A/N: Oops, I angsted all over the pieship again. Only worse this time.
Title: Tattered Puppets
Author: liketolaugh
Rating: T
Pairings: Link/Allen
Genre: Romance/Angst
Warnings: Slight AU
Summary: Link and Allen get into a fight. Lover's quarrel, Link thought, was a bit of a misnomer, for there was nothing loving about this. (Takes place after 221, with the assumption that Link will join the group.)
Disclaimer: I only wish I owned D. Gray-man.
In the beginning, Link's nightmares - at least, those that had involved Allen - had been shadowed and uncertain, characterized by paranoia and suspicion. He had dreamed of sounds in the dark and flashes of white hair, gold eyes on the edge of his vision.
They made him feel helpless and frustrated and jumpy, and they always ended with a hand around his throat or a knife in his back or the snap of his spine.
Then he'd gotten to know Allen, come to trust him, and those dreams had fallen out of the realm of possibility. And his nightmares had changed.
These dreams left Allen in plain sight; still, they were fuzzy and indistinct, with dull colors and blurry shapes. Allen's eyes would start out silver and then turn to gold, his skin would turn grey, and Link would stand, frozen, as someone who was unmistakably not Allen rushed at him with deadly eyes and a wild grin.
The most vivid part of those dreams was always the moment Link's knife sank into Allen's flesh, and the Fourteenth's golden eyes transformed into shocked silver.
Then things changed again. Link fell in love with Allen. He learned that Allen loved him, too. He let himself be happy with him, his charge, he memorized every line and detail of every part of Allen's body, he let his guard go.
He met the Fourteenth.
Now Link dreamed in vivid detail. He watched Allen's body, with silver eyes and pale skin, move like a stranger. He watched it glare and snap and strike out in anger, things Allen would never do. He watched it smile and laugh, fundamentally different from the way that body should act.
He watched the Fourteenth use it to kill. To torture. To destroy the akuma Allen so treasured. To hurt the friends he adored.
He watched the Fourteenth flirt with him.
He watched the Fourteenth kiss him.
He watched the Fourteenth take and take, Allen's body, Allen's eyes, and that was the worst part. All he ever did was watch.
It was one of these last that Link jerked awake from now, panting and wide-eyed and nauseous, and for a few seconds, Link struggled to orient himself in the small room.
Moonlight entered the room through the window. Much of it was blocked off by a slender figure sitting by it, gazing outside, but what he could see of it was bright. After a moment, Link identified the figure as Allen - not just Allen's body, but Allen, staring pensively out the window.
Link wished that was still reassuring.
Kanda and Johnny were in an adjoining room. Kanda was loathe to agree to this and Johnny was uncomfortable with it, but in the end, if the Fourteenth woke up in the night, he was least likely to attack his 'ally'.
Link sighed and pushed himself upright, unwilling, at the moment, to go back to sleep. With one arm, he drew his leg up to his chest, and with the other, he rubbed his face in beleaguered exhaustion.
The movement drew Allen's attention, something Link silently cursed. He could see the moonlight casting shadows over Allen's concerned expression, setting his silver eyes alight.
"Link? Are you okay?"
"Fine," Link muttered, sliding his fingers up from his face to dig them into his scalp. Fruitlessly, he tried to master his nausea and banish the images spawned by his dream from his mind. Then, when Allen didn't break his gaze, he added, "Nightmare."
Contrary to Link's hopes, that didn't send Allen's attention elsewhere. Instead, his concern visibly magnified, and he stood up, crossing the room to seat himself beside Link. Without a second thought, Allen brought his hand up to rub Link's shoulder gently.
"You'll be okay," Allen reassured him softly. His hand was warm, and the gentle motion was soothing enough that Link nearly leaned into the touch.
Instead, he jerked away roughly, turning an irate look on Allen. "I know," he snapped sharply to Allen's startled face. "And it's none of your concern." Not anymore.
Allen recoiled, gaze shifting away as a shamed flush crept across his face. "Sorry."
Link's anger melted instantly, and his frustration turned inward instead. He turned his head away from Allen's chastised expression. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped."
"It's okay," Allen murmured, but he kept his distance now, a few feet away from Link, eyes on the ground. For a minute, a tense, awkward silence hung over both of them like a stormcloud.
Link gritted his teeth and pressed the heel of his clenched fist to his forehead. His chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe. He thought of the Fourteenth with empty grey eyes and a flirtatious fake smile, and his stomach turned.
He hated the Fourteenth, and the Fourteenth knew it.
But Link defended him anyway. Because Leverrier told him to.
Orders are orders, he reminded himself. He was doing this for the sake of the world; Leverrier wouldn't steer him wrong, not in that regard.
"Do you still love me?"
Link stiffened and jerked his head to look back at Allen. Allen's expression was soft, and vulnerable, and painfully lonely.
Link swallowed his impulsive rebuke and instead told the truth, his curled leg sliding off the bed to join the other on the floor. "Yes, I do." But God, I wish I didn't.
Allen, though, smiled. The look in his eyes hardly changed, but it was sincere. "Thank you. I love you, too."
