"What are ya waiting for, Charlie Brown? Aren't ya gonna kick the ball?"
Charlie grimaced. This happened far more often than he'd care to admit. Lucy would kneel over holding a football, goad him into trying to kick it, and pull it away at the last second. Every time he'd try and fail to ignore her. He just never learned his lesson, did he?
"You must think I'm pretty stupid, huh? You know, there's a proverb that goes: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, you've fooled me far more than twice, I'm not gonna bring anymore shame on myself. I'm not gonna try to kick that football."
"This time it'll be different," Lucy began to explain, "I swear, Charlie Brown. I won't pull the ball away."
"You swear?"
"Yes, cross my heart and hope to die."
'Alright… you can do this, Charlie Brown. You've gotta believe!'
Charlie took a few seconds to prepare himself, then sprinted in the direction of the football. This was his moment. He could feel it; he was finally gonna kick that accursed ball. Just as his foot came within a hairs width of the ball, a bright flash of light obscured the entire neighborhood. Poor ol' Charlie Brown fell right on his rear from shock.
As the light faded, Charlie slowly stood up. There, between him and Lucy where the football once stood, was a strange girl. Her hair was medium length, somewhat unkempt and most peculiarly, blue. Her eyes were also quite unique, as they were a dark shade of crimson. As for what she was wearing… Charlie had never seen anything quite like it. It seemed like some sort of skintight rubber suit. Why on earth would someone dress like that?
Just as Charlie was about to speak, Lucy rudely interjected. "Hey, what's the big idea? Where did you come from and what did you do with my football?" If the strange, blue-haired girl was surprised by Lucy's outburst, she didn't show it. She simply stared at her blankly, then after a few moments, spoke.
"どうもありがとうミスターロボット."
Lucy blinked then turned to Charlie Brown. "What the heck did she just say?" Charlie scratched his chin. "I think she said: I am Rei Ayanami from Japan. I think she's a tourist or something." Lucy stifled a groan and facepalmed.
"Oh brother, just what we need! Some weird lookin' tourist who doesn't speak English. Wait a sec, how do you know what she said?" Charlie simply shrugged. "I don't really know, I just felt like I knew the meaning. It's hard to explain."
Lucy gave Charlie a strange look then looked to the strange girl. "Listen you, don't expect me to show you around! I'm a busy girl and I've got better things to do. If you need help, just ask that blockhead over there." She pointed to Charlie, who raised his hands in protest.
"Me?! Why me?"
"You understood her, didn't you? And you're always such a sad sack, Charlie Brown. Maybe you could use a new friend, even if she does look like an alien."
"Good grief."
With that, Lucy walked away, leaving Charlie and the red-eyed girl alone. "So," the boy began, "my name is Charlie Brown." Rei stared at him. Fidgeting slightly, Charlie extended his hand. Once again, Rei stared and did nothing else.
"It's a handshake. We both grab each other's hands," Charlie grabbed her hand, "then squeeze and shake." He finished by shaking the girls hand, causing her to blush ever so slightly.
"What are you doing here anyway?" Charlie asked. "Visiting relatives? Sightseeing?"
"お前はもう死んでいる."
"You were transported here after your 'eva' self-destructed?" Charlie scratched the top of his head in confusion. "Say, what's this eva you're talkin' about?"
"残酷な天使のように. 少年よ 神話になれ."
"Gigantic mechanically enhanced aliens that contain human souls? And you and other people pilot them to fight monsters called angels?"
Rei nodded.
"You must have a lower opinion of me than Lucy if you expect me to believe all that junk." Charlie Brown walked away dejectedly, leaving a confused Rei in his wake. The blue-haired girl silently watched his retreating form, then found herself feeling afraid. Without a second thought, she ran to Charlie and grabbed his shoulders.
"きもちわるい!"
Charlie turned to face her, and soon found himself blushing. "Wait, isn't that Asuka's line?" Charlie paused. "Wait, who the heck is Asuka?" Before ol' Charlie Brown could gather his thoughts, Rei kissed him. Taken aback at first, Charlie soon returned the kiss with passionate gusto.
Once the kiss was broken, Rei was the first to speak. "愛してるよ… チャーリー・ブラウン."
"I… I love you too, Rei Ayanami."
After that moment Rei Ayanami and Charlie Brown were inseparable. They spent all their free time together, and Rei eventually learned to speak English fluently. Once Charlie turned 18, the two got married. It was a modest ceremony, only close friends and family were invited. Linus was the best man and Marcie was the maid of honor.
The two lovers enjoyed a long life of marital bliss, accompanied by several children. We're now brought to a scene of an elderly couple living in a small house in a rural town.
"A lot sure has happened over the years, huh Rei?" A wrinkled man asks.
"Yes, darling." An equally wrinkled woman answers before taking his hand with her own. "And I'm forever grateful."
"I love you so much, Rei Ayanami."
"I love you more, Cha-"
"HEY BLOCKHEAD! WAKE UP!"
"Whuzzat?"
Shaking his head furiously, Charlie looked around. In front of him was an enraged Lucy, holding an all too familiar football. "What happened, Lucy?"
"I was actually gonna let you kick the ball for once, but you had to be a blockhead and trip! You knocked yourself out cold!"
Charlie carefully stood himself up, all the while rubbing a sore spot on the back of his head. "Hey, Lucy. Do you ever dream about falling in love?"
Lucy's eyes turned into hearts, and she made a lovestruck pose. "Yes, with Schroeder! He whisks me away and we have a beautiful wedding followed by a romantic honeymoon! After that we live an exciting life, him a concert pianist, me a world-famous singer!"
Charlie blanched.
"But you can forget about dreams like that, Charlie Brown. Nobody loves you, and nobody's gonna love you! Got it?" Lucy walked away, leaving poor Charlie Brown to wallow in his own misery.
"Good grief."
THE END