Growth

I UNFORTUNTELY DO NOT OWN STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS OR ANY OF THE CHARACATERS
SLIGHT AU TOWARDS THE END
(ITALICS = PAST TENSE)

On the days where Ahsoka was off on her own independent missions or training sessions, Anakin would often wander the Temple trying to find ways to clear his mind. When she was with him she'd often have a topic for them to converse over or they'd be bickering lightly over something petty and insignificant. When she wasn't around he was forced to think about things he would rather have stuffed to the back of his mind where he could forget about them.

Rounding a corner, he rubbed his eyes and sighed – thoughts of the upcoming mission were taking over his mind and draining him of his energy. He had a feeling that this mission would be particularly difficult; missions that involved taking back a planet from the Separatists' clutches always were tricky and the loss of troopers always seemed higher.

The Knight stopped in his tracks when he heard the mention of Ahsoka's name.

"You know, I've heard a lot of Knights and Masters say that Ahsoka Tano could be the youngest Padawan to ever graduate to the rank of Knight." Said a slightly hushed, feminine voice. Anakin didn't recognise the voice – perhaps it was one of Ahsoka's friends? Or one of the younglings in the classes she occasionally taught.

"Really?" An even quieter voice replied, shock evident in his voice, "that's crazy. I wish I could be like her. She already graduated to Padawan early."

With a small smile playing on his lips, Anakin took a few steps forward so he could see the two gossiping Younglings. He didn't recognise them, as he had expected. The female was Twi'lek of about 11 years and a Togruta who appeared to be about 13. They were sitting on the ground leaning against a pillar. The Council were thinking about making Ahsoka a Knight? She had only been his apprentice for two and a half years, and she was only 17... Despite this, pride flowed through Anakin like a raging river. His Ahsoka, that once snippy, head strong youngling, was now being considered for Knighthood?

"Padawan Tano was 14 when she was assigned as Master Skywalker's apprentice… You're 13; your time could come soon!" Came the Twi'lek's enthusiastic reply. "I heard Master Lee telling his former Padawan that Ahsoka is everything that they look for in a Knight and that they're thinking about offering her to face the Jedi Trials soon!"

The young Togruta's eyes widened in admiration.

Despite the happiness that Anakin felt for Ahsoka, he had a sudden feeling of sadness that made his insides twist a little – the feeling of excitement and sudden sadness didn't mix for him. Ahsoka becoming a Knight would mean that she would no longer be by his side during missions, during training – and more importantly, he would have to let her go, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to do that just yet.

He could just imagine her leading her own team, her own troopers. General Tano would be her title; she would no longer be addressed as Commander. But that thought also made his stomach churn.

Had time really flown by that quickly? Had it really been 2 and half years since that tiny Togruta had stepped off of that ship on Christophsis? It shocked him when the realisation hit him.

He was suddenly pulled from his thoughts when he heard the shuffling of robes. He cleared his throat and continued walking as if he had not heard the conversation. He heard the younglings walking the opposite way, their topic of conversation no longer on Ahsoka. He turned another corner and continued walking, deep in thought.

"Anakin."

They couldn't be thinking about knighting her yet, surely? She was just barely 17.

Now that he thought about it, Ahsoka had come such a long way. That child who stepped off the ship, lacking experience, was no more. Ahsoka had grown in body, spirit and mind. She was experienced, level headed, skilled and totally fearless. She could lead a team. She had held her own against military officers such as Ventress and Grievous; she had saved countless lives while managing to keep her own. Not many Jedi survived battles against Grievous and lived to tell the tale for another day.

"Anakin?"

She was wise beyond her years – some of the reasons she was still alive and breathing were due to her wisdom and crazy thinking. Sure, she was still a little headstrong, but she didn't overestimate her abilities. She was confident in herself and her decisions; just another thing to tick off Ahsoka's list to becoming a Knight.

