All Katniss Everdeen wanted was to see the one who got away one last time...
Written for more stories to save lives (ms2sl) in support of the charity Hope for Caroline.
o-o-o
Commander Katniss Everdeen stood in front of Trident Hyperrealism Industries, housed in a glossy candy-coloured glass building that stretched up to the sky, and wondered for the hundredth time what she was doing. This was definitely not her district, not her scene at all. But she'd made a promise, and Katniss always kept her word. Clenching her jaw, she pushed through the doors.
Her perfectly polished uniform boots clicked on the slick marble flooring, echoing through the massive, opulent lobby. Vases of tropical blooms perfumed the carefully climate-controlled air, contributing to the feeling of decadence. Everything about the space, the building, the whole damned city, was an affront to Katniss. It was all too shiny, too gaudy, too fake.
Though she was on Earth, her planet, the Capitol was as different from her home in District Twelve as any of the outer rim planets she'd visited in her two plus years in command of the starship Mockingjay had been. Foreign and loud and filled with people who had more in common with exotic birds than with Katniss herself, the Capitol might as well be in the delta quadrant instead of nestled in the Rockies only a fifteen second teleport from home.
Katniss shook her head. She had to stop thinking that way. The Capitol was her home now. District Twelve was no more than a memory.
She made her way to the reception desk, gave her name, and was directed to an elevator bank, a charmingly old school feature of an otherwise thoroughly modern building. The four-floor ascent in a mirrored box took longer than transporting to the building from her quarters on the outskirts of the Capitol. It reminded her of - no. She wouldn't think of that place or that time. Not now.
Not yet, anyway.
A man of extraordinary beauty stood to greet her as soon as the elevator doors opened. Tall, athletic, with golden skin, bronze-colored hair, his incredible sea-green eyes twinkled as he reached out to shake her hand. He couldn't be real, she thought. He must be one of the simulations that Trident Industries was famous for. The reason she was there, though she wouldn't have admitted that to anyone else.
"Welcome, Commander," the man said, his voice deep and rich, flowing like melted chocolate. She couldn't help but be impressed. The simulations she'd encountered in her years of training at the academy had been jerky, somewhat robotic, obviously fake. This, on the other hand, was incredibly convincing. He reached out to shake Katniss's hand and she was startled by how solid he felt. As if reading her mind, he chuckled. "Finnick Odair," he said. "Owner of Trident Hyperrealism Industries, at your service."
"You're real?" she blurted, years of studying diplomacy forgotten in an instant. But he merely smiled, unaffected, perhaps unsurprised by her question.
"I am indeed, and I'm here to make all of your fantasies come true."
It was that comment, delivered in a slightly smarmy way, that broke the spell for Katniss. She couldn't argue that Finnick wasn't one of the most stunning, sensuous people on the planet. But she could honestly say he wasn't attractive to her. Maybe he was too pretty. Maybe he was too easy to get, or maybe it was really that he'd just be too easy to lose.
Katniss was somewhat of a specialist in losing people.
"Mr. Odair," she said, pulling her hand from his grip. "Your assistant told me you'd be able to design a package to suit my requirements."
"Of course," he said, gesturing towards a small red loveseat, then settling himself across from her. "Trident Hyperrealism Industries is known across the galaxy for our fully immersive simulations that allow you to visit anywhere in the universe and have the perfect vacation experience. No transport ships, no bad weather, no bad service, nothing but pleasure at any of our four hundred and seventy-six thousand pre-programmed destinations." He glanced at Katniss's Star Alliance uniform. "Though perhaps it isn't travel you're looking for?"
"No," she admitted. "I've been to all of the planets I care to visit and then some."
