Reflections of a Bored Spike-or-Just what the hell are they looking at?!?
by Dommi-chan


Okay, I admit it. I'm on crack. This ficlet was written in response to a picture found on the web, featuring everyone's favorite Four Cowboys and their Cow-Woof-Woof. I'd give this one a PG-13 rating for innuendo/language. Basically, if the thought of anime characters watching porn offends you, and you read this, then you're an idiot now, aren't you?The picture in question is located at http://www.geocities.com/asteroidblues/wall08800.jpg. I recommend you view it before reading the fic…it'll (somewhat) explain where the idea came from.Oh by the way, you get to guess who says each line! (And if you can't figure out Ein's commentary, please let the nearest person smack you. :-P) Comments go to web_megami@dommichan.com. Enjoy the show everyone!

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(Basic premise: Spike is alone in the Bebop's den and bored out of his skull, so he's channel surfing. )

"Man, there is absolutely NOTHING on…wait…what's this?"

"T&A Theatre Presents, 'Ride 'Em Cowboy'!"

"…Huh…it's been a while since I've seen one of these on TV…."

"Oh Tex! How can I ever repay you?"

"Well, why don'tcha saddle up li'l missy for the ride of your life…"

"Wait…that's not a Western…it's a----"

"Hey there Spike, anything interesting on?"

"Uh, actually I was uh just channel surfing…where'd that god damn remote go…."

"...Is that girl wearing a saddle…?"

"Uh…."

"Spike…what are you watching?"

"Er…."

"Oh yes, Tex! Harder!"

"……Oh my……."

"It's not what you think!"

"It's not what I think?!? You're sitting here by yourself and PORN'S on the TV!"

"…Okay I'll admit, it looks bad but I came across it by accident…."

"Spike, no man has ever come across a porn by accident."

"Movie! Movie! Ed wants to watch movie too!"

"Ed, not now, this is no place for children."

"Why won't you let Edward watch…eew! What is he dooooooooooing?!?!"

"Ask Spike…it's his movie."

"Shut up, Jet."

"What's going on in here? What's so interesting that you're all looking…?"

"Oh god Tex RIGHT THERE! YES!"

"…I see. So tell me, why is it you two obviously lonely gentlemen are watching this with a child?"

"I wasn't watching it…I came in the room and Spike was…."

"SHUT UP JET.""Ah, I should have known this would be YOUR idea."

"You shut up too."

"Touchy, aren't we?"

"What is he doing to her? Ed's never seen anything like that!"

"Give it a few years Ed...wow, that's a position that I've never seen."

"I take it from that comment you've been around, Faye?"

"A lady never tells. And this isn't about me, this is about your sick porn hobby."

"IT ISN'T A HOBBY! I CAME ACROSS IT ON ACCIDENT!"

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw get along little doggie!!!"

"Why's he spanking her?"

"Apparently, she was a very bad girl."

"Woof! Woof Woof!"

"Ein! Get down!"

"Dammit, Ein, your paws are digging into my scalp."

"I have never wanted to disappear as much as I do right now."

"Well golly if I had been caught watching something like this alone…just what EXACTLY were you doing when Jet showed up?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT! I WAS CHANNEL SURFING, IT CAME ON, I LOST THE REMOTE!"

"I'm supposed to believe that you found a porn by ACCIDENT? No man has ever found porn by ACCIDENT."

"That's what I told him."

"Both of you, for the last time, SHUT UP."

"By the way Spike, next time you watch this stuff, wait 'til Ed isn't around. This really isn't…wait…Ed I told you this was no place for children!"

"Woof! Woof Woof!!"

"I reckon it's about time for me to be brandin' you!"

"…Wow…that sounds pretty painful."

"Ed thinks so too."

"Woof! Woof!"

"Note to self…don't leave Spike alone ever again."

"…Would somebody kill me please?"

"What's she going to do with that turkey bast----oh my God that is one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen."

"Edward didn't think a baster could be used like that."

"They're not. Normally.

"I can't believe we've been on a ship with a pervert all this time…."

"Don't look at me, I didn't know this was the kinda shit he was into!"

"Maybe I should go get my gun…put myself out of my misery…."

"Woof! Woof woof woof!!""Ooooh drumstick…that must be what Ein's drooling over…."

"Weehaw that's finger-lickin' good!"

"::whimper::"

"…Well, at least it WAS what he was drooling over."

"The only way this could be any more disturbing is if they got actual animals invol---"

"MOO!""---Well, shit."

"Three years…three years I've known you and THIS is how I find out about your dirty little habit!"

"IT"S NOT A FUCKING HABIT!!"

"Sure it's not. You men are all pigs."

"This movie is boooooooooooooring boring BORING…c'mon Ein! Let's go exploring!!"

"::whimper:: Woof!"

"…Only Ed would manage to get bored by PORN."

"Found the remote."

"Oh Tex…this is my younger sister, Sassy. She'd like to thank you too---"

"Hey Amigos! All 3,000 Bounty Hunters in the Solar System! How y'all doin'?

"And now it's time for Big Shot, the television show about Fugitives!"

"Finally…NORMAL television."

"Yeah that movie's made me feel…dirty. I'm going to go take a shower to make myself feel better."

"I can't believe you. Watching…THAT."

"For the last time it was an ACCIDENT!!!"

"How often do you do this Spike?"

"I DON'T!"

"And it's not like it's soft core or something…there were COWS involved…."

"I'm telling you I didn't INTEND to watch it!"

"Man, I can't get over what a freak you are. I mean you think you know a person…."

"Jet! God dammit Jet! That's it, from now on I'm sticking to music…."

~ OWARI ~

Note to those not familiar with Bebop: To answer your questions, No, Spike is not actually in the habit of watching porn. Yes, Ed speaks in the third person. Yes, Big Shot is an actual program in Bebop. And yes, Ein IS intelligent enough to whimper at illegal uses of fried chicken.And if you finished it without either dying or becoming thoroughly scandalized, you have my congratulations and utmost respect. ^_^v