Fingers snapped in front of his face and he thrown from his thoughts. Ahsoka stood before him, one hand on her hip. "Honestly, Skyguy. You need more sleep. I can't have you stopping for a little daydream in the middle of the battlefield, can I?" She teased playfully, a smile tugging at her lips.

Skyguy. He'd not heard that one in a while. He missed it, in a strange way.

He cleared his throat, "Of course not, Ahsoka."

She raised a brow, "Is everything okay? You seem pretty out of it." She waved her small hand in front of his face.

He shrugged off her question, "I'm fine, Ahsoka, just thinking about that mission tomorrow. I thought you weren't going to be back until tonight anyway?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "The Padawans Master Kret put me up against were too easy. He said it was unfair on them if they sparred with me so I'm attending a sparring session with a few Knights next week." Falling into step with her Master, she talked as if it were no big deal.

"That class is for high achieving apprentices, how were you too good for them all?" Anakin nudged her a little.

"Must be your intense and unique training, Master. I'm sure not many Master's would use your methods of training." She nudged him back playfully, elbowing his side. She was referring to the endless teasing sessions that would occur whilst they sparred. They often found ways to make it much more competitive without making it at all serious.

He narrowed his eyes jokingly, "and what's that supposed to mean, my young Padawan?" How much longer would it be until he'd be calling her his former Padawan?

She laughed gently, "Never you mind, Anakin."

If anything, her snippiness was still there. He was strangely grateful for that. It proved that the war hadn't completely stripped away all of her innocence. It was heart-warming to see in others, especially when they'd seen the horrors of war and the reality of it. Even if Ahsoka had hardened up over the past few years, she still had a small part of that 14-year-old still inside of her. Anakin hoped he'd never see that part of her die. It felt like the only thing he still had left from her previous self.

War changed people. It had helped shape him into who he was, as it had done with Ahsoka. It made better soldiers, but it left emotional damage. Unfortunately you can't just forget seeing people blown up or shot or torn apart in front you overnight. You can't just erase things that from your mind.

He glanced sideways at her. Would she take a Padawan of her own someday? Any time soon?

Would she ever make it to the rank of a Master?

After getting through that rough patch when they had a first met, he knew she was destined for greatness. But never in a million years would he have imagined her to become this great. Pride swelled in his chest once again. He was so proud of her, more than she would ever know.

The Council had had their doubts about her. Force, even he had. And now? Now – assuming the flying rumours were true – the Council wanted her to become a Knight. She was deemed ready for that position, that responsibility. He knew that it had always been her dream since she was a tiny youngling – and it seemed to be coming true already.

In Anakin's eyes, hard work and determination did get you a long way. Ahsoka was living proof of this.

….

He couldn't sleep that night. He knew by Ahsoka's settled force presence that she had fallen asleep not too long ago into a dreamless sleep. He was tired, exhausted even, but his mind was not allowing him to rest just yet. His mind wandered to a few months back when Ahsoka had been captured by Trandoshans; when she and other younglings had been hunted for sport.

She had found a way back to him, like Master Plo had said. She had led others with her teachings and instinct. Without her those younglings would still be there, reliving the endless cycle of eat, sleep, run.

She'd make an excellent teacher, but he already knew that. He'd always known.

Who knew he himself would train one of the Order's most successful and valued Padawans? When he had first joined the Order he had been shunned, underestimated, and deemed untrustworthy. He was finally showing everyone who he really was.

He may not have wanted her at first but keeping her seemed like the best decision he had ever made. She'd saved his skin countless times, force, she'd even taught him lessons and he was supposed to be the teacher. They were both still learning and he knew that no matter what happened, whether she became a Knight or not, they had an unbreakable bond and an everlasting friendship. When he fought by her side during combat he felt like they could rule the Universe, they were the perfect team.

After a long think about it, Anakin felt his uneasy feelings finally settle in his stomach.