When Katniss signed up to captain a two-year diplomatic tour, she'd anticipated seeing strange new worlds and meeting fascinating new beings. Instead, she did nothing but work and sleep for twenty-eight long months. Her small crew was hardly sufficient to keep the ship running and she'd pulled double, sometimes triple shifts to ensure that everything got done and that her people were adequately rested and taken care of. Every minute of each highly anticipated planetary landing was filled with duty and obligation. Though she'd been to Rigel Seven, she'd never gotten to see its twin moons. On Juno, she'd only glimpsed the legendary Tower of Inysis from the window of a transport. During her last excursion, to tiny Bacchus Minor, she hadn't even set foot on the ground, her meetings and resupply mission having taken place on a satellite orbiting the pretty jewel-green planet.
Adrift in the cosmos, Katniss had struggled with the isolation of life on a starship, the exhaustion, the was no glamour, no adventure. And while there was definitely satisfaction in a job well done, it was hollow when she had no one to share it with. Her few hours not occupied with work she had spent alone in her bunk, staring at the ceiling, remembering. Regretting.
So after her tour, she'd resigned her commission and accepted a teaching position at the Alliance Academy. She was due to begin work in just two weeks time. And though it would undoubtedly make more sense to be spending her first week back on Earth exploring or setting up her new quarters, she was sitting on a candy-coloured couch in a candy-coloured office, chatting with a candy-sweet man who made her teeth hurt and her skin crawl.
"Ah," Finnick said, and a wide smile showed every perfect, sparkling tooth. "So you are looking for a more personal experience."
"I was told that you could arrange for me to see someone. Or, to see a simulation of someone," she mumbled, and Finnick nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes, yes. We have simulations of a wide variety of the most popular beings from history, all impeccably programmed with perfectly rendered with historically accurate voice and speech patterns, reactions and abilities. You absolutely will not be able to tell that the person you're speaking with isn't the real deal, guaranteed! You can spend time with Elvis Presley, Alabaster Harrington or Henry Cavill," Finnick said, listing several sex symbols of the past two centuries. Katniss frowned. "Or," he hedged, "Maybe you're looking for a more intellectual experience? Maybe Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein is more your speed?"
"No," she said. "I want to see someone contemporary. Someone who is, uh, still alive."
"Of course," he said. "Caesar Flickerman is a popular choice." Katniss recoiled. Caesar Flickerman had to be over a hundred years old. He had been performing on entertainment broadcasts for as long as anyone could remember; his appearance - white face paint, blue lips, and brightly dyed wigs - virtually unchanged in all of that time.
"I didn't know he was even still around," Katniss mumbled, suppressing another shudder. "But no. The person I'd like to see isn't famous."
"I see," Finnick smirked. "A custom simulation."
"Yes. Will that be a problem?"
"No, no of course not. We are quite capable of fulfilling all of our customers' special requirements. As long as he has a digital record, I can produce a simulation so perfect, it would convince his mother." The slick grin was back in place.
"How did you know he's a he?" Katniss asked.
"I've been doing this a long time, Commander. And I can assure you that all of our simulations are fully functional, solid, firm, and programmed with a full library of skills." It took Katniss two, perhaps three beats to understand the subtext of Finnick's words. Fire raced up her throat, painted her cheeks.
"Mr. Odair," she said tightly, "I am in no way looking for some sick sexual fantasy."
"Of course not," he soothed, but his lecherous expression was unchanged. "But what happens in the simulators is none of my business, so long as your expectations are fulfilled."
Katniss's attention drifted as Finnick outlined the specifications of the program, the cost, the amount of time she would have in the simulator, and what she could expect in terms of realism. Her mind wandered, as it often did, to the man she had spent two and a half years missing with every fibre of her being, to the things she'd said the last time she'd seen him. To the things she wanted, needed, so desperately to tell him now, even if it was only pretend.
"And where would you like this encounter to be?" Finnick asked, the smarmy tone creeping back into his voice, catching her attention again. "Your quarters?"
"It doesn't matter," she sighed. "Your lobby, the sidewalk out front, the virtual location won't make any difference."
