

There they were; Mitch, Cam, Jay, Gloria all waiting for him, all smiling, all excited to go inside and have their dinner. Phil felt his mouth smile, he felt his hands wave but inside all he could focus on was how big Jay and Cam were, how they could easily pin him against the floor or up against the wall, just like--No. no no no. Do not think about it-. Suddenly strong arms were wrapped around him and Phil was engulfed in a pink shirt—Cam-. Phil felt himself go stiff. It was the smell that did it, Cam's cologne smelled just like his-that monster's- cologne and suddenly Phil was struggling to get away from of Cam, to get free of him.

"Stop. Stop. Let go." Phil squirmed out of Cam's grasp and stepped backwards into Jay.

"What the hell has gotten into you, Phil. It's just Cam. I know that shirt is horrendous but-." He stopped short as Phil flinched away from him too and paused, face now concerned.

"Phil?" he asked

Phil couldn't speak. His tongue was frozen in fear. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be near them without them knowing what happened. He felt himself shaking.

I can't do this.

I cannot do this.

I have to get out of here.

Now.

NOW!

He looked around in a panic, eyes darting from Jay to Cam to Mitch to Claire and then he turned and bolted towards the door, opening it and sprinting away down the driveway, not caring that he tripped over his feet and fell halfway through. Hands and knees stinging, Phil jumped up from the ground and continued to run, ignoring the shouts of his family he ran down the street and turned down Maple Drive. He kept running until he remembered that he was selling a house on the next street over, Cedar Drive. He turned directions and ran towards the house. He fiddled with the key box, grabbing the key and then opening the door. He slammed it shut, locked it securely and then sank down to the floor.

"Calm down Phil, calm down, calm down, calm down. Breathe. In and out and in and out and in and out-" he murmured to himself but it was useless.

He tried but he couldn't catch his breathe. How long would it take them to find him here? 30 minutes? An hour? He didn't know. He tried to think if this house was listed on his website but he didn't remember. He felt something wet on his palm and looked down, surprised to find blood and dirt on his hands. Then he remembered that he had fallen. He looked down at his pants, and saw that the fabric on both knees had ripped open, revealing red raw skin and bits of gravel. His hands were shaking now, his whole body was shaking and he couldn't catch his breath. He didn't know what happened, he didn't realize that something as simple as a smell could trigger something like this. He thought he had been getting better at home, he thought he could handle being around the others but he couldn't. He couldn't even walk in the front door.

Finally, when the sunlight started to fade and the house shadows grew too long, Phil pulled himself up from the floor turned the living room light on and hobbled over to the couch. He sat, thinking that he should probably go fix his hands and knees but all he could do was sit. Heaviness had fallen over him, no longer was he shaking or gasping for breath and he took that as a good sign. Soon, he would be calm enough to return to Jay's house where he would make a smart remark about forgetting to turn the oven off at home and then all would go back to normal. That's what he would do. He would get up, fix his hands and then walk back to Jay's house and pretend nothing ever happened.

A loud knock brought him out of his planning, making his flinch so hard he dropped the pillow he was holding.

"Phil?" a voice asked, Phil recognized it as Mitchel's voice.

"Phil?" Mitch asked again, "Are you there? Can I come in?"

He knocked again.

Phil sighed, but he couldn't summon himself to get up off the couch, or even respond to Mitch. He wanted to, but he was also afraid of what would happen if he let the other man inside.

Mitch knocked again, a few moments passed and then he said, "I'm coming inside."

Mitch opened the door and walked inside the house. He dangled the key out in front of him.

"The key was still in the lock." He said, and then he closed the door, and put the key on the table next to the door.

"Phil?" Mitch asked, walking over towards him. Phil couldn't bring himself to look Mitch in the eye. He felt his face flush red and he stared at his scarped up hands. He felt the couch indent as Mitch sat down next to him.

"Your hands." he commented.

Phil balled his hands into fists, not wanting to cause Mitch more pity than he already had.

"Claire's really worried about you, she told me that you were acting funny these last few days and she didn't know what to do. She didn't know what was wrong." He said, Phil nodded to show that he heard. His tongue still wasn't working right.

"Alex was able to figure out where you went. She's smart, you should be proud of her. She pulled up your website and calculated the distance to each house—it was incredible." He continued.

Phil nodded again.

"Claire wanted to come, but I offered. I knew she would bombard you with questions; What happened? What's wrong? Why are you acting so weird? What did you do? Why did you run?" he said in the perfect imitation of Claire.

Phil smiled despite himself. Mitch did sound like her.

"I can make fun of her, she's my sister." Mitch said, "And she can be a little shrill sometimes. That's why I offered to come get you, because I'm not going to bombard you with questions and expect answers immediately. I just want to make sure your okay." He said, looking up at Phil.

Phil nodded again.

There was a beat of silence, and then Phil realized that Mitch was waiting for him to say something else.

