Thinking

I sat on the breakfast table, in the kitchen, a hot coffee in my right hand, a cold spoon in the other staring at the new marble counter I had just had installed. All the events that had got me here, here in my own home, away from la push, away from my family, yet the journey was nothing I had excepted. It was fun yet hard, I knew every part of it was too good to believe yet I didn't stop it, I carried on, knowing fate was coming for me wishing me bad luck for the rest of my life, knowing my heart was just going to be crushed all over again, but I wanted it, I wanted him…

The door bell rang interrupting my thoughts, even though I had been turned upside down after that journey, the thing that kept me going the only object in my life that I find worth living is the very object he gave to me. I stood up pushing the chair back, half walking half running to the door a smile playing on my lips, since she left this morning I've been missing her…..

The door bell rings a again but this time with impatience, I unlock the door quickly and turn the knob, opening the door with a quick swing, standing in the hall way is Jayda and her childminder, Suzy. Suzy does the incredible job of taking Jayda to school in the morning and back. Jayda lets go of Suzie's hand running to me and hugging me, her arms wrapped round my waist. She was tall for her age of 5,with long black hair hanging around her waist, sun kissed skin like her parents, eyes mirroring her mothers, lips and nose a copy of her fathers. She was perfect in my eyes, the perfect five year old girl I knew. She was now jumping up and down in my arms, she did this when she was excited and impatient.

"I'll head off now" Suzy tapped the top of Jayda's head and waved me a goodbye.

"Bye, see you same time tomorrow?" I said

"sure" Suzy replied closing the door behind her.I put Jay (short for Jayda) back on the floor, still jumping she throws her coat on the floor, I cross my arms over my chest not pleased with what she's done.

"Now, does that coat really belong on the floor ?" I question her. She jumps again, crossing her arms over her chest just like me .

"But Mum, I've got things to do and things to tell you" she wines.I roll my eye at this.

"and in this busy list ,can't you make a bit of space so you can hang up your coat?" She places two fingers on her chin and pretends to be thinking.

"no, I don't have any space, I'm to busy" She wines, She was clever for her age, I guess she got it for me and she was also stubborn another gift from me. I arched and eyebrow showing I wasn't having any of it. She sighed and rolled her eyes in defeat and picked up the puffy purple coat and placed it on a coat hanger.

"happy now" she said looking angry.

"yes am very happy " her anger quickly demising and her lips forming a smile. She ran into her room changing out of her school uniform.I walked back into the kitchen, picking up the cup of coffee which was now rather cold and pouring it into the sink. I could feel someone else's presence in the room, I turned around dropping the blue cup in the sink, to find Jay in her pj's looking rather cute in her spongebob slippers holding a A3 sized paper.

"baby ,what's wrong ?" I asked sort of worried. She placed the A3 sized paper on the table looking up to me

"this is what's wrong" I looked at her confused, then back at the paper realising the problem,At the top of the paper read "My Family Tree"

I've been dreading this moment the very moment when all the things I've been keeping from her comes day I tell her about her Family, about her Dad.

She knew very well that she has a Grandma and uncle named Seth. I had always kept contact with them even though I lived so far away. I always called them, keeping them updated with Jay or with me and sometimes the other way round them updating me with what they've done. They have no idea of how Jay looks apart from the way she looked like when she was a baby, I remember posting them a picture of Jay when she was six months old and them telling me how they wish they could see her but I had refused. I refused because I had not been ready to go back yet to face the heartache, I was still pretty messed up. But the moment I got better why hadn't I gone back? why didn't I go and visit them just once, I don't know why I can't set foot in la push again? I should go back but I can't because of him.

"Mum why can't we visit Grandma and Uncle Seth?"

I looked at her startled because she has been quite for a while since I had told her about her dad and the rest of her family. I didn't go into detail though, I just said the things that had to be said that's it ,nothing more nothing less. I told her his name, his family, that she had two Aunties named Rebecca and Rachel, that she had a Grandpa named Billy. How me and her dad can't be like ordinary parents like her friends mummies and daddies. She nodded a lot, she sort of looked understanding, which scared me a little, but in some ways she was clever than her age because she grew slightly quicker than normal but only slightly. She looked at me waiting for answer, we sat on the sofa with the TV low on volume, all you could hear was mumbles. I gave out a sigh and moved in closer to her, just because I don't want to go back to la push doesn't mean Jay has to suffer with me living without her family, going to school and not begin able to join into certain conversations with her friends because her mum doesn't allow her to see her relatives. I had a good childhood why should I make my daughters a nightmare?

I gave her smile and replied "you want to go visit your Grandma and Uncle?" She gave me a determined nod.

My smile widen " fine we'll go then, we'll go tomorrow if you like or even now"

Her mouth hang open slightly ,her eyes glistening with excitement.

"Really Mummy? Like now now or now in this year now?"

"I mean like now this minute now" she was now jumping on her seat.

"Mum" she rang, her voice ecstatic.

"yes baby"

"Let's go now ,I'll go pack."

She ran in the direction of her room, her hair bouncing as she ran.

What exactly was getting my self in too.

first chap finished, If u found it quite confusing or u want to know what gonna happen heres da summary:

Leah left la push five years go, She left while pregnant with Jacob's baby (yes I've finally said his name) The other chaps she'll be thinking of all the things that had led up for her leave la push until she finally gets to la push visiting her mum and Seth who only know that she had a baby,but knowing that leah is coming back after five years they invited everyone including the wolves and Jacob…….

*blackwater*

Xlilmisstrouble