"Surely you'd like something comfortable and private. A hotel? A Turkludiaan den, perhaps?" He was all but sneering; clearly he'd made up his mind that she was some sort of sexual pervert looking to get busy with a stranger on whom she had a crush. But he was dead wrong. Not about the crush part, but about the rest. She wasn't looking to screw a make-believe stranger. She wanted to see the love of her life. To tell him she was sorry.
"It's not like that," she snapped, half-rising, and his eyes widened, hands lifting in supplication. She deflated, sinking back into her seat and dropping her head into her hands.
Katniss sighed. Every rational thought screamed at her to simply leave. She'd known all along that this was a bad idea. But after twenty-eight months of what was essentially a self-imposed exile, twenty-eight months of not having taken a single shore leave, a single vacation, even a single day off, she was at a breaking point. And it was obvious to everyone around her. Even her cousin, Gale, had noted Katniss's sadness during their weekly video chats. She was tired and worn out, and Gale was worried enough that he'd threatened to come home from school on planet Spectra to take care of her. Katniss couldn't allow that. Gale was settled on Spectra and was a model student, hardworking, brilliant. Allowing her own heartbreak and stupidity to compromise his future was unacceptable.
So when Gale, who was frugal to the point of being cheap, sent her a Trident Industries gift card two days ago, just before she'd disembarked from the Mockingjay and walked away from her life on the starship, Katniss had promised to actually use it. "Take a virtual vacation," he'd insisted. She'd tried to tell him she was fine, needed nothing, but Gale knew her too well. "Live a little," he'd begged, silver eyes shining in the video relay. "You deserve this, after everything."
"I just want to see someone I used to know," she murmured to Finnick, staring at her shiny boots. "One last time."
"Someone you can't speak with in person." It wasn't a question, not really, and the soft tone caught Katniss off guard. She glanced up. The leering, lecherous salesman was gone. In his place was just Finnick Odair, still incredibly gorgeous, but with a kind, compassionate expression instead of a dazzling smile. It made him seem more human somehow. More real.
"Right."
"I can do that. I'll need to access his public records, to ensure the simulation reacts as closely to how he would really act as possible."
"I don't know where he is now," she admitted. "He was a student at the Alliance Academy, up until a few years ago. Last I heard, he was teaching at the Panem School of Fine Arts." Finnick nodded.
"That will help. There should be plenty of biometrics available. What's his name?"
o-o-o
Katniss talked herself into and out of showing up at Trident a dozen times, but in the end her frugal nature won out. Fifty-five hundred credits was a terrible amount to waste, even if they weren't her credits to begin with.
She berated herself as she got ready, brushing out her long black hair and agonizing over what to wear. It was a simulation. It wasn't going to care what she looked like! She could have - should have - shown up wearing anything; her uniform, her old hunting clothes, even pyjamas. And yet she pulled from her closet a dress that she hadn't worn for more than two years, a pretty orange frock patterned with autumn leaves. It had been his favourite, another lifetime ago.
The building was just as garish as it had been her first visit, but this time Finnick Odair wasn't there to greet her. A beautiful young woman with an ethereal calmness led Katniss down a long white corridor to a set of imposing silver doors.
"Everything has been programmed to your specifications," she said softly. "The simulation is completely self-sustaining, you don't have to do anything. But if for any reason you need to exit before the completion of the program, the computer will respond to your commands."
Katniss nodded. She'd studied engineering at the academy before being hand picked for the command program. And while this simulator was leagues ahead of the simple holodecks she was accustomed to, she understood the fundamentals. "Thank you," she said, but remained motionless outside the closed doors long after the young woman had walked away.
Finally she shook aside the lethargy and doubt and entered the simulator. And then gasped. Katniss knew this place, knew every bench, every rock, every flower. She'd spent the past two years seeing this place every time she closed her eyes.
The gardens on the rooftop of the academy training centre.
