A/N: Warning for themes of death and strong language.
Word Count: 907
Please, Don't Fear The Reaper
"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen
Ron stared at his body in bewilderment.
"What fresh hell is this?" he yelled but his voice sounded odd, flat. "Don't tell me I've just been bloody murdered!"
He was furious. It was gang warfare at its worse, with three different mafia families at each other's throats for territory. His family were going to be furious, Ron couldn't imagine what they'd do to get revenge.
His killer got out of the car and Ron tried to move but couldn't, forced to watch as another three bullets were pumped into his body. A drive by, it felt so cliche. It was too soon, his brother Bill was getting married, Ron had been in charge of finding a band and then there was ten other things that he couldn't really think of right now, but he knew were important.
"Fuck you Malfoy!" he yelled. It was Lucius, who Ron hated in particularly. He almost felt bad for Draco, the little wimp but Lucius was a slimeball. "Run, run as fast as you can… The Weasley's will have their revenge, just you wait."
"Excuse me? He can't really hear you, I'm sorry."
The voice didn't sound particularly sorry. Ron found he could move if he didn't really think about how he could see through his own body and was floating several feet off the floor, so he turned to face whoever was talking.
'Probably some nutjob psychic person who could see ghosts,' he thought to himself.
It was a teenage boy, at least he did look a year or two younger than Ron. Messy black hair, green eyes and brown skin that automatically made you think of a warmer climate than England in November.
"Do you understand what's happened?"
"Your gorgeous. Are you dead too?" Could ghosts have sex? That was going to be Ron's next question. The guy looked taken aback and then shook his head.
"No, although I'm happy you realise you're dead. It can often be a shock, so feel free to take some time before I explain the next stages to you."
"Next stages? No way, mate. First I want to know if you're not a ghost, what are you? We're what, eight feet in the air? And secondly I'm not ready for any 'next' anything, I've got shit to do! Do me a favour and just let me go and leave my family some kind of message. I need to protect them. You must know of the war going on."
"Between the Mafia families? Yes it's been keeping us quite busy. I take it you're a Weasley?"
"Shot by a Malfoy yeah so it's only going to get worse. We were negotiating with the Dumbledore's so maybe there'll be a truce on that side but… wait, us? You're some kind of… what exactly? You're wearing converse and jeans, where's the spooky robe and skull for a head and scythe thingamajig?"
"Times have modernised and so have the reapers. My name's Harry, not Death although I am the Master of it. There are titles, it's a bit confusing and I don't really care for it." He seemed a little embarrassed, much to Ron's shock and amusement.
"If I was Master of anything I'd be letting the whole world know. Well, Harry, point is I've -"
"'Got shit to do', yes, I heard you. But Ron, you need to come with me or you will be stuck," Harry said, his face suddenly very serious. "You don't want to be stuck, trust me."
That made Ron laugh.
"You're cute as Hell, no offence if that's offensive to people like you. I want to shag you, sure, if we can even do that but trust you? I don't trust anyone but my family, so you'll have to try again Harry."
"If you stay, you'll become a fully fledged ghost. You'll slowly lose your memory and the negative emotions you're feeling, the anger, the bitterness, how trapped you are will drive you mad. You will torment and haunt people, not knowing anything but pain and suffering."
Harry said it so deadpan, his voice perfectly even but there was a slight twinkle in his eye that made Ron wonder if he just had a dark sense of humour and was messing with him. 'Still, when a reaper gives you that sort of information, and you're hovering over your own body, what's a man to do?' his internal monologue chided him. 'The family will all be praying and thinking of you anyway. Everyone calls you a hellraiser, why not put that nickname to the test.'
"So what, into a bright white light?" Ron asked sarcastically, crossing his arms defensively.
"Again, we've modernised. Just come for a walk with me. We're going to go to places that you love, see people you want to say goodbye too and then it'll just be like going through a door."
"That… that actually sounds kind of nice. And when we go through the door, what happens then?"
"Trade secret I'm afraid. Although I can tell you that you'll have a proper body."
"So we could shag?"
Harry didn't say anything, although he was shaking his head with a smile. He offered his hand out and when Ron took it, it was surprisingly corporeal.
"Take it away then, Harry, Master of Death." Ron said, casting one final look at his body crumpled on the street before he followed the gorgeous reaper on a new type of adventure.
A/N: Prompts and Challenges:
- Meet Cute Marathon: Day 9 - A was fatally wounded and suddenly finds themself looking down at their own lifeless body in confusion. B is a reaper and offers A guidance... but A doesn't want to do the whole 'follow the light' rubbish. A wants to flirt with the cute reaper.
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- Book Club: Lloyd Henreid: (character) Lucius Malfoy, (plot point) murder, (word) trust
- Showtime: No One Mourns the Wicked - (dialogue) "Take it away."
- Lyric Alley: But I don't wanna let it go
- Liza's Loves: Godfather - Write a mafia AU
- Jenny's Jovial Quotations: "What fresh hell is this?" - Dorothy Parker
- Library Loves: The Godfather - Mario Puzo ((au) Mafia, (plot point) A wedding, (word) Favor)
- Serpent Day: Hundred pacer - (dialogue) "Run, run, as fast as you can…"
- The Insane House Challenge: 'Drive By by Train' (song)
- The 365 Prompts Challenge: Quote - "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen