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Luke traced the writing on the card, fearful his tears would disintegrate the fragile leftovers of his relationship with Noah. At times, he wondered if he was a schizophrenic patient trapped in the maze of an unhinged mind and his relationship - mere figments of a mind gone to shit. But this card, he enclosed reverently between his palms like a child about to pray, was tangible evidence of passion and love. He knew the words by heart now.
"Luke, I wish I had your way with words, but I don't. Thank you for never giving up on me, even when I pushed you away."
Here it was, the line that had kept him waiting, coming back, wanting to capture Noah's soul like Noah had completely and utterly consumed his being. Many times during their relationship, he had clung desperately to these words as he tried to act them into truth. When Noah pushed, he pushed back, harder. And soon enough they would be back together, Luke and Noah, stronger. Now he couldn't help but wonder if these words ensorcelled him into being the clingy, fraught half of a difficult relationship, grasping at whatever bits of affection Noah threw his way. Now, as he tried to forge a friendship with Noah, Luke feared no one would ever again look at him with the same loving honesty Noah did. But, today, with Reid, he had felt it, the sparkling embers of attraction and admiration directed at him. More terrifying than the possibilities of a new lover was how much he had felt like himself again - the Luke before Noah Mayer – and he liked that Luke. This was a confident and unaffected Luke, certain of himself. Luke desperately wanted to hold on to this person he rediscovered today. Instead, he clasped the card to his heart, wrapping himself in the last lines.
"Being with you has made me happier than I have ever been. Merry Christmas, Love, Noah."