Out of every possible place in the universe, how had Finnick Odair chosen this? There was no way he could he possibly have guessed how much this place had meant to her. Had meant to them.
It was almost enough to send her running back out of the simulator, down the corridor, back to her spartan grey quarters at the academy. Back to her spartan grey life. But Katniss Everdeen was done running.
She stepped cautiously forward, barely hearing the soft snick of the simulator doors closing behind her, immersing her completely in the illusion.
She wandered the garden paths slowly, reverently, mouth agape. It was incredible, every detail exactly as she remembered it. She reached out to stroke the glossy green leaves of a hanging vine where it twisted around a pergola. It felt exactly like the vines she'd practiced tying into knots during one of her last visits to the real rooftop gardens. Apple trees perfumed the air. Their gnarled branches just like the ones they'd climbed with abandon during their academy years, playing catch with the sweet fruit. Even the wind chimes tinkling above a lush flower garden were exactly as she remembered them, their gentle chords the soundtrack by which a quiet young woman and a kind young man had made love all those years ago.
"Katniss?"
She turned slowly at the voice she knew better than her own, the voice of her heart.
He was standing perhaps a dozen steps away, an old-fashioned wicker picnic basket in hand, the artificial sun filtering through his ashy curls, crowning him in gold.
Peeta Mellark.
He was smiling softly, the smile that had always made her feel like the most important person in the universe. As if she could have forgotten how gorgeous he was, how strong and broad and solid. He set the basket down and took a few steps towards her, his grin unwavering.
She marvelled at how life-like he was, every detail utterly perfect from his golden eyelashes, so long they brushed his cheeks with each blink, all the way down to the double knots that secured his shoes. It was as if she'd been transported back in time, to those days more than two years ago when life had been perfect, when she'd been happy and loved.
All of her pent-up longing overflowed, and she let herself just for the moment forget that it wasn't real, that it wasn't really Peeta standing before her, and with a little laugh jumped into his arms.
He caught her and spun her around, the arms encircling her just as warm and strong as she remembered. A thousand moments surged through her, all the times those arms were her only refuge from the world. Perhaps not fully appreciated then, but so sweet in memory, and now gone forever. As if reading her mind, he pulled her in close and buried his face in her hair. Warmth radiated from the spot where his lips just touched her neck, slowly spreading through the rest of her body, enveloping her in comfort. It felt so good, so impossibly good, that she knew she would not be the first to let go.
"Still the most beautiful woman in the galaxy," he murmured, and Katniss laughed, a pained little sound stained with longing and regret. The real Peeta wouldn't be so kind, she thought. He'd still be angry, and he should be. She'd hurt him terribly. But when the simulated Peeta pulled back, he was smiling at her as if she were more radiant than the sun.
"Peeta," she started, but he laid a gentle finger across her lips, halting the apologies that yearned to trip from her tongue.
"Shhh," he said. "We have time. Let's relax first. Have a bite to eat."
Peeta led her down one of the sun-dappled paths to a patch of grass right at the edge of the rooftop. She wrapped her hands around the railing and looked out over the edge, where the sun hit the glossy buildings spread before them, making them twinkle like a vast field of fireflies stretching to the horizon. He moved to stand behind her, his warmth against her back.
"I'd almost forgotten how pretty it is up here," she murmured. His puff of laughter teased the shell of her ear, made her shiver.
"That's my line," he said, amusement colouring his voice. "And you always insisted that it's not as pretty as our woods." He wrapped an arm around her collar bones, pulling her back against his broad chest. She smiled, leaning into him, letting herself truly live in the memory made real.
Eventually, he led them away from the railing, to where he'd lain a blanket over the soft artificial grass. When he opened the basket and started to pull out the food it held, she laughed with true delight and his grin widened. Inside was a feast — fresh rolls, goat cheese, apples, reminiscent of all of the picnics they'd shared in these gardens over their years together. "And the pièce de resistance," he said almost shyly, lifting a tureen that she was certain contained lamb stew on wild rice. The very dish she had always said was the most impressive thing the Capitol had to offer.
