Shortly after a deep conversation I read the quote by venuselectrificata on tumblr. These both inspired me to write this little one shot here. While writing I started talking to the lovely ScarletRaven1001 about it and we started to develop it together. :)
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"I'm just… I'm just feeling awful," she whispered, trying to keep her composure.
"Nah, B, you're fine." Came the laughing response, and she felt her heart break a little bit more.
"No, I'm not." She shook her head as she tried to hide her watery eyes behind her long blue curls that fell down onto her face. "I'm really not."
„Oh come on, B." He urged, a placating smile on his face. „There is no need to feel bad for anything. Just smile again. You've always been strong. Whatever it is, you'll make it." She watched, almost morosely,as he reached up and cupped her face with his palms, pulling the corners of her mouth up to force her into a smile while a wide grin crossed his own face.
„You're good?" he asked cheerfully, and all she could do was give him a small, unenthusiastic nod.
There was no use explaining to him that she felt helpless, overwhelmed; that her life was a mess, and that it felt like she was losing control and everything was seemingly falling apart.
He was always so… positive. Everything would always be ‚good'. He could give her all the positivity he wanted to, but he would never give her what she needed…
Warmth.
But the worst part was, she knew he could. He simply didn't want to. It was unpleasant, inconvenient, to take care of someone else's problems, to do more than simply give an empty vanilla phrase like ‚You'll make it.' or ‚Everything will be fine.'
It required more effort, to actually listen, comfort and help.
„Listen, B, I have to leave for training."
Sure you do.
„See you tonight?"
Yeah, absolutely not.
„We could order some pizza and watch a movie, have it nice and cozy on the sofa, what do you think?"
Sure, you'll get rewarded with a blow job for leaving me hanging when I'm begging for help.
„Yes, sure." Bulma replied with a fake smile.
Puar witnested the whole scene and mouthed ‚sorry' to her, knowing very well that Yamcha's unintended callousness made it even worse.
Seeing Yamcha leaving was heartbreaking. She needed him with her, needed him to comfort her, needed him to support her, hold her close and understand her pain. She wanted to reach out for him, hinder him from leaving but she didn't because she remembered the last time. He ruffled her hair like she was a child and then laughed into her face, with his carefree, wide grin, making her feel like he was mocking her.
With every step Yamcha made, every tap of his footsteps, it sank further and further into Bulmas consciousness that she would never get from Yamcha what she truly needs… A partner.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Tap…
Shortly after he left, her mother, Bunny, entered the room.
„Oh, dear, I just ran into Yamcha. I haven't seen him for a long time. So nice to have him back here, isn't it?" she sang in her usual, always carefree attitude, utterly oblivious to the pain in her daughter's face.
„I don't know… It felt like… like… he was not with me at all." As she spoke, Bulma looked down on her hands, fumbling with her fingers.
„What do you mean, honey? Weren't you talking to him?" the older woman asked, finally acknowledging her daughter's distress. Bunny was flighty, but she was Bulma's mother after all. Seeing Bulma look that way concerned her a bit indeed. Bulma had never shown any behaviors like this, before.
„I… I was telling him I was feeling awful and he just shrugged it off! Can you believe it? He gave me a half hearted answer and left me alone like nothing happened. I'm… I can't. I don't have the strength anymore for all of this. I need him to support me. I'm looking desperately for help and he gave me one of those ‚here, I encouraged you and now stop bothering me' responses. What kind of boyfriend is he even?" she gestured wildly while angrily telling her mother exactly what upsets her so much.
At least, she would understand, right? She's a woman, her mother, she must know how it feels to be left alone with your struggle by your partner, right?
„Oh dear, he doesn't mean it that way." Bunny waved her hand to emphasize her words.
Bulma gaped. „Don't defend him, mom!" she exclaimed, enraged.
„I'm not, honey," Bunny placated. „I'm just saying, that everyone knows you're a strong woman, the strongest! And, besides your father, the smartest person I know. A problem solver, a winner, a fighter!" she clapped her hands in excitement. „There is nothing you couldn't figure out. So stop worrying, it just gives you wrinkles. It will be fine."
Bunny's words were somehow kind, yes, and Bulma definitely was proud that her mother thought so highly of her, but it didn't serve the purpose. Bulma was looking for comfort, just like she was from Yamcha, but just as her boyfriend did, her dear mother also shrugged her cry for help and warmth off.
„It's not that bad, dear." Bunny smiled before she breezed out the room again.
Silent tears were running down her cheeks, over her swollen lip until they reached the corner of her mouth.
It's not that bad? It's not that bad? What the FUCK?
It.
Is.
That.
Bad.
„It is that bad." Her words left her in a whisper, as she watched her mother cheerfully turn away, sashaying out the door.
Fury warred with her helplessness, and her throat clogged as she finally found her voice once more.
"It IS that bad! Don't tell me otherwise!" She shrieked, and with closed eyes she threw a book at the door through which her mother had left the room just seconds ago.
„I'm not telling you anything, woman." A rough voice responded softly.
„Vegeta…?" Bulma turned, and blinked in surprise a couple of times. She would never have expected him in this part of the building at this time…
Or did he break the GR again and he needs her to fix it?
He stood there in the doorframe, the book in one hand, the other hidden behind his back.
„Vegeta, I have no time for you right now. What ever it is, I will take care of it later, OK?" she sighed, defeated. She was simply too tired to fight with him right now.
He hesitated a moment, watching her carefully over before he spoke: „But I have something for you."
„What…?" she blinked puzzled.
„I… have time for you, if you want me to listen."
She stared, having never heard him speak in such a soft voice before. Usually he had a powerful roar. Demanding, loud, threatening. But never offering, quiet, welcoming.
It was soothing, compelling, even comforting, and she just wanted him to say more and more to her in that manner.
He could read her a construction manual and she would be happy. She didn't care what it was, she just wanted… more.
However, she was scared that he would reject her like Yamcha and her mother did just moments ago, or worse, even laugh at her or look down on her in spite. She knew power and strength meant everything to him, and despite their daily fights, she was sure he respected her for her bravery and strength.
How would he react if she showed her own vulnerability? She couldn't handle more of any rejections today, not in the the mental state she was in right now, so she decided to go down the safe route.
„Thank you, I really appreciate your very uncommon offer - even I don't think you have ever really offered me anything before," she started, "but I don't think you would really want to hear about my earthling problems at all." To emphasize what the said, she waved her hand as if to whiff the words away.
She was about to turn away to hide her face from the frowning saiyan, but he spoke again.
„I really would like to. " Bulma stopped in her tracks. That was unexpected. The words flew silkily through the room and wrapped around Bulma like a fluffy cloud.
She dared a peak over her shoulder, to see him holding up a bottle of wine and a little bucket of ice cream, shaking it slightly as if he wants to lure her with it.
„Is… is that… my favorite ice cream?" she was completely dumbfounded. She sputtered in surprise. „Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Vegeta?"
He walked forward to her, holding the supplies towards her to hand them over as he spoke to her with a very serious tone. „He had an accident in the GR, it exploded again and he's unconscious in the backyard."
Bulma stood still for a second at first, almost in disbelief about the fact that Vegeta actually joked, when the complete sillyness of the situation got to her, and she barked out a short laugh.
She was about to take the ice cream, when he withdrew it from her and looked her dead serious in her eye „Don't you want to check on him?"
Bulma stopped in her movements, before she played along, looking just as serious as he did before she took one step back and threw both hands up to her head and waved once with both at the same time. „Naaah, he's a big boy and can take care of himself. Besides, I like you much better anyway."
She smiled at him genuinely and was rewarded with the same warm smile.
It was the most beautiful thing she had seen in a long while.
Vegeta nodded his head over to the sofa to suggest they sit down and so they did, snuggling down under a cozy blanket.
He watched Bulma expectingly but also patiently, waiting for her to feel comfortable and secure enough to open up and tell him what's on her mind.
This was new to him too, but after she took so much care of him after his accident in the GR, stayed by his side day and night to make sure to be there if he needed anything, he felt like he owed her this.
It was new, back then. No one ever cared for him because of him, only because they needed him to do or say anything… in reality, but actually no one before truly gave a fuck about his well being.
But… she was different.
There was no advantage she had from hosting him. In fact, he was a burden. Rude, demanding, expensive. But still, she stayed by his side, watched over him day and night and made sure he was safe.
He… liked that. A lot.
If he was honest to himself, he wanted to feel it again.
It… what was ‚it'? How exactly did he feel? Treated like the royal he was?
No. No, that would mean she felt the need to help him because it was her duty.
He thought about it for a long time and he came to the conclusion that he felt welcomed and maybe… Just maybe… this was what the humans called „being loved".
It was a wonderful feeling, and he would never admit it to anyone, but he wanted to feel it again… and even more importantly, he wanted her to feel it too, because she was so generous to make that gift to him.
„They leave me, they all leave me alone when I'm desperately looking for help. Why? Why…? I'm already lost." He barely could hear her whispered words as her sobbing started.
„I don't want them to tell me it's not that bad. I don't want them to tell me I'm going to be ok." Her voice was heavy with spite, from what he could tell from the muttered words, as she sucked the ice cream off the spoon.
„What do you want them to say?" he asked softly.
„I just… I want them to hear me. To notice my helplessness, my sheer despair. If someone tells you anything like this, anything about how bad they're feeling, how awful anything is, how much they feel small or anything... You don't just tell them it's going to be fine. You help them." Her head hung deep as she tried to swallow her tears. She was slightly startled when he unexpectedly laid his strong arm around her shoulder and gently pulled her to his broad chest, his chin resting on her head protectively.
They sat like that for a short moment before he said anything. The silence, was much more comfortable than Bulma imagined… unlike how she had ever imaged laying in Vegetas arms…
Not that she had imagined it... Wel... maaaaaybe… once?
Or... twice?
OK, regularly. She imagined it regulary.
To be honest, lately her relationship with Yamcha, the cold distance between them,was making her feel more and more lonely the more often they met. That made her long even more for ministrations and the warmth of another body.
And now, finally, here she was, pressed gently against his broad chest. It was much softer than his very well defined arms would let her expect. His relaxed muscles seemed to be the most comfy pillow she could have asked for in a long while.
Bulma closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. She couldn't describe his scent, but oddly, it calmed her completely. She wasn't sure why. Maybe because she needed so desperately to be supported today, maybe because she was denied the feeling of beinh held affectionately by a man or maybe…
Just maybe… because she was secretly attracted to Vegeta, without fully realizing it herself.
Right now though, it didn't matter to her. She only wanted to relish in this wonderful feeling for the moment.
„How about this..." he began, „Whatever it is that weighs so heavily on you right now, I will listen to you, I won't tell you it's going to be fine, I won't tell you you're strong enough. I will agree with you, on how fucked up that shit is, and once you have vented enough and should you want to, I will help you to find solutions to your problems, no matter how big or minor they are. How does that sound?"
Bulma sighed and melted against him.
He was giving her what she had been so desperately looking for.
How did that sound?
It sounded like… like…
„Warmth."
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Hi guys,
Long time no see.
I didn't forget about you. My next chapter for Torn Between Two Worlds is done so far, I'm just waiting for the final language check and then the little baby will be out for you. I'm very excited how you like it and what your thoughts about it are :)
See you soon.
Love
Sheep