A/N: First Fanfic, will be more chapters, my fix-it for the entirety of the seasons (MD DOES NOT OCCUR) first chapter is the first season the year that never was KKBB from Jack's POV. M/M inferred, hope you enjoy and yes please for constructive reviews! Much Janto hopefully :D [rated M to be on the safe side] Kinda AU. BTW, I don't own TW-BBC does, which sucks cuz they killed Ianto :'(

Chapter 1

Reminiscing

As I watched him sleep, I remembered.

The first time I saw him, he jumped a weevil to save me, not that he needed to. He seemed surprised when I shot it dead, as though he thought I was too injured. As we exchange thanks, his blue eyes pierced my soul, and I asked his name. Jones, Ianto Jones. He'd said in those sexy Welsh vowels I've come to love. I remember being caught off guard by him, and his knowledge of aliens, but I managed to ditch him… or so I thought. The next day, waiting for me outside the tourist information centre we used as a cover, he held a mug of the most amazing coffee. I think that first sip of his coffee was when I realised that he would eventually worm his way into the team, but I still told him no, and he once again repeated he love of my coat. So, okay, I was flirting with him and rejecting him at the same time, but, as I said before, sexy accent, HELLO! And he is incredibly delicious to look at, AND he said he loves the coat - most people are confused by or they dislike it, but not my Yan. I'll admit it now, at the time I was trying to see how far we'd both go before I hired him, and it was fun, like the foreplay of the greatest sex imaginable, and that's what our relationship is like; the greatest sex imaginable, and then some.

Any way, after the coffee that morning, I hadn't expected to see him again, at least not 'til the next morning, so I was annoyed when I almost ran him over, that rainy night. I got out to give him a piece of my mind, but instead, we went dinosaur hunting. It was exhilarating, being with Ianto in that situation, and when he caught me, and I was on top of him, then under him, something happened, it could have been the thrill of the moment, or an indicator of things to come, but I knew I had to hire him, so I did, and I flirted a little too.

He came in the next day, and then the pranks began, I couldn't prevent the without showing favouritism, and therein making it a whole lot worse, but I did what I could to show my appreciation, and eventually, Suzie, Tosh and Owen began to accept him, as a type of over skilled butler if nothing else. I trained him for weapons, pulling my usual distraction trick, but somehow we ended up kissing; frantically, desperately snogging, as though the entire world would end if we stopped. But we did, because it wouldn't do for us to get on the CCTV having sex in the firing range. Ianto avoided me for a couple of weeks after that, but we ended up having coffee together in the morning, before the rest of the team arrived.

Then Gwen came along, and Suzie died, and Lisa showed her true, cyberwoman self, breaking Yan's heart in the process. The Lisa problem almost broke my heart too ,what with Ianto probably just shagging me so I wouldn't notice. That was why I wanted him to kill her, why I needed him to, because I needed to know that he wasn't using me, that my feelings, though not emblazoned on my sleeve, were not a mere game to him. Then my having to kill her in front of Yan, that tore us both apart, and I wanted to run to him, tell him it would be okay, that I'll be by his side forever. But I couldn't, because he was mortal and had almost died once already, and although I can die, I am immortal, and will always come back.

I remember the angst back then, the not knowing what had happened and why. The hope that my wonderful, crazy Doctor could fix it, fix me, so that I could live for one lifetime, and die as an old happy man, with Yan at my side. 'Like now,' I think, looking at his youthful handsome face.

I remember his suspension. I went to his flat every night, and at first we said nothing, being awkward and untrusting in each other. Then, gradually, he began to open up, telling me about Lisa, and how much he loved her. My heart wept to see him in pain, he who had opened it once more to true emotions, and as he shared his secrets, I shared some of mine, including that I could not die, and that I had a daughter and grandson still alive, but who (in Alice's case) wanted nothing to do with me, as I was a danger, and my world was unsafe, and as she hated the fact that she grew older, and I stayed the same. Ianto understood my pain, empathised with me, and eventually we began to find solace and comfort in each other's arms. I never said I loved him, but I tried to show it with every touch, every kiss, every action. I would leave a single white rose on his pillow if I had to leave whilst he was asleep, and when I was pulling an all-nighter, I would write a note before I left his flat. Eventually, he came back to work and was having to deal with the tensions caused by his betrayal, especially from Gwen, who became more, well, more cruel, as she saw me sticking up for him.