"I'm….I'm sorry I ran off like that." He said quietly

Mitch nodded, "That's okay, are you hurt—oh your knees." He said and then he smiled, " That was an epic fall by the way."

"It was pretty cool. I think I got some air." Phil responded, finally starting to defrost a little bit.

"Do you think this place has a first aid kit? We can clean you up before we go back-or we can stay here-whatever you want to do, I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to." Mitch said.

Phil thought for a moment. Eventually, he had to go back. They were his family, and they needed him just as much as he needed them. He would be strong for them; he wouldn't let fear take him over again.

"There's one in the kitchen, in the cabinet above the fridge. One of the many added features this house contains." Phil said, reciting directly from the article he had drafted for the house.

Mitch smiled, "Awesome. I'll be right back."

Phil let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Mitch was great, he really was but Phil still felt the little buzz of anxiety. It was there, waiting to pounce again like a cat hunting a mouse. He didn't know when it would come back.

Mitch returned with the kit, and a glass of water.

"This isn't too bad at all. We'll just clean up the blood and dirt." Mitch reported looking at Phil's knees and opening the first aid kit. He pulled out an alcohol swab and a band aid.

"This may sting a bit." He said, and Phil nodded. He winced a little bit but managed to stay still while Mitchel cleaned and bandaged both knees.

"Now your hands." He said

Phil opened his palms and allowed Mitch to clean and bandage them as well. When Mitch was finished, he packed up the first aid kit and put in on the small table in front of them. He handed Phil the glass of water.

"Drink the whole thing, and when you're done we can head back over to my dad's place-if you want." He said

Phil nodded and took a sip, then another one. Once again, he realized that Mitch was waiting for him to say something, anything at all.

"Cam-." Phil started, and then stopped again. Mitch looked at him, giving him his full attention.

"Cam knows that I wasn't fl—running from him, right? Because it wasn't him it's just…the hug was unexpected and it caught me off guard." Phil said shakily, choosing his words carefully.

Mitch nodded, "He knows. And he's sorry that he scared you."

Phil nodded and took another sip of water. Silence over took them again and Phil wished the glass were smaller so he could drink up and they could go.

"Did something happen to you, Phil?" Mitch asked after a few more beats of silence.

Phil stared down at the glass, refusing to look Mitch in the eye. And suddenly he wasn't in the living room anymore, he was in the darkened bowling alley, and that monster had him pinned up against the wall, holding his arms at the small of his back and kissing his ear-.

"Phil?" Mitch's voice broke through the darkness, and Phil flinched away from him, causing the water to spill a little on his jeans.

"You don't have to answer, you can just nod or shake your head." Mitch said, and then he asked, "Did someone hurt you?"

Phil nodded.

"A woman?"

He shook his head.

"A man?"

Phil hesitated, but then he nodded yes.

"Oh jeez. Did he ra-."

Phil shook his head, "No. No no-he tried."

"But, he hurt you?" Mitch asked again.

Phil nodded. He still had bruises from where he grabbed him and kicked him, on his arms and torso, and his neck—which he had concealed with a bit of Claire's makeup.

"Did you know him?"

Phil shook his head. He hadn't known him personally, just seen him at the bowling alley. He was the janitor, and he always seemed friendly until that night Phil stayed later than usual to look for his wallet.

"He was a stranger?"

Phil nodded.

"It scared you." Mitch said

Phil nodded again. He didn't even realize how much it had affected him until he saw Jay and Cam this afternoon.

"I am so sorry, Phil. That this happened to you. It is scary—terrifying actually. And healing takes time, but it will get better. It always did for me, anyway."

Phil looked up at Mitch, and for the first time that night they locked eyes.

"You?" he asked in a thin whisper.

Mitch nodded, "Things were rough for me, before I met Cam. I trusted a lot of people that I shouldn't have. But I came out all right, with the help of my family. They kept me strong."

Phil nodded again and took another sip of water.

"You won't say anything?" he asked

Mitch shook his head, "Not a word, not until you're ready to tell."

Phil nodded.

More silence, Phil took a few more sips from the glass. Mitch wasn't pressuring Phil to say anything else and he appreciated it. It helped him straighten out his thoughts, and think about what he was going to do when he saw Claire. He took another sip of water, he was almost done and the thought of walking back into Jay's house after what happened made his hands shake.

Mitch must have noticed, for he then said, "Take a deep breathe, it will be alright. We don't have to go until you are ready."

Phil nodded, and then finished the last bit of water. Then he heard Mitch's stomach growl and was surprised that it made him laugh.

"Hungry?" he asked

Mitch smiled, "Gloria made a roast steak. I was just thinking about it; a good, old-fashioned roast. Cam always wants to cook the latest trend, which lately has been more of a disaster than a success. Last night he tried to make apple and kale soup with pear sausage and sage. Can you imagine? Lily and I had to sneak out and get burgers after he went to bed." He laughed a little at the memory.