She sobered. "You have a remarkable memory," she said haltingly, regret again flaring in her gut.
"I remember everything about you," Peeta said, tucking a loose strand of soft ebony hair behind her ear. "You're the one who wasn't paying attention."
"I am now," she whispered.
"Well, I don't have much competition here," he chuckled, self-effacing as always. He never had any competition anywhere, she wanted to say. But she didn't, because it wasn't true. He'd always been in competition with her drive, her ambition. It's why she'd lost him.
They sat together in the computer-generated sunshine of an unnaturally perfect day. Peeta fed her bites of bread, slathered in goat cheese and topped with apple slices and they reminisced; about their childhood in District Twelve where they knew each other only by sight, about the friendship that bloomed between them when they found themselves the only two children reaped from their district to join the Star Alliance academy, plucked from their impoverished obscurity and dropped into the garish Capitol to train for the elite star force. A friendship that grew so much deeper when only a couple of years into training, a rogue asteroid destroyed their home district in a hail of fire, leaving them both orphaned and alone with only each other to count on.
When the food had been consumed, and the remnants tucked away, Katniss took a deep breath. She'd arranged this simulation for a purpose, there were things she needed to say. "I'm sorry," she said, and his soft smile fell.
"No," he started, but she wouldn't let him finish. She knew he'd simply absolve her, the simulation was behaving exactly as Peeta had before she'd left him, kind and forgiving and always putting her needs before his own.
"It's not okay, Peeta," she said, her voice low but steady. "It never was. I was wrong. I shouldn't have left. Not without fixing things between us."
She thought back to when she'd been offered the command of her own starship, years ahead of when most young officers were picked to head up missions. It was so unexpected, had flown completely in the face of their plans. They'd always intended on being commissioned together. She would cut her teeth serving under whatever commander headed up Peeta's first intergalactic diplomatic mission. His talented silver tongue, his ability to paint pictures with words were abilities that made him a star at the academy. They both knew he would ascend the ranks fastest.
But he didn't. She did. And flush with pride, she'd gone to him, excitement about her accomplishment colouring her every word, every thought. He'd been calm, rational, reminding her of their plans, their future. She'd been angry defensive, afraid to listen to anything that could have jeopardized her independence. Unforgivably, she'd accused him of not supporting her dreams. Peeta, who had been her biggest supporter forever. Even as she'd said the words, she'd known they were untrue. But each one flew from her lips like arrows, each hitting her target, piercing him deeply.
The fight had been awful. She'd said so many terrible things, and he'd responded with stony silence. Angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, she'd run. Left him standing on the lawn of the academy stooped in defeat, the waning sun glowing against his dress whites. That image was burned into her retinas, into her heart, and had haunted her for the past two and a half years.
She hadn't seen or spoken to him since.
The anger she'd clung to like a shield only lasted so long, replaced quickly by regret. She'd tried looking him up in the database, but he'd left the academy almost as soon as she'd boarded that damned ship, moved on to a new life that didn't include her. So she moved on too, threw herself into her work, tried not to think about him, about what he might be doing, who he might be loving.
Peeta listened, the slight breeze tossing his curls as he sat on the blanket, their knees just touching, the warmth of his presence giving her the strength to say everything she needed to say. He never once interrupted as she poured out her heart in a way she couldn't have with the real Peeta, the one who had been so angry he'd blocked her access to his communicator, who probably hated her. This Peeta listened attentively as she told him about her years in space. As she confessed to having thought about him every single day. "I knew I could survive without you," she said. "But it's a terrible, lonely life."
"Enough," he said finally, pulling her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. "I'm to blame too. I shut down, cut you out of my life. If I had stopped being so wounded I would have remembered that our relationship was so much more important than my hurt and jealousy."