I sigh, thinking back now: I should have seen Gwen for what she truly was, not what she pretended to be.

Our next problem came with Jasmine. Only Yan understood why I let the faeries take her. He had seen the look of sorrow and anguish in my eyes, and had done his best to comfort me, whilst the team followed Gwen's lead in being pissed with me for a while. They didn't realise I had no choice: It was either Jasmine, or the world AND Jasmine, and I couldn't do that, especially not to Yan and Alice and Stephen. Not to my team, either. Yan helped me through it, and I moved most of my stuff into his flat afterwards, taking the next step in our undefined relationship. Then he almost died. Those cannibal villagers almost took him from me, and even though he lied to the team about his last kiss, I couldn't blame him, and I hated myself for the fear- the weakness- his near death caused me. I got scared. How could I live without him? But I couldn't leave him now, it would break my heart, and his, and I could never hurt him. That night, we sought comfort in each other's arms, and when he was asleep I whispered my love to him. It would hurt too much to tell him to his face.

After the cannibals we became closer still, playing naked hide and seek in the Hub. Sexual innuendo and Yan's That's harassment, Sir! He kept me in line and filled up with the best coffee in the known universes. Things were crazy at work, as per usual, but instead of napping in my bunker, I would go to Yan's and arrive early with him. If we stayed later, we'd sleep in the bunker was a really happy time; Yan had finally become a full member of the team, Gwen was happy due to her cheating on Rhys with Owen (everyone at Torchwood knew). Tosh had gotten over Mary and was now close friends with Yan. Everything had seemed good.

Then Owen fell for Diane, dumped Gwen (who became rude and unbearable again) then lost Diane when she returned to her own time, decided to go undercover in an illegal fighting ring (Man vs. Weevil) and fight a weevil, coming out with injuries and pleading me to let it kill him. I said no, of course, and he called me a callous bastard. He truly wanted to die- Yan and I comforted each other that night. We both knew his pain, but needed him to remain on the team. That was shortly before Bilis sent Tosh and me to 1941, to the Cardiff Ritz. There I met Captain Jack Harkness- it was the night before he died, and he was pushing away his girl, so I stopped him, and he kissed her farewell. Eventually the team found the data Tosh was leaving for them, and they opened the rift, taking us home. But not before I danced with and kissed the real Captain Jack Harkness. It felt both like a betrayal to Ianto, and the right thing to do. Yan still believes it was the right thing to do, and he supported me back then too. We didn't have much of a break after that; Owen had opened the rift, and Abaddon came through. It took several of my lives to kill him, and I took a week to awaken. Yan had kissed me then gone back to work, not able to bear seeing me, especially if I stayed dead. When I woke, Gwen was there, and I hugged her, overjoyed at being back. She clung on a touch too long and assured me only she kept the faith in my weird ability to rise again. I ignored her and went to find Yan, who watched, uncertain of my reaction. I was so glad to see him, I pulled him too me, and kissed him in front of everyone. I then released him to embrace Tosh and hug Owen in forgiveness. I turned to call Yan into my office when the alarm went off. The Doctor was here-finally. I grabbed his hand and ran, without so much as a goodbye. I knew Yan would know where I was, and the others didn't matter at the time. Then the year that never was happened, and each time the Master killed me, I came back with the hope of seeing Yan again. The Master told me, a week into my captivity that he was dead. Then he killed me. After that, all I resurrected to was the knowledge that I was the cause of his death. Had I stayed, the Master would not have stolen the TARDIS. A few months after the Master told me of his death, he announced that he had died trying to free me, the others had followed Gwen to the Himalayas in search of a Yeti-like alien 'terrorising the people'. There they had died, Owen trying to protect an injured Tosh as Gwen fired bullet upon bullet at the metal spheres. The pain of that year, mingled with the team's reactions at seeing me again broke my heart. Yan, although he understood, was hurt that I didn't take him with me, but when I told him what had happened, he forgave me.

Then John came, and we had to deal with the shit he brought with him.

That was a week ago, and Yan had felt betrayed for a while by my behaviour with John, and I can't blame him, just myself. However, today, I took him on that date. We wined and dined, and then went home and had the most mind-blowing make-up sex ever, in the entire history of the universe. Now, Yan is asleep and my heart swells as I gaze at him, my lover and heart's secret love. I kiss him gently before cuddling close to him and falling asleep.

A/N: Has been altered slightly. I send my deep gratitude to Grayswandir for the help :D TTFN and DFTBA x