"Don't tell Cam." He added

Phil laughed a little, trying to picture what apple and kale soup would taste like.

"Thank goodness for Gloria." He said. He was starting to feel better, more like himself than he had this past week. He set the glass down on the table.

Mitch looked up at him, "You ready?" he asked

Phil paused, but then nodded his head. "Okay." He said

Mitch stood up slowly, and took the glass off the table.

"I'll put this back, and then we can get going." He said

Phil nodded. He stood up, stretched and then winced. The ribs on his right side still ached, and he wondered if any of them had broken when he kicked him.

Mitch came back from the kitchen. "Ready?" he asked

Phil nodded.

"Alright, let's go."

Mitch walked towards the door and opened it. Phil took a deep breath and then followed him out.

The ride over was silent; both men were wrapped up in their own thoughts. They reached Jay's house quicker than Phil expected. Mitch stopped the car and turned the engine off.

"You'll be fine, you'll do fine." Mitch said softly, looking up at Phil.

Phil just nodded his head. The anxiety was coming back now, pushing on his eyes and making the world go fuzzy. He blinked a few times and fiddled with the band aids on his hands.

"Joe bit one of Manny's girl friends again." Mitch said, and then smiled.

"Gloria told me. Now Joe has to be in his play pen when they have guests over." He laughed.

Phil smiled, and suddenly felt calmer. Concentrating on something else helped his forget the anxiety.

"Alright, let's go inside." Phil said. Mitch nodded and opened the car door. Phil realized that Mitch had been waiting for him to give the cue to go, and once again appreciated how helpful he was being.

Mitch led the way, and opened the door to Jay's house. Phil followed him, taking deep breathes, not knowing what to expect. When they got inside, it was quiet. Stella greeted them with the clicking of her toes against the hardwood floor and by licking Mitch's toes. A movie was playing—Phil wasn't sure which one—in the living room. Mitch motioned for Phil to follow him into the kitchen, where he sat down at the table and began opening up leftovers. Phil sat down next to Mitch and accepted the plate of food.

"Phil?" a voice asked, and Phil looked up to see Claire staring at him from the doorway. They stared at each other for ten whole seconds, Phil counted it in his head: one Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…

Then she walked over, sat down at the table and gently took Phil's hand.

"You know I'll love you no matter what." She told him softly.

Phil smiled back at her, "I know. I love you too." He answered.

Claire let go of his hand, and reached to grab the bottle of wine and a glass. She poured it and then handed it to him.

"Thanks" he said

"Are you okay, Phil?" she asked, eyes full of concern.

Phil half shrugged and nodded, "I'll be fine."

Claire nodded, "Alright."

She took his hand again and smiled sadly at him. He squeezed it gently; he wanted her to know that he'll be okay. That he was going to be okay, like Mitch said, in time this would fade and then he'll be better and everything would go back to normal again. She squeezed his hand back, and he looked up at her, their eyes connected and –like always—Phil felt his heart falling in love with her all over again. Their surroundings faded away, it was just the two them and Phil felt his chest filling with their strength.

He was going to be okay.

He barely noticed the rest of his family filing into the kitchen. Haley sat down next to Claire and reached over, putting her hand on top of theirs. Alex then added her hand to their pile, and then Luke did. Gloria and Manny walked over, and Gloria put her hands on Claire's shoulders. Jay sat down with Joe in his lap and wrapped on arm around Haley. He reached across the table and connected hands with Mitch. Cam entered last, holding Lily's hand they walked over and sat down next to Mitch. Lily crawled into Mitch's lap and then reached over and grabbed Phil's other hand.

They sat there as a family, all connected to each other, all feeling the same pulse of strength that flowed through them.

"We are strong." Claire said, not taking her eyes off of his.

Together they would get through this, together they would be strong.

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Thank you for reading! I have a few more chapter ideas that I am currently working on. Think of it as a one-shot for now though.

A quick note regarding reviews and comments (after a few bad experiences, I was forced to put this on here so just bare with me for a moment):

I just wanted to remind you all about writing etiquette and what adequate feedback means. I totally will accept constructive criticism, everyone should, it's the only way we can become better writers but I will not accept hateful comments. Constructive criticism is defined as the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one. The purpose of constructive criticism is to improve the outcome. It basically comes down to this: I can write whatever I want, and if you don't like it, that's fine but please be respectful of my work.

We are all on here because we love to read and write fanfiction, and I fully support everyone who reads, writes and posts on here. Some write because they want to tell a story, others write as a way to cope with their past and to heal, and some write purely because they love it. Remember what it's like to receive disrespectful comments before you decide to post something negative-it hurts- so please be mindful when writing comments.

Please respect your fellow authors, respect yourself.

Peace and love,

Songsofpsyche.