Katniss whimpered, burying her face in his shirt, enveloped in his scent. She'd loved him, had always loved him, and yet when she'd walked away that awful day, he'd let her go. When he hadn't contacted her even once those months before her ship left, she'd simply sealed off her heart. Years of friendship, of passion, of love, were walled up, destroyed, and tossed aside like so much trash. Commander Everdeen needed no one. But she'd been lying to herself. That's why she was here, on a rooftop, tucked into the embrace of a fake version of the only man she'd ever truly loved instead of virtually touring the lavender sand beaches of Astrazaria. She knew she'd never be able to move on without saying it out loud, without telling at least some version of Peeta she was sorry for all of it, even if he'd never actually hear the words.
"Do you forgive me?" she whispered, more for herself than for the illusion of him. His arms tightened.
"Yes," he said. "Can you forgive me?" She nodded against his collar. She'd forgiven the real Peeta's tiny part in their break up years ago.
The sun slid lower in the sky as they clung to each other, soft sighs and gentle caresses speaking of regret, but also contentment. Streaks of pink and gold kissed the horizon, reminding her that their time was almost done. That all too soon, she'd be alone again. The dream, her fantasy, would be over. But she'd accomplished what she'd set out to do. She'd told him, and in doing so had freed him from where she'd caged up all of her happy memories. Now maybe she could start to heal.
"Ah Kitten," he murmured, and she froze. Kitten was the pet name Peeta had used when they were intimate, never any other time, and certainly never where anyone else could ever have heard him. How on earth had that gotten into the simulation? It was their secret, something that was only for them. She could feel his soft exhale against her temple. "I miss you so much." His voice cracked, just a little, and her heart shattered. It was too much, his arms, his voice, his words. It hurt too much. This wasn't going to help her get over him.
"I can't do this," she mumbled, tears stinging. She wouldn't let them fall though, she'd never once cried in front of the real Peeta, not even when she'd left him behind two years ago. She sure as hell wasn't going to cry in front of this simulation, however real he might feel.
His expression when she pulled away and scrambled to her feet nearly gutted her, the confusion, the fear. She turned away, couldn't bear to watch. "Computer," she barked, listening for the acknowledging beep.
Behind her, Peeta gasped. "Katniss?" he rasped. She couldn't do this anymore, she missed him too much. She was a fool to think that anything could ever heal the Peeta-shaped hole in her heart. This had only made things worse, only made her confront how badly she'd screwed up. How much she still loved him.
"End simulation," she whispered.
In the blink of an eye, it all vanished. The rooftop, the gardens, the tinkling wind chimes, all of it disappeared, leaving behind just the bare grey walls.
"What the-" a voice from behind her. Katniss whirled. Inexplicably, the simulation of Peeta was still there, staring at her, wide-eyed. "Oh my god," he whispered.
"End simulation!" she yelled, but he didn't so much as flicker. "Shit," she hissed. What the hell was wrong with this computer? She spun and marched towards the sleek panel on the wall. She'd have to override it herself.
Behind her, he kept murmuring her name. And she tried, desperately, to ignore the pleading, disbelieving tone of his voice. He sounded like he had when she'd told him she was leaving. When she had broken both of their hearts.
She was trying to manually key in a set of commands when his hands fell on her shoulders, so warm and solid that it made her tremble. This was not supposed to be happening. Finnick promised she could end this at any time. Was it her own desperate need for him holding his avatar there, manifesting him with the force of her desire? "Katniss," he whispered again, and she felt his warm breath caress her ear. Then he was turning her to face him, and she didn't resist.
Blue eyes roamed her face, as if searching for something crucial. His hands, those hands, so perfectly rendered, long-fingered and elegant, rubbed up and down her arms, shoulders to elbows. Then he smiled, a confused, bewildered little half smile. "You're real," he whispered. "Holy shit."