He was proud of her, and even if she became a Knight tomorrow, next week, near year, it didn't matter. They had that bond and that friendship, and he knew they'd be alright.

…

It still saddened Anakin that he never got to see her knighted, that he never got to see her face as her childhood dream came true. All those years' worth of training and hard work, just to have it all thrown back in her face.

At first he had been hurt and angry and confused when she left him behind. After a few weeks of harsh training and sleepless nights, he understood. She'd dedicated her whole life to the Jedi; she had worked and worked and worked. The Jedi had been her life; it was all she had ever known.

They'd repaid her by not listening, not trusting her. What kind of a family abandoned one of their own in their time of need? Because of them, she had been torn down, torn apart.

When Ahsoka had closed his hand around her Padawan braid those few months ago, Anakin truly felt the hurt she was experiencing. She felt as if she couldn't even live in her own home because everyone had abandoned her. She had been right; if no one else could trust her, how could she trust herself? Her whole life had been for nothing. Sure, she was a hero, she'd saved lives and reunited families and helped secure planets, but everything she had stood up for had crumbled beneath her. What was she supposed to think? Anakin compared the Ahsoka before the Temple bombing to the Ahsoka that had walked away from him. Before the Jedi Temple had been bombed, she had a purpose. There had been talks of her becoming the youngest and one of the greatest Knights ever. Everyone would know her name. She had been great and powerful and as happy as a teenager during a war could be.

When she had declared that she wasn't coming back Anakin no longer saw her for the brilliant young woman she was. He saw a broken and alone child who'd just lost pretty much everything. But his vision of her in that moment had been clouded with his fury.

He was no longer angry with Ahsoka. He was angry with the council; angry at their misjudgement, their lack of trust, their ignorance. Each day it disgusted him more and more. A 17-year-old girl had had her dreams crushed right in front of eyes because the Jedi were too corrupt to even hear her side of the story or to even consider everything she had done for them.

After waking from a restless sleep, Anakin held his head in his hands. Even now, months later, he could still feel Ahsoka's pain through the force - the loneliness, the hurt, the feeling of pure betrayal. What did she live for now? All she had ever known was no longer with her. He could feel her confusion through the Force. She didn't know what to do or who she was. She'd lost her identity.

If the Council could treat such a reliable Padawan – someone who was so close to Knighthood – like that, they would treat anyone like that. Anakin included. They didn't care that he was the 'chosen one'. He'd had enough. He didn't want to be part of a community that had lost their morals. Why would he want to be part of the Order when they treated his student like a piece of trash? Had they forgotten everything she had done for them? Clearly she was insignificant to them.

He had a life outside of the Jedi. He had a wife who he loved more than anything. He'd served his time as a Jedi and now it was over. Who knows, one more mistake and they could just toss him away too, like they had with poor Ahsoka. He wasn't going to let it happen. He didn't deserve it and Ahsoka certainly hadn't.

Leaving the Jedi Order was his decision, but even so, deep down he felt that when Ahsoka had been tossed aside, part of him had been too. Walking down the grand temple steps, he truly understood why Ahsoka couldn't bear to come back.

It hurt to leave it all behind, force did it hurt.

Ahsoka had been born to be a Jedi. It had been her destiny. If Ahsoka was longer destined to be a Jedi, maybe he wasn't either.

The Force really did work in mysterious ways.

…..

Okay okay I know, I've been inactive for a long time. I lost my muse and was focussing on some important stuff. It's been so long. I've missed this, I've missed you guys. Hopefully I can say I'm back for good now. I'm no longer a confused lil' 14 year old! Sorry if this seems rushed or if there is mistakes, I did it all in one sitting with 3 hours of sleep.

I'll have to say I cried my eyes out at the end of season 5. I understand why the writers made Ahsoka leave but I wish it hadn't of been so painful. I'm planning on keeping this a one-shot but who knows, if you want more I can try and add a chapter or two. I don't know.