"Jack? Can I ask you something?" Ianto said, appearing in the doorway of Jack's office.
Jack looked up from the file he'd been trying (with minimal success) to force himself to work on. "Sure, fire away," he said, grateful for the distraction.
"Well, it's about the future, so if you can't tell me, I'd understand. But knowing now might help save what's left of my sanity."
Jack gave Ianto a look for a moment, then pushed the file in front of him away and crossed the room. "What's up, Ianto?" he asked worriedly, grasping Ianto's shoulders. "I might not be able to tell you what happens in the future, but… if I can't, I'll do whatever else I can for your beleaguered sanity." He kissed Ianto's cheek as a reassuring promise.
"It's the files, Jack. I just… I can't think of any other explanation. It's got to be that something is fundamentally different in the future."
"A lot of things in the future are fundamentally different," Jack said cautiously. He tried to think of all the things in the Torchwood 3 files and archives that could possibly do something to alter Ianto's hallowed ground. At least, he hoped it was something alien to blame.
"What about the alphabet, Jack?"
"The alphabet? What, you mean the usual Latin one we use currently?"
"Yeah."
Jack shrugged. "No, that really doesn't change appreciably. There are a lot of new languages and writing systems, but the colonies that use Western Earth languages still use the same 26 letters, various diacritical marks and such. Uh… why, exactly? All of our files have been recorded in English as far as I know. Maybe there's some kind of translation device that's been mislaid or activated…?"
"No," Ianto shook his head. "It's not that. I just wanted to know if at some point in the future the order of the alphabet changes. See, every time I think I've found a section in the files that is in proper order… something's always entirely wrong. I've started wondering if Gr, at some point, really does come before Ga, or T comes before U?"
"Ah…." Jack Harkness was not always the first to pick up on a 'hint', but he had a fair idea of how massive those files were and much Ianto valued things being in their proper order. There was only one thing Jack could think to do. "In that case, I think the best thing I can do is, um, give you a couple hours' a week helping you get them in order?"
Ianto considered Jack's generous offer for a moment, but shook his head. "Thanks, Jack, but I think it better just be me at it. It's already bad enough. And then there's the fact that the two of us, cloistered down in the archives…. It won't be filing getting done, will it?"
"Fair point," Jack nodded, "but, I must say in my defense – and this is a real turn up - that I actually didn't think of that… you did."
Ianto smirked. "It was the practical consideration, Jack, not the sexual."
"Right. Of course. Well, look, if you want my help, the offer stands. Of course, there are things I'm better at doing than the filing…. Might be helpful, taking your mind off our ambulatory alphabet."
"Later, you. I've a load of work to do just now. Thanks for clearing it up, Jack," Ianto said, turning to go put on a pot of strong coffee.
Sitting back down with just that tedious file for company, Jack had the feeling that he should have just offered sexual favours in the first place, instead of practical ones.