Katniss rolled her eyes, she couldn't help it. Of course she was real, and this simulation was a little too sentient, it was starting to alarm her. But then he was laughing, he was laughing and pulling her into a tight embrace. "It's really you," he choked, laughter mixing with something much more poignant.
"I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing, Odair," she mumbled, voice muffled against Peeta's shoulder. She knew she needed to push away from the simulation, but surrounded by his warmth, by his clean, spicy scent, his big hand cupping the back of her head in that familiar way he always had, she just couldn't. His chest shook as another bout of rich laughter rumbled from his chest.
"I thought you were a simulation," he said once his laughter had calmed. "But it's really you. You're really here." He pulled back enough to see her face, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Her brows furrowed.
"You thought…" Katniss trailed off as finally the pieces clicked into place in her mind. "You bought a fantasy from Trident?" Was that possible, that he'd been thinking the same way she had, feeling the same regrets, the same need to set things right, however pretend the setting? Or had Finnick Odair somehow arranged this, convinced him to show up, to pretend to be a simulation? Her head spun.
But Peeta nodded. "I paid 6 000 credits to relive the best day of my life," he said, and his words made her stomach flutter, a tide of hope rising. "You did too." It wasn't a question, exactly, but there was a hopeful lilt to his voice. She shrugged helplessly. "You're really here." He cupped her cheek in one huge hand, his thumb stroking her cheek.
"I just got back to Earth six days ago," she whispered
"I thought I'd never see you again," he admitted.
"Are you disappointed? That it's really me?" She squirmed with embarrassment; It had been one thing to bare her soul to an empty room. Knowing it had really been Peeta, her Peeta, was horrifying. She fought with her emotions, elation at seeing him again when she'd thought it would never happen and terror that he hadn't meant the things he'd said, had only been playing a role. "You were so angry when I left."
"God no," he said, pulling her against him again, his joy palpable. She didn't resist in the least, wrapping her arms around his waist, her heart overwhelmed by the knowledge that he was here, flesh and blood and Peeta. He was here and he was holding her, like he once had. Like he did in her dreams. Her smile was so wide, he must have been able to feel it against his shirt, but she didn't care. "I was hurt, and scared, and more than a little selfish," he admitted. "But I meant every word I said in here, Kitten. I've missed you so much. I wanted to see you again so bad."
"Me too," she whispered.
His soft lips brushed across her temple and he sighed, a contented little sound that she had missed so much. "How long are you staying?" he asked.
"For good." She tipped her head up to meet his confused gaze. "I'm home. I resigned my command and took a job teaching at the academy."
The joy that split his handsome face was almost heartbreaking in its beauty, before he schooled his features into a more cautious optimism. "What does that mean? For… for us?"
There was no 'us' as far as Katniss knew. She'd come here to get over Peeta, to finally be able to move on after years stuck in limbo. But she finally realized that was the fantasy, that was the 'not real'. She could never get over him. And she didn't want to.
"That depends on what you want, I guess." She had been so busy spilling the contents of her soul that she hadn't asked him about his own life. For all she knew, he had a wife and a dozen gorgeous blond babies waiting at home. The very idea was a like a spear through her heart.
"I want you," he said, serious and solemn. "I've wanted you since we were five years old, back in Twelve. I've never stopped. And I never will." He leaned in to kiss her, to really kiss her, and the tears she'd spent forever holding back trickled down her cheeks.
"I love you," she murmured, the words maybe too soon and yet also far too late. He picked her up and spun her again, laughing as he kissed his own loving declarations into her skin, every word and every caress a healing balm.
"Let's get out of here," she said when they broke apart, breathless and flushed.
"Are you sure?" He waggled his eyebrows, voice brimming with mirth. "We could relaunch the simulator to one of Finnick's fantasy programs. How about a Pfflachlin coital suite?"
Katniss laughed, really laughed, her joy overflowing. "No," she said between giggles. "No more fantasies. I want real."