Watching Allen stand up and start to cross back to his own bed, Link felt an abrupt surge of anger.
It wasn't at Allen, exactly, at least not for the most part. No, he was angry at the Fourteenth, for choosing the sweetest boy Link knew as his host. He was angry at Leverrier, for forcing him to choose. He was angry at the world, for throwing them against each other like this.
The words were out of his mouth before he had time to process them, let alone take them back.
"You take a special sort of pleasure out of that, don't you?"
Allen whipped around so fast his white hair was a blur, silver eyes wide and shocked. "...What?"
His voice was high-pitched and thin, like all the breath had been knocked out of him. Link shut his eyes against the sight, grinding the heel of his palm into the accursed dots on his forehead.
"We both know how much easier this would be if we hated each other," Link said harshly, resentment and pain mixing to rear their ugly heads. "You do not need to remind me."
Allen took a defensive step back, suddenly taking on a much warier stance. "That's not what I'm doing at all!" he protested.
"Yes, you are!" Link had to consciously work to prevent his voice from rising, dimly aware of their next-door neighbors. "You take every chance to remind me of the situation we're in! Why do you do that?"
His voice broke on the last sentence and he hated it, so instead he focused on the unsteady, hurt look on Allen's face. It quickly shifted to something more defiant, as did the exorcist's stance.
"Believe it or not…" Allen took a deep breath, visibly controlling himself with a violent, jarring shudder. "Believe it or not, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just, I nee- I l-like to hear it."
"Well, I don't," Link hissed around the lump in his throat, fists clenched and shaking slightly. He'd stood up at some point, so he was face to face with Allen, head tilted up ever so slightly to meet those silver eyes.
He flinched as he noticed that said eyes were sparkling with tears, his usually smiling face twisted in anger. Link's heart clenched painfully, and his breath stuttered.
"I know," Allen snapped back, uncharacteristically sharp. He took a step away, but didn't break Link's gaze. "I know your duty means more to you that I do! I know! Can you really blame me for wanting to know that I… that I at least come second?" Starlight sparkles gleamed off of his cheeks. "Can't I be selfish just with this?"
"No, you can't!" Didn't Allen understand he was just making it worse for both of them? "If you know, then why do you still care?"
It was this that he didn't understand. Why was Allen clinging to this? Link had chosen duty, had chosen the Fourteenth, over him. Why did Allen still love him?
Why was Allen so willing to come second? To get hurt?
"I can't stop!" Allen sobbed as much as said, anger fading from his face in favor of a crumpled, beseeching look.
The volume of his voice caused a brief scuffle in the adjacent room. Link paid it no mind, all of his attention focused on the tearful boy before him.
"You have to!" the CROW countered, his voice raising to match Allen's in both volume and unsteadiness. For both our sakes!
Because how could he let go of Allen when he knew the exorcist still loved him?
At that moment, the door slammed open, and Kanda rushed in, Mugen already in his hands.
Instead of an akuma or the Fourteenth, though, he was faced only with an angry CROW with a splotchy, flushed face and an exorcist shaking with restrained sobs, fists clenched and eyes furious.
Link reeled back from the door, startled and something like guilty, snapped out of the heat of the moment. He glanced fervently back at Allen in time to see the boy reach up, scrubbing furiously at his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt, and felt his stomach drop in a whole different way. He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't think of anything.
Looking back, he could see Kanda glancing between them, brow furrowed with clear confusion and something like stricken alarm. Perhaps the three of them would have stayed in that stalemate if it weren't for Johnny, who gently nudged his way past Kanda.
"Link? Allen? What's wrong?"
Johnny's concerned frown brought Link out of his shock, the scientist tilting his head as he took the situation in with much more intelligence than he sometimes acted like he possessed.
"N-nothing," Allen muttered, but his voice cracked again, giving him away. He cleared his throat and tried again, giving Johnny the shakiest smile Link had ever seen out of him. "Nothing, Johnny. Everything's f-fine."
Johnny looked unconvinced, and rightly so. Link had to look away as another silent sob shook Allen's shoulders, and had the misfortune of meeting Kanda's accusing look instead.
"Okay, Allen," Johnny said gently. Out of the corner of his eye, Link saw Johnny take Allen by the elbow. "Even if it's nothing, we need to get you cleaned up, okay?"
"...Okay."
Johnny led Allen out of the room, and Allen avoided Link's gaze just as Link avoided his. That left Link in the room with Kanda, and the second the door closed behind the two, Kanda had Link slammed against a wall, eyes blazing.
"I don't know what the fuck you did," Kanda hissed at him, low and furious, "but don't you fucking dare do it again, or I'll use Mugen to eviscerate you."
Link could think of a dozen dry responses to that, and a hundred ways to escape this hold, but instead, he just nodded.
The next day, it was the Fourteenth who woke up, and when he met Link's eyes, he could see the cold humor in them; he had seen everything.
Silently, Link took it all back.
Ow? *rueful smile* Well, that was honestly kind of fun, if painful for, I'm sure, everyone involved. Thanks for reading, and please review!