A/N: New story, whoot. I wrote this chapter, but Andrew1993 helped me come up with it. Next chapter was written by him.
Helicopter Goes Soi Soi:
In which Jacob learns that the ROFL copter isn't so funny.
Jacob Black was ready to conquer his fears.
Ever since he was a little boy, he'd feared helicopters. His father took him on a helicopter ride for his birthday, and he was terrified. He screamed. He cried. He made the piolet end the flight twenty minutes early. The piolet was not impressed.
Needless to say, neither was Billy, who'd paid good money for Jacob to fly in a helicopter for ten minutes.
His father thought he had aerophobia. But that was not the case. Jacob had no problem with flying. Airplanes didn't scare him. Parasailing didn't scare him. Heck, he even went skydiving, and that didn't scare him!
But he screamed in terror when he got a model helicopter for his eleventh birthday. His friends never let that one go.
So when his boss asked him to help flag the emergency helicopters landing at the hospital, Jacob swallowed his fears like the macho man he was, and smiled and agreed to step up to the challenge - facing his biggest fear.
Jacob spent several hours getting ready for the big day. He meditated, to find his inner, fearless self. He lifted weights, trying to toughen himself up. He dressed in a white muscle shirt, the one that best showed off his muscles. He had to look tough - show that helicopter who was boss. He was the boss. He was the man.
The man sat down to a breakfast of Cheerios, then packed a peanut butter sandwich and juice pack in his Dracula lunchbox, then hopped in his Volkswagen Rabbit and drove off to work.
Embry and Quil greeted him at the hospital, already donning florescent orange vests over their clothes. His boss, Sam, arrived, and handed him his. He put it on, pouting because his super sexy shirt would go unseen. They made their way to the roof, where they found a giant letter H inside a circle. Jacob wondered to himself what the H stood for. They all hung around chatting, while Jacob tried to figure out the mysterious H. Why would their be an H where a helicopter was supposed to land?
"Alright, boys," Sam called, "Helicopter landing in four and a half minutes. Embry, Quil, go turn on the blinkers,"
"It's the middle of the day, why would we need blinkers?" Embry asked. Sam sighed.
"Just do it," he told them, "Jacob, Jared, Paul, grab those and flag the helicopter down. Remember to watch for my signal, so you'll know when it's all clear." Jacob gulped, a sheen of sweat covering his face. In roughly four minutes, he would be face to face with a helicopter. Should he panic? Should he run? Should he jump over the side of the building and hope he landed on something soft?
No. He was the man. He was going to face this helicopter and show that he wasn't afraid. He was going to laugh in it's face.
He grabbed his flags and took his place, flexing his muscles. Bring it, ROFL copter, he thought to himself.
He saw the helicopter approaching, and felt his hands beginning to twitch. He pressed his lips together, vowing not to run. He could do this. He would do this.
The helicopter came closer and closer, and he copied Jared and Paul, waving his flags and showing the helicopter where to land. He glanced down, and noticed his shoelace was untied. He stooped down to retie it. Over the helicopters loud SOI SOI SOI, he heard his friends yells.
He looked up, just in time to see the underside of the helicopter only a foot away from his head.
Splat.
Jacob Black had learned that the ROFL copter isn't so funny.