Her Secrets

"If I tell you, you must promise not to repeat it," she urged him, her eyes as wide as saucers yet seemingly very serious.

It was the first secret she had ever offered to tell him. To Severus, it was not a matter of if he could keep it, but of if she could trust him.

"I promise, Lily. I will not tell a soul," he answered.

Eagerly she pushed away locks of thick black hair from his face and began to whisper in his ear. The close proximity made his face redden but he readily took in every word. His heart began to race as she told him each detail of the regrettable deed she had done. For a moment he could not believe someone as sweet as she could do something like that. It almost made him think of something he would do. The corners of his mouth turned up into a smirk. Once she was done she pulled away and looked at him apprehensively. When he did not respond but simply stared at her with what looked to be surprise and hidden admiration, she quickly added,

"I couldn't control it! She was making me upset and it just- happened!"

He knew something like that took a lot of effort to do without a wand but did not want to upset her.

"I know, Lily. It's perfectly acceptable. We haven't been to Hogwarts yet so we don't know any better."

The two fell back in the grass and stared into the blue afternoon sky.

"Tuney is so angry with me and I'll be in a lot of trouble," Lily added. "I'll probably have to buy her another doll or give her one of mine."

He gave a small chuckle. "Sometimes people get what they deserve, so she learned."

…..

The two children looked out the window at the rapidly passing landscape. They were dressed in their robes and would arrive in a matter of minutes. Severus looked over at her. He caught her eye and with one look, knew something was wrong. She slowly stood then took a seat next to him.

"What's the matter?"

"Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"Of course I won't, Lily."

It was a short secret yet held as much truth as any other. It was actually his secret too when he glanced over to the window and saw the outline of the castle coming into view.

He hesitated for a moment, but took her hand into his. She rested her head on his shoulder and he said to her,

"Me too, Lily…but it will be alright. I promise."

…...

The teens had always enjoyed their summer evenings by the river. But that night wasn't for swimming or reading Hogwarts textbooks.

"Severus," Lily said carefully. "I need to tell you something."

"Yes?"

"It's a secret I've had…for quite some time. Promise you won't tell anyone?"

"You know I won't."

Out of all of the years of knowing her, he had never once told any of her secrets.

She leaned in close and pushed away his hair then rested her hand on his shoulder. He could feel her lips on his skin and shuddered slightly. His eyes then began to widen as the words came flowing out of her mouth. Words he wished were all true and not for some cruel joke. It was too much for him to handle; his heart was beating nearly too fast.

"Sev?"

He hadn't noticed she had stopped talking. Severus was too overwhelmed with what had been said.

"W-what do you think?" she asked.

He could see her face was flushed and her eyes full with worry. There was nothing to say, for he figured his actions would speak louder than any of his words. Severus pulled her close, putting a hand against her cheek, and closed the distance between their lips.

…...

He could tell he wouldn't be forgiven this time. How could he after calling her such a word? Hatred replaced all of the kindness and compassion he once saw in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lily. Please believe me!"

Severus had tried many times to get her to forgive him but all attempts were to no avail. This time, she came close to him, evading much of his space and beckoned for him to stoop a little so she could whisper in his ear. It almost reminded him of when his father would whisper in his face when he was very upset. Somehow the action was always scarier than yelling.

It was a three word secret. Once it was said she hastily backed away from him and as she began to leave, she looked behind her shoulder to cast him a glare.

Though it nearly killed him, he knew it was a secret he deserved to hear.

…...

"You shouldn't be here," she said softly.

She looked beautiful in her long, white wedding dress and he wished it was him that was the groom. He had noticed her face was damp though- had she been crying?

"I realize that. But please listen to me," he said looking deep into her eyes. "Don't marry him. I know my opinion to you is but a grain of salt and that you hate me but I-"

She interrupted him.

"Severus, I don't hate you. I know I said I did and what you said to me is still unforgivable but…I don't hate you. I could never hate you and it was a mistake for me to have stopped talking to you."

The two stood for a moment in silence, Severus not believing what he was hearing. He then remembered his reason for coming- a need to tell her how he felt.

"Lily, I-"

She interrupted him again and pulled him close, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her lips then found his ear and she whispered one last secret to him. He closed his eyes taking in all that he had ever needed to hear. When she pulled away her lips quickly found his and they met with passion. Severus never wanted to let her go.

As they broke away he said, breathing heavily, "If you really do, then don't marry him…come away with me."

His heart was broken again as she shook her head.

"I'm sorry Sev…I just can't."

…...

"Please Lily, please. Speak to me, love. Say something," he demanded as he cradled her lifeless body in her arms. He knew very well she would not respond.

Tears streamed down his sallow face. Why did he have to tell the dark lord the prophecy and betray her? Why did he tell her secret? The only person he had ever cared for was gone forever due to his mistake. No longer would he see life in those gorgeous green eyes, feel her lips against his…hear her whisper in his ear.

"I'm so sorry, Lily. I'm sorry."

Apologies were useless. He knew he had gotten what he deserved.

Slowly he bent his head and pushed the hair away from her ear. It was time for him to tell her a secret- the last thing he would ever say to her